ForevaXena's FanFic . . .

Rewriting Reel Life
(a.k.a. Xena Lawless 4)

by Magenta

copyright 2001, Kimyoo Films

DISCLAIMERS: I don't care to estimate how much is real and how much is my imagination, but please note that overall, this is a work of fiction. I don't know Lucy Lawless and Renee O'Connor or any of the real people mentioned within the fiction, I don't own the rights to the Xena characters. If I did, believe me...things would have happened much differently.

Please, always remember while reading this story, or any story marked "Reel Life," that it is indeed all fiction. There are some true events or facts that any Xenite knows with a little research and reading. I DO NOT KNOW ANYONE CONNECTED WITH THIS SHOW. I'm writing these as catharsis so maybe I CAN watch Lucy in The X-Files without feeling weird... I've never had a problem with Renee...I adore Renee...she's the whole reason I'm still in the Xenaverse and I still wear my Gabrielle shirts and such.

This finale to the Reel Life series was inspired in part by an interview that Lucy Lawless gave to the Columbus Observer as publicity for her appearance in The X-Files ninth season premiere. I found her comments poorly worded and, to borrow the word from a friend, condescending.

In the story, I'm taking the interview at face value because let's face it, she said it. I have to believe that she didn't mean it the way it sounded, but she said it and it's been recorded for posterity. My beliefs don't excuse her poor choice of words. *note from Magenta*-I need an assistant, I swear. I've lost the URL to the article. When I find it, I promise you all that I'll link to it right here and on the "What's New" section.

My musical inspiration came from (thus thanks go to) Annie Lennox / Eurythmics, Bjork, Dave Matthews, Garbage, Aretha Franklin, Ella Fitzgerald, David Bowie / Tin Machine, and, of course, Stevie Nicks / Fleetwood Mac. I feel I must give credit to the song written for Renee called "A Jewel in Texas" written by Sound Warrior. It's not a big mention, but I feel it's important. =)

As I read over this fiction, trying to edit what I catch as I go, I notice that Stevie's Trouble in Shangri-La (which I do mention later) is the perfect soundtrack, other than the whole "pronoun switching" thing to make some of the songs fit...(and, though I love everything Stevie's done, this is her best work to date...)

Like normal with these stories, I'm not really sure when certain things happened chronologically within the frame-works of a season, or just full stop. Like when did Rob and Lucy start dating...when did Steve and Renee start dating...things like that.

The facts are that I've never been to New Zealand *pouts* or Texas, so I'm going from my imagination. If you're Kiwi (or you go there often) or are Texan (or go there often) and you know I'm most certainly wrong about mountains and hills and roads and such, please bare with me and/or let me know... =)

Thanks to Bill, Evy, Buckeye for forwarding the article on, my computers, Barq's Root Beer, and everyone who reads my work.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Thank you very much, and have a great evening," I say to the retreating backs. They send a good-bye wave and a shout of thanks over their shoulders, then they try to make their dog say good-bye, and leave the store.

Finally, I get the chance to sit down in front of my prehistoric laptop, perfect for writing and only writing. I stare at the blinking cursor and blank page and try to sum up my feelings. I pick up the piece of paper I had printed out just before leaving for work and read the article again.

I started to reconsider the whole universe I had created with the "Reel Life" series...I started to wonder why I started writing them at all.

So I sit here in front of my computer, wondering how I'm going to deliver on the fourth story I promised when those comments have been said...and finally, I decided to just do it.

I put Stevie Nicks' Trouble in Shangri-La CD into the player, hit repeat, set my fingers to the keys and the story pours out of me, like a dam has been released...

*****
Prologue

"Well...uh, thank you, Ms. Lawless, for your illuminating interview," the interviewer said as he stood and shook the brunette's hand.

"Well, thank you for interviewing me," she smiled, her natural New Zealand accent having lost its thickness long ago. Normally, the interviewer might have found her smile utterly dazzling, but this wasn't a normal circumstance...not after the interview.

He paused, as if contemplating saying something, and tried to smile sincerely, but something was weighing him down. He turned and headed toward the door when finally he stopped and turned to address the actress once more.

"Y'know...I loved the show. My girlfriend and I sat down every Friday night with a bowl of popcorn and our dog Billy to watch the newest adventures of Xena and Gabrielle. We were more than heartbroken when they killed her off, especially how y'all did it, but more importantly...I dunno, maybe it sounds funny, but now it seems that there's no hope for even true love...
"And I think it's sad that you look down on your fans because they wanted what Xena and Gabrielle had...I don't know anyone who doesn't.
"I don't necessarily believe in soul mates either, but it's not about that. Xena evolved into a show about the love two people can share. Maybe if you've ever experienced true love or met your soulmate, you'd understand..." With that, the interviewer left to try and write an objective piece for the paper.

Lucy started to retort, but stopped herself. *I'm married, aren't I?* she thought, trying to not pay attention to how close to the mark the reporter's words hit her.

*I've been in love many times...I've broken hearts and had my own broken in return...how can he say that I've never experienced love?*

Gritting her teeth, she stood and walked to the window and looked out into the overcast and slightly rainy Sunday afternoon from her tenth floor hotel room. "He didn't say I'd never experienced love...he said I'd never experienced true love. Maybe I have. How am I supposed to know what true love is?"

Unknown to her, a waiter brought in the coffee she had ordered a few minutes ago. These press junkets really sucked sometimes, having to state the same damn thing over and over...

"I think that no matter what happens, your true love is with you forever," the waiter said. "Here's your coffee, Ms. Lawless. If you have need of anything else, please don't hesitate."

She turned and looked at the waiter. "What?"

He cleared his throat and said, "If you need-"

"No...what did you say before that?" she asked as she stepped forward to take her coffee.

"Oh, I said that I think that no matter what happens, your true love is with you forever," he responded. "I'm sorry if I was butting in on your thoughts.

"Do you believe in soul mates, uh, Dave?" she asked, reading his name tag.

Dave smiled broadly. "Certainly. I married mine fifteen years ago." A frown creased the waiter's brow for a moment before he ventured to ask, "Is something bothering you, Ms. Lawless?"

Lucy sucked in a breath and, in the same instant, decided to do something that she normally wouldn't. "Do you have a few minutes, Dave?"

"Sure, I do, but you don't...you're in the middle of a junket."

The actress walked over to a phone and dialed out. "I'll take care of that. Yes, Jim Spotnitz, please. Yeah, hey Jim, it's Lucy. Good, how are you?
"Listen, I need to take a break from the junket...yes...yes, I know that. Yes, I will. I promise. Okay, thanks Jim."

She hung up the phone, then placed the receiver next to the cradle. Lucy then looked at Dave and gestured to a chair in front of him. "I want to talk to someone who thinks they've found their soulmate...to get their perspective."

"Oh, well, I can do that, but I'm no expert," the waiter said as he sat down, placing the tray on the floor against the chair he occupied.

"I'm not looking for expertise...just an ear of someone who has a soulmate and doesn't know me," she said as she took a seat in front of him. "Wait...are you a Xena fan?"

"Oh THAT'S where I've seen you before. Not a fan, no...I've seen a few episodes, that's all. Not my thing," he replied.

"Okay, good...I don't need a hardcore nutball trying to...well, nevermind," she said, relieved. She took a steadying breath and started into her story...

*****

PART ONE
First Season
1995-1996

~~~~~
Chapter One

There was nothing at first...just a dark woman warrior and her annoying blonde tag-along/sidekick. At least, that's how it read at the first table read.

Seated around the table were various crew members and the cast, with Lucy Lawless and Renee O'Connor sitting across from each other.

"Good evening to you, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the first ever table read for Xena Warrior Princess. Now, why don't we go around the table and introduce ourselves to jumpstart memories? I'll start.
"I'm Rob Tapert, executive producer of Xena with Sam Raimi and occasionally, I'll be a writer and director or I'll come up with a story or two. As Sam's busy in L.A., I'll be here with you all most of the time."

The introductions went on for a while before coming to a bright, strawberry blonde with sparkling green eyes and a smile that instantly put them all at ease.

"Hi. My name's Renee O'Connor and I'll be portraying the character of Gabrielle," she said with a cute little wave. She put her hands back in her lap under the table as a rosy blush crept up her fair cheeks. When she finished her little introduction she realized that Lucy was staring at her.

There was something, some kind of glow, around the little Texan that captured Lucy's attention and wouldn't let it go. After a minute or so, someone sitting next to the soon-to-be brunette leading lady nudged her and noted who it was that stole her attention.

"Oh...uh, sorry. My name's Lucy Lawless and I'll be portraying Xena," she said to the table, her Kiwi accent thick and alluring. She returned her attention to the woman across from her.

*I wonder how she's going to wrap her tongue around a Midwestern accent for the duration of the shoot,* Renee found herself wondering, as she later told Lucy. *Why do I care...her tongue isn't my concern.*

Renee squirmed under the attention. She didn't mind if people stared at her on-screen...but in-person it was something completely different.

After a few minutes, the introductions ended and the table read began. Renee, excited about her first really big role, had already memorized the lines for the episode, called "Sins of the Past," and recited them all looking directly at the actor she was speaking to...especially Lucy. The blue eyes caught her and she felt like a rabbit in a trap, confused and afraid...and she was blushing.

*Why am I blushing?* she asked herself as they took a break. She went outside to get a breath of fresh New Zealand air and to think a little. She spotted a little bench in a small courtyard to the left of the building and sat down. She didn't notice the cerulean gaze that watched her and the lithe body that followed her, keeping a respectable and discreet distance.

Finally summoning her courage to talk to the blonde without the possibility of coming off as a complete weirdo, Lucy attempted nonchalance as she walked into the courtyard and up to her.

"May I sit with you?" Lucy asked. *No, that didn't sound dumb,* she thought.

"Sure," Renee smiled, her nose crinkling in a way that Lucy found absolutely adorable. She scooted over to share the small bench.

There was a silence between them that crackled with something almost tangible, but still out of reach...like a realization that flitted through their minds and left an indelible impression that was, for the moment, out-of-focus.

"You were really good in there, you know," Lucy commented. Renee smiled and looked away.

"Thank you," the blonde said, her tone almost demurring the compliment. "You were great in there. Your accent's really good..."

"Well actually, I'm American and I just put on this Kiwi accent to attract...uh...people, other Kiwis, that is," Lucy joked. Renee didn't seem to notice that Lucy stumbled over the last word, and the tall and currently ash blonde actress was relieved.

They looked at each other, hair framed delicately in the bright moonlight. A cricket's song sounded from the woods behind the Pacific Renaissance compound and a slight breeze moved through the courtyard. A leaf fell into Lucy's lap, but she didn't notice.

Renee smiled and took the leaf from its resting place and sat forward, leaning her elbows on her knees. She watched the leaf as she twirled it between her fingers. Lucy watched her.

Another leaf fell into Renee's hair by her shoulder. Quietly, not wanting to disturb the blonde, Lucy reached up and took the leaf from the comfort it fell into. She also picked up a few strands of the soft strawberry blonde hair.

Abruptly, Renee stood. "We should go back in," she said, a delectible shade of red creeping up her cheeks.

"Hey, we're ready inside if you are," said Eric Grunedemann, who had introduced himself earlier as a producer for the show. He popped his head outside to get everyone back into the trailer.

"Be right there," Lucy responded. Eric walked back inside, but the two actresses stayed where they were as if they were one of the trees in the park, rooted to the spot.

Lucy stood and walked closer to the smaller woman, maintaining eye contact all the while.

*What am I doing?* the ash blonde thought to herself and walked past Renee at the last moment. She smiled to the blonde, "C'mon, kiddo...they're waiting for us." Lucy walked back inside, puzzled over her reaction to the little Texan and eager to step away to think about it.

She heard the incredulous voice of the captivating blonde repeat to herself "Kiddo?!" before walking into the trailer behind her.

Unbeknownst to either of them, they were watched the entire time. When they walked into the trailer, Liz Friedman stepped away from the window that overlooked the courtyard and sat, trying desperately to not smirk.

They read through certain scenes in the script again. Eventually, Rob sent everyone home except Lucy and Renee to work on the timing and delivery of some of the lines. Once he got them to where he wanted them, he said that the table reading was over.

"Can I give you a ride anywhere, Lucy?" Tapert asked. "I've got a few things I still have to do, but they won't take me long."

She looked at Renee who was already heading out the door and replied, "No thanks, Rob. My car's in the car park..."

The two of them walked out of the trailer and into the crisp evening air. Rob headed in the opposite direction from the parking lot. He still had a lot of things to iron out before they started shooting tomorrow.

Lucy, meanwhile, caught up to the blonde and matched her stride-for-slow-stride. "What did you think of the table read?"

Renee looked at Lucy then looked back at the pavement ahead of her. "Seemed like it went okay the first time...I don't really know why Rob had us go through it again and again.
"Well...actually, I do, but that's beside the point."

"Oh yeah?" Lucy smirked at the blonde. "Why did he have us do it so many times?"

"To give him the time to summon up the courage to talk to you," Renee stated simply. Lucy stopped in her tracks and stared after her co-star who kept walking.

"Are you serious? He's the producer and I'm the star of his show...why would he be nervous to talk to me?" she asked. She started walking again and soon caught up with Renee.

"Not talk, but talk. You know...to eventually ask you out on a date," the blonde said as she took out her keys to her beige Ford.

Lucy leaned against the driver's side of the blonde's car as she fiddled with her keys, and said, "Don't be daft, Renee...he doesn't like me that way."

The Texan stopped what she was doing and looked at Lucy briefly, a frown shadowed her face before she turned back to her lock. "Don't YOU be daft...you're a beautiful woman. Why wouldn't he like you like that?" Renee asked as she opened her door. She didn't step in, but turned in the doorway to continue the conversation with Lucy.

If she were capable of it, Lucy would have blushed right there. "You think so?" she asked, her head down, but her eyes bright and burning into Renee's green.

"Yeah, I do," the blonde replied.

The two of them stayed there, looking at each other for a long minute before Renee finally excused herself, got into her car and drove away. Lucy watched the taillights of the Ford fade into the night, then got into her car and left, still puzzling over the exchanges between herself and her co-star.

~~~~~
Chapter Two

Things after the pilot episode, "Sins of the Past," fell into a normal routine for the cast and crew. They'd get the script for the next episode, they'd read it over while still shooting the one before, then, a day after an episode wrapped, they'd be in the trailer for the table read of the next script.

Lucy and Renee became good, close friends, a good tiding for the show and their camaraderie would show through their performances. Quite a few minds were turning over the fact that something else was showing up in their performances, something charged with sexual playfulness, but none brought them up formally, afraid the producer would quash any hopes of letting it blossom.

The first year's cast party wasn't particularly eventful, either. They gathered everyone together in a big banquet room and showed the blooper reel, and everyone laughed, of course. Lucy felt uneasy and self-conscious at first, but relaxed at the calming squeeze of her hand and understanding smile from Renee.

*With her next to me, I could do anything,* flitted through Lucy's head and instantly her demeanor changed, became confused. The blonde must have been able to see it because her expression changed to one of concern. The tall now-black haired actress shook it off and gave her costar a smile to tell her that nothing was wrong.

Lucy readjusted her position in the chair and looked as thought she was paying attention to the reel, but in reality, she was thinking...

*Is something wrong with me? No...not a thing. I just felt that my best friend is my greatest strength. And what if she is?*

The lights came up and Rob took the podium in front of the gathered cast and crew. The lights snapped Lucy out of her thoughts and back to the present. She welcomed the relief from her soul searching, even if it was only momentary.

Rob cleared his throat and said, "I know most of us will be heading back to the States to be with our families there, so I want to wish everyone a safe trip and a safe hiatus. Okay, that's it! See you in a couple of months!!"

Everyone applauded and stood to say their good-byes to each other. Lucy and Renee stood almost simultaneously and received hugs from the guest casts and crew before they could finally turn to each other.

"So, you're heading back to Texas for hiatus?" asked Lucy. She already knew the answer, having accidentally overheard Renee and Eric talking a few days ago, but she was hoping she had heard wrong.

"Yeah...but I'll be back in a month. I need some rednecks and Southern accents...and my family, of course," the blonde smiled, her nose crinkling in that cute way that totally caught Lucy's attention the first time, and every time since.

"Oh, is my accent not enough to keep you satisfied?" Lucy asked, putting on her respectable Southern drawl.

Renee giggled and then bent over the table for a moment, a clean napkin under her scribbling pen and a moment later she stood up straight. "Here," she said, handing over the napkin. "This is my number in Texas. Just in case you want to talk or something, even though I know I'll see you in a month or so..."

Lucy took the napkin with her signature smirk, but inside she was conflicted. *Her number in Texas...it'll be memorized before the day is over, but will I ever call it? Of course I will... I want to call her right now, but she's right in front of me. Why don't I say what I want to say right now? Because I don't know what I want to say, that's why...*

The dark haired woman folded the napkin gently, like it was a leaf of a lost scroll, and slid it into her pants pocket. She turned serious as she leaned down to give Renee a good-bye hug, which the blonde readily accepted. Lucy broke the hug, afraid of how it might look if she kept holding onto the Texan like she wanted...and afraid of what she herself might do if she kept it up.

Lucy swallowed the lump in her throat and scratched her chin. "Have a safe trip," she said, much cooler than she had expected to be.

Renee smiled that smile of hers that lit up her eyes, and the surrounding hemisphere, leaned up on her tip-toes and planted a soft kiss on Lucy's cheek, then whispered "See ya in a month, Luce."

With that, she walked away, saying more good-byes as she left.

Tempted though she was to touch the spot on her cheek still warm from the feather-light touch of the blonde's lips, she knew that REALLY wouldn't look good, and right then a few eyes were cast her way, amused yet approving. Trying to act like it was no big deal was the toughest acting job she'd had to date...she deserved an Oscar for the performance she gave to the rest of the cast and crew.

Within an hour, most of the attendees left to catch planes or because they were bored. A few of the more adventurous Kiwis were going to continue the party at a nightclub later. They had invited Lucy, but she feigned a yawn and told them that she was going to go to the video store, then head home.

She thanked them and said her good-byes and started to walk out. She'd made it to the parking lot before she touched her cheek and her heart swelled with happiness for a moment before she realized that she cause of her happiness had left the country for a month, maybe two, and most certainly didn't feel the same.

"You okay, Lucy?" asked a voice from behind her. The raven-haired actress turned around and found producer Liz Friedman heading out to her car as well.

Lucy caught herself and lowered her hand before replying, "Yeah, great! Why?"

Liz smirked. "You seem...lovestruck."

Lucy blanched and turned pale, but she cleared her throat and pretended to act normal. "I do, huh?"

"Yeah...not that I blame you, she's...something else," the producer replied as she dug her keys out of her small black purse which seemed to carry twice its allotment of space.

"She?! Huh?!" Lucy's heart began to jackhammer in her chest. "You must be thinking of someone else cuz I'm Catholic...I mean, straight."

Liz cocked an eyebrow at the actress and smiled before explaining. "Most of the people in there, most not all, are completely blind to love's arrows and their effects. Others of us are not. And, if my Gaydar is working properly and it's not failed me once, I think she digs you, too. Religion has nothing to do with it. Being Catholic just means you flog yourself more than a Christian, but in this case, I think you'll beat yourself up double time because you're not going to take advantage of the love you could find there, only resisting because she's a woman.
"I find that sometimes, one has to be blind in order to see the truth."

"Huh?" Lucy asked, confused.

Liz opened her car door and paused before stepping in. "You know, like one should be blind to the colour of someone's skin, people should be blind to a person's sex...if for nothing else than when it comes to love." The producer sighed wistfully, then bid the actress a good evening.

Lucy stood there for a moment, absorbing what Liz said...it was just enough time for Rob to catch up with her.

"So, are you heading anywhere for hiatus?" he asked her. His voice was enough to jar her out of her thoughts and back to the task at hand getting into her car and away so she could think.

"Uh, not that I know of, but anything's possible," she replied, sparing a quick smile for the executive producer. His attentions had proven Renee correct, he did want Lucy. Trouble was, the actress in Tapert's targets wanted a certain blonde and found Rob's advances annoying.

"Well, you want to, maybe, I dunno, have dinner together sometime?" His voice was so full of hope that it simultaneously grated her nerves and made her feel sorry for him.

"Uh, lemme get back to you about that one, okay? I'll talk to you later, Rob," she said grimacing inwardly. She just gave him a 10 CC shot of Hope with a capital "H". A wondrous smile bloomed on Tapert's face as Lucy got into her car. He shut the door for her and waved to her as she drove away. The actress rolled her eyes as she watched, through her rear-view mirror, the executive producer skipping giddily back into the banquet hall.

Lucy took the long way home, driving through the scenic hills and mountains just outside of Auckland, then stopped at a little park that overlooked the city. It was beautiful at night, with all the city lights looking vaguely like stars in the darkness below.

A cool wind blew from the south, ruffling her raven tresses. She gathered her hair together and bound them with a hair tie as she moved to sit on the hood of her car and admire the view. Lucy leaned back and took the napkin out of her pocket and looked at the graceful numbers.

*Renee writes like an English teacher,* she thought to herself with a smile. She ran a gentle finger over the phone number, feeling the indentations the scribbling ballpoint made, then, subconsciously pressed the napkin to her chest as she observed the bustling cityscape below.

*This certainly is an interesting new slant on things,* she thought with a lopsided grin. She folded the napkin and placed it back in her pocket.

*I'm not one to ignore things...so, okay, I feel something other than friendship for my female co-star and Liz thinks she likes me that way, too.* She smiled to herself with the thought.

*Well, what am I gonna do about this? Am I going to confront her about it? Let it takes its course and see where it goes? Write her a letter and ask her to "check this box" if she likes me, too?* Lucy laughed at herself and ran her hands over her face, then leaned back on her hood to look into the starry night sky. A plane flew overhead going west.

*Betcha Renee's on that plane...* she thought with a twinge of remorse. *A whole month without seeing her? Are you kidding?!*

With a sigh, the actress rolled off of the hood of her car, got in and drove home. Her thoughts were heavily saturated with soft blonde hair, sparkling green eyes and a smile that accentuated a soul that Lucy was sure held within it the light of a thousand stars.

~~~~~
Chapter Three

After careful calculation that New Zealand was about fifteen hours ahead of Texas, Lucy called at one PM her time, making it approximately ten PM the day before for Renee. Now it was time to summon the courage to call.

*Okay, it's been two days...that should be long enough,* Lucy thought as she paced back and forth, her cordless phone in one hand and the napkin with Renee's Texas number in the other.

She didn't worry about sounding weird to her daughter. Daisy was in L.A. with her father until the week after New Years. What her daughter might think was a whole 'nother conundrum to be dealt with later.

Lucy held the napkin gently and continued to pace, worrying if she should call her, if it would be alright. She didn't need the paper...she, like she knew she would, already had the number memorized. The napkin was something tangible...something that told her that perhaps Renee really wanted her to call.

That decided, Lucy dialed the country code and the number and waited with baited breath for a certain voice on the other end.

"Hello?" asked a voice, out of breath. Lucy smiled when she heard "I'm Still Standing" playing in the background.

"Is Renee there?" she asked, her voice an octave or two higher than normal. She discreetly cleared her throat.

"Lucy? Is that you?" the other voice asked, and the raven-haired actress was sure she could hear that wonderful smile over the hundreds of miles of phone wire and satellite transmissions.

"Hold on a sec, lemme turn this down," Renee said as Elton John abruptly stopped in the middle of crooning "yeah, yeah, yeah."

"Is everything okay?" the blonde asked, concern belying the happiness Lucy thought she heard.

"Yeah, everything's fine...guess what, though," Lucy said as she slid into her ultra comfortable poofy white leather chair.

"What?"

"Rob asked me out...again. Do you think he'll ever get the fact that I'm not going to go out with him? Like ever?" she asked, feeling quite goofy and happy.

A soft laugh came from the Texan end of the line. "No, I don't. He'll probably wear you down eventually, you'll get married and have a kid you'll name something embarrassing like Julius."

"What about you? Do you have any terminally persistent suitors?" Lucy asked, her heart teetering on a precipice with a net of strawberry blonde on one side and a valley of terribly sharp spikes on the other.

Renee took a breath and said, "I've got a little fan club, folks from high school and all, but other than that, none that I'm aware of."

"No one's caught your fancy, then?"

"Well, one person has...but, uh, Lucy, what's the matter? You're not this interested in my love life when I'm there..." Renee asked, her concern more evident. "I dunno...just miss ya, I guess," Lucy mumbled before covering up with, "So, who's the lucky bloke?"

There was a pause as Lucy filled in the blanks for herself, thinking, *Maybe she doesn't believe me? Maybe she believes me too much? Maybe she thinks I'm a psycho?*

"Lucy...are you in the middle of doing anything there? Like a play or a movie or anything?"

"Uh, no...why?" the actress asked her co-star.

"Well...why don't you come to Texas for a couple of weeks. You sound stressed. We can talk more then because I know your phone bill is going to be huge if we talk now...and we do need to," Renee replied, her tone somehow reassuring Lucy and bolstering her heart.

"Mmm...that sounds like a good idea, if you could stand me for so long," Lucy joked.

"Hmm, I dunno...years on end I can stand being around you and all your glory, but a couple of weeks? Might be tough, but I think I'll live," the blonde returned.

"I could stand to hop on that plane now and be there in a day," she said, almost offering, that lopsided grin back on her face.

Another soft laugh came from Texas and warmed Lucy's New Zealand heart. "You need to pack first. If you're really so desperate to come out here, make the reservations for tomorrow, then call and let me know when your plane will land at Houston International and what hotel and all that."

Lucy felt her heart droop a little around the top. *Well, damn, girl...what were you expecting, that she'd invite you into her bed right away? In her parent's house? Chill out.* She inhaled to steady herself and said, "You got it."

"I'm glad I do," Renee said and Lucy hoped and wished that there was another meaning behind that. "I'll talk to you again tomorrow, okay? G'night, Luce."

"Absolutely. Good night, Ren," the actress replied, easing a few errant strands of her black hair behind her ear. Slowly, as if not wanting to disrupt what must be a dream, she placed the cordless phone down and sat there, ruminating on the phone call and any hidden meanings. A smile bloomed on her face, one that couldn't be taken away easily...

The phone rang and she picked up the handset, looking at the caller ID. Rolling her eyes, she put the phone back down and stood to go to her computer and start arranging her trip to Texas. She was grateful for the click-whirr of her answering machine to record her call from Rob Tapert.

"Uh, yeah, hello, Lucy? It's Rob...just wondering if you were busy tonight and might want to take me up on that dinner invitation. Gimme a call on my cell, please. Okay. Uh, bye."

She found herself rolling her eyes more than a rebellious teenager when dealing with Rob, but even his unceasing attentions couldn't quell the excitement she felt radiate throughout her entire body. She logged on to a travel co-ordination site and within an hour, she had a great hotel room at the Radisson, a flight at one PM through Air Australia, and her thoughts preoccupied with ideas of how to talk to Renee about what's been going through her head.

*Should I call Rob and tell him that I'm gonna be away for a while? No...it's really none of his business...and geez...how will that sound? "Hi Rob, I'm calling to tell you that I'm going to Texas to spend some time with Renee." No...not a good idea.*

She looked at the clock and calculated that it's now almost midnight in Houston...too late to call Renee, but it's at least ten PM in L.A. and she did need to call Daisy to let her know where she'll be and to give her the hotel phone number.

After she called her daughter, who was in the middle of watching the latest episode of The X-Files, she selected the Boys on the Side soundtrack, popped it into her player and did her goofy "no one's watching me dance" dance as she headed into her bedroom.

The rest of the day was spent packing for the two weeks she would be spending in Houston, being sure to leave room for souvenirs and such, and thinking. Lots of thinking. Tons and tons of thinking and wishing and planning and replanning when she decided that the first plan was stupid.

The brunette thought about what she should say, what she would say, and what she thought could and should be left unsaid. She tried to plan her wardrobe according to what Renee might like, yet wouldn't look like she was trying to please those haunting green eyes Lucy desperately wanted to fall into. Thus, by eight that night she had packed only her pajamas and one outfit.

*Okay, this is ridiculous...nothing's going to happen, she's gonna tell me about some bloke she likes and we're going to giggle like we're at a slumber party. Why am I stressing myself out so much over what I think she might like to see me in?*

Lucy smiled as she answered herself out loud, "Cuz you want her to like what she sees you in...you want her to like YOU...duh."

She sighed and, with a concerted effort, finally filled her luggage by around eleven that evening. She had a nice assortment of casual and evening wear, replete with accessories. Nothing too glamourous, just things that she not only felt comfortable in, but looked good wearing.

She clicked off the CD player, having changed it to Peter Gabriel's So an hour ago, and turned on the TV to get weather reports for the flight tomorrow.

"-rrow will be light and breezy, with a high of 87 and a low of 76. Stay tuned for world weather at quarter til the hour."

Impatient, Lucy tuned to the Weather Channel she got on her satellite. Luckily for her, weather in Texas looked good for the next few days.

She looked at the clock, which now read eleven nineteen and sighed. She detested going to bed before midnight and knew also that she would probably be too excited to sleep...but it was a loooooong flight to Houston and she didn't like sleeping on planes. Lucy decided that the best course of action would be to lie down on the couch and watch TV til she fell asleep, making sure to have an alarm clock nearby to wake her.

As soon as the opening credits rolled on a M*A*S*H rerun, she had fallen asleep, cuddling up to her thoughts of Renee and of the future.

~~~~~
Chapter Four

"How was your flight?" the perky blonde asked as she pulled away from the nice long hug Lucy had craved since the last time they had a nice long hug.

"Bloody long...but not too bad otherwise, thanks," Lucy said, her smile wider than the Grand Canyon and more dazzling than the Hope Diamond in the most amazing sunset. She decided at the last minute to wear a black pant suit with a short-sleeved white button up. *Just dressy enough,* she thought when she saw Renee's eye go wide at the sight of her and that smile bloom on her face.

The dark-haired woman was, herself, knocked speechless when she saw Renee. She wore a simple teal shirt and tight black jeans, but to Lucy, it was as stunning an outfit as anything the most glamourous designer could come up with. Either that or she was really excited to see Renee...probably both.

"Are you tired? Do you want to just go to your hotel and sleep?" Renee asked...and if Lucy didn't know better, she would have sworn that Renee was afraid she might say yes.

"No, actually, I feel great!" Lucy replied. And it was the truth. With Renee around, she felt like she could leap the tallest building in a single bound.

"Good because, if you don't mind, I want to commandeer the reins for the evening," she smiled mysteriously...a new expression that Lucy wanted to gobble up, along with the rest of the woman attached to it. "You're in the Radisson, right? Let's go get you checked in."

They left Houston International and drove the twenty minutes to the hotel in relative, though quite comfortable, silence. Lucy knew she should be looking out the window at the wonders of a foreign-to-her city, but she had a feeling she'd be back... For now, all she wanted to fill her sight was the beautiful blonde who drove them to the Radisson.

They parked and got Lucy's bags out of the trunk. She frowned, puzzled, when Renee took another bag out of the trunk that wasn't hers. "What's that, then?" she asked the blonde.

"Well, I thought I'd stay with you while you're here...that is, if it's okay with you," Renee replied as she shielded her eyes from the bright sun.

Lucy's heart, along with the rest of her body, nearly leapt into the air with happiness, but she was able to keep her cool as she said, "Yeah, of course! It'll be fun!"

"Does Rob know you're here?" the blonde asked as they walked toward the lobby of the towering hotel.

Lucy smiled. "Nope. None of his business. But it is Daisy's and she knows."

Renee smiled, then said, "Better hope Rob doesn't go through her to get in touch with you."

Stopping in mid-walk, again, the dark-haired actress said while shaking her head, "Ugh...don't even."

They walked into the cavernous lobby and got their room, heading up to the fifteenth floor with a fabulous view of Houston and just as they were walking in, the phone started to ring.

Lucy dropped her bags and crossed to the bedside table to answer the phone. "Hello?"

"Yeah, hi, Lucy! It's Rob! Man, I've been ringing there since yesterday. How was your flight?"

Lucy rolled her eyes and clenched her teeth as she said, "Fine, Rob..." She glared at the blonde who stifled a laugh as she unpacked her bag for the two weeks.

"Yeah, I called Daisy cuz I hadn't heard from you and you weren't home so I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Yep I'm fine. I just decided to get out of the country for a while and why not visit Renee...get a guided taste of Texas," she replied, wondering after all what his reaction would be to her being with the blonde away from work.

"Oh...oh, you're in Texas...with Renee." Sounded like jealousy to Lucy's ears.

"Uhhuh. For two weeks."

Rob cleared his throat and said, "Well...uh, if you want to get together when you get back, you know where to find me. Have a good time."

"Thank you, Rob. Good evening," she said, then hung up the phone without waiting for his good-bye. Lucy sighed and noticed that Renee held her sides in silent laughter.

"Oh, you think that's funny, huh?"

The blonde wiped a tear from her eyes and continued to giggle as she said, "Yep. I do."

Lucy stood and slowly approached Renee who was backing away from the playfully scary gleam in her blue eyes. "Really? Well...what do you think of THIS?!" she shouted, pouncing on the blonde to tickle her senseless.

"No! NO! Don't!! Stop!" she shouted through her laughs.

"Don't stop? Okay!" agreed Lucy, continuing her assault. Renee fell against the wall, her knees giving out on her in her hysterical laughter. She caught Lucy's hands and pulled them away from her sides. She intertwined their fingers and held on, which caught the taller actress off-guard.

"Oh, sorry," Lucy said as she tried to pull her hands away, but couldn't. Renee wouldn't let her. She tried to get away, but she was ensnared by the dazzling jade eyes before her.

Then the phone rang.

Lucy mumbled a venomous "Dammit!" and looked at the phone, but Renee stopped her, moving her head back to look at her.

"Don't answer it," the blonde whispered, her hand caressing her co-star's face.

Lucy closed her eyes and leaned into the caress, but the incessant ringing took her away from where she wanted to be. "It could be Daisy," she pointed out, reluctantly pushing off the wall, away from the blonde, to get the phone.

"Yeah, and it could be Rob," Renee pointed out as she sat down on the bed facing away from Lucy and rubbed her hands over her blushing face.

"Hello? ... Who is this? ... Barrett? ... Uh, yeah. Yes, just a moment," said Lucy, then she covered the mouth piece and handed the receiver back towards Renee. "It's for you."

Renee frowned and took the phone. "Hello? Barrett? Why are you calling me here? Oh really..." she said, her voice tainted with anger. "Well, that's nice, but I'm busy for the next several lifetimes. Give up, please."

At the abrupt hang-up, Lucy fell onto her back on the bed and looked up at Renee. "What was that about?"

"He's just the president of the fan club. High school boyfriend who thinks he's still got a chance," she replied as she looked into Lucy's eyes.

All was still for several minutes as they looked at each other. "What's going on?" Renee asked, her voice full of confusion and uncertainty. Lucy reached up and tucked a few strands of strawberry blonde hair behind one of Renee's ears and gently caressed her neck, noticing the goosebumps erupt along her arms. The blonde closed her eyes.

"I don't know..." Lucy replied, honestly, then said, "Maybe we should stay in tonight..."

Chartreuse eyes opened and looked deeply into the azure ones below. "I wish we could, but I've made plans for us for tonight...we can't not go. In fact, we should leave now," Renee said as she stood and straightened her shirt. She ran her fingers through her hair and breathed, trying to ease the blush that coloured her cheeks.

Lucy stood and stepped behind the blonde. "I have one question for you now...the rest can wait until tonight."

Renee looked at Lucy in the mirror and smiled. "What's that?"

The taller woman slowly pressed herself against the back of the smaller one and put her arms around her waist. Initially, Renee stiffened, but then she leaned back, molding herself to Lucy, in spite of what a small portion of her head was screaming.

"How does this make you feel?" the raven haired woman asked.

Renee thought for a moment then replied, "Good, safe...and confused."

Lucy smiled and thought, *And more that we'll have to get to later.*

The blonde turned in the embrace and wrapped her own arms around her counterpart. "And how does it make YOU feel?"

Lucy smiled down at the wonderful person in her arms and hugged her. "Like anything is possible. Anything."

They smiled at each other, then separated and walked out the door, each careful to take a key with them. In the elevator, they stood on opposite sides of the carriage and looked into each other's eyes, smiling and shy. Crowds of people clamoured into the carriage, but Lucy and Renee felt like it was just the two of them.

Some of the tourists, ready for a relaxing day by the pool or on the town, glanced back and forth between the two women. They must have felt like they were intruding on something very private or they recognised the actresses and didn't want to say anything to make them feel uncomfortable.

A few of them found Renee's joyous smile infectious and smiled themselves, even as they walked away into the rest of their vacation. On the lobby level, Lucy and Renee walked out and headed toward the car, hardly saying a word to each other and not really needing to. Yet.

Suddenly, a man ran up behind them, they could hear him coming from miles back. They stopped and turned around and saw that he held a bouquet of flowers and wore an ill-fitting blue pinstripe suit. "Renee!! It's me, wait up!"

"Barrett...don't you ever listen to me?" the blonde said, not accepting the flowers he tried to hand to her.

"I thought you were joking," he said as he nodded his hello to Lucy. "C'mon! We could go catch a movie or something."

"Listen closely, Barrett, and look into my eyes you do not have a chance with me. We're not together anymore, we haven't been for six years, and we're not going to be again. Ever. I really appreciate the fact that you think you're in love with me, it's flattering, really, but this has gone too far.
"You're following me whenever I'm in town, surprising me with flowers and...it's just not having the effect you want it to. It's pissing me off is what it's doing.
"Please, just stop, okay? I really don't want to have to get a restraining order," she pleaded then turned on her heels and grabbed Lucy's arm, dragging her towards the car.

"Wow...that was, uh, yeah," said Lucy, unable to come up with anything better suited to describe the situation.

"That it was..."

With that they climbed into the car and drove away. Barrett stood there, puzzled, then walked away into the rest of his life. As far as Lucy knew later, Renee never saw him again.

"I've told him a million times that it was over...and still he followed me, left me flowers, all of that," Renee continued to rant as they headed toward Austin and her family restaurant, Threadgills.

"Ren, hon, don't drive angry," Lucy soothed, putting a warm hand on the blonde's knee. Instantly, she calmed and drove much better, slowing down and not playing "F-1 Racing." When that seemingly Herculean task was accomplished, Lucy tried to remove her hand from the blonde's leg, but was thwarted as Renee reached down and put the raven haired woman's hand on the middle of her thigh and rested her own hand on top. She smiled, but didn't look over to see that Lucy was not only pleasantly surprised, but infinitely happy.

Renee reached over to the radio and popped the tape that was hanging half in and half out back into the player, then turned it down. Good thing as it was still loud when "Here Comes the Rain Again" poured through the speakers. She turned it down more, then turned her attention completely to driving, humming every once in a while to the Eurythmics song.

Lucy was content. She felt that she probably had not experienced this kind of happiness for a long time...if ever. As an experiment, she lightly squeezed the flesh under her hand and smiled when she felt the slight shiver run through Renee's body.

"Luce, please...I'm driving," the blonde said as she ran her fingers along the inside of Lucy's palm.

"Ren, please...I'm the passenger," the brunette retorted. After a moment's thought, she asked, "Tonight's going to be torture, isn't it?"

The blonde giggled. "No...not in front of my family...but tomorrow night? You can pretty much count on it."

Rich, honest laughter filled the car as Lucy finally fully relaxed. No thoughts about Rob, no thoughts about the next day's shooting or the following week's episode, nothing in New Zealand could disrupt her and her happiness...

~~~~~
Chapter Five

"Good-bye, and thank you for an absolutely lovely dinner!" said Lucy before she and Renee left the restaurant to go back to the hotel. The dinner was filled with fun conversation, mostly Renee's family asking them both questions about New Zealand as a location and the schedule they had to follow. Basic business stuff that was tossed aside for the blonde when she got home in favour of catching up with the latest gossip and how customers had been coming into the store congratulating the family on her success.

"That was fun, Ren. Thank you," Lucy said as they got into the car, styrofoam boxes of their leftovers in her arms.

The blonde smiled as they settled themselves and their food and replied, "No time better to make a good impression that when you first set foot in Texas. We're not all rednecks with gun racks on our back windows. Mine's in the trunk."

They pulled away from the restaurant and headed back toward Houston. Renee turned to her and asked "So...you tired or do you think you can handle some activity?"

Lucy smirked and asked in turn, "What kind of activity did you have in mind?"

"A nightclub," the blonde replied.

"Oh...well, actually, I'm kinda tired. You think we can postpone that until tomorrow?" She glanced at the dashboard clock, which read nine o'clock PM, and said, "It's already noon my time..."

Renee laughed and said, "Sure thing. Although, I might run you ragged tomorrow..."

The dark haired woman turned to her co-star and said, "You know how I get when I'm tired."

"Yeah, your mind dives into the gutter...but what if that's just where I wanted it? You wouldn't believe me," Renee pouted playfully.

*God, she's cute,* Lucy thought, her heart welling with emotion for the Texas jewel who graced the world with her presence. "Oh, I don't know...and I'd probably take you up on the offer," she replied, then snuggled into her seat and closed her eyes for only a moment...

"Would you, Luce?" asked Renee, turning serious. "Luce?" The blonde turned toward her co-star and found that she had fallen asleep. She smiled sympathetically and drove the rest of the way in silence.

~~~~~
Chapter Six

"I can feel you standing over me, y'know," Lucy pointed out, her tongue thick with sleep. She smiled and opened her eyes to look up into the captivating green that sparkled with unabashed delight in the open door of the car.

"Have a nice nap?" Renee asked as her co-star stepped out of the car and rubbed the sleep from her eyes.

"I'm sorry-"

Renee stepped forward and placed her index finger on Lucy's lips. "Don't be sorry. You're tired," she explained as she reached up with the same hand and gently removed an eyelash from the dark haired woman's cheek. The blonde held the lash up on her index finger for Lucy to make a wish.

The taller actress smiled then closed her eyes as if to think of the wish that had been on her mind so long she can't remember not wanting it. She then gently blew the lash away and looked into Renee's eyes.

"So, what'd you wish for?" the blonde asked, her voice nearly a whisper.

Lucy smirked and leaned in closer to Renee. "If I tell you, it won't come true." She then took Renee's arm and started slowly walking back toward the hotel.

"Oh c'mon...you're not going to pull that ol' excuse now, are you?" the Texan asked as she opened the door for the both of them, pouring her accent on thicker than molasses in the winter. "I'll get it out of you somehow..."

"I'm sure you will," Lucy said, voice low so that only her intended audience could hear. "But for now, I'm not going to tell you."

They were silent as they walked into the hotel room and locked the door behind them. Lucy felt as though she were a newly wed on the first night of her Honeymoon.

"I, uh...I'm gonna go get my pajamas on...be right back," Renee said as she grabbed her night-time clothes and rushed into the bathroom.

*She must be feeling it, too,* Lucy thought as she took her own pajamas out of her bag and went ahead and changed into them, regardless of the fact that the blonde could walk in at any moment. She looked at herself in the mirror and smoothed her hair back, sighing. She wore purple cotton pajama bottoms and a white ribbed A-shirt

Lucy climbed into the left side of the bed and started to flip through the channels on the TV. Soon thereafter, Renee came out and put her normal clothes by her bag. She wore a slightly oversized teal pajama set and the most adorable grin Lucy had ever seen.

The blonde crawled into the bed, took the remote from Lucy's hands, turned off the TV and handed it back to her. She then closed Lucy's slack jaw and asked, "You mind getting the light or should I lean over you to do it?"

The dark haired actress was stunned speechless. *Maybe she's not nervous at all...* she thought as she smiled. Renee arched an eyebrow and reached for the remote when Lucy pulled it away from her and said, "I got it, I got it..."

Renee repositioned herself onto her side, her head propped up on her hand, as the room went dark, then lit up with the city lights and moon light through the gauze-like curtains that were there underneath the thicker, light-blocking curtains which were drawn to the sides. *We're gonna regret that tomorrow morning,* Lucy thought as she lay down on the bed and looked over at the blonde, who seemed to be studying her.

"What?" the brunette asked, her voice soft in the quiet. She watched as Renee reached up and trailed her fingers from Lucy's hairline down to the hollow of her throat, slowly, gently. Lucy closed her eyes when the blonde started to speak.

"I'm as in the dark about all of this as you are...and I know you're feeling it, too, from at least the first table reading, if not before. I felt you watching me at the auditions...but I put it down to nervousness. I kept making excuses for you, or for me, instead of facing something that's pretty apparent." Pausing for a moment, Renee took her hand away from Lucy's inviting neck. The brunette opened her eyes to watch the blonde.

Renee took a breath and continued. "When I was with my mom in the kitchen at the restaurant, she mentioned the, uh, 'subtext' and how that was one of the more discussed topics about Xena...at least, that she heard." She leaned over and placed a gentle kiss onto Lucy's forehead.

"We need to talk. We need to discuss...but all I want to do right now is kiss you, love you. It frightens me, but pulls me in.
"I'm not saying we start everything tonight...I want to take it slow. I just needed to say something, to get it out in the air," Renee pulled back and looked into Lucy's eyes.

The brunette cleared her throat and shifted her position so she was on her side facing Renee. She reached up and pushed some blonde hair off her shoulder, then caressed her neck. "I agree...about everything. And, yes, I was watching you during the auditions...it wasn't just your nervousness," she admitted sheepishly. Renee giggled cutely, but let Lucy continue.

"There are a lot of things to consider before we take this any further than we already have. First of all is our happiness. That takes precedent over anything else, at least to me. You make me happy. When I see you, when I hear you, when I watch you, I can't remember any time where I was happier or felt more alive...or complete.
"To let that go, to let you go, I'd have to be absolutely out of my mind...so, if possible, if you think it's worth it, I'm worth it, can we try...this? Us? Together?" she asked. Why did she all of a sudden have a flashback of the big tough footballer who was so shy when he asked her to homecoming?? Oh, that's right...because now she knew how he felt: scared.

Renee smiled with relief and nodded, then, slowly, she leaned forward and placed a tender kiss on Lucy's lips. The brunette weaved her hand into golden tresses and pulled the blonde in for another kiss that deepened slowly. The kiss reached in to Lucy's mind and turned on the light above the impression that was left on her that night of the table read for "Sins of the Past," bringing it into vivid clarity...and that impression was of the person she loved the most her co-star, her best friend, her entire world.

They separated to breathe and look into each other's eyes. Renee had started to tear up, a single drop rolling down her smiling face. Lucy gently wiped it away and held the Renee's cheek. "Is it too early to say 'I love you'?" she asked, making Renee cry more. A vehement shake of her blonde head was the answer, making Lucy smile.

"Good, because I do. Now let's get some sleep...we've got the rest of our lives to do whatever we wish."

They laid down facing one another and Lucy pulled Renee into her body. After a second's readjustment, a blonde head was cradled lovingly against Lucy's neck and chest, a hand resting comfortably on top of her hip. Renee's other arm was underneath her head as another pillow. The brunette's chin rested comfortably on top of Renee's head and their legs intertwined just as their hearts and souls inevitably were.

They drifted off to a peaceful, contented sleep and when Lucy left two weeks later, Renee followed her on the plane back to New Zealand, unwilling to be away from her love for a month.

~~~~~

"I know there's got to be more to the story than that," the waiter said as he sat back. It had gotten dark outside the hotel where the press junket was being held and Lucy's coffee had been untouched since she began.

"There is...much more, but I need to take a break," she said as she stretched, popping a few vertebrae back into place. "What do you think so far?"

The waiter looked at her and gave her a sad smile and replied, "I think I'd better get us a couple thermoses of coffee...it's gonna be a long night."

Part 2

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