ForevaXena's
FanFic . . .
Someday, I'll Deserve You
by Magenta (Lori Bowen)
GENERAL COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER:
I do not own Xena and Gabrielle. They belong to Renaissance Pictures and Studios
USA.
I do however own the character of Krax and the story. PFOOF! Copyright 2000
Kimyoo Films.
GENERAL "In general" DISCLAIMER: This is a big departure
from any of my other stories. It's a hurt / comfort, I suppose, and bloody
short. My muse, whom I love dearly, came upon me while I was working on another
fict and whispered the title into my ear, and that's all it took.
SUBTEXT / SEXUAL DISCLAIMER: Umm, nope, no sex. These two women do love
each other deeply. If that bothers you, don't read it. That's the beauty of
choice - you make yours and leave the rest of us to ours.
Copyright: 2000
Kimyoo Films
Feedback: Please
send all correspondence for Magenta to kimyoofilm@aol.com
Xena strode into the
tavern, raven head held high among the scowls and evil looks thrown her way. She
maintained her stoic facade long enough to secure a room for herself and the
bard Gabrielle.
The warrior didn't stick around for dinner with her friend. "I'm goin' to
bed...no one will hurt you here," she said, her darkness pressing hard onto
her heart this evening.
"Are you okay, Xena?" asked the bard of the retreating back.
Without turning, the warrior replied, "Yeah...fine..." She hoped the
heaviness in her soul wasn't reflected on her feet as she climbed the stairs to
their room.
Every footfall made another memory superimpose itself on the warrior's vision.
She saw, with excruciating detail, the shambles she had left this tavern in the
last time she was in this village. She hadn't come for a tribute or supplies,
she was looking for one of her high ranking soldiers who had deserted her in
favour of the money an old adversary offered him.
Xena and her army practically razed this village in their search for the
traitor, the destruction coming to an end when she found the man huddled in the
corner of the room at the end of the hall. It was three doors away from where
she and Gabrielle would bed down for the night after saving this village from a
warlord not unlike the person she was.
They wouldn't be staying there if it weren't for the thunderstorm that had
whipped up a frenzy outside. She was surprised they had even given her a room,
but the warrior supposed that their generosity was due to the young woman who
travelled with her.
Xena smiled when she thought about the fiesty blonde. *Gods...what does she see
in this battered ex-warlord?* she mused. *She should be in Athens at that
academy she talked about instead of travelling around with an old bitch like me.
*She should stay as far away from me as possible.* The thought sent a pang of
sadness into the warrior's heart. She'd almost lost Gabrielle several times
before, she didn't want to think of the possibility again.
*What would I do without her?* Xena asked herself as she sat on a chair by the
table, not bothering to light the candle.
*****
Gabrielle was perplexed at the warrior's behaviour and decided to eat dinner in
their room. She approached the barkeep who eyed her suspiciously.
"Hi. Could I have two mugs of port and two plates of chicken brought up to
my room, please?"
The man continued to wipe down the bar, not looking up at the bard, nor going to
retrieve what she wanted. "You're with that Xena...you're the bard that
records all her Good Deeds for history and the such, eh?"
Gabrielle nodded.
*****
Sighing, Xena stood up and left the room to eat dinner with the pretty blonde.
*Sitting with Gabrielle should calm me down,* she thought as she, in her usual
stealthy manner, began to descend the stairs to the main room of the tavern.
"Why do you do it? You don't know what she's done in her past, nor who it's
been done to, little girl."
"I know enough to realize that everyone deserves a second chance."
Xena froze in her steps when she heard the bard's voice. She was still concealed
by the darkness in the staircase and no one heard her come down. The tavern
quickly became silent as the bard stood up for her friend.
*****
"She can never amend her past."
Gabrielle controlled her exasperation with the barkeep. *I wish they could see
the Xena I see everyday.*
"Do you people think you are so perfect that you can throw stones at her?
No one's perfect, believe me." The bard looked around the room, trying to
meet the eyes of everyone in the establishment. "Did you know that Krax was
heading towards your village? Xena stopped him and his entire army. Otherwise,
all of you would be on your way to a slave trader, maybe worse.
"I'm not asking you to worship her, or to love her. I'm asking you to
forgive her. Forgiveness uses up so much less energy than anger and hate and
leaves time for better things..."
Xena, her blue eyes bright with tears unshed, snuck back up to their room as the
barkeep grudgingly went to get the bard her order.
Gabrielle placed her dinars on the bar and took the food and drinks from him to
take it up to their room herself. Inwardly, she fumed at the villagers, but she
knew she couldn't blame them for their anger. It was only natural. She sighed as
she ascended the stairs.
The bard opened the door, after putting down the port, and found Xena sitting on
the side of the bed with her back to the door. Gabrielle knew that wasn't like
her, but put it down to meditating or giving her senses a workout. What she
couldn't figure out is why neither the candle nor the fire were lit.
Putting the food on the table, Gabrielle then reached inside the bags to feel
around for the tinder to light the candle, using what little light there was
from the open door to see the contents of the bag. She felt the warrior's long
fingers wrap gently around her arm and pull her hand out of the bag.
"Gods, Xena...what're you trying to do?" asked the startled bard. Her
voice was soft, but it seemed loud in the silence of their room.
"Don't light the candle. Please." The sadness in Xena's whispered
request nearly broke Gabrielle's heart.
"Xena..." The bard stopped when she felt the fingers of the warrior's
other hand press gently against her lips. Xena silently closed and locked the
door, then lead the blonde to a chair by the table that was facing the window.
The room was lit by pale moonlight that silhouetted Xena in a soft blue haze,
her hand never leaving Gabrielle's arm.
"You heard what went on downstairs, didn't you..." It wasn't a
question, but she got a gentle squeeze to her arm as a response.
The bard studied the warrior's silhouette. Xena had always been quiet, but
Gabrielle had never seen her this low. Neither said anything for a few minutes,
the food and port on the table long forgotten.
The silence asked questions that Xena wasn't prepared to answer. Frustrated, she
stood, walked over to the window and gazed out at the reflection of the night
sky in the crystalline lake. She crossed her arms in front of her as more of a
comfort than a warning.
"You're the one who knows what to say, Gabrielle. I'm merely brute force. I
can read people, I can plan and strategize...but in the end, does it really
count? I've done so much..." The warrior trailed off at the end of her
sentence, leaning against the windowsill. Xena sighed, mumbling something
Gabrielle couldn't hear, then closed her eyes to will away the tears.
Gabrielle stood and approached the warrior. "I didn't hear you..." she
whispered, afraid that her voice might break the Warrior Princess in two.
Xena opened her mouth to repeat herself, then closed it, unable to form the
words. She found her voice when she felt Gabrielle's arms wrap around her waist
and her soft cheek press against her arm.
"Why do you care about me, Gabrielle?"
The bard closed her eyes. "Because you care..."
"I didn't always."
"Xena, look at me." The warrior kept her eyes on the lake, forcing
Gabrielle to cup her chin and turn her to look into her eyes.
"Today is now. Tomorrow is the future, yesterday is the past. Concentrate
on the now, concentrate on today.
"You fight your darkness every day and every night you go to sleep a better
person than you were the day before."
"Gabrielle, I feel the darkness push and pull me...I don't know if I have
enough courage to not lose control, to not give in..."
"Xena, if you don't have the faith in yourself that you need, I've got
enough for both of us...and I have the knowledge that you're not perfect...no
one is. I'm here with you through the good and the bad.
"I love you. Never forget that, Warrior Princess."
Xena pulled Gabrielle around in front of her and wrapped her in a strong
embrace, one lone tear rolling down her cheek. She didn't bother to catch it or
wipe it away.
"Gods," she sighed. "Someday, I'll deserve you, Gabrielle. I
swear."
The End
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