The episode begins with Xena, Gabrielle and Argo II walking through the woods. Gabrielle is bugging Xena to tell her what her birthday surprise is going to be, but Xena and Argo II are having none of it. Gabrielle pleads with her, no pranks like she always does, and Xena tells her it's tradition. Gabrielle is adamant that she doesn’t want the pranks even if they are tradition or not. Gabrielle emphasizes her point by poking Xena a few times in the chest and then smiles sweetly saying, "Please?" Xena sarcastically replies, "Oh, you’re going to have to do better than that." She is loving it that Gabrielle is at her mercy. Gabrielle grins and sweetly says again, "Please," and does a little happy dance saying, "Please." Xena relents and says, "Alright, no practical jokes," but she’s holding her fingers behind her back and they are crossed! That sneaky warrior princess, and that darn Argo II checks out the fingers, but says nothing to Gabrielle. Gabrielle isn’t buying it that Xena has given in and gives one heck of a suspicious look to her.

They are delivering Hermes’ helmet to some king Xena promised they would deliver it too seeing as how they happened to be passing by there. Gabrielle asks, "So, does that mean my present is in Thebes."  Xena avoids the question saying, "What is that?" and pulls out a spyglass to check something out off in the distance. She puts it up to her eye backwards and Gabrielle chuckles and takes it from her to check out what’s going on. She can’t see squat and turns the glass around while still looking at it and Xena is watching her, with a mischievous look on her face. Gabrielle says, "I don’t see anything," and takes it down with a huge black ring around her eye. I nearly died laughing! Xena casually says, "My mistake," as she looks like the cat that swallowed the canary. They hear some shouting off in the distance and head off to see what it is all about. Low and behold, it’s a virgin sacrifice! Gotta love those ceremonies! They rush in to save the virgin and the priest tells her she’s interrupting a religious ceremony. Xena sarcastically says, "Forgive me father," and salutes him with her hand, sneering as she approaches him. They begin to fight the zealots and the virgin is tossed off the cliff. Xena dives off after her, putting the helmet of Hermes on so she can fly. She swoops down and valiantly saves the virgin as Gabrielle picks up the bag and heads over to the cliff to check things out. Woohoo!

Xena safely navigates the virgin to a place away from the weirdos and the girl starts to pray to her as if she’s a god. She prays that she will be brought to her bosom and hugs Xena. Xena pushes her back, points to her breasts and says, "Whoa, these are spoken for," as the girl bows before her. I know whom those belong too! A certain blonde bard I’m sure! Xena explains to her that she’s not a god and the poor girl is very confused by thinking she’s dead. Xena assures her she’s still alive. The girl says, "I don’t believe this!" and Xena smiles proudly saying, "Think nothing of it," but the girl gets angry and says, "You ruined my sacrifice! You can’t just go around ruining other people’s sacrifices like that," as Gabrielle and the black ring around her eye come running up. Xena wants to know why she wants to sacrifice herself to any god and she explains that it’s her duty to give herself to her almighty god, but is distracted by Gabby’s black ring. She turns to her and asks, "What is on your eye?" Gabrielle is confused and reaches up to touch her eye and Xena turns her back to Gabrielle with a chuckle and says, "Oh, that’s a birthmark, we don’t talk about it, sssh," as she’s putting her finger to her mouth to shut the virgin up. Virgin asks, "Are you sure you’re not a god?" Gabrielle mockingly laughs as she’s figured out what Xena has done and comments, "Ha Ha-Ha there’s nothing divine about Xena. If she were a god then I couldn’t do that," and grabs her nose then pulls it, "Or that," and gooses her in the butt, "Or this," and tries to punch her, but Xena stops her by pushing her hand back saying, "Alright, you made your point." Gabrielle is near tears and says, "Okay," pleadingly as Xena finally let’s go of her hand. Xena tries to convince the virgin, Jeniah, that maybe her god sent her to save her, to which she replies, "Or maybe he sent you to test my faith. I’m going to hold my breath and sacrifice myself." She proceeds to do so as Xena tells Gabrielle she needs their help.

Gabrielle tells Xena that maybe they should introduce her to the gods they know and maybe she won’t want to sacrifice herself as a young man (he’s the kid from the Herc ep "Sky High") is watching what they are doing as he’s hiding behind a tree. Xena says, "Now that’s not a bad idea," as Jeniah falls to the ground. Xena and Gabrielle turn to her and Xena says, "Come on Jeniah, stop fooling around. We have someone we want you to meet," as they walk off. Zealots are displeased and the high priest states that they must find the girl. The scene changes to a really weird warlord who is the father of the young guy hiding in the trees. He informs his father that dark, beautiful women saved the girl. He becomes very agitated and starts to beat the table with a stick saying, "Xena, the warrior pain in my ass!" His son tells him that she had on a helmet when she went over the cliff. He deduces it’s the helmet of Hermes and tells him he has a job for him as the scene changes to the gals stopping near a waterfall! Woohoo!

Xena throws a blanket to Jeniah and tells her to set up her bedroll. We see her putting her bedroll together and then a shot of Xena and Gabby’s camp site, that is set up with the bedrolls out, Argo II’s saddle is off and a campfire is roaring. Xena and Gabby are missing as she turns to them, but finds them stark naked diving into the lake! Oh, yes! You see a warrior princess' naked butt and breast as Gabrielle shouts, "The last one in is a centaur dropping," as Xena shouts out her battle cry and they dive in. Gabrielle and Xena are laughing and saying woohoo as I believe the water might have been a bit cold. The virgin is hiding her eyes behind her hands and trying not to look, but she’s peeking! Who in the heck wouldn’t? Xena and Gabrielle are laughing and splashing each other with the water as Gabrielle goes underwater behind Xena. What is that bard up too? She gooses Xena from the reaction Xena gave off and she says, "I can’t believe you did that!" I think Gabrielle is a little frisky today! Gabrielle shouts out for the virgin to join them, but she’s being too prudish and decides she’ll stay there to stare at the bushes. Oh, really and what bushes might those be? (Sorry, I couldn’t resist!)

We see that the moon is shining bright and everyone is finishing up dinner. Xena and Gabrielle are shocked by the amount of food Virgi (Jeniah) has consumed making the comment, "I’ve never experienced such pleasure," as she’s licking her fingers and Xena dryly adds, "And so quickly too." She then feels bad that she ate one of the Almighty’s creatures and decides as penance she’s going to sleep on the cold hard ground.  Gabrielle quips, "You know a better penance would be to clean the frying pan," as she’s scraping the food off of it. Virgi goes off and lies on the ground by herself. Gabrielle sarcastically says, "Oh, virgin one," and throws her a blanket that lands next to Virgi, but she doesn’t take it. She adds, ‘It gets cold out here," but Virgi isn’t having any of it until Xena adds, "If the gods didn’t want us to eat fish then why did they make it taste so good." Xena grins and looks at Gabrielle to confirm her statement before looking back at Virgi who puts the blanket on. Xena rolls onto her side facing Gabrielle and says, "You should get some rest Gabrielle, it’s a big day tomorrow." Emphasizing her last statement assertively before closing her eyes. Gabrielle mischievously smiles and looks away from Xena, who opens her eyes to look at her.

The scene changes to Gabrielle laughing hysterically and we see her tossing in her bedroll next to Xena who looks over her shoulder to see what’s going on. Gabrielle collects herself momentarily and says, "Stop Xena," then starts to laugh again hysterically and says, "Would you get your cold, clammy feet off of me," laughing harder. Xena pulls the covers up on herself and says, "Gabrielle, I don’t know what you’re talking about," and stays right where she is on her side with her back to Gabrielle. Gabrielle wakes up and looks at Xena, then down to her blanket, which is moving. She moves the blanket to find an eel slithering out of it. She’s jumping up and swatting the thing away with her blanket, frightened, as Xena stays right where she is located. Gabrielle gets mad and hits Xena with the blanket then shouts when she hits her and giggles, placing her hands on her head as Gabby hits her again. Gabrielle angrily says, "You’re not going to give up are you? I hope you know Xena, this means war!" Gabrielle storms off and Xena is smiling, with a little chuckle.

Morning comes and Xena is bathing under the waterfall as Virgi wakes up and Gabrielle is sitting on a rock next to her. She asks if Gabrielle slept well and she says, "Not particularly. You know if you are going to be traveling with us there are a few things I should tell you. Never under any circumstances, interrupt Xena while she’s having her morning bath." Xena climbs out of the water and looks around for her clothes, but they are missing. She shouts out, "Gabrielle!" Gabrielle looks her way and holds her hand to her ear saying, "Yes....Xena!" Xena asks, "My clothes are missing. Any idea where they are?" Gabrielle sarcastically quips, "Uhmmm...I think they are right under your nose!" She’s still not pleased with the eel prank from the previous night! Xena looks around and says, "Oh, it’s alright. Here they are!" She pulls on them and we see a bucket full of fish guts fall down onto the warrior princess’ head. Xena looks up with the fish guts on her head, none too pleased and Gabrielle laughs when she sees it, but realizes she’s in big trouble. Gabrielle is trying to contain her laughter, but knows she’s in big trouble and says, "I aah...I thought...I mean Xena you can catch arrows. I thought for sure you would catch a bucket...of fish guts." Xena examines a piece of the fish and looks at Gabrielle, "Happy birthday Gabrielle." Gabrielle says hopeful, "This means we’re even now, right." Xena drops the piece in her hand and pulls some off of her head and chuckles a bit saying, "Even...no, I think we’re just getting even," as she glares at Gabrielle before heading back into the water to wash off her new conditioner. Gabrielle is nervous now and says, "Okay...right," as she’s trying to reassure herself everything will be okay.

They bring Virgi to Aphrodite’s temple to meet her. She appears with two men massaging her. Aphrodite gets up and approaches the trio. Xena says, "Aphrodite, meet Jeniah, a virgin." Virgi says, "I don’t believe it!" As Aphrodite is stunned and holds her hand to her chest stopping in her tracks saying, "I don’t either. I thought you all were extinct!" Virgi isn’t pleased with Aphrodite and Aphrodite brushes her off saying, "Ladies, am I mistaken or is it someone’s birthday today?" and hugs Gabrielle adding, "Happy Birthday, Gabby." She breaks the hug and says, "What’s that awful smell?" Xena stops smiling and looks embarrassed and Gabby looks down, as she knows payback is going to be a bitch. Xena changes the subject and asks, "We are going to Thebes for Gabrielle’s birthday. Care to join us?" Aphrodite gets excited and says, "Thebes? You got Sappho tickets?" Gabrielle gets wicked excited and looks at Xena, who is mad that Aphrodite gave up the surprise and Aphie says, "What row?" Gabrielle says, "Xena, Sappho tickets? I love her poetry," as she turns to Aphrodite. Xena cocks her head to the side and is upset that the surprise is no longer...wryly saying, "Surprise."

The group is off on their journey to Thebes and Xena walks towards Gabrielle with a water skin to offer her some. Gabrielle strikes a defensive pose, thinking Xena might try something and Xena casually offers her the water, but she refuses thinking she’s done something to it. Xena tells her, "Suit yourself," and hands it to Virgi who drinks from it with no problems. Gabrielle is disappointed as she’s very thirsty and has missed an opportunity for water. Xena has a mischievous grin on her face and walks back past Gabrielle who draws her Sais just in case, but Xena continues on without doing anything to her. Virgi doesn’t believe that Aphrodite is a god and Aphie makes a new bag and a rose appear, but Virgi isn’t buying it. Aphrodite is bored and asks Xena if she can just pop them to Thebes, but Xena tells her she wants Virgi to spend some time with an honest to goodness mortal such as herself and sarcastically adds, "Come on, Gabrielle. The sooner we get going the sooner you’ll get your present," as she walks off grinning. Gabrielle grins and approaches Aphrodite saying, "She’s planning my doom, I know it, I can feel it!" as she’s desperately holding her Sais and worried about what Xena has planned for her. Aphrodite adds as Gabrielle walks away, "This is going to be a fun trip. Come on, unfaithful," as her and Virgi follow Gabrielle.

They make it into town and Xena tries to offer Gabrielle some food, but she’s on guard thinking that Xena is going to play some trick on her. She’s starving, thirsty and is about ready to die from her anxiety, but Xena is relishing it! She says, "Come on girls, we’ve got a show to catch, ha-ha" as she walks away laughing. The scene changes to a tavern and Gabrielle’s head is on the table and she’s moaning. I thought she had too much to drink, but she’s upset that they missed the show of Sappho’s. Xena is trying to console her by patting her on the head saying, "Look, I’m sorry, I don’t know how I could have gotten the times wrong," with an all-knowing mischievous look that Gabrielle doesn’t see. She’s got something hidden in her armor for Gabrielle, I’m sure of it. Gabrielle is upset that she’s missed Sappho and Xena offers her a drink, but Gabrielle denies it laughingly, saying, "No thanks, no dribble cups today Xena." Xena says, "Suit yourself. Tell ya what. You look after this and I’ll go rustle up some food," and walks away. Gabrielle, being ever so suspicious says, "Xena could have taken her bag with her, why would she want me to hold the bag with the helmet of Hermes in it for her?" Aphrodite and Virgi tell her it’s not the same one, that Xena switched bags with them back in the market place. Gabrielle is surprised and mischievously grins as she pokes the bag then says, "Really...ha," as the scene changes to Xena returning to the table.

The goofy warlord enters with his gang and confronts Xena who is not pleased with his presence. He wants the bag and they all begin to fight. His men are all attacking Gabby as she has the bag and she’s yelling, "Take your hands off my bag!" and she’s beating them up too. Xena yells for Aphrodite to get Virgi out of the tavern as they are hiding behind a table while men are flying around that Xena is tossing about. They stand up holding hands and Xena tells her to take the handbag with Aphrodite, sarcastically saying, "Duh! Like I’d leave behind a new handbag!" They disappeared and appeared in the market. Virgi is now impressed with Aphie, realizing she’s a god. Finally! Xena and Gabrielle continue to fight the gang, which is pretty animated and funny. The leader ends up getting the bag with the helmet and takes off with it. Gabrielle runs towards Xena just as a guy is going to hit Xena. Xena punches him and he hands her a bottle of booze saying, "Here," as he falls and she takes it saying, "Thanks," then drinks from it as Gabrielle tells her they have to go after the leader with the bag. Xena tells her that Aphrodite has the bag with the helmet and Gabrielle says, "No, I switched them back," and cringes as she knows the reaction she’s going to get from Xena who drinks and spits it out, then angrily looks at Gabrielle. "What?" Gabrielle smiles hoping it will calm Xena saying, "I thought you were trying to pull something over on me." Xena angrily looks around saying, "I asked for that."

Gabrielle is trying to explain herself, but it’s not working as they are walking through the marketplace. Xena shouts for Aphrodite who appears with Virgi who has now pledged herself to the goddess of love. Aphie tells her to choose a guy and she casts a spell on the warlord’s son and Virgi. They rush to one another and hug. Pledging their love to one another as Aphie is pleased. He asks her to marry him and she runs off with him as the zealots see them run past and follow them. Xena and Gabrielle are in the cave of the warlord watching him enjoying the helmet. Xena is about to knock him down with her chakram when the doorbell rings. Virgi and her new beau walk in and announce that they are going to be married, much to the shock and dismay of Xena and Gabrielle. Aphrodite appears behind them and says, "Hey, down in front, I can’t see anything," as Xena and Gabrielle push her down. They ask what she’s done and she informs them that, "As we speak, our sweet little virgin is falling madly in love with the cutest little son of...aahh...warlord." She cringes when she sees who his father is. She tells them, "Alright, calm down, relax you guys, I can just take the spell off," and goes to do it, but is stopped by Xena. Xena tells her, "No, you’ll send Jeniah for a loop. Just follow my lead." They all head off to begin their plan.

The scene changes to the young lovers and the doorbell rings again. In walk Virgi’s parents Daddy Anthrax (Xena-who’s dressed up like a man with a mustache and a pot belly and a southern accent) and Mama Spetunia (Aphrodite). Aphrodite rushes over to Virgi who begins to say that her parents are dead, but Spetunia (with a velvety southern drawl) interjects saying they are the most dedicated to making sure she has the best wedding ever. Daddy Anthrax (Xena makes a very cute man by the way!) puts his arm around the groom to be and says, "That’s right!" as he hits him in the chest, smiling and winks. Spetunia explains as she plops in daddy warlord’s lap that weddings are such a drag to organize and Anthrax says, "That’s right, that’s why we brought along some help." In saunters Gabrielle with one serious sexy and sassy southern accent, announcing, "Belle, from Belle’s Bridal Barn because I put the ding in weddings," as she’s flopping her fabric around in her hand and approaching daddy warlord. Anthrax saucily adds, "Yes, you do sister," as she passes. She suggests Corinthian white, which is what the fabric is in her hand as she sits on his lap with Spetunia to discuss the wedding attire. Spetunia leaves daddy warlord’s lap to discuss plans with her hubby, Anthrax and their daughter as he’s discussing the duds the men will wear for the wedding with Belle from Belle’s Bridal Barn. Belle suggests Harem pants much to the men’s displeasure.

Spetunia takes Virgi away from everyone and removes the spell. Xena explains to her that she can’t give up herself to every deity that comes along with Aphrodite adding, "It’s true sweetpea, we aren’t all that we’re cracked up to be." Xena tries to convince her to be on her own without being lead by someone else and she says that she’s been happy being by herself the past few days and being with her and Gabrielle. Belle dresses daddy warlord’s in the harem pants and tries to take off the helmet, but he won’t remove it. Belle turns to Anthrax and grimaces for help. Anthrax asks, "So, Jeniah tells me you’re in the warlord business," as he kicks back with his thumbs hanging off his belt buckle. He tauntingly asks, "Is that as dangerous as they say?" He says, "Then some." Anthrax counters, "Got any scars?" He shows one on his side that Anthrax isn’t too impressed by, then one on his neck and he’s still not impressed. So, daddy warlord gets mad and takes of the helmet, then puts it in the bag saying, "He got this scar from Xena, the Warrior Princess," and points to one on his head. Anthrax says, "Let me take a look at that," and moves to him, placing him in a headlock then leans back to Belle and Spetunia whispering, "I don’t remember that," as he takes a look at his head while Spetunia switches the bags. Anthrax is impressed by Xena’s handy work and tells him he’s going to take his little girl out of there as it’s not good for her to be exposed before the big day. He leaves as Spetunia approaches Virgi, making her disappear from the warlord. The warlord laughs and goes to reach for the bag, but Belle stands him back up drawling, "Now, about my bill,"

Virgi appears in the marketplace and is quickly apprehended by the zealots, leaving one shoe behind. Xena and Gabrielle approach Aphrodite as Xena is removing her shirt from being Anthrax, but still has her mustache on. She asks where Virgi is and Aphrodite explains she popped her back to the marketplace so she could do some shopping while she waited for them. Xena gets mad and rips off her mustache saying the zealots are looking for her there. Aphrodite is confused and Gabrielle adds, "Robe, altar, human sacrifice." Aphrodite is shocked and says, "That was a true story?" Xena goes berserk and is going to strangle Aphrodite as she’s screaming her frustration out with Aphie cowering afraid of her. They all head off and the scene changes to the warlord who has found out that he’s been duped. The high priest enters and tells him he can help him get it back if he helps him. Aphrodite, Gabrielle and Xena are all looking for Virgi, but they can’t find her, only her pink flowery shoe. Aphrodite wants to know what she can do and offers to cast a spell. Xena and Gabrielle quickly scoff that idea, but Xena thinks of something for her to do; we don’t know what it is just yet.

The zealots are about to sacrifice Virgi once again with the warlord's help. Xena, Gabrielle and the warlord begin to fight to Callisto’s theme music. There are ladders in this fight scene and they are a lot like the ladder fight scene with Callisto. Xena gets the helmet off the warlord after defeating him and gives it to Gabrielle who runs out of the room, but is caught by the high priest. He is holding her at knifepoint on an upper floor and puts the helmet on, trying to fly. Gabrielle is upset by him falling to the floor and explains to Virgi that Xena had her switch the helmets just in case. Aphrodite appears with the real one. The warlord’s son appears and Virgi tells him she can’t be with him that she has other things to do and be her own person, to chase her own dreams. She says goodbye to Xena and Gabrielle, then to Aphrodite. She gives Gabrielle a flower and wishes her happy birthday. Xena says, "Speaking of which, we have a show to get to," and puts her arm on Gabrielle’s shoulder to lead her out as Gabrielle blushes.

Aphrodite gives Virgi some fashion tips as the scene changes to Gabrielle and Xena on a cliff with the ocean behind them at sunset. It’s a beautiful scene. Xena is pouring some wine for the two of them and apologizes saying she’s sorry that they missed Sappho; she didn’t realize she was only there for one performance. Gabrielle forgives her and says, "It’s the thought that counts, Xena," and lovingly brushes Xena’s arm adding, "Although, I’d love to hear her read her poetry one day."  Gabrielle takes the wine from Xena and looks at her asking, "You know, how did you fall for my fish guts gag." Xena sips the wine and shakes her head mumbling, "I dunno," as Gabrielle adds, "You knew I would go crazy waiting for you to get even. Xena, I didn’t see it coming," as she raises her glass to her mouth for a sip, but it dribbles down her chin. Xena proudly laughs saying, "Nor that, now we’re even." They giggle and laugh as Gabby wipes her chin. Xena reaches into her bag and looks at Gabrielle saying, "I want you to close your eyes." Gabrielle laughs and says, "No," as she’s blushing and wiping her chin. Xena chuckles and asks, "Trust me, please," then turns serious and sweetly says, "Close your eyes," as Gabrielle smiles and closes them. Xena lovingly looks at her briefly, then pulls out a sealed scroll and lays it on Gabrielle’s lap. Gabrielle opens her eyes and looks at Xena who has a mischievous smile on her face and asks, "What’s this?" Xena grins and says, "Open it," as Gabrielle begins to. Xena leans towards Gabrielle, proudly and excitedly saying, "I had Sappho jot something down for ya."  Gabrielle looks up at her surprised and excitedly asks, "A Poem?" Gabrielle looks down at the scroll and looks back at Xena enthusiastically saying, "Oh, Sappho wrote a poem for me, I don’t believe it. Xena, you had this planned all along, didn’t you?" She asks with a sweet smile and looks up at Xena whom had her head tilted down, but peered up at her with the sweetest most romantic and loving look I have ever seen Xena give Gabrielle. Oh, it was such a touching look that it melted my heart! Xena nods that she did have it planned as Gabrielle begins to read, ‘There’s a moment when I look at you,’ Xena looks at Gabrielle with a look of undying love and that everything that was said in the poem was from the bottom of her heart. It looked as though Xena was ready to cry as Gabrielle continued the poem, ‘and no speech is left in me. My tongue breaks, thin fire races under my skin and I tremble,’ Xena looks at the poem strangely when the fire comment is made as if that’s not what she wanted Sappho to write, but what Sappho took liberties with as Gabrielle continues, ‘and I grow pale as I’m dying of such love,’ Gabrielle’s voice cracks and she’s ready to lose it as Xena lovingly watches her with her lips clenched, shaking her head and she’s ready to cry. Gabrielle continues to read the beautiful poem, ‘or so it seems to me,’ chuckling and laughing at Xena’s reaction, then taps her on the leg saying, "It’s beautiful," as she blushes and stands up to hug Xena. Xena smiles and looks like she’s fighting back the tears and stands up to hug her as well. Gabrielle chuckles and says, "This is the best birthday present I have ever had." She hugs her tall warrior who says, "Aaah...of course it’s not over yet. Sheeeyaaaa! Happy Birthday Gabrielle," and puts on the Hermes helmet, lifting Gabrielle up as they fly off in the sunset.

Enjoy!