ForevaXena's FanFic . . .

The Very Thought Of You

by S. Anne Gardner

©copyright March 2001

Part One

            She didn't know exactly when it happened but she did know that one morning she had suddenly realized that she had lost something important. She looked out the window of her corner office at the law firm she worked for.

She had made partner. She was what you would call a success. And as she looked out that window she asked herself why she was here.

There was a snowstorm passing by. A northeaster no less. All others were home but she was still working. And at that moment -- that morning, to be exact -- she realized that she had lost something. she had lost it so slowly that she didn't even know when it started or when it ended.

She had lost the joy. She had lost the joy she once had at just waking up and looking into the eyes of her only child. It had been two years since Teddy had died. It had been two years since she had barely seen anything.

Her marriage to James had been shaky at best. She couldn't be sure at that point why she had ever married him. She thought that in the beginning it was that she and James had the same interests and of course they had shared their love of the law. But as the years had gone by she had realized that her marriage was just a lifeless entity that served no purpose. She had decided to discuss divorce proceedings with James when she had discovered that she was pregnant.

And for awhile Teddy did cause them to try and make it work. But in the end they both realized that they would make better parents if they were apart. It had been just another weekend for her when the phone rang. James always called when he was dropping Teddy off on Sunday afternoons. But, that day when the phone rang it was not James but the police.

They had both died instantly. They had been hit head on by a drunk driver. People were so kind. Both families rallied behind her and were there to help with all the arrangements. The funny thing was that after a few weeks they all went back to their lives but she didn't. How could she? When do you stop hurting? When does the pain go away?

Well, here she was, two years later, looking out of her big office seeming to be in full control of her life. Her life. Is this what it was going to be like for the duration, she wondered. She had become used to the routine. She got up in the morning and went to the office. She left the office after 9pm each night and took work home with her. On the weekends she would work some more.

She had slowly separated herself from her friends and family. It had happened so slowly that they had stopped trying to include her. And that was fine with her. Not feeling was ever so much better. And work was something that she had control of and understood.

She was brought out of her thoughts by the ringing of the telephone.

"Alex, how did I know you would there?" Asked the voice on the other side of the phone.

"A good guess Elliott. What do you want?" She said sarcastically

"Alex, the weather is getting really bad out there. And although I can't fault you for your dedication, I don't want to see you stuck in the building all weekend." He said this to her jokingly but the concern managed to slip in.

Elliot Harford was a senior partner at the law firm, but Elliot had also been a friend. He had seen the changes take place in her. He had known Alex when she had still been married to James. So, in effect he knew more about her than most, as he had known she would be in the office. Elliot had always liked Alex and saw that she and James would sooner or later divorce. It was just that obvious. He had to admire her for trying to make it work for Teddy's sake. And he had been there by her side when she buried them. She had little by little disappeared. He had liked the old Alex. He missed her.

"There are some things I needed to go over before we go to trial on the Eldrige Case. I wanted to check out a few facts..." She trailed off.

"Alex, it looks like Siberia out there. Go home!"

"I'm almost finished here Elliot," she stated matter a factly.

"Okay, be careful driving home Alex. See you on Monday."

"Yes, sure. See you Monday, Elliot." She replied absently and she hung up the phone.

An hour later she got into her car and started on her way home. It had snowed more than she had expected. She maneuvered her car slowly heading toward home. There were only a few cars on the road.

As she was coming close to an intersection a car suddenly pulled out and spun out of control in front of her. She swerved and missed hitting the car. The other car, however, did not manage to keep control and slammed into a snow bank to the right of the road. Alex pulled over and ran back to the other car.

When she reached the other car she knocked on the window. She could see a woman with blonde hair, her head leaning on the steering wheel. She tried opening the door but it was locked. By looking hard through the window, she could see that there was a small child crying in the back seat. The crying scared her. She tried banging on the glass again. And when the blonde's head stirred she felt a rush of relief.

She knocked on the window again and signaled to the lock on the door. The woman inside leaned over and pulled up the lock. Almost right after she slumped back on the seat. Alex pulled the door open. She could see that there was a gash on the blonde's face which was bleeding profusely. Even still, she was struck by the beauty of the woman before her. And it seemed odd to her that she should think that at that moment under such circumstances. She shook her head and looked to the back. She opened the back door and the child seemed to calm down some.

"Okay, it's going to be okay," she said gently to the little girl who tried to bravely control the sobbing.

"Mommy...is mommy okay?" She finished saying as another sob escaped her.

Alex looked to the front and then back at the child. She could tell her that she didn't know. She could say that she didn't know anything about the woman's condition. But looking into those blue, tear filled eyes she did the only thing she could think of. She lied.

"She is going to be fine. We are going to get you both into my car and get to the hospital," she said confidently to the child.

"My arm is hurt. That is where mommy was taking me. I fell off the counter," she said. "I wanted a cookie and I fell," and she started sobbing again.

"Okay, okay...Let me get you out of your seat and into my car and then I will get your Mom, okay?" She unbuckled the child. Alex saw a blanket on the other side of the seat. She bundled the child up and started back to her car.

She strapped her into the back seat of her car and was going back for the woman when she felt a small hand hold on to hers.

"I'm afraid," said the little girl. Alex reached out and put a golden curl back behind the child's ear.

"Everything is going to be fine, Angel." The child looked into her eyes and Alex was touched by the look of trust she saw there. "I'm going to get your Mommy. I'll be right back okay?" The child shook her head in agreement.

Alex ran back to the other car. She opened the driver's door and looked again at the pale face of the beautiful woman. She reached in and tried to unbuckle the seat belt. As she removed it the woman's eyes fluttered open.

Blue eyes met green ones. The world suddenly stood still and all she could hear was her breathing and all she saw were those blue eyes. And as those lips opened slowly she found her eyes mesmerized by them. A strong gush of wind shook the car and Alex out of her trance.

"Can you move?" She asked softly.

"I think so...Carly!!" The woman suddenly got very agitated.

"I have your daughter safe in my car. She is fine. A little shaken up but otherwise fine," Alex said reassuringly.

"My head," she said as her head fell back again.

"You probably have a concussion. I'm going to try and get you into my car and then we can try getting to the hospital," Alex said, trying sound as calm as possible. The blonde shook her head in affirmation.

"Okay, come on, I'll help you out and you can lean on me, okay?" Slowly Alex helped her out of the car and as the woman became upright she slumped into Alex's arms. She clung to Alex and her head rested on her chest.

"Slowly...a step at a time." They walked to Alex's car. She strapped her in the front passenger seat of her car. The woman's head just slumped over as she passed out.

"Is my mommy going to be okay?" asked the little girl bravely.

"Yes, sweetheart. We're going to the hospital now." Alex took another look at the woman next to her and then focused on the road as she headed for the nearest hospital.

The last time she had been in a hospital like this had been when James and Teddy had died. She just sat in the waiting room as she had been told to. She had lost all sense of time. It was a familiar feeling that she didn't want to remember.

She had been allowed to see them. Teddy had looked like he was just sleeping. How could he be dead? He had been such a beautiful boy.

Suddenly, her eyes focused and before her stood Carly with a cast on her little arm.

"Hi," she said to Alex.

"I'm Doctor McKensey," another voice spoke to her.

Alex looked up and was met by a young man dressed in a white coat.

"She will be fine. It was a simple break. Her mother has a concussion. We would like to keep her overnight for observation." He spoke to her as he started writing on a pad.

Carly slipped her small hand into Alex's. She looked down at the child as she leaned against her.

"Here is a prescription for some Tylenol with codeine for Carly just in case she is in a lot of pain. Some children are okay, others get really fuzzy. Have her mother take her to her pediatrician in a week to check the cast." He handed her a piece of paper.

"Dr...McKensey, was it? Her mother..." Alex started to say.

"You can go in in a minute but she is medicated and a little disoriented. You can pick her up tomorrow," he was saying as he was approached by a nurse.

"Doctor McKensey, we have a double gun shot wound coming in through emergency." "Doctor...wait...I can't..." Alex tried to say but the doctor rushed off as the siren of the ambulance could be heard. Carly squeezed her hand.

She looked down at the little girl.

"I told them you brought me and mommy in and you would take care of me," the child said simply. Alex's mouth dropped open and then closed again. She knelt down so that she could speak at the child's eye level.

"Carly, won't your daddy be worried?" Alex asked gently.

"I don't have a daddy."

"Well, isn't there anyone that will be worried if you don't go back home?"

"No, it's just me and mommy."

Alex ran her fingers through her hair not knowing exactly what to do. Perhaps the mother could answer some of these questions.

"What's your name?" Asked the little girl

"Alex...my name is Alex," she said looking into sleepy baby blue eyes. "Come on sleepy head, let's go see your mommy."

Alex pushed the door to the hospital room open and slowly walked in toward the woman lying on the bed.

"Mommy!" Carly ran toward the bed. Alex brought a chair over next to the bed so that the child could stand on it and see her mother.

"Mommy," the child said again, touching her mother's cheek. The woman's eyes fluttered open and a smile slowly filled her face.

"Baby, are you okay?" She whispered.

"I'm okay mommy. Alex is taking care of me."

"Alex," she murmured as her eyes closed again.

And that was how Alex found herself tucking a sleeping Carly into Teddy's old room. She closed the door slowly walking back into her bedroom. There was a child under her roof again and a stranger with blue eyes that filled her thoughts.

The emergency room had been so busy, there were car accidents, people brought in by ambulance with heart attacks, and, lastly, gun shot wounds. She wondered how those people did it day in and day out. How could they work with such horror each and every day? It was no surprise to her that they just assumed she would take care of Carly. But her legal mind also told her that they had left themselves open to a giant lawsuit. She could have been who-knows-what.

Anyway, Alex had decided to just stop thinking. Over thinking was one of her biggest problems. She would deal with it all in the morning. She was tired. And there were those blue eyes that somehow had not left her thoughts.

Maybe she knew the woman from somewhere. Perhaps they shopped at the same stores or even met at a business dinner or something. And of course there was the fact that this woman's child was sleeping in Teddy's room.

There is a child sleeping in Teddy's room, and with that thought she closed her eyes and slept through the night for the first time in two years.

~~~~~~~~~~

"Alex? I'm hungry," said a small, soft voice.

Alex opened one eye and then the other and sat up in bed with a startled surprise. She was staring at a little girl with golden curls. She rubbed her eyes and looked at the child again. Quite suddenly the events of the night before flooded her mind.

"Are we going to go see mommy?" The child asked softly.

"Um...well, let's see. Let's have some breakfast and then we can go the hospital and see your mommy, okay?" Alex said with a smile.

"Do you think she missed me last night?" Carly's lower lip quivered as she asked.

"Carly, the doctor gave her medicine so that she could sleep. If we hurry and have our breakfast maybe we can get there before she wakes up and she wouldn't have missed you at all,okay?" This reasoning seemed to pacify the child and a bright smile filled her face.

Alex got out of bed and went to her closet. She chose to wear a pair of jeans and a designer T-shirt. She hadn't worn jeans in such a long time. They were never appropriate. After all, all she had done for the past two years was work. The last time she had worn jeans... she remembered going to see Teddy play little league. A small voice interrupted her thoughts.

"Alex, do you have kids?"

Alex froze on the spot. She felt the space of the closet closing in around her. Her breathing became somewhat ragged. She could only hear a strange buzzing in her ears and she realized that she was experiencing the beginnings of a panic attack. Her knees felt week and she could feel the nausea and fear building.

"Alex?" A little hand took hold of her's and pulled her out of the closet.

"Sit down Alex, you don't look so good." Said Carly as she walked her to the bed. "I'll get you some water okay? Wait here."

Alex tried to concentrate on her breathing. She closed her eyes and remembered the doctor's instructions. It had been so long since she had had an attack.

"Here Alex, drink this," said Carly as she guided the glass to Alex's mouth. "You are probably tired. My mommy had a very bad cold once and she got really tired. I remember I got her a glass of water and she felt better," she finished saying as Alex drank the water. "Feeling better now?"

Alex was touched by the concern she saw in the child's eyes. And without thinking she caressed the soft cheek and kissed the child's forehead. "Yes, Carly..I feel much better. Thank you."

Alex was rewarded with a lovely smile and she slowly began to breathe easier. She caressed the child's hair. "You are very sweet Carly."

"Mommy calls me her sweetpea."

"I feel much better now, let's get ready and go see your mommy."

~~~~~~~~~~

An hour later, woman and child walked into the hospital. Alex walked a little faster with anticipation as she got closer to the door of the hospital room where Carly's mother would be waiting.

As soon as she opened the door she was faced with a hysterical woman and several very anxious hospital personnel.

"Where is my daughter! Oh God, where is my daughter!"

"Ms. Owens, please calm down. We have notified the police and they are on their way," a very anxious nurse was saying.

"Mommy!" Yelled Carly as she ran to her mother. Immediately her mother's head turned and her arms opened, welcoming the child. The nurse closest to the hysterical mother picked the child up, helping her onto the bed.

"Baby! Oh God...baby, are you okay?" Reese Owens held her child tightly against her as she kept asking the child the same thing over and over again. Tears of joy ran down her face.

All eyes turned to Alex. A dark haired nurse spoke first.

"You took the child without her mother's permission!" She said accusingly to Alex. "The police have been called and are on their way."

"Well, I'm glad that they are on there way because this child was handed over to me last night by a Dr. McKensy and the emergency room nurse to take home without being asked so much as a single question. They didn't even ask who I was. So yes, please have the police come. I think there should definitely be some charges made as to the ineptitude of this hospital. I would say that the hospital is definitely liable for this." Alex was furious as she continued. "You people have no excuse for what happened here last night. Someone could have hurt that child!" A very indignant Alex yelled, pointing to Carly. Then she pointed at the hospital staff. "Get out! I want to speak to Ms. Owens."

They all stood speechless. "NOW!" She yelled.

Everyone walked out quickly. Alex then turned her attention to Reese Owens and was met again with those blue eyes. Alex's stance relaxed and she walked over to the women on the bed. As she got closer she put her hand out. "Hello, I'm Alexandra Masters."

"I don't know whether to thank you or kill you," said the very angry woman. She took Alex's hand and as the connection occurred their eyes fused. Unbeknown to either, both women felt a sudden jolt as the connection was made. Blue eyes searched green ones. "If you have hurt..."

"Alex took good care of me, Mommy." Reese's attention went back to her daughter and released Alex's hand.

"I'm sorry you were worried," said Alex softly. Reese's eyes went back to Alex.

"Alex made me eggs just the way you make them for breakfast, Mommy," said Carly as Reese's eyes went back from one to the other.

"I'm really sorry you were worried. Last night it seemed the only thing to do. We came in here to speak to you and you kind of passed out," said Alex with a kind of floppy smile as she tilted her head.

Reese looked at the woman before her and could not believe her incredible attraction to this stranger. "Did you bring us into the hospital?"

"Yes."

"Thank you. I'm not quite sure what happened," she said and was looking back at her daughter again. "I'm so glad to see you, sweetpea." She touched the cast. "Does it hurt very much?"

"No,...um...only a little. Mommy, Alex has a little boy and I slept in his room last night. He has that castle I wanted from the toy catalogue. Remember Mommy? Maybe Alex can tell us where she got it," said an excited Carly. Reese looked up to see a very pale Alex. For one instant she saw such pain in those green eyes before the curtain of cold came down.

"Here is my card Ms. Owens. If you have any questions please contact me. I will be more than happy to answer them. I was glad to be able to help you." She finished saying and was walking towards the door after having given Reese her business card.

"Wait!" Called out Reese and Alex froze as she was about to open the door. "I..think we got off on the wrong foot."

Alex turned to face her. "You were in a car accident last night. I brought you and your daughter to the hospital. I was, by great negligence, given your child to take home. I would sue these people if I were you. And then I brought her back safe and sound the next day to you. I have a deposition to work on. I don't think there is much else to discuss. Have a nice day, Ms. Owens." She exited the room leaving a very confused Reese behind.

"Did I say something wrong Mommy?"

Reese looked down at her daughter. "No, honey. Miss Masters just had to go to work," she reassured her daughter and then looked down at the card that Alex had given her.

~~~~~~~~~~

Alex almost ran down the hallway. When she reached the outside of the building she leaned against the wall and attempted to regulate her breathing. The attacks were back. When she felt in control enough of herself she walked back to her car and drove home.

When she got home she went directly into Teddy's room and cried. She had not cried since that day when they told her Teddy was dead. She had not been able to. Alex had simply turned something off and had not allowed herself to feel the pain. But as she looked around her son's room she finally allowed herself to feel the loss of him. And it hurt. Seeing Carly in Reese's arms had reminded her of what it had been like.

Oh God, she remembered how it felt to hold and love Teddy. And finally, after two years, she allowed herself the tears.

Alex didn't work for the remainder of the weekend. She didn't do much of anything, never leaving Teddy's room. She had finally faced loosing her child. And as she accepted his loss she found the pain unbearable.

~~~~~~~~~~

Alex went into the office on Monday morning as usual. She buried herself once again in paperwork. Elliot noticed the slight darkness under her eyes but said nothing. Alex tried very hard to go on as if nothing had happened, but something had and Elliot knew that eventually she would come to him and discuss it. After a week had gone by and Alex had not approached him he decided to just go into her office and just plain ask her what had happened.

"Alex, you have a minute?" He asked as he poked his head into her office. Alex looked up from the paperwork on her desk

"Sure, Elliot come on in. I have to ask you a few questions in reference to--" "Alex, what's wrong?" "Wrong?" She inquired as she looked back up at Elliot again.

"Yes, what is wrong?"

"I don't know what you are talking about," she answered looking back down at her paperwork again. "Elliot, in reference to this case--"

"Alex, I can tell that there is something wrong."

"Elliot, just let it go okay--" she was interrupted by the buzzing of her intercom.

Alex pushed down the button and spoke. "Yes, Carol?"

"Miss Masters there is a Ms Owens here and she insists she must see you," said a harried Carol.

Alex said nothing for a moment. "Miss Masters?" Asked Carol again and Alex shook her head.

"Give me a minute Carol, then please send her in," she said quickly releasing the button. Alex took a deep breath. Reese Owens was here, in her office.

"Alex?"

Her eyes looked up and were met with a very curious look on Elliot's face.

"Elliot, I met this woman and..." she trailed off.

"Alex do you want me to--" before he finished his sentence the door to the office opened and in walked Reese Owens.

The blue eyes met green. Alex stood up behind her desk. Both women were once again lost in each other's eyes.

Elliot coughed. Alex snapped out of it first and looked at Elliot.

"Elliot, will you please excuse us?"

"Alex, are you sure?"

"Elliot, I will address your concerns at another time," she dismissed him. Reese was surprised by the change in her demeanor. Alex's eyes had seemed soft but quite suddenly she had become very cold.

"All right Alex." He replied just as curtly and walked out of the office.

Alex's eyes went back to a curious Reese. "Won't you sit down, Ms. Owens," she said politely as she pointed to the chair in front of her desk.

"Yes, thank you."

"What can I do for you?" She asked as impersonal as possible and sat back down behind her desk.

"I wanted to thank you for what you did for me and Carly. She told me how kind you were to her." Reese leaned forward in her chair. She gave Alex a brilliant smile. "She hasn't stop talking about how Alex did this and Alex did that. And she is right, you were very kind and I am very grateful." Alex just looked at the woman in front of her mesmerized by the voice. Reese's eyes looked down. "I know that I wasn't very nice to you in the hospital that day. I guess...I'm not used to kindness for kindness' sake." She looked up again.

Alex was struck by the vulnerability in the woman's eyes and she found it difficult not to be moved. She found herself wondering what had happened to this beautiful woman to make those eyes seem so vulnerable with fear. Alex said nothing, continuing to stare.

"I wanted to come before today but..." Reese trailed off. Alex was staring back as well. "Look, I'm sorry to have bothered you, I just wanted to thank you," said a visibly upset Reese and she got up and started walking toward the door.

"Wait!"

Reese turned around and came face to face with Alex.

"Please, don't go," said Alex to her. "Please?" She reached out and touched Reese's arm. Both women stood at arms length staring at each other.

"Alex, I just wanted to thank you. I can see that you are very busy." Reese said nervously and held her hand out in a gesture of goodbye. Alex took it and again they both felt the jolt.

"Would you like to have lunch with me?" asked Alex without breaking contact.

"Yes, yes I would."

~~~~~~~~~~

Reese walked into her house and as she was hanging up her coat she smiled to herself. It had been so long since she had met someone she liked. Alex was such a paradox. But a mystery, that for some reason, she thought was worth taking a chance on. She was incredibly distant one minute and then her eyes would tell another story. Yes, Alexandra Masters was indeed an interesting puzzle to solve.

Reese walked into her living room and sat down with her legs folded under her on the couch.

"Who are you Alexandra Masters? And why do I feel such a connection to you?" Reese asked herself out loud. "There is so much strength in you and yet...there is so much sadness. What happened to you Alex?"

~~~~~~~~~~

Lunch had been wonderful. Alex went back to the office after dropping Reese off at home. She had enjoyed herself. It had been so long since she had just gone out to lunch simply to just be with someone.

Reese and the way they connected fascinated her. They had talked for hours. Reese had asked her no personal questions. It had been almost like she knew not to. Instead they talked about the things they enjoyed and the books and the movies they both liked. And slowly Alex felt herself relax and just gave herself to the experience. She found something in those gentle eyes that looked back at her. A smile gradually appeared in her face and stayed.

She sat behind her desk for the rest of the day and somehow managed not to get any work done.

~~~~~~~~~~

For two days Alex kept telling herself that the only reason she could not get Reese out of her mind was that it had been such a traumatic meeting. On the third day she picked up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Reese. This is Alexandra Masters," she finally managed to say.

"Alex, hi!"

"I remember you telling me that you were going to be free this weekend and well...there is this movie I wanted to see and I figured that maybe..."

"Yes, I would love to come Alex!" A very enthusiastic Reese answered.

"Oh, great!" Alex finally breathed normally.

"Hey, how about if we meet here for dinner before the movie?" asked Reese.

"Sure, that sounds great. I'll see you Saturday then."

"Till Saturday, Alex."

~~~~~~~~~~

By the time Saturday arrived, Alex was a nervous wreck. She had tried on numerous blouses and slacks. She found some fault with each one. Finally, she sat down on her bed in exasperation.

"What am I doing?" She asked herself out loud. "I am acting like a teenager on her first date. She is just a woman I met. Under bizarre circumstances granted. But, it doesn't merit this." She shook her head in confusion.

After giving herself this speech about how little this all meant to her she started going through her closet yet again. Finally, she settled on a pair of navy blue slacks and a cream v-neck sweater. She checked her hair and her makeup at least five times more than usual, picked up her coat, car keys and purse, and walked out her door a mere two hours later.

~~~~~~~~~~

She arrived at Reese’s house promptly at five. She closed her black cashmere coat closer to her, fighting the cold wind as she walked up to Reese’s front door. She hesitated for a moment than knocked. It took a second and the door swung open.

Both women looked at each other. Reese’s face filled with a huge bright smile and she pulled Alex in by her arm.

“Hurry in here, you silly goose. You look like you are half frozen already,” she said to Alex playfully.

“Yes, I am half frozen.” Alex answered soberly.

“Here, give me your coat and let's go sit near the fire.” She helped Alex off with her coat and pointed to the lit fireplace. Alex walked slowly toward the fireplace as she looked around the room and found it pleasing.

The warmth from the fire was comforting. She found herself mesmerized by the flames and she took in a deep breath and relaxed. It occurred to her that she felt a sense of peace that she had lost so long ago by just standing there. It was almost a feeling of coming home. What she felt at that moment was very simple. She felt good. She didn’t hear Reese coming into the room. She just stood in front of the fire, lost in her own thoughts.

Reese quietly sat down to the side of where Alex was standing and just looked at her. She found Alex so beautiful. Her first memories of Alex where hazy and brief; the car, the hospital and the morning after when she brought Carly to her. In some ways, all the visions she had of Alex were different, and yet, somehow they all made up who Alex was.

She had been captivated to the point of non-speech with Alex’s beauty, then with her spirit and finally with the woman that guarded herself against the world. Her lunch with Alex a week ago had been very informative. Alex, was a private person and she carried a great pain. Reese remembered the look of pain everytime she spoke of family or of Carly. Alex spoke of nothing personal. She picked up the cues and, after awhile, neither did she. She was rewarded with conversation. After that the time just flew and she was allowed to see a curious, bright, sensitive woman who was lonely. And here was Alex in her living room, lost in her thoughts. At least this way she could look at her and admire her beauty.

Reese had been attracted to her from the very first moment. However, she was not sure if Alex felt the same way. There were looks exchanged and nuances, but she was not sure. Yet, she hoped. She had never felt such a strong attraction to anyone. She had been alone for so long, thinking only of Carly.

Meeting Alex had brought back all the things she missed. Only she had not realized she missed anything until now. She found Alex so beautiful just standing there. All she had thought about since Alex’s call was the Alex during lunch, the Alex who rescued her, the Alex that had been so loving with Carly, the Alex who was so vulnerable. Alex, Alex, Alex.

God she would die if she didn’t kiss Alex. Almost as if her thoughts had been expressed out loud Alex turned and stared back at her.

“I’m sorry, I guess I just got lost in the fire,” she smiled at Reese.

“Here,” she patted the sofa. “Come and sit down.”

“This is a lovely room. It's warm and welcoming,” she said as she looked around.

“Thank you. Can I get you something to drink?”

“Oh, sure, that would be nice. A diet coke if you have one.”

“Okay, coming up.” Reese left the room.

Alex sat back, hoping to rest for a moment. It had been such a long time since she had just relaxed. She remembered thinking I am just going to put my head back for a minute and as she closed her eyes she drifted into sleep.

Reese walked back into the room and stopped in front of the sleeping woman. She put the soft drink on the coffee table and went back into the kitchen to check on dinner. She went back into the room several times and found Alex resting so peacefully that she didn’t have the heart to wake her. Reese guessed that it had probably been a long time since Alex had just slept like this.

So dinnertime came and went. Reese put another log on the fire, sat down next to Alex on the couch, and decided to read a book. And as the time passed her eyes also became heavy and sleep overtook her as well.

~~~~~~~~~~

Reese was awakened by the sound of whimpers. She looked around and saw Alex. She was obviously having a nightmare. Her whimpers became more agitated.

“No….No….please no..” Alex kept saying over and over. Reese got closer and caressed her face.

“Alex, wake up, it's only a dream,” she said softly at first. Alex seemed not to hear and progressively became more agitated.

Reese shook her a little as she got closer to her.

“Alex, wake up.”

Alex’s eyes fluttered open. She had a look of grief in her eyes and as soon as blue met green, green filled with tears that just overflowed. Reese took her into her embrace and held her tightly as Alex began to sob.

“It was only a dream, sweetheart. You are safe, it was only a dream,” murmured Reese into her ear softly. She didn’t know how long she held her until her sobs stopped. She kept reassuring her as she stroked her hair. And after awhile she realized that Alex was breathing normally again.

Alex lifted her head slowly. What was this connection she had to this woman? She had cried her eyes out in front of a virtual stranger when not even her family had been able to comfort her. And yet, Reese made her feel comfortable and confident. And she gave in to the sense of familiarity. When her eyes met Reese’s eyes they were completely vulnerable and open. She hid nothing of herself.

Reese was struck with the openess of those eyes and her's said so much in return that it seemed natural to her to just lean forward and kiss Alex’s lips. Alex had seen her leaning in slowly and had been unable to break the connection. And as Reese’s lips met her's, a warmth covered her body and her eyes closed as she leaned into the kiss.

Soft lips asked and the plead was answered and progressively became demanding. What began as a soft kiss became a passionate one, filled with hunger and longing. A moan escaped Reese’s throat. Her hands began to pull Alex to her. Alex reached for her, then quite suddenly, pushed her away in shock and horror.

She stood up and put distance between her and Reese.

“Alex, wait--”

“No, I don’t want this. I ..I’m sorry, but I don’t want this.” She started looking around. “Where is my coat...I have to go.”

“Alex, wait, please don’t rush off like this. We can talk about this,” begged Reese.

“Look, there is nothing to discuss. I don’t want this. You should not have kissed me!” As she said this, her voice became louder.

“I don’t remember you pushing me away,” answered Reese sarcastically.

“You got me here under false pretenses!” Accused Alex.

“You forget, you are the one that called me, Alex!”

“Where is my coat, damn it!!”

Reese went to the closet, walked over and handed it to Alex. “Here, run away Alex.”

“Listen, I am not running from anything, I am not that way, okay!” She exclaimed.

“You certainly were giving me all the right signals!”

“I was not!”

“You invited me to lunch, you invited me to the movies, you accepted my dinner invitation….and Alex, you kissed me back!” She finished, just stared at Alex waiting for an answer. Alex remained silent, took her coat, put it on and as she was about to walk out the door; she looked briefly at Reese before walked out, slamming the door behind her.

~~~~~~~~~~

Part Two