ForevaXena's FanFic . . .

Thru The Eyes Of Egan

by Nyxie

© 2001 Nyxie

Disclaimers: Hmm yes and no. You see they are friends of mine but their looks are based on Xena and Gabrielle. Erion, Joshie, and I would like to request that you don’t play with us...we have enough trouble as it is...just read the story.

Sex/Violence: No Violence, and No Sex. Just some f/f smooching. If it bugs you, then let me know and I’ll fix it. NOT! If you’re under 17 then go away. Just like an R-rated movie. I want ID. Fake ones accepted.

Language/Drugs: Yes and not in the story. Real life proves to be different. Sorry J, but what do you want!?

Thanks: Thanks to Cindy at ForevaXena for humoring the bard in her recommendation of the perfect sandwich. However if you didn’t eat it, no worries, not even my dog will. Only me. (Sad being this is coming from a cook.)

Dedication: To E and J. May everything work out for you both, and me too! *pushes the smile buttons*

-Prologue-

Eri Egan's my name and as of late damage control's my game. Any way they call me Egan. So in my opinion when two people love each other, then they should be together. That seems to be the case with two of my friends, Jadyn and Evie. They're in love, or at least they were. Victims of circumstance it seems to me. Want some background?

Evie and me been friends since I can remember, first grade I think. I love her to death and I want to see her happy. That's just not working out right at the moment. Evie is shorter than me, so she's probably like 5'2" or 5'3". She's got longish blonde hair and what color eyes? Blue or green. It doesn't matter, they lack the sparkle they used to have. I don't like that at all, and it seems to have something to do with Jadyn.

Jadyn, I met in eighth grade, on our orientation day. I had to be her partner for some activity. I was taken immediately. Go figure, she's tall, dark hair, these incredible eyes. They are almost gray, I think. Or maybe they're more blue... I don't know. She and I have become pretty close, she's a good friend to me. Now back to her eyes; she's got two of them. Guess what, they're both for women. Now Jadyn I can see myself with in the future, and aside from here there's only ever been Marty. Now even though we've talked about dating I have always come to the conclusion that it wouldn't work. I'd probably hurt her, she'd hurt me, and we'd both hurt Evie even more.

-1-

I've been watching them since out freshman year in high school. Maybe I watched them with a little bit of envy? Not because I wanted either of them, it was far from that. Mostly because I hope to have what they have, or had, one day. As of now, I've never had that.

They seemed perfect together. When they looked at each other, a blind man could see that they adored each other. Jadyn always loved Evie, and Evie always loved Jadyn. The problem was for the next two years they'd both have someone constantly in their lives. Meanwhile, I just sat back and enjoyed the show.

Freshman and sophomore year passed and now I am just confused. They seem to get a perverse pleasure out of dancing around each other. Jadyn had been trying to get Evie for a month and a half, and Evie kept pushing her away. Me and a friend of ours, Kris, had been trying to get them together. Victory is as always short lived. Evie and Jadyn went out for two weeks, then Evie broke Jadyn's heart. I tried hard to make Jay feel better, I wasn't very good at it. I told her, "She's not the one. Someday someone will come along and take you for who you are. They'll love you and treat you like you should be treated. She'll be the queen of your heart." Jadyn appreciated that; I know she did. She told me so. As for Evie, I didn't have much to say to her. Not about this.

-2-

Sex, sex, sex. Everything is about sex, isn't it? Jadyn fucked Shelly! Jadyn lied about it! It's none of Evie's business! Evie should butt out! I left for three days on vacation, and come back to find them clawing at each other. Where as normally, Jadyn, Evie, Kris and I are always in the same area, Jadyn is alone on one side and Evie is alone on the other. In the middle is Kris. "Egan, do something! Make her tell me the truth." Evie asked me.

I looked at her, "And I'm supposed to do that how? You act like I have some sort of special power over Jadyn... like I can make her do something she doesn't want to?"

Evie growled at me, "She adores you! She does anything you ask her to."

"So? Why don't you? You're the one who cares so much who she fucked." I snapped at her.

"But you're the one who wants her!" Evie bit back.

I growl, "Egan wants nothing, and no-one."

"Just go see Jadyn. She missed you, and did nothing but whine about how much she did. Please, Egan. See what you can do." Evie pleaded.

"Alright, Eve. I'll see what I can do." I told her.

That was a typical conversation between us. And when I said I want nothing and no-one I did tell the truth. I don't want anything; especially the things that I can't have. Nonetheless, I went to see Jadyn. I missed her too. I made my way to her and said, "Jadyn?"

"Egan! I missed you!" She pulled me into her arms and kissed me. I don't know when that started, but it's been the better part of this year.

I hugged her back, "It's only been three days, babes." I tell her in my usual bored fashion. I can't let people know to much, now can I? I can only hold it in so long, and I start laughing and kiss her back.

"I don't care. I missed you Egan." she told me. Finally she released me.

I said to her, "Now tell me why you won't talk to Evie."

She gave me the look, "Nothing to tell, Egan. Nothing's wrong at all!" she told me. Like I believed that?

"Then go give her a hug, and tell her so." I told Egan. It was an order, not a request.

She got up and walked to Evie, she leaned down and gave her a half-assed hug, "Hi." she said.

Evie looked at her and smiled for the first time that day, "Hi. How are you?"

Jadyn shrugged, "Fine. I have to get my things." She turned and came back to me; she knew I was listening.
"Happy now?" she asked.

"Very." I told her.

-3-

So I went to my classes and third period came. I was sitting at my computer working on a business card when Evie started talking to me. "She blew me off, Egan! I had to follow her and grab her so she'd talk to me!"

"She gave you a hug." I said, not looking from my computer screen.

"You told her to." Evie stated, matter of factly.

"Didn't." I argued. I lied, so sue me. There are just some things that can be worth lying about, in my opinion. That period she kept telling me how much she missed Jadyn. She wanted her back, and Jadyn wasn't giving her the time of day. It turns out she hadn't said too much to Kris either. I wasn't going to push the issue much more, it was bothering me enough as it was. The end of the period came, and Evie looked at me.

"Egan, ask her why she's not with me." Evie said.

"What?" I asked. I didn't want to go there; it would be sort of over stepping my bounds.

"Please, ask her?" Evie asked.

"Fine." I said as the bell rang. I got my things and I left quickly. I didn't want to be around there any longer than I had to be.

-4-

Fifth period English I was sitting on my desk mumbling something about needing to get laid. Jadyn came in and smiled at me. She wrapped her arms around me. I wasn't in the best of mood at the moment so I hugged her back and rested my head on her shoulder. Jadyn kissed my cheek, "What's wrong?"

My voice was muffled by her shoulder, "I'm tierd, and I don't feel well and I needed a hug."

"Now you've got one." I felt her mouth close on my ear.

"Jadyn! Ick! You know how I feel about that!" I exclaimed.

"You love it, Egan." She laughed releasing my ear.

She was right, I do love it. My ears are sensitive and if you touch them, you turn me on. "You're right I do. But if you don't knock it off, it's not the only thing I'm gonna be lovin'." I told her.

"Anytime, Egan. Anytime at all." She said to me.

"Sit down boo bear." I said to her. She sat down and I noticed the Kit Kat bar she was eating. I'm allergic to chocolate, but I love it sooo much!

"Chocolate?" I ask.

"You can't have it. You'll get sick!" she told me. She quickly ate the rest of her bar and I narrowed my eyes.

I got up and pushed her back. I kissed her on the lips, the chocolate was still there, "Yummy!" I said with a smirk. I heard her mumble something about eating more chocolate. I thought, "Fine by me!"

I blurted out, "Why aren't you and Evie together?"

Jadyn looked at me, "Because she's a bitch. She didn't want to be with me because of what people said. She had something going on with Jo, and now nothings going on and I'm good enough? That's fucked up, Egan. She doesn't trust me, or believe me and I can't be with someone like that."

I looked around, "Oh...well...uhhh...got any more Kit Kat left?" I asked.

Jadyn laughed, "Tell her I said that, but don't tell her that I told you to. No, you can't have any of my Kit Kat!" she told me.

"Beck!?" I whined at my friend. I turned around in my seat and she handed me a piece of her Kit Kat.

"If you get sick, it's your fault." Beck told me.

"I know." I said as I looked at Jadyn, "Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah!"

Jadyn laughed, "I think that's why I love you."

"Eh." I said. There was no way I was going to let the cat out of the bag.

Half way through English I was asleep at my desk. I felt something on my face, it was Jadyn. She took her thumb and traced my jaw, then my eyebrow. I was miserable, I had just gotten the news of a death in my family, and I didn't know how to deal with it. So I pretended nothing was wrong, and I was okay. Jadyn knew I wasn't happy. I felt her thumb brush across my lips and she placed a kiss on my cheek. I opened my eyes, "Hi."

"Class is almost over, and I don't like seeing you like this." she told me. I picked up my head and pushed on her nose. She took my hand and kissed it and held it to her cheek. I think the Alanis Morisette lyrics go best with this, "You treat me like I'm a princess. I'm not used to liking that. You ask how my day was..."

"I'm fine Jadyn." I said as the bell rang. I grabbed my bag and I felt her arm circle my shoulder. I put my arm around her waist, and we made out way through the hall and stopped in front of my class room. She pulled me into her arms and kissed my lips. I put my arms around her neck and smiled and kissed her back.

I heard a voice, "Okay love birds, enough!" It was Evie. She stopped by us and said to Jadyn, "Tell Egan what you told me on the phone." She gave Jadyn a look.

Looked between the two, "Yah tell Egan!"

Jadyn looked down, "I said that I don't want to get married or anything, but if I ever did Egan would be the only one."

I noticed Evie's face, not happy. I tried to lighten the mood, "Jadyn you know if we got married, we'd be at strip clubs every night. You'd be hauling my drunk ass out of there, and we'd go home and fuck. That would be our marriage."

Jadyn laughed, "I can deal with that!"

Even Evie smiled, "You two!" she went in the class room.

Jadyn hugged me again and kissed my cheek. She never stops kissing me...I've noticed that. I hugged her, "Go hug Evie?" I asked

"No." she said.

"Okay. See ya, Jay."

-5-

"What with you two?" Evie asked me. We were in Sex Ed and I personally was enjoying myself.

My head was turned at a funny angle. I was looking at the over head projection of the female anatomy, "Nothing. If ya look at it, we kinda look like deer from the inside."

She hit me, "Come on Egan, you know something."

I turned around and she was pouting at me. I caved, "Look she said you were a bitch, and you hurt her. She doesn't wanna be with you, Evie." She started sniffling so I gave her a hug.

"I want her back..." she sighed.

I looked over and saw my friend Gina looking at me. I was curious so I asked, "What?"

Gina answered me, "I'm staring at you're rack. You have a nice rack."

I smirked, at Gina. She was the straightest straight girl I have ever met in my life. I said, "Christ, Gi, I don't know who's queerer, me or you!"

Her mouth dropped, "You're gay??"

I rolled my eyes, "Not exactly, but in the words of my little friend, I'm a half-dyke."

"Oh! Okay!" she said.

Evie shook her head, "Egan!"

-6-

So that night I talked to Evie. It was depressing. This is what we had to say, but pardon the capitalization and possibly spelling. We're lazy is all.

Evie365: shoot me

Evie365: I hate myself

Evie365: I am throwing up

Evie365: and I am gonna die

Little Super Egan: why are u throwing up?

Evie365: sorry I cant marry you maybe Jadyn can

Evie365: cause I am not gonna be alive

Evie365: cause i am making myself sick

Evie365: just nerves and being upset

Little Super Egan: Yes you are, now explain everything, and Super Egan will make it better

Evie365: and I'm a bitch

Evie365: I'm a moron

Evie365: i though going to j's bbgame would help me get over him

Evie365: and i just saw him do the exact same thing to candice he did to me... put her hands on her cheek
and look at her and all that shit

Little Super Egan: She does that to me, it doesnt mean a thing...

Little Super Egan: Jadyn has NO feelings for me in that way, so maybe he's just being friendly w/ Candice

Little Super Egan: Candice even

Evie365: so me and michelle decided to step out side

Evie365:but she was leaving with gary and candice

Evie365: and you could tell she didnt want to talk to us

Evie365: and she was like nice of you ladies to show up enjoy the game

Little Super Egan: i dunno....maybe he was tierd?

Evie365: sarcastically and we were like it was entertainin and then michelle (NOT ME) cause Jadyn was
pulling out very fastly THAT'S MY SONG BITCH casue i guess she played thier i think he thinks i was
part of that but i wasnt but i don't give a flying fuck anymore
its ok i will end up building the wall again

Little Super Egan: Don't do that...

Little Super Egan: I have about 4 solid ones around my heart, and I can't break them down don't end up like that

Evie365: Egan i give up i was probably like the biggest asshole in the world tonight with out realizing it casue i though i was helping myself

Evie365: but i wasnt

Evie365: and you know what: I HATE ME

Little Super Egan: Don't hate you

Evie365: and i called him to tell her she played good tonight and he was really mean

Evie365: "can i talk to you later I'm busy"

Little Super Egan: (Did u know there's a book genre called "Sex and SHopping?")

Evie365: yeah but i cant get him back and Egan i want her back even though i dont deserve him so i just give up

Little Super Egan: Okay, so you're both not being nice

Evie365: and so Egan i just want to die right now

Evie365: causee making her mad was so not my intention last tonight

Evie365: and Egan i just want her back and its never gonna happen i just have to get over it

Evie365: My thoughts:
Number one... ok where do I begin.. this is a note to help me organize my every thought and every emotion I have had about a certain Jadyn. Since the day I laid eyes on her when she was with Steph I had always wondered what it would be like ot be with her, but then I had Jack, who happened to be my number one mistake! Ok here goes:
I love the way she smiles at me every time I see her in the hall way of Parker-Chase I feel happy, not lately though I have felt like I am going to throw up. That's just my nerves. Every time I walk into homeroom I fall back in love all over again and reminisce about frosh year with her and how I adored her, I still do. The way she can win a heart over, especially mine, just makes me melt I literally melt with the thought of her. I have had so much fun just being with Jadyn, and how she makes me feel pretty, how she actually tells me I look it, one of the few people who actually meant what they said. She just had this way of making me feel loved with out having to say ANYTHING of the sort. You try so hard to think and talk your self out of loving someone, and when it isn't love its very easy to, but when it is LOVE its rather very hard, and I know I love Jadyn because I can not get her off my mind, even though I try. Every time I see her with another girl it breaks my heart even though I know it shouldn't. Cause I know she doesn't want me, Because you know she will just loose me. Which by the way is such bull, cause I do believe her she loves me, and I in turn do TRULY love her, so much it hurts me, and I would try everything possible if we wanted to have a relationship to stay with her and yadda dada, as she would say "no interference, no other guys no other girls, just her and me together" personally I don't see why I am writing this because I know everything is gone between us... I have just tried really hard to get myself over her to try to take a step out of my life and look at things but it doesn't work. You know you can't help whom your heart falls in love with. (that sucks) and you know I would talk to her for hours and hours and you know what I would still have something to always talk to her about and I miss that but in my heart I have to except the fact that I am never going to get that back, no way no how. IT'S GONE. EVIE GET OVER IT, BUILD A BRIDGE LORD KNOWS YOU HAVE THE RIVER, AND GET THE FUCK OVER IT.

Little Super Egan: well i'd volunteer to talk to her, but Honestly I am talked out.

Evie365: so am i

Evie365: so life moves on as he would say right

Little Super Egan: that it does my dear

Evie365: Egan i am just overly hurting myself aren't i?

Little Super Egan: And you are overly hurting yourself Evie, i know I've been there

Evie365: but Egan I LOVE HER

Evie365: like i have never loved anyone

Evie365: and i am so grrrrr

Little Super Egan: well i'd volunteer to talk to her, but Honestly I am talked out.

Evie365: so am i

Evie365: i lost her E and it hurts

Little Super Egan: I know it does Eve, but you have to realize that things happen for a reason

Evie365: I know

Little Super Egan: I have to go, Eve. Talk to ya tomarrow

Evie365: Bye Egan

-7-

Now I wish I could tell you that there's a happy ending to this story, and I wish I could tell you that we're all happy. I can't and I can't tell you that any of us will be happy, ever. I am only Egan, not God, I don't know. The only thing I know for certain is that when two people love each other they should be together. Evie fucked up, and now she has to deal with the consequences. Jadyn's hurting right now, and won't give Evie a second chance. In fact Jadyn's currently involved with someone else. I don't know what to say to either of them, and I don't know if I ever will.

-Epilogue-

"End Game"...and I use the show title, because it seems appropriate. Jadyn is seeing some girl, Clarence? Callus? Clitoris? Uhhh, who cares? I don't like her. Evie is seeing some guy, Duane. Seems nice enough, good looking too. I know she's not over Jadyn, especially after a conversation we had. Hopefully soon, though. But then again, maybe I'll get some? Jadyn is trying to make Evie jealous or something, and Evie is playing a game of "move on." Me? Well I have thrown myself into writing, and my job.

I still love Jadyn and Evie, but I think I may have to distance myself from both of them. Evie doesn't want me with Jadyn in any way, and I don't know how Jadyn feels. She told Evie that she loved our friendship, and I am the only person she trusts. She shouldn't, because I fear that I can't do anything but step back. Either way I lose someone, perhaps both of them. When it comes down to it, I'm more afraid of losing Jadyn. Like I said I can see myself with Jadyn, I love Jadyn, and Jadyn had never hurt me. She won't hurt me. Evie and I have had our spats, and we've been distanced for a lot of reasons. I know I can deal with not having her around. Sure I'd be upset, but she told me if I pay more attention to Jadyn she'd have no problem hitting me, again. (I won't go into the details.) Jadyn doesn't care who I talk to...it doesn't matter. Only time will tell, and I hope things work out.

I love Evie, she's one of my oldest friends. I love Jadyn, she's my baby. I don't know if the two of them will be together and I don't know if I'll ever find love. I just know that love's a funny thing. It's every where. When you find it don't let it go. This is Egan the woman, not Egan the God... signing out.

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