ForevaXena's FanFic . . .

At The Thought Of Losing You

by Megan

Rating: probably PG

Genre: romantic friendship

Summary: An injured Gabrielle has to stay behind while Xena goes off to war. The fear of something happening to Xena makes them both realize their true feelings for one another.

Disclaimer: You know it, I know it... these characters aren't mine.  I’m just borrowing them for a bit.

Comments: This is my very first fanfic, and I’m sure it's chock full of punctuation errors, but you should get the jist of it. :) The story isn't set in a specific time... I wanted to leave it general so the reader could decide when it takes place (though I’m thinking sometime in between late 1st season and early 3rd). And of course,  feedback is always welcome (especially since this is my first). You can send it to Rene_969@yahoo.com

Gabrielle was awoken by the sound of metal clasping together. She opened her eyes slightly, just enough to see Xena putting her armor on.

"You leaving?" she said, as she sighed.

"Yeah, pretty soon." came the reply.

"Do you have to?"

"Yeah, these wars don't just win themselves, Gabrielle."

"It'd be nice if they did", said Gabrielle, who was still half-asleep.

Xena just smiled at her friend's response, and said, "Yeah, it would be." She put her sword in its scabbard. "But until that happens, I
have to go out there and fight and try to help the amazons win this war".

As Xena continued to get ready, Gabrielle, now more awake, sat up in her bed and started looking around the room. She glanced at the window and saw that it was still dark outside. She realized she was probably only asleep for a few hours. She yawned, then looked over at Xena who was putting her boots on. "Are you gonna be okay, Xena?".

Xena sensed nervousness in Gabrielle's voice. Trying to reassure her friend, she said nonchalantly, "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"Well, you are going into war."

Xena felt that tingling sensation in the pit of her stomach. She took a deep breath and looked at her friend. "Gabrielle, I've been
in plenty of wars before. I know how to handle them." Which was true, but there was definitely something different in the air this
morning. Neither one of them could ignore it.

"I know you do. I'm just concerned." She said quietly.

"Well, you got nothing to be worried about." Xena knew this wasn't exactly true though. There was always something to be worried about before she went into a battle. As great a warrior she was - and she *was* great. Possibly the best - there was still always a certain amount of danger involved. And she couldn't shake the feeling that something was going to go wrong this time. But knowing that showing this fear she had would just scare her friend even more, she diverted the subject to Gabrielle. "Anyway, I'm more worried about you. Are you going to be all right?"

"Yeah, I'll manage."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm not dying Xena, I just have a broken foot." A few days prior, Gabrielle had been helping the amazons carry a crate full of weapons, but of course, it slipped and landed right on her left foot. Even though it was just an accident, Gabrielle was still quite miffed about it because now she would have to stay behind in the Amazon village while her best friend went off to war.

With a smile, Xena said, "I know, but I've been waiting on you hand and foot these past couple days. I was afraid I might've spoiled ya".

"I'll be okay. I'll just get one of the amazons to wait on me" she teased.

"Oh, I see. It's nice to know I'm so easily replaceable".

Suddenly, the mood shifted. Gabrielle could tell Xena regretted saying that. She was only kidding around, but with the possibilities
of what was to come that day looming over them, that statement made them both uncomfortable. And now Xena was done getting ready.

"Well, I better be going".

Saddened, Gabrielle asked, "When are you coming back?".

"Depends. If everything goes as planned, I should be back in a day or less".

"And if something goes wrong?"

"Try not to think about that. Just try and get some rest".

With that, Xena turned around to leave, but Gabrielle wasn't going to accept that as a goodbye. "Xena, wait!".

She turned back around to face her friend. "What is it?". She saw Gabrielle with her arms outstretched, waiting for a hug. Xena didn't
normally like mushy good-byes right before battle. It was too hard to stay focused on what lie ahead if she got too emotional.
Gabrielle knew that, but she was too afraid this might be the last time she saw her friend alive.

Xena couldn't resist, especially now that she could see tears in Gabrielle's eyes. "Aww". She walked over to the bed and sat down
facing Gabrielle. They shared a tight embrace. Both were desperate to hang on for as long as they could. A few moments passed, and Xena could feel tears hit her shoulder.

"Everything will be okay, Gabrielle. This is just another day for us, right?"

"Right".

They ended the hug, but Xena stayed on the bed. *Her* eyes were now filled with tears. She looked at Gabrielle as she stroked her face, and reminded her it was time for her to go. But as she looked into her best friend's eyes, she saw that they were full of fear and beauty and hurt and passion all at the same time.

"I love you".

Xena felt the butterflies in her stomach again. She had heard those three little words before, but never did they sound so beautiful and pure. Xena just sweetly looked into Gabrielle's eyes for a few moments, then glanced down at her lips. She had wanted to kiss her for so long. She had never given in to the temptation for fear that Gabrielle didn't share her feelings. But as they looked into
each other's eyes, she knew that was what they both wanted. As Xena started to move in closer, Gabrielle could feel her heart beating faster and faster. They shared a brief but passionate kiss.

"I love you too" said Xena to Gabrielle, who still had her eyes closed and mouth partly open. "Gabrielle?"

"Huhnhh" was all she was able to get out. Her body was on fire.

"Are you okay?"

"I can't feel my legs" said Gabrielle, with eyes still shut.

"What?"

"Oh!" Gabrielle finally "came to". "I'm all right" she smiled at Xena, slightly embarrassed.

Xena just smiled back at her friend. She could be so adorable sometimes. "Look", she put her hand on Gabrielle's shoulder. "No
matter what happens, We will always be together…. One way or another. We're soulmates.".

Gabrielle put her hand on top of Xena's and whispered, "I know".

"Everything will be okay". Just then, an amazon entered the hut. "Xena? I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt".

Xena turned around. "That's okay. What is it?".

"Everyone's ready to leave."

"Okay. I'll be right there". She turned back around to face Gabrielle. "I gotta go" she said quietly.

"Okay. Be careful".

"Mmm, I will". Xena kissed Gabrielle once more, said goodbye, then got up and walked out the door.

****

The next few days were torture for Gabrielle. Xena should've been back by the next day, but here it was three whole days later, and
still no sign of her or the amazons that went off to battle.  Gabrielle felt so helpless being practically bed-ridden. Not to mention restless. She couldn't help but wonder if she should've been so emotional the other day when they were saying goodbye. What if the memories of that morning distracted Xena while she was fighting and she got hurt? Gabrielle knew if it was herself in Xena's place, that would be a possibility. But she also knew that Xena was much more levelheaded than she was, especially in a fight. Xena was probably okay, but where was she? Naturally, Gabrielle was worried.

Finally, on the afternoon of the third day, a messenger arrived. She explained to Gabrielle that there was an ambush, and there were many losses.

"What about Xena?" she said, with fear in her eyes.

"I didn't see her. I'm sorry".

Gabrielle just laid back in the bed and looked up at the ceiling.  She didn't know what to think. She couldn't handle it if she lost her best friend again, especially if it was partly her fault. On the other hand, at least Xena was aware of Gabrielle's feelings for her before she left. If Xena died without knowing just how much Gabrielle loved her, it would make losing her all that much more difficult. She felt almost a sense of peace come over her, but she was not ready to give up hope of seeing Xena again. She just laid there and waited. Eventually, she drifted off into a light sleep.

****

Gabrielle was awoken when Xena climbed into the bed next to her.  When she opened her eyes, she thought she was dreaming. "Xena!  Is that really you?"

"Yeah, it's me", said a tired, but content warrior princess. Gabrielle started laying heavy, passionate kisses on Xena.

"Mmm, Gabrielle", she broke the kiss. "I'd love to make-out with you right now, but I'm exhausted".

"Oh. Okay".

"I'm sorry".

"It's okay"

"Are you sure?"

"Xena, you're alive! And you're here, with me. I'm more than okay. You have no idea how worried I was."

"Hate to say I told you so…" Xena started.

"Then don't", Gabrielle said with a smile.

Xena chuckled, then closed her eyes.

Gabrielle contemplated things for a few moments, then said, "We're gonna grow old together, aren't we?"

"Hope so", said Xena, as she cuddled next to Gabrielle.

"Me too" Gabrielle agreed. "Hey, what happened to you anyway?" she asked, realizing she hadn't yet heard Xena's story of the
events from the last three days. But it was too late. Xena was already asleep. "Oh well". She figured she could just ask her
later. She melted into Xena's arms and drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

The End