ForevaXena's
FanFic . . .
I Slept Too
Long!!!
A Post-Nuclear War Epic
by Magenta
Disclaimer:
I don't own the Tick, Gabrielle (oh how I wish I did...*g*), Xena, or Argo.
Be forewarned, I wrote this on a caffeine high, so it's pretty silly. PWAISE THE
ALL-MIGHTY BARQ'S.
Kay-bye.
Copyright: 2000
Kimyoo Films
Feedback: Please
send all correspondence for Magenta to kimyoofilm@aol.com
and place "Magenta" and the name of the piece you're referring to into
the subject line.
Once upon a time,
there was a woman named Xena. (And I bet no one's met anybody any meana...)
One day, she and her sidekick of undescribable gorgeosity..oh yeah, and Argo,
too...came upon a heaping mass of undulating metal objects.
Gabrielle, being the curious bard that she is, dismounted Xen-Argo *ahem* and
walked over to the mass.
"It's a pile of Spoons, Xena..."
"Oh?" said the dark warrior as she walked over to help Gabrielle...uhh...investigate
her-*ahem*-investigate the strange congregation of cutlery...
"No forks? No knives? No chopsticks?
What's going on here?" asked Gabrielle.
"You are what...er...I mean...it looks like they're partying..."
replied Xena. "Bacchus is everywhere."
Just then, one of the Spoons turned around, the metal of it's dip gleaming
evilly at Gabrielle and Xena, and it tapped out a message: "tap tap tippty
tap tappity tip tap tap."
Gabrielle and Xena just stared at the Spoon while Argo decoded the message.
"Nea...whinny whinny," said Argo.
"What, girl?" asked Xena.
"Whinny whinny whinnnnnnnnny nea whinea!"
"Timmy fell in the well?!? WHO IN TARTARUS IS TIMMY??!!?" asked Xena.
Argo then said, "No, you dolt...get your head out of Gabrielle-land for a
moment and listen. I said, 'Whinny, whinny, whinnnnnnnnnny nea whinea!!' not
'Whinny, whinny, whinea, whinnnnnnnnnnnny!'"
Suddenly, out of no where, the Tick showed up. "SSSPPOOOONN!"
And just as quickly, he vanished.
"You mean to tell me that these Spoons are going to try to take over the
world?" asked Xena after translating the horse lingo for Gabrielle's ears.
Argo nodded. "How?"
So Argo asked, "Whinnea whinny nea?"
"tippity tap tap tap tap tippity tappity," was the reply.
"Nea, whinny whinnnnnea whinny whinny, nea, pbbbbbbbbbbt!!!"
"They're going to make sure that any food people try to eat will end up on
their laps?!!
How EVIL! We're gonna have to put a stop to this, Gabrielle..."
"NO!! Don't stop, Xena...we're only just-"
"No, I mean this evil Spoon plot..."
"Oh...yeah...I agree...I guess..."
"Neah!!"
Xena turned to the lead Spoon and said, "Listen here, Spoonman. I will not
allow you to take over the world...your insane, evil plot will be stopped right
here. If you know what's good for you, you'll turn back into your normal
pseudo-quasi-happy existance as a spoon...not a Spoon with a capital 'S', but a
regular, normal spoon."
"tippity tap tap tap tappity tip tip tip."
"Whinny nea nea nea whinnnnnnnnny pppbbbbbppppt."
"So you think you can beat me, Spoonacula? Let's go..."
And with that, the evil Spoon leader leaped at Xena's throat, but was cut in two
by Xena's mighty Breast Dagger, which came shooting up from it's resting place
just in time to halt the deadly attack.
"So THAT's what that was..." commented Gabrielle. "I knew
SOMETHING in there was poking me."
"You always say my breasts are dangerous..." Xena looked at the rest
of the spoons with her Steely Gaze (tm) and they all fell silent, defeated by
the mighty Warrior Princess.
And there was much rejoicing...
Yay.
THE END
(Factoids:
Number of Army of Darkness references - one. The title is a reference to an
alternate ending to AOD that was later cut out.
Number of GabRap references - one. The "meana" line.
Number of Subtext references - six. (do you REALLY need a map to find those?)
Number of references to the cartoon show The Tick - one direct, then everything
else where a Spoon was mentioned.
Number of Holy Grail references - one. The last two lines about much rejoicing.
Number of Scream 2 references - one. The "pseudo-quasi-happy existence"
line.)
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