ForevaXena's FanFic . . .

Madness (A Cruel Awakening)

by Sarah Miller

Disclaimer: These characters are property of Universal, Renaissance, pictures and they are the ones who hold credit for them. I mainly used them for my own benefit.

Violence: There is high violence at some points but mostly mild. Sexual violence. (A small rape scene)

This story takes place during the furies, kinda like a missing scene. This is a story that has a bit of a kick. You'll love it. I hope. Send me feedback because a bard is nothing without other bards to read her work. (carpe diem)- seize the day. Remember my address is always sarahmiller17@yahoo.com I'll be awaiting your replies. :)

Gabrielle sat across the fires watching Xena fall deeper and deeper into insanity. There was nothing that she could do and she knew that. She also knew that she had felt scared herself when she saw how Xena had frightened those innocent villagers. She was going to kill them. She looked away concentrating on the flames and heard Xena get up and walk away. Turning up her head, Gabrielle watched Xena sit down on the ground next to a tree and do something. She couldn't see what because Xena had her back towards her but she sensed that something was wrong. She actually seemed to be humming a tune. That wasn't like Xena at all.

Xena rose with a handful of something and sat back down.

Gabrielle's eyes rose when she saw Xena start to put small white flowers in her hair. She covered a laugh when Xena had finished and looked toward her.

"You like it?"

"Yeah, its....ah. well..nice. Yeah nice."

Xena grabbed a small metal plate and looked at herself in it. "It looks wonderful." She turned toward Gabrielle. "Come here. I'll put some into yours."

"No, I don't think so."

"Come here."

"No."

"NOW!"

Gabrielle heard the raise in her voice and shook. She did not want to make Xena mad in the state that she was. There was no telling what she could do without even meaning to. She sighed and moved to sit down next to Xena. She watched as Xena once again moved and gathered more
flowers.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The noon sky had threatened rain. The pair watched and waited. Gabrielle was more worried though. Xena didn't really seem to be paying attention to much, let alone a storm. All she did was move around the campfire and hum a tune Gabrielle had never heard.

The warning of rain had passed away and was replaced with a much less desirable weather. The sun had come out and the temperature had risen in the last half hour. It was nearly seventy already and yet it seemed to be rising higher. Gabrielle could take no more of this, she grabbed a shift and walked to find some kind of water supply.

She was in luck when she came across a small pond. Looking around, she figured that it was safe and started to undress.

When she had just sank below, she heard someone closing in on her. She opened her eyes and turned to see a Xena walking towards her.

"You mind if I join you?"

"No, not at all."

"Sorry I yelled at ya back there. I don't know what came over me."

"Its okay Xena. I know your not yourself."

Xena undressed and slipped into the pond next to Gabrielle.

Gabrielle heard a small sigh and turned to see Xena relaxed against the side, with her eyes closed. She smiled at how peaceful she looked. She closed her eyes too and leaned back, and had just about dozed off, when she felt a hand on her thigh. Her eyes immediately opened and she looked at Xena, who still appeared to be sleeping. She reached down and grabbed the hand and pulled it out. It did belong to Xena but she didn't seem to notice that she had put her arm on the bard's leg. Or she did but didn't want to let her know.

Gabrielle set the arm back over by Xena where it belonged and tried to relax again. She again felt a hand. Though not on her leg, but at her waist. She opened her eyes again but this time was face to face with Xena. "What are you doing?" It slipped out.

"Nothing." She held a small smile on her face.

Gabrielle gave a weak smile and moved the hand.

"Gabrielle."

"What?"

Xena was silent. Gabrielle turned to face her and saw Xena's lips moving but no sounds coming out.

"I was wondering."

"About what?"

"This madness, does it bother you?"

"No why?"

"You seem distant. You avoid me most of the time."

Gabrielle moved to stand up but was pulled back in by Xena. "Xena."

"I know I'm crazy and I know that I scare you, but don't leave me alone."

Gabrielle found herself sitting back into the water. "I won't. I promised to always stick with you and that's exactly what I'm going to do. We'll get through this, you'll see."

"At least one of us is sure about something."

"I'm getting out. Are you going to stay?"

"No I'll get out."

Gabrielle turned to step out of the water when Xena said something that made her stop. She turned around. "What?"

"I said, if I wasn't crazy, would you want me?"

"Want you?"

"You know. Like I want you. To hold you, touch you, kiss you." She was a breath from Gabrielle.

Gabrielle found it hard to breath. "I uh...well.." She gave up and started to move out of the water again when she was pulled back against Xena. She could feel her heartbeat and heard each breath pass her ear. She shivered but she wasn't cold. She tried to speak but the words failed to voice. A small kiss was placed on her neck, then another one, another one. She knew that she needed to get away but her legs wouldn't move. They held her to the spot. She felt hands run along her waist.
Brushing past the hair at her waist, making her shiver once again. "Xena, no."

"Hmm."

"We...uh..can't..do....this." Breathing was getting harder at each breath she felt at her neck.

"Why not?"

"Your not yourself."

"Oh but I am. I may not be....myself exactly but I'm still me," She nuzzled the blond strands of hair. "and I still want you."

"I mean it." Gabrielle moved from Xena's grip and moved away. She had gotten a safe distance from Xena, or so she thought. When she was far from view, she turned and looked around. She could see the pond but no Xena. She started to worry. At this state of mind Xena was in, anything was possible. She turned back around and jumped when she saw Xena right in front of her. "Don't do that?" She walked past Xena and thought she had gotten away until strong hands grabbed her from behind and pushed her back up against a tree. She saw a coldness in Xena that she had never seen before. She knew that this wasn't Xena but also knew that she wouldn't hurt her. She was proven wrong as she felt Xena's strong grip on her arms.  "Xena, you're hurting me."

Xena didn't let go. "Shh." She placed small kisses along Gabrielle's jaw and smiled when she felt her pull away. "No, don't do that."

"Xena, no. Stop this now."

Xena wasn't listening, she just kept her pushed up against the tree harder, as she ran her hands down along the length of Gabrielle stopping at her breasts. "My my what do we have here?" She squeezed
gently and felt the nipples harden. "I do believe that you do want this my bard."

"Xena, I know you are in there. Please don't do this."

"Sorry, little one, but Xena's not home."

The color faded instantly from Gabrielle's face. She knew now that she was in trouble. Her only way to survive this was to sit back and let it go. She couldn't stop it. She felt a hand between her legs and gasped. Her body was responding to this woman even though her mind was screaming to get away. She soon felt the fingers moving. When the fingers entered her she jumped and instantly tried to move away but was held tightly by Xena's grip. The fingers moved slowly at first then picked up rhythm.

Then as soon as it began it was over. She felt Xena loosen her grip and walk away. Going back to the campsite was not an option. She couldn't go back there and face her. Turning back, she picked up her clothes and slid them on, then sat down on the ground, near the small pond and waited. For what she didn't know but she waited.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

It was days after the insident. Ares and the Furies had been taken care of and Xena was back to normal. Gabrielle had spent most of her time alone, trying to avoid Xena. She couldn't tell her what had happened but couldn't be around her. Every time she tried she felt her body responding. Had she liked being taken like that? Yes it was gentle in a way but......No. She couldn't let herself be pulled into that.

She saw Xena coming out of the tavern and watched her till she walked into the stables. She found herself wondering if Xena knew what had happened. There may be some memories of it still in there. She closed her eyes and stood up. She walked not knowing where and ended up at a small circle of grass. Sitting down she picked small flowers and tied them together to make hair crowns. She hadn't done that since she was a child but didn't know what else to do. As she reached for a flower, a
shadow loomed over her. Looking up she caught her breath when she saw that it was Xena. She gave a fake smile and picked the flower.

"Is something wrong?" Xena asked sitting down in front of her.

"No."

"Then why are you avoiding me?"

"I'm not."

"Gabrielle." She grabbed her hands in her own and pushed her chin up to meet her eyes. "Tell me what's wrong."

"I.......can't." She pulled her hands away and kept working.

"Please. I cant' have us going on like this. If something is wrong then I'd like to help if I can."

"Do you remember anything that happened when you were struck with the madness?"

"A little why?"

"Never mind."

"No, tell me. Now."

"I will but not here."

"When?"

"Tonight when we camp."

Xena rose and looked down at the bard. "We're staying here tonight." She turned to go then turned back around. "Come on. I don't know what's bothering you but its not going to wait until tonight." She waited for Gabrielle to get up. "Come on Gabrielle."

"Xena, please. I need to think about how I'm going to talk to you."

Xena walked to Gabrielle and picked her up, slinging her over her shoulder as she walked to the tavern with a kicking and screaming Gabrielle behind her.

She entered their room and shut the door, then laid Gabrielle on the bed. "Now. Go on."

"Xena." Gabrielle was furious.

"I'm sorry Gabrielle but I want to know. I have a picture in my head now and if..... Just tell me what's up."

"First tell me what picture you have in your head."

"Then you'll talk?"

"Yes."

"I don't remember much about when I was out but I have a picture of you against a tree and me..." She saw Gabrielle lower her head. "Please tell me that its not true."

"I wish I could."

"I didn't."

"No you didn't. Not purposely." Tears were about to overflow.

Xena pulled Gabrielle into a hug and held her as she felt and heard the sobs began. "I'm sorry, I didn't know." She didn't know what to say. She couldn't believe that she had actually done something so hideous to her best friend. She started to say something when she felt Gabrielle break from her and meet her gaze.

"You think your the monster. I think I am."

"You?"

"Yes you did that, and yes I....I.. Xena I'm sorry but I think I liked it."

"What?"

"I know you hate me but I had to..." She gave up and stood. "I..." She reached for the door but was pulled back against Xena.

Xena didn't speak, just held her for awhile and thought. So many things came to her mind but she never said a word.

"Xena."

"Hmm."

"I love you."

"I know."

"Do you. Do you really." She moved till she could face her once again. "Do you know that I dream of you at night? That I can't seem to take my eyes off of you at times. That I find myself so lost in my love for you that I can't think of anything. I love you with all my heart and it hurts me that that love will never be returned" She stopped and felt the tears flow.

Xena was shocked. She never expected the bard to feel the same. She knew what was on her mind but was afraid to voice it. With nothing else to do she tried. "I have an idea. What would you say if I....."

"If you what?"

"If I made love to you the right way this time."

"What?"

"I know....nevermind." She moved away when she felt Gabrielle move in front of her.

"Wait. I think you have an idea there."

A blast of thunder woke Gabrielle up, she looked around and saw that they were in a small cave. The fire had died down long ago and a few embers still glowed dimly. She sat up and sighed. A dream. She had finally gotten close to her dream and it was a dream. Oh how cruel the fates can be. She sank back against her bedroll and saw Xena sitting on a rock looking out the cave. She took a breath and slowly crawled to her.

Xena turned her head to the side to listen. "You're up early."

"Couldn't sleep."

"I know. I heard you tossing and turning all night."

"All night. Did I wake you up?"

"No."

"Have you slept at all?"

"A little."

"How much is a little?"

"Few minutes."

"Xena."

"What?"

"Why didn't you sleep longer?"

"Not tired. Had a lot on my mind okay."

"Okay."

"Why don't you go back to sleep?"

"I'm not tired." She moved and sat next to Xena. "So what do you usually do when you wake up before me?"

"Sit and think."

Gabrielle watched how the moonlight made a light glow to Xena's skin. By the gods she's beautiful. Oh how I wish I could tell her. Dreams are dreams but some do come true. Oh I'd give nothing more then to tell her how I feel and know that she felt the same. Oh well at least I have her. I won't ruin things. She let out a long sigh.

"Is something the matter?"

"No."

Xena shook her head. "Musta been some dream."

"Why?"

"You talk in your sleep."

"I do! What did I say?"

"Not much. Mostly..." She started to laugh.

"Mostly what?"

"You mostly made noises."

"What kind of.. Oh." She started to laugh too.

"Who were you dreaming about? Perdicus?"

"No not him. Someone else."

"We have time. Why don't you tell me about him. What's he like?"

"Strong, caring, sweet, has a sense of humor sometimes. Not afraid to show the tender side. But has a hard time expressing thoughts and feelings."

"Sounds good. When did you meet this mysterious person?"

"Long time ago."

"When you were living in your village?"

"Yeah about then. Near the time when I left. Xena have you ever been in love?"

"Yes."

"What does it feel like?"

"You can't breath or think when your around them. You don't want to be away from them. Your everyday thoughts consist of that one person and nothing else matters. You would live or die for that one person that would make your life whole. And the thought of living without them makes you scared."

"That's beautiful. I've never heard it described that way. And coming from you is...."

"What about you? Ever been in love?"

"Yes."

"With your mystery man?"

"In a matter of speaking yes."

"Does this person have a name?"

"Of course."

"Do you want to tell me?"

"If you want to know. I mean really want to know. Promise me you wont overreact or break for the hills. And promise me that you'll tell me what you think?"

Something in the way Gabrielle spoke made a lump form in Xena's throat. She cleared her throat. "I promise. Go on tell me."

"Xena." She turned and faced her.

"Hmm."

"No I mean the name of my mystery person is Xena. You."

"Me? You're in love with me."

"I knew you'd hate it."

"No, I promised to tell you what I thought and I will." She sat closer to Gabrielle. "I think that this person is....perfect for you. I also know that they love you greatly in return." She gathered Gabrielle in her arms and held her tight.

"Oh, I hoped you'd say that. Thank you."

"I guess your welcome." She laughed and pulled Gabrielle down for a kiss. "Now are you going to tell me what that dream was about?"

"Nah, you wouldn't be interested."

THE END

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