ForevaXena's FanFic . . .

Speak Your Mind

by Sarah Miller

Disclaimers: These characters are property of Renaissance pictures.

Sex/Subtext/Violence: There is no violence in this story and also no sex. No sex doesn't mean that there isn't any subtext and I tell you there is.

***

The sky grew light almost too soon, Xena realized as she woke. The days before had been hard. She knew that Gabrielle was being silly when she asked Xena to show her the flip, but taught her anyhow. When Gabrielle had hurt her ankle she felt terrible, even though it was Gabrielle who insisted on it. She had been hit with an arrow, and things only got worse from there when she found out that the arrow was lined with poison.

Finding the antidote wasn't the easiest things she had ever done. Actually it was hard finding it. She only got lucky when the soldiers attacked her and she smelled the same poison one of their arrows. Plunging the arrow into one of the men she found that he led her straight to the solution.

She had watched over Gabrielle after she had taken the antidote to make sure nothing went wrong. Several times she had felt Gabrielle's pulse, her breath, or made sure her chest was moving.

She had came close to losing her that day. She had lost Gabrielle before. She felt lost, empty, and betrayed. It was as if Gabrielle had just given up. She had had a accident while they stayed in a healing temple. She went out to help find a child and was hit with an arrow. Like this time. Xena was certain that she had lost her but refused to admit it. She tried several times to breath air into her. Nothing worked. She had never felt such loss. Even her brother never hurt this much. It was strange not that she thought about it. When she had lost hope she pounded on Gabrielle's chest screaming for her to wake up. She felt relieved when Gabrielle took a breath of air. All she could do was cradle the small woman in her arms.

She brought herself back to the present, she sat up and looked over next to her to see Gabrielle still sleeping. Her breath came out in soft sounds. Watching Gabrielle while she slept always made Xena think, about her past and her future.

Standing, she felt the tightness in her legs. The fight took toll on her body and she was paying for it. The stiffness was everywhere. She stretched out her arms and legs, loosening the muscles. She walked outside and felt the morning air on her skin. While she closed her eyes to take in the morning, she heard Gabrielle stir.

"No! Leave her alone. Get away from me. Xena. Xena. XENA!" She woke herself up as she called the name. Looking sideways she saw Xena sitting next to her with a worries look on her face. "The guards had you."

"Ah." She pulled her into an embrace. "Do you think that you can go back to sleep?"

Silence.

Xena looked down and saw Gabrielle had her eyes closed and looked like she was indeed sleeping. Xena shook her head and smiled as she held Gabrielle for a little while later then laid her back down. The wound in her chest had started to bleed, blood shone through the shift she was wearing.

Soon Xena had it all taken care of. With nothing else to do, she sat back and watched as the day began to start.

She once again thought of her past. So many lives she ahd ruined for the sake of making a name for herself. She used to think that if she had enough good deeds to cover the bad, then they might cancel out the bad. Now she didn't know what to think. No matter how many lives she saved, there were still some that died. She had convinced herself long ago that she would never hurt anyone again. Never get close to anyone.

That all changed when she met Gabrielle. She had never met anyone with such a pure spirit or innocence. She cared for all but herself.

"Maybe I'm crazy," she whispered to herself. She stood and walked out into the light and ended at a small field. "I know that I shouldn't care for her. I should let her go before I hurt her again, but I can't. I can't live without her. I need her. She is the air I breath and without that I will surely die." She kicked at a small mushroom. Thoughts were pouring into her mind. One in particular caught up with her. "I can't believe I never realized it before." She looked around. "I think I'm in love Gabrielle," she whispered. She smiled as she walked around the field.

Gabrielle heard the light chirping of a bird, and the gentle hoot of an owl. She sat up and looked around. She couldn't remember where she was for a second, but then it came to her. She looked around for Xena but couldn't see her anywhere. She winced as she pulled herself up into a standing position. Her legs threatened to give out on her but she wouldn't listen. Instead she continued to wobble around, trying to get her legs to work. She had been down for a few days.

As soon as her legs obeyed, she walked out of the barn and into the morning light. She tried to figure out which way to go. She could see a small path leading away to her left, a small stream to her right, and a field through the trees in front of her. She decided to start with the stream to wash her face. She knelt in front of the stream and scooped up the water with her hands, then splashed her face. She did that a few times and used the water to rinse her arms, and legs. With that done, she walked through the trees toward the field. She could see Xena standing in the middle and stopped to wait and see what she was doing. She just seemed to be standing there with a almost dumb look on her face.

Xena heard a small noise and automatically turned that way to see Gabrielle leaning on a tree. "What are you doing up?" She walked to her. "You should be resting."

"Good morning to you too." Gabrielle joked. She soon felt her arm being thrown over Xena's shoulders and lead back to the barn.

When she was laid back down she looked up at Xena. The weird look was off of her face replaced with a look of concern. "I'm fine, really. I feel much better. If I don't get up and walk around how do I expect to get my strength back?"

She had Xena there. "Okay. But no running, or lifting. I don't want you straining yourself."

"I'm not going to break."

"I know." Xena stood and walked away to the small fire she had made earlier. There was a small piece of fish cooking that looked done. She picked it up and placed it in a bowel. "Here eat this."

"I don't know, I mean after all you cooked it."

Xena caught the joke in her voice and smiled as Gabrielle took it and started eating. She stood and busied herself on other things. Anything to keep her mind busy. As she grabbed her sword and stone, she felt two hands move them away from her. She looked up to see Gabrielle smiling at her. "What?"

"I hate that sound."

"Oh, sorry." She moved away from Gabrielle and saw her sit back down. With nothing else to do she found herself pacing back and forth thinking about different things. It was Gabrielle that brought her out of her trance. She turned toward her. "What?"

"Please stop that, you making me dizzy."

"Sorry." She still didn't sit but stopped the pacing.

"Is something wrong?"

"No, why?"

"You seem distant."

"I'm fine, just been thinking. I should ask how  you are."

"Much better. How long till the wound heals?"

"Week or two."

"Will I have a scar?"

"I'm working on that. The herbs should help heal the tissue. You might have a small scar, no matter what I do."

"Xena, something's wrong. Please tell me."

"I'm fine Gabrielle, I just have things on my mind. Stop worrying about me and concentrate about getting well."

Xena started to walk away.

"The night when I got hit with the arrow, I woke up and saw you sleeping. You looked so peaceful. The worry lines, and mask you wear was gone. I never seen you look that much at peace." She looked up at Xena and saw she had her back toward her. "A lot of things go through your mind when you think you are going to die. I thought of all the things I would never be able to do. Never be able to get up on a stage again and lose the audience in one of my tales. Never see a smiling face of a small child when we help them. Never see our friends, the amazons. My family." She saw Xena turn around and look at her. This was her chance. "But most of all I would never be able to be with you. Never see your face, hear your voice, or....." She felt a tear slid down her cheek.

Xena was at her side in seconds. "Shh. Just relax."

"No I need to get this out." She looked up at Xena's face. "Xena, will you do something for me?"

"Anything."

"Will you kiss me."

"What?"

"You heard me. The only thing I really thought of was you. I'd miss you too much. The reason I live each day is to be with you. I know that now. Its fated. That day you saved us is the day you rescued me from a life that wasn't meant to be. I was meant to be with you. Dying would be....." She couldn't find the words."...but living without telling you how I feel would be much worse." She knew that she had her attention. "I love you, have loved you since the first day we met. And even if my love is not returned I will still love you." She took a breath. It was then that she saw a small tear slid down Xena's cheek before she had a chance to whip it away.

"Everything that you said was.... Gabrielle I love you too. I know that I'm not good with words but I know that you are the air that I breath. I cannot live without you. And yes I will kiss you." She placed her hand on the back of Gabrielle's head and pulled her in till their lips were touching. This was something they had waited for and the kiss didn't stop there. Xena felt Gabrielle's shy tongue caress her bottom lip, asking for permission. She gave her permission as she opened up sliding her tongue alone Gabrielle's. They each felt a spark flow through the other and deepened the kiss.

It was Gabrielle who pulled away first. Licking her lips she laid her head on Xena's shoulder and took in the scent of her warrior. The deep smell of leather, and Xena. Nothing was like it, nothing could compare to it. She had tried to find that smell before she found out that it was just Xena. She felt Xena's hand stroking her hair and her kiss Gabrielle's head.

"My dear bard, you need a bath. You've been sweating for a couple of days."

"You saying I smell?"

"Bad, no. But smell you do. The smell of fresh lilacs is still in your hair."

"Xena."

"Yes."

"What happens now?"

"I guess we'll just deal with that when the time comes."

THE END

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