ForevaXena's FanFic . . .

The Very Thought Of You

by S. Anne Gardner

©copyright March 2001

Part Seven

  “7 days, 4hours and 17minutes,” Alex said looking at her watch.

  “Sore subject, huh?” Kate had a sorry expression on her face.

  “It’s a sore subject right now.” Alex went back to the papers on her desk.

  “Are you okay?” Kate was suddenly concerned. Alexandra looked up and away, looking toward the window.

  “I...yes, everything is fine.” She went back to the papers in front of her.

  “Alex?”

  “Yes, really all is good. Now let me get back to work. Do you have a life or does it only revolve around mine?” Her tone was jokingly.

  “Alex, you would tell me right?” Kate asked, not allowing Alex to get away with a thing.

  Alex got up suddenly and walked toward the window at the corner of her office. She stood in front of it with her back to Kate.

  “Everything is suppose to be fine, but it’s not Kate.”

  “What do you mean?” “You're joking, right?” Alex was facing her now, a surprised look on her face.

  “Alexandra, don’t do this.”

  “Don’t do what?” Alex threw her hands up in the air.

  “You're scared, that’s all. It's going to be fine. This separation is unfortunate but...Alex, you love her.”

  Alex ran her fingers through her hair and suddenly looked tired. She walked over to her desk and sat down in her chair again. “Yes, I’m scared. I’m scared of not being able to handle this. I can just see myself at the partners dinner saying 'I'd like to introduce my lover. Yes, she is a woman but don’t let that worry you, I’m still the same old Alex.' Can you honestly say that it won’t matter? Kate…I’m scared. I don’t know if I can do this. And I don’t know if I can give her up.” Alex was very confused.

  “Well…I guess the only question is, do you love her?”

  Alex looked up and thought for a moment. Suddenly a smile and far away look filled her face. “Do I love her? Yes, oh yes.”

  “A step at a time Sis, a step at a time.”

  “Hello?”

  “Who is this?” Alex asked into the telephone's reciever.

  “This is Gail. Who is this?”

  “Is Reese there?” Alex asked with suppressed anger.

  “Yes, but she’s kind of busy right now.”

  “Will you please get her on the phone?”

  “No, I can’t, she's in the shower. Alex, right? I’ll tell her you called,” Gail replied angrily before the line went dead. Alex slammed the phone down.

  The phone had rung several times after she got home, but Alex did not pick up the receiver. She sat in her dark living room with her 30 year old scotch. She didn’t go in to the office the next day.

  It had been two days since she had not spoken with Reese. The door to her office burst open and in front of her stood a very angry blonde, followed shortly by a very upset Carol. “I’m sorry, Ms Masters…”

  “It’s okay Carol, we're old friends.” Alex said a smugly. Carol walked out of the office, closing the door behind her.

  Reese stood in the same spot fuming.

  “Chicken Pox scare over?” Alex asked comically.

  “I am not going to play this game with you!” Reese exclaimed with her hands on her hips.

  “I am not playing. It was nice but it’s gotten to be a bore.” Alex started reading the papers in front of her.

  Reese stood there not believing what she had just heard. It felt like someone had hit her and knocked the wind out of her. She stood in shocked silence, not able to speak until Alex looked up at her again.

  “I don’t believe you, ” said Reese softly.

  “What is there not to believe? We had a good time but it's kind of over, don’t you think? You were, shall we say, a great experience.” Alex's voice was filled with sarcasim.

  “Alex, I don’t believe you. Why are you doing this?” Reese was shocked.

  “Doing what? You wanted me to take you bed. And it was good, I have to give you that.” Alex got up, walked over in front of her desk and sat on it with her arms crossed in front of her. “You were satisfied too from what I can remember. Yes, I believe you were satisfied quite a few times.”

  Reese walked up to her and slapped her hard. Alex stood up and grabbed Reese by both arms.

  “Don’t you ever touch me again,” Alex growled between her teeth.

  “I hate you!” Reese cried as tears started running down her face. Alex pulled her closer and kissed her hard on the mouth and just as suddenly released her.

  “Now, go back to Gail!”

  Reese stood for a moment just staring at the woman she loved. What had happened? This was not her Alex. Had it all truly been a lie? If it was, this was a monster that stood in front of her.

  “I won’t ever forgive you, Alex. You used me. I loved you and you used me,” said a sobbing Reese accusingly as she ran out of Alex’s office.

  Alex stood in her empty office for a moment then walked over to the door and closed it. She walked back to her desk, sat down and began to go through her paperwork.

  Reese could not remember ever hurting so much. How could she have been so wrong? It had all seemed so real. How could she go on with out her? She closed her eyes as the tears ran down her cheeks. She started her car and drove home.

  She pulled into her driveway and went inside the house. She had to get dinner ready. Rose was going to be dropping Carly off after Girl Scouts. It was over. All her plans for a future with Alex were over. She stood in the middle of her kitchen and suddenly collapsed to the floor in tears.

  “Oh God, why does it have to hurt so much?” She covered her face and the sobs just came. “Alex…Alex.”

  “Reese, wait up!” Rose yelled.

  “Hi Rose, what’s up?” Reese said as Rose came up to her.

  “Can you pick up the girls tomorrow? I know it's my turn, but--”

  “Sure, not a problem. I’ll pick them up and drop off Lindsey at your house.”

  “Thanks, I’m expecting a delivery tomorrow and you know how they are. They tell you anytime between 9am to 5pm. I hate that.” They both began walking toward the parking lot. “Hey, you seem kind of preoccupied these days kiddo.”

  “Just some things to deal with. But it's okay,” Reese said softly.

  Rose stopped and Reese looked back at her. “Hey, something is wrong. I didn’t want to pry, but are you okay Reese?”

  “I will be Rose, I will be.”

  “Mommy!” Carly yelled and Reese opened her arms which were immediately filled with her daughter.

  “Hi small fry.” Reese kissed Carly.

  “Alex used to call me that,” Carly said as Reese gently set her down.

  “Yes, she did. Well, we better get going.” Reese tried to control the tears threatening to spill over. “Bye Rose, don’t worry about tomorrow.” She reassured her friend.

  “Okay,” Rose replied as she watched Reese and Carly walk away. Rose hadn't known her very long but had grown to be Reese’s friend quickly. Reese, she thought, was a nice woman trying to raise her daughter on her own like Rose was.

  Rose had noticed a change in her friend. Reese was by nature a happy person. And for a few months she had really seemed happy and then suddenly a few months ago she had noticed the difference. Her friend had gotten sad.

  Rose knew all about being sad. She remembered how it had been when Paul left. She thought it was going to kill her but it hadn’t. She had seen the same sadness in Reese. She knew that some things people talked about only when they were ready. And Reese, thought Rose, was not ready. Maybe the sadness was this man called Alex.

  She could not remember any Alex that Reese had mentioned, only that girlfriend of hers. She remembered the sadness in Reese’s eyes as Carly mentioned Alex. And all of a sudden Rose froze. Reese had mentioned her friend before. She remembered the look in Reese’s eyes but somehow Rose had not made the connection. Now it all became quite clear.

  “Holy shit!”

  Rose froze on the spot. She shook her head and looked to the parking lot where Reese was putting Carly in the back seat and then got into her car. She looks just like anyone one else, Rose thought, quickly chastising herself for the ignorance that the thought expressed. That type of thinking is what she probably has to deal with thought Rose and she felt even sadder for her friend.

  Rose gave this new realization a lot of thought and made up her mind to speak to her friend as soon as possible.

  “Kate it's September 23rd today, I don’t know what I will be doing for Thanksgiving!” Alex said, irritated.

  “You know what Alex? You are getting harder to take on a daily basis. If I didn’t love you I would just wash my hands of you!” Kate yelled back.

  “I’m sorry, I have a lot of paperwork and I go to trial on a very complex case in a few weeks. I am really swamped, Kate.” Alex sounded tired now.

  “Alex…about Reese...”

  “I don’t want to discuss Reese, Kate, don’t fight me on this. I will not discuss this. If you want for us to …I didn’t mean that, Kate. I just don’t want to discuss it, okay?”

  “Okay Alex. You’re my sister and I love you. Remember that, okay?” Something awful had happened between Reese and Alex. Neither had wanted to discuss it. And Alex was more withdrawn then ever. But Kate also knew that when Alex got like this there was no talking to her. Something terrible had happened and Alex had just closed all the doors.

  “I will try and keep Thanksgiving open okay, Kate? Bye.”

  “Good, we love you, you know. And we want you,” Kate said softly.

  There was silence from the other side of the line and Kate thought she had heard a sob before the line went dead.

  What happened? Kate kept asking herself. Alex had come to life for those few months with Reese. She had looked so happy. And for awhile she thought that Alex and Reese had found something special in each other. Her sister had gotten past all of her doubts with conventions and the 'what would people say' thing. She thought that, finally, Alex would be happy. Then quite suddenly it had all gone terribly wrong.

  She didn’t see Reese much anymore either. She realized that Reese had been avoiding her except for the time they met by chance in the supermarket.

  “Reese, hi.”

  “Hello, Kate.”

  “I have missed you, where have you been keeping yourself?”

  “Oh, you know, busy with Carly and everything. How' the family?” Reese seemed to want to change the subject.

  “Just fine, starting school. You know how that is.”

  “Yeah, I do.” Reese looked down for a moment. “How is Alex?” She asked softly.

  “She’s fine. Reese, I really think--”

  “No Kate, but thanks. It was nice seeing you again. Bye.” And Reese walked away looking very sad.

  Kate kept asking herself what could have happened. She should just mind her own business. But damn if she would! Alexandra was miserable and so was Reese. Obviously they had not been able to fix it themselves so she would. These two women belonged together even if she was the only one who thought so for the moment. Kate started working out a plan.

  “Yesssss!” yelled an excited Kate.

  “Thank you so much for picking up the girls from Girls Scouts for me today. Come on in,” said Rose.

  “Sure, I can stay a minute. The girls are getting their project into the garage.” Reese walked into Rose's house.

  “Want some coffee?”

  “I would love some,” answered Reese as they both walked over to the kitchen.

  “I love what you have done in here Rose. I like the contrast of the light walls with the cabinets.”

  “Thanks, I really like the way it came out too. Cream and sugar?”

  “Yes, thanks.”

  Both women sat down on the kitchen table having their coffee.

  “Reese, there is something I would like to say to you. And I would ask you not to say anything until I say my piece, okay?”

  “Okay,” Reese answered with a curious expression.

  “Reese, I think you are a wonderful teacher.” Rose looked at a smiling Reese. “I also think that you are a very nice person. And, you are also my friend. I want you to know that I will be here for you no matter what. Reese, I think you should tell me about Alex.”

  Reese’s mouth opened and closed. She looked uncomfortable and it showed.

  “Reese, I know you're gay.”

  Reese looked up quickly and stared at her friend. And what she saw made her eyes fill with tears. “Oh Rose,” she said, putting her hand over her friend's.

  “What happened with this Alex person, Reese?”

  Reese hesitated and then looked into the understanding eyes of her friend and she started to speak.

  Reese cried all the tears that she had been holding on to for the past few months. Rose was there and she listened. And Reese realized in this pain she had found comfort in Rose’s understanding. And for the first time in months Reese was able to speak of what it had meant to loose her love to another human being. And it felt good to tell it.

  Elliot walked into Alex's office after having knocked a few times. He poked his head in and saw that Alex was oblivious to all. He walked closer to the desk she was sitting behind and watched as she played with a key in her hand. And it occurred to him that he had seen her looking at a key, if not the same one, on more than one occasion and on each of those times she had been far away as well.

  “Key to your heart, Alex?” He asked gently. She looked up noticing him for the first time and then looked down at the key again. Elliot did not expect an answer. She looked at the key a moment longer before putting in back in her drawer and closing it.

  “Yes,” she replied softly. “The key to my heart.” She did not look up.

  Elliot found himself without any words. He had known that something was wrong. He could no longer understand what was happening with Alex. For awhile he thought that she might have met someone and then this.

  “Alex,.” he started to say gently.

  “Elliot, as to the fund-raiser on the 12th, I’ll go with you.” She sounded more like the Alex he was used to. She looked sure of herself and strong. Had it all been an illusion? What was happening to his friend?

  “Okay, great. Will Katherine and Robert be attending as well?” He was all business now.

  “They go every year. I don’t know who they will have at their tables. Rob’s company usually buys two to three every year. I'll talk to Kate later today and then I'll let you know as soon as possible.”

  “All right, sounds great. I will pass the information on to the Bradley’s. This is a great cause. These funds will keep the children’s center open for the next year.”

  “Yes, it is a wonderful cause. The Bradley’s have down wonders for that center. Did you know that they lost their son to leukemia two years ago?”

  “No, I didn’t know.”

  “I met him once. He was a very charming little boy. I have become a sponsor this year.”

  “Alex, that’s wonderful!”

  She looked up. “Yes well, I will expect a rather large check from all the partners so pass it along.” She gave him a calculating smile.

  Elliot shook his head. “I will forward the information.”

  “Good, now what did you want?”

  “Hi Reese, it's Kate.”

  “Hello Kate, it's nice to hear from you.”

  “Reese, Rob’s company usually gets three tables at the fund-raiser for the Children’s Cancer Center. You know, the one on Hamilton Street?”

  “Yes, I know the one you're talking about. The school has been trying to raise some funds for them as well.” Reese said interested

  “Well, I know that you are heading that effort at Roosevelt Elementary and I wanted to invite you to be one of our guests at the fund-raiser the Bradley’s are doing. You of course can bring a date with you.” Kate waited in anticipation.

  “Oh…I think I would like that. Thank you, Kate. It's such a wonderful cause.” Reese genuinely wanted to participate. She hesitated before asked “Kate, will Alex be there?”

  Kate didn’t want to lie but figured she could be creative with the truth. “Alex is swamped with work these days. I doubt that she will attend. But whether she does or doesn’t I still would like you to come.”

  “Thank you Kate. I would love to. When is it?”

  “On the 12th of November. Next week. Just let me know the name of your guest by Monday so I can put you both on the invitees list.” Kate had a very broad smile on her face.

  “Okay, I will let you know before Monday. Thanks Kate.”

  “Sure, talk to you later Reese, bye.”

  Kate hung up the phone and smiled to herself. After all, it wasn’t such a big lie. Alex was busy and she hadn’t heard technically that she was going yet, not really, Kate thought to herself as she picked up her jacket and was off to speak with Vanessa Bradley. She was helping with the seating arrangements at the fund-raiser. This was going to be a night to remember. One way or another, Alex would either thank her or never speak to her again. Either way she had to do something. She wasn’t going to stand by and do nothing while Alex sunk lower and lower into the abyss.

  November 12th arrived. The fund-raiser was held at the very prestigious Ranal's Country Club. The orchestra could be heard as guests had their cars valet parked and proceeded up the staircase which would usher them to the grand ballroom.

  There were approximately 300 hundred people attending. The Bradley’s were well respected and the cause was dear and near to their hearts. The dinner was about to begin so all guests were asked to proceed to there assigned seats.

  Kate and Rob arrived at their table first followed by a few other friends. Then Reese and her companion, Gail Ashby, arrived, with Alex and Elliot arriving last. Alex and Reese’s eyes met instantly. They were both frozen in time for a moment then Alex looked in Kate’s direction. Kate looked down. Alex was about to say something when Vanessa Bradley asked once more for everyone to sit down. So Alex, not waiting for Elliott, pulled out her own chair and sat down.

  Both women avoided looking at one another. At first Alex just wanted to leave. Then she noticed Gail sitting next to Reese and she decided that she would not give them the satisfaction. If looks could kill, Gail Ashby would have died a million deaths.

  The evening seemed to last forever and Reese looked more uncomfortable by the minute. Gail, looking quite smug, would lean over and whisper into Reese’s ear. Alex looked furious. And Kate was rethinking her plan.

  Rob leaned into Kate and whispered. “Sweetheart, what were you thinking?”

  “I wasn’t thinking.” She answered.

  Rob looked at her and smiled. “You are such a romantic Kate. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” He pulled up her hand and kissed it.

  Kate smiled and looked toward Alex. Alex glared back at her and she cringed. Reese still looked miserable. This was a total disaster.

  Vanessa started announcing the new sponsors. Alex’s name was mentioned and she was asked to rise. Reese looked at her and their eyes met as Alex started to sit down. For a moment Alex’s eyes had been unguarded and Reese had smiled. The connection only lasted a minute. After the announcements were all made the party started and they all went their separate ways. Reese and Gail walked off in one direction, Alex walked in the other direction, and Kate and Rob just sat and breathed a sigh of relief.

  Alex had left her cell phone on the table but she didn’t want to go back and get it. So she walked over to the public phones and made her calls. When she finished she bumped into Reese as she was coming out of the ladies room. Now that both women stood before one another neither could find anything to say. Reese spoke first.

  “Alex, it was wonderful of you to become a sponsor,” she said giving Alex a genuine compliment. Alex did not look away.

  “Thanks,” she answered, unable to find any other words.

  “Well, goodbye Alex,” Reese said sadly as she started to walk away.

  Alex started to say goodbye when she remembered the anger. And that anger was all that consumed her. “Where is your other half?” Her voice was filled with venom. Reese was startled by the sudden change and turned around to face her.

  “Gail is my friend. Not my 'other half' as you put it. And in any case it is none of your business!” Reese was angry now.

  “Does she know that you're a ‘love ‘em and leave ‘em’ kind of girl?” Alex asked insaltingly.

  Reese had not been prepared for such an attack. She could not understand what Alex was talking about.

  “Alex, this conversation is over!” She turned around to walk away. Alex grabbed her by the arm and pulled her into a corner where they could not be seen, putting Reese between the wall and herself.

  “What would your friend say if she knew what a hypocrite you are! Or does she know already? Did you both laugh at me? Did you laugh at me when you were in bed with her?” Alex said through her teeth.

  “Get out of my way Alex.”

  “Did you laugh in bed with her about how you had made me love you? God, you disgust me!” She said menacingly at Reese.

  “I never laughed at you Alex. I have never slept with Gail. Now get out of my way,” Reese said as her eyes filled with tears her anger began to build as well.

  “I talked to her that day when you were in the shower. I know, Reese!” Alex finally yelled. “God, how I hate you!” She growled. She pressed Reese closer to the wall until neither of them could breathe in air without the other one feeling it. And as before, Alexandra could not resist the desire to kiss those lips that haunted her dreams night after night for the past months.

  The kiss was passionate but not kind. For a moment both women responded in kind. Reese found in it the connection with Alex that she had missed but pulled away in indignation. Alex stood unable to move, as if the break had sapped her of all energy.

  “Don’t you ever kiss me like that again!” Reese exclaimed. Alex’s back was to her now. Reese could not see the pain that covered Alex’s face nor the tears rolling down her cheeks. “Stay away from me. I don’t know what you are making yourself believe about me and Gail, and I don’t care anymore, Alex. I have never slept with her! But if I ever do that is none of your business. I don’t know what’s wrong with you, Alex. I just know that I can’t and I won’t deal with you ever again,” and as she walked away Alex looked up and was met with Gail.

  Gail looked down at Reese and as she was guiding her away Gail smiled at Alex. And at that moment; Alex realized that she had been a fool. She had been a first class fool.

  All of a sudden it all became so clear. Alex stood there and saw Gail guiding Reese through the crowd. What had she done?

  Suddenly, she sprang into action. Alex went after them. She lost them in the crowd and then went out to see if they were near the parking lot. She had missed them. How could she have been so wrong?

  Alex went inside, retrieved her things, and went out to get her car. All else was forgotten. She had to see Reese. She had to talk to Reese. The only thought going through her mind as she drove straight to Reese’s house was would Reese ever forgive her.

  She pulled into the driveway and parked next to the car stationed there. It must be Gail’s car, Alex thought to herself as she walked faster toward the front door.

  She rang the bell. There was no answer so she rang it again. And again. Reese pulled the door open and her mouth opened in surprise, her lips swollen as if they had just been kissed. Reese stood in surprise at Alex standing in front of her.

Part Eight