ForevaXena's FanFic . . .

A Million Deaths

by Magenta

I'm sitting here at work when an idea pops into my head and I know that I need to write it out if I want to get it out, thus, here is story. I need this out of my head because I have several other things I'm working on at the same time.

This is a different take on the Xena mythos set up and expressly owned by Renaissance Pictures / Universal Studios / MCA, etc. I've changed some of the existing plotlines to suit my own ends. Go fig. Part is alt, part is Uber.

I don't know Xena and Gabrielle's ages throughout the run of the show. I figure that Gabrielle was sixteen and Xena was twenty-eight when they met. *shrugs*

Sex warning: Yes there is some and between souls who happen to both inhabit female bodies. If it shocks you, then Pat Boone singing heavy metal must give you a heart attack. Please do not continue to read if you are offended or just can't handle love in any form. Go out and discover life.

This is more sexually graphic than I've written in the past...at least in my opinion. I don't normally write like this, but, this time it's important to the story.

Violence warning: Oh yesh, there is some of that, too.

Rape: Yes, there is a rape in the first chapter.

That concludes this test of the Emergency GaBroadcasting Xe-stem.

"She'll taste of Life
She'll taste of Love
She'll taste of Death
And be reborn
To walk forever
In search of her Soul
So say Fate."
-chanted by the Fates upon the creation
of Xena's life thread

Prologue:
She sits there, staring out the window of her penthouse suite at the sparkling nighttime City skyline, pondering how her twisted existence began. Everything is like yesterday to her when, in fact, it was eons ago. The look of Her. The smell of Her. The taste of Her. She was the other half of this dark woman's soul and when She died, She took it with Her as She crossed over.

The dark woman's been doomed to walk the earth in search of Her since, knowing She's out there, within grasp. The dark woman knows Her better than anyone else could. She feels Her nearby. She hears Her heart beating, a siren's call. The dark woman wonders, *Can She feel Me?*

Her name is Xena and this is her story...

Chapter One:
Taste of Life

She sat tall on her golden warhorse, exuding a pride she didn't feel. She scanned the rubble of yet another wasted village as the survivours wailed their mourning.

Why did she go on when every action she performed made her heart feel heavier? She longed to stop, but her rage drove her on. She wanted her family to be safe and happy and if that meant destroying all who threaten their safety, then so much the better.

Xena closed her eyes as she felt the presence of her slave, Alia, approach her from behind. The petite, unimposing slavegirl was the only person allowed the lord of this vast army when she was surveying her latest victory.

"My lord Xena," she said, curtsying even though her master couldn't see her. "Your evening meal has been prepared."

Without turning, Xena replied, "You don't need to be formal when we're alone, Alia."

The so-called slave stepped towards Xena and placed a warm, comforting hand upon the exposed skin of the warlord's thigh and looked up at her master. Xena returned the gaze, letting her sadness show only for a moment as an errant tear was pulled by gravity from where it was swimming. Nonchalantly, the warlord wiped away the tear as her slave gave her thigh a reassuring squeeze. Xena covered Alia's hand with her own and turned back to her vigil of the decimated village in the waning twilight.

"Do you know what I wish, Alia?" the warlord asked rhetorically as she continued, "I wish I didn't feel like I have to keep doing this anymore."

"If you want to stop, you can, you will, stop. Greece will not stop existing so you can stop being a warlord. That is a decision you alone must make and must commit yourself to. No one can tell you to stop except yourself."

"Why do you think I do it?"

"Protection. You've lost so much to warlords that the only way you think you can protect those you love is by total domination."

Xena didn't respond. She didn't need to. They both knew that the slave was right. They continued to look at the smoldering remnants of the village for another few minutes before Xena tugged Alia onto the saddle behind her and they rode back to the camp.

As they got to the outside ring of tents, Xena let Alia off and told her to bring both of their meals to her tent. She then handed Argo's reins to the horsemaster and went to await her dinner.

"Let no one except Alia or Tavaris in," she ordered her guards.

"Yes, Lord Xena."

The warrior inwardly winced at the title her men recently bestowed on her and went inside.

*Lord.* The word reverberated in her head. *Alia's right. To protect those I love from war, I've become War. And the cost? It's my soul. A fair trade it seems... My soul does me no good as I decimate village after village.*

At that moment, Alia stepped through the entrance to the tent, her arms laden with their dinner. Xena moves to clean off the table and help Alia set out their dishes.

"You shouldn't do that, my Lord," she whispered. "What if one of your men comes in and sees you?"

"I left instructions at the door that only you and Tavaris were to enter." Xena took the rest of Alia's burden, placed them properly on the table, then wrapped the woman in her embrace for the comfort of her warmth.

*Nothing had better happen to you, Alia. You're the last vestige of my sanity. When I am certain that none will rise up to try and harm anyone I love, I will settle down and you will be my Queen,* thought Xena as she pulled away and looked into her erstwhile slave's eyes. She found the reassurance she needed, but not the love she desired.

*Not yet, anyway...*

She let Alia go and took the seat directly opposite her to begin dining. *I will earn her love,* she continued in her thoughts, *I'm worthy, but she needs to see a great deed before she can understand how truly worthy I am of her.* The meal proceeded quietly, the only sound being their utensils against their plates.

Then it was time for dessert.

Alia stood and grabbed a plate of various sweetcakes then crooked her finger, beckoning Xena to follow her as she crawled up onto the warlord's pallet. Xena stood and the slave directed her to sit on the edge of the pallet, away from her. Smirking, she did as told. Alia put the plate onto her lap and pressed herself against Xena's back. She bent down and broke a baklava in half and placed it into the warlord's mouth as she gently bit Xena's earlobe and slowly removed the warrior's armour.

The dark woman almost whimpered when she felt Alia's warmth back away from her and crawl off the bed, but did not turn to see where she had gone. She just chewed and swallowed the baklava, hoping for more to come. Behind her, Xena recognized the sound of wine being poured into one of the goblets and Alia's soft footfalls coming towards her.

The slave placed the goblet onto the floor, then knelt beside it, reaching for the buckles to Xena's knee and shin guards. She reverently kissed the insides of Xena's thighs as the armour was removed, the took the plate of sweets from the warlord's lap and placed them on the other side of the goblet.

With her head down, Alia looked up into Xena's eyes, silently asking her to move her legs further apart. The warlord complied and was rewarded when the slave picked up the other half of the baklava and pressed herself against Xena and raised the sweetcake to her lips. Xena bent forward to kiss her beloved slave, but Alia moved to avoid the kiss, momentarily, as she placed the baklava halfway into her mouth.

The warlord smiled, then, as Alia leaned forward and allowed Xena to bite the cake in half. The dark woman licked the crumbs from the slave's lips and leaned back to look into Alia's eyes.

Xena saw the desire, but still no love. *It doesn't matter. She wants me. Love will come later...so to speak.*

The warlord swallowed as Alia resumed her leisurely kisses to the insides of Xena's thighs. "Scoot forward, my Lord," she requested.

"Alia..."

"In this, you are 'my Lord'," admonished the slave as she repeated, "Scoot forward, my Lord."

Xena did as the younger woman requested and scooted towards the edge of the pallet, spreading her legs further to accommodate Alia. The slave continued to trail moist kisses towards the apex of her master's thighs, Xena's head lolling back as she awaited the pleasures of Alia's tongue.

The warlord was not known for her patience, but the act of love demanded time to learn and explore. When it was purely for release, it was quick and violent, but when she shared herself with another human being, it was slow, time-consuming, and very, very rare.

Rare, that is, until Alia became her slave-lover.

Xena almost lost consciousness as the younger woman's velvety tongue made contact with her centre, making them both shudder.

"Alia, please..."

The slave shook her head, knowing what Xena wanted having refused to do so before, and continued pleasuring the warlord. She didn't care that Xena, the Lioness of Amphipolis, one of the most feared warlords in the history of Greece, had said "please."

"Now!" Xena growled.

Alia pulled back, drawing a confused whimper from her master. "Being inside you is not my destiny, Xena."

"You're already inside me, Alia...why does THIS matter?" The warlord couldn't understand why the one person she loved and trusted above all others, even her own army, wouldn't make that final step.

"It does matter, Xena. That is a step I cannot take...it's not my destiny. I don't belong there."

"I say you do."

Alia, summoning all the courage, compassion, desire, and sternness she could muster and letting it all show in her eyes and voice, replied, "I say I don't. Please don't make me do it." A sadness unknown to Xena flitted across the woman's soft features. If the warlord had a heart to break, it would have shattered into a million pieces at the emotions she saw.

"I'm sorry, Alia," apologized Xena softly. The slave reached up and gently caressed Xena's cheek, then, as suddenly as she had stopped, Alia resumed pleasuring the warlord. Her tongue laved gentle attention onto the sensitive bundle of nerves that were, at the moment, the centre of Xena's world.

Within moments, the warlord exploded from the inside out, innumerable lights and colours flashing behind her eyes. She wanted nothing more than to scream her release, but was carefully aware of her soldiers outside. Reluctantly, she pried Alia away from between her legs and put her onto her back on the pallet and quickly stripped both herself and her slave of their clothes. The warlord gently lay herself between Alia's legs, the slave's scarred, yet soft skin reigniting her fire, and curled her limbs against her hips. She gently rocked against Alia's warm, slick centre, focusing her attention on the slave's breasts, feeding from them like she'd never again have such sustenance.

As non-vocal as Xena was about their lovemaking, she allowed Alia to give voice to her passions. The warlord needed to know that what she was doing was being liked by her lover. Xena never cared about how loud she got...and figured that Alia had never been louder than she was that night. The moans and screams for her slave drove the warlord on, rocking harder against her slave, but keeping the pace slow and torturous.

Feeling that Alia's release was imminent, Xena asked her slave to open her eyes. "I need to see the power." Alia complied with pleasure, opening her passion-darkened eyes to look deeply into Xena's cerulean pools. When their eyes connected, Alia released. Xena quickly moved down her body, keeping her eyes in contact with her slave's, and lapped up the evidence of their passion, drawing further spasms of pleasure from Alia's body.

Finally, the slave settles and gently tugged Xena away from her centre. The warlord crawled up the bed and covered their sweaty, spent bodies with a sheet. She lay next to Alia, a leg draped over her hips and resting a hand atop a firm breast. Aroused for their lovemaking, Xena resisted the urge to sate her hunger, thinking Alia exhausted.

The slave could feel Xena's wetness against her thigh and smiled at her restraint. If it had been anyone else in that bed, Xena would have taken them many times already, but Alia knew the power she had over her master. She would never abuse that power, however. She had lost too much in her short life for her to lose the last thing she valued the most: herself.

Alia turned over and faced her master, sliding her thigh firmly against Xena's slick heat, and trapped her with a kiss. Xena didn't let her surprise show as she returned the kiss, deepening it, and slid her hand between Alia's legs, matching the thrusts of the thigh that moved against her. The slave broke their kiss to give voice to her release with her master opting to muffle her own moans against the soft skin of Alia's throat and neck, biting and sucking, marking her as her own. Finally, they settled and fell into a deep, satisfied sleep, content in the knowledge that each was safe in the other's arms.

Outside, the soldiers snickered and groaned, wishing they were the recipient of their Lord's attentions, wishing that the feeling of oneness they experienced with her on the battlefield would extend to the pallet. Soldiers often took other soldiers to bed imagining that it was Xena they were sucking and fucking, careful to not shout her name in release.

Unaware of the eyes observing the camp, the men relaxed...more than they should have.

*****

Horse's hooves and angry faces. Men creeping silently out of the woods towards Xena's camp. No guards in sight.

Xena awoke with a start, but was careful to not awaken her exhausted Alia. It was a rare occasion when she had dreams like that, that vivid and real, but when she did, she knew trouble was right around the corner.

Silently, she slid out of bed and got dressed, grabbing her sword and chakram as she slipped out of the back of her tent, only to run into three of her camp's attackers. Around her, the sounds of fierce battle erupted.

"Yiyiyiyiyiyiy!" screamed Xena as she launched herself at the attackers. She felt the steel of her sword effortlessly slide through the soft tissue of one of her attackers. A quick flick of her wrist and his spinal cord was severed. She threw the lifeless carcass at a group of soldiers running to back up their comrades-in-arms against the vicious warrior woman. She spun around and decapitated one of her attackers, splattering herself with blood. Then, with her chakram, she blocked the potentially lethal downstroke coming at her head and sheathed her sword in the soldier's abdomen. Having dispatched her immediate threat, she launched her chakram into the alarm bell. From there, it ricocheted through the necks of five attackers, bounced off the helmet of another and flew into the waiting hand of its master as she fought another five men by herself.

Suddenly, the walls of her tent started shaking and a bloodcurdling scream pierced the night air distracting the soldiers long enough for Xena to eviscerate the lot of them in less than three moves. She then entered the tent to find Alia spread-eagle on their pallet underneath a sweaty mongrel of a soldier who's pants were down around his ankle.

With a fury unmatched, Xena screamed and threw her chakram at the cretin who dared rape a woman, especially her Alia. The flying disc cut cleanly through the soldier's body, the force of the throw knocking him off Alia. A compatriot of the man was closer to the woman than Xena was and he, in retribution, thrust his sword through Alia, through the pallet and into the floor below.

"NOOOO!!!!!!!" screamed Xena.

Realizing the futility of trying to retrieve his sword, the soldier ran out to join his comrades in destroying the warlord's army. Pale and shocked by the sight of Alia, raped and dead on the pallet they had shared mere moments before, Xena felt all the warmth seep from her body. It was quickly replaced by cold, hard darkness and fury. She walked towards the pallet and with a sickening slurping sound, she pulled the weapon from the body of her slain lover. Without looking, she hurled the sword out of her tent and into the head of an attacking soldier. He was lucky.

Xena stepped out of the tent and screamed. It wasn't a battlecry and it formed no semblance of words. It was primal and dark and contained a fraction of her fury. Quite a few of the soldiers, both hers and the ones attacking, threw down their weapons and ran away. The rest of the attacking army advanced at Xena, the others forming a protective circle to fight off her soldiers.

In a blind flurry of swords and limbs, Xena quickly dispatched her attackers, her darkness driving her past the point of exhaustion, pushing her forward and giving her the energy to decimate her attackers single-handedly. She stopped when she no longer felt a threat and looked around her. Crawling away through an opening between the survivours of her army was the man who killed Alia. The warlord pushed him onto his back and grabbed a nearby bowl and placed it under his neck. She cut his throat and waited for his blood to fill the bowl. Once the thick red liquid filled the bowl, Xena kicked aside the corpse and brought the blood to her lips.

*This is for Alia.*

Xena drank the blood, tasted the life that had been in it, the metallic hotness flowing down her throat, filling her, giving her power. Her eyesight magnified and the world lit up, though it was still night time.

"Find me Tavaris, Draco and Marcus and tell any survivours to start collecting heads."

With half a candlemark before sunrise, all of Xena's orders had been carried out. She killed Tavaris for the lack of security and had all of the heads put onto steaks. Armed with this morbid treasure, Xena, Marcus, and Draco traced the steps of their sloppy attackers back to their camp where a hundred more men slept and in vain awaited the return of their fellow soldiers. They planted the stakes strategically around the hill and into the valley where the camp was, the survivours of Xena's army hidden around the camp for a surprise attack at her signal.

The warlord waited for the sun to add the full effect of the stakes on the hill, then screamed "Yiyiyiyiyiyi!!" to alert the sleeping soldiers to her presence. The men stumbled out of their tents and fell to their knees at the sight of a hundred heads on stakes surrounding their camp, and the silhouette of Xena atop the hill, a stake and head in her hands. Her hair was wild and her army's survivours would later swear that her eyes glowed a hideous red.

Pausing long enough for the fact that she was still alive sink in, she lit the head she held on fire and threw it into the camp, the signal for her men to rush out of hiding and slaughter the army. The descended like locusts razing the camp and killing everything, their horses, their meat animals, their slaves and their targets.

Five of the soldiers, including one Xena assumed was the leader, started towards her. "You killed my wife, bitch...and your reign of terror ends here."

"Yiyiyiyiyiyi!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Xena as she launched herself into the middle of the five soldiers. In the space of a breath, Xena eviscerated three of the soldiers and proceeded to block and parry with the remaining two. She stepped back, allowing a sword swipe to swing high above her, then she thrust her sword through his abdomen. She pulled out and stalked towards the last remaining soldier.

"You're the leader?" she asked, her voice low and venomous.

"Yes."

"Good...because I want the pleasure of tasting your blood." Xena knocked away the leader's sword and kicked him, sending him to the ground twenty feet away. The warlord launched herself into the air and landed on top of the leader, the avenging husband who's failed in his duty. She looks deep into his eyes and slits his neck, bending to drink from the wound.

Xena was oblivious to the wide-eyed stares from her army as she drank from her victim. She pulled away and, momentarily sated, she walked wordlessly back to her camp and took to bed with Draco.

She was twenty summers old.

Chapter Two:
Taste of Love

It had been ten summers since Xena's army was attacked by surprise and her slave-lover Alia was raped and murdered. She feared that the same fate would befall the curious young bard who had started traveling with her last summer.

*Gabrielle.*

She caressed the name, the woman, in her mind, afraid that the blonde would leave her if her feelings were made known. Even if Gabrielle wanted the same thing, it would be difficult for the warrior. *What about Alia? I feel like I'm betraying her even thinking about Gabrielle that way...*

"Xena? Does this thing look alright on me?"

Confused, the warrior looked at her traveling companion as she stepped out of the store. "Huh?"

"This green thing...does it look alright on me?"

"Y-yeah, Gabrielle. It looks good on you," she replied distractedly. She continued, mumbling, "A little less of that green thing would be better...I'll take care of that later..."

The blonde fiddled with the lace on the front of her brand new green halter top and bent down to smooth out a wrinkle on her brown wrap-around skirt, giving Xena a clear view of her cleavage. "What did you say?"

*Damn that 'use all your senses' stuff that I just HAVE to teach her...* thought Xena as she took a deep breath and averted her eyes. She covered her earlier mumblings with, "It's a nice green on you...sets off your hair...your skin...your eyes." She watched as the bard blushed cutely and turned away to head towards another street vendor.

Xena nonchalantly followed the blonde, keeping her within eyesight, yet looking like she wasn't. She didn't want to give any information away to potential enemies. Her mind kept drifting and she forced thoughts about that time so many summers ago away from her, promising to dwell on them when they were at the camp and they could relax a little.

The former warlord looked over towards Gabrielle as she noticed bardly limbs akimbo in animated bartering with a vendor. *He's toast,* thought Xena, allowing herself a smile. She casually sauntered over to a nearby cart to overhear the conversation.

"I think I'm being pretty generous considering this thing isn't worth ONE dinar, let alone the two I'm offering."

The vendor smirked patronizingly at Gabrielle. "Do you even know what 'this thing' is?"

"Why don't you tell me and I'll let you know whether you're right or not?" returned the bard, replete with patronizing tone.

"Look, I ain't selling it to you for two dinars!"

"I'll give you three if you throw this in," she suggested, tossing something next to the first object she was bartering for that Xena couldn't see from her vantage point.

"Six."

The bard cocked her eyebrow in her best Xena impression and leaned forward, knowing from her earlier test with Xena that the man could see right down the front of her top. "Three."

The vendor cleared his throat. "Five."

Gabrielle went in for the kill and looked deep into the vendor's eyes, her emerald green gaze making the man's head spin. "Three."

"Three it is...young lady," he said happily as he took the objects and wrapped them up. The bard smiled and dug three dinars out of her satchel and placed them into his hand as she took the bundle away from him. "You gonna be in town long, little miss? I could show you around...a real good time..."

Just as Gabrielle was to politely rebuke the vendor's advances, Xena approached her from behind. "Ready?" she asked as she placed her hand on the small of Gabrielle's back without knowing it.

A chill went through the bard's body at the warrior's touch, but her voice was calm and controlled. "Yep...all finished here. I've got everything I need." Gabrielle flashed the vendor a smile and walked off with Xena, her hand still on her back.

"Xena?" whispered Gabrielle.

"Yeah?"

"Keep touching me like that and people will think we're lovers," informed the bard. Xena pulled her hand away as her mind raced to explain why she put her hand on Gabrielle in the first place.

"I'm sorry..."

"Don't be sorry. It's not that I didn't like it, but I know how you think...and how people think...and you put the two together..."

"Yeah, yeah...let's go," said Xena as she mounted Argo and reached down for Gabrielle, who looked up at her skeptically. The warrior raised an eyebrow and looked at the sky, noting how they didn't have much time before sunset to find a proper campsite. Reluctantly, the bard acquiesced and accepted Xena's help onto the large mare.

A candlemark after sunset they had just finished their meal of rabbit when they started to go about their usual evening rituals. Gabrielle took out her scrolls and Xena took out her almost too well-worn whetstone and tattered oilcloth to sharpen her weapons and polish her armour. Upon hearing the whetstone as it made contact with the warrior's sword, Gabrielle smiled and pulled her scrollbag over next to her and fished around inside looking for the purchase she made earlier.

"Xena, I bought you something," said the bard as she found the package she was looking for and stood to cross the camp and give it to her friend. The warrior looked at her puzzled. "Take it. It's not gonna bite you or anything."

*But I will if you want me to,* thought Gabrielle.

Xena gave the bard a look that said, "You didn't have to do this...buy me something..."

"I just HAD to buy this for you..." Gabrielle said out of the blue as Xena turned her attentions towards unwrapping the package. "It's not anything special...or anything. I'm no expert, but I figured you could use some new ones." The bard shrugged and walked around behind the warrior to help her take her armour off.

Inside the package was a brand new whetstone and oilcloth. For a reason Xena didn't entirely understand, she almost broke out in a torrent of tears at the thought behind this package. The warrior abruptly stood and gathered Gabrielle into her arms for a hug.

"Thank you," she said as she pulled back, her voice small and her eyes glued to the gift instead of the bard's eyes. She sat back down, unable, as always, to voice her emotions to the young woman who traveled with her.

Gabrielle frowned and took off the rest of Xena's armour, then sat down beside her on the log, her back facing the fire. "You're a little more reticent than usual, Xena. Is the whetstone THAT pretty?" she asked, trying to lighten the mood, but got no response from the warrior. She reached around and cupped Xena's cheek and turned her to look into her eyes. Gabrielle saw the emotions brewing just under the surface

"What's the matter? Please talk to me..."

Xena gazed into Gabrielle's eyes and felt a jolt, not unpleasant, throughout her body. She had been shot by Cupid before, when Marcus lent her a shoulder and an ear, but the feeling was entirely different. This one was warmer, cozier, more intense. She wanted to curl up in the feeling, curl up in Gabrielle, and exist there forever.

Instead, the warrior stood, on the pretext of needing to use the bushes, and walked away. *I don't remember this feeling for Alia...and she's the only thing that's been getting me through...until last summer, when I met Gabrielle. I mean, what am I doing? I'm letting this little blonde into my heart, the place I swore was only for Alia. I'm betraying the only person I've ever loved...*

It was then that she felt something akin to a slap across her mental cheek. She went back to the camp dazed and trying to ignore the feeling when she saw that Gabrielle had already retired. She heard quiet sniffling and noticed that the bard was crying. The warrior's heart sank.

*She was just trying to be nice to you, you big stupid Gods damned warrior. She doesn't know anything about your past because you won't tell her. She's feeling lost and lonely because you won't talk to her. She loves you, and you love her. Deal with it before you lose her, and lose yourself.*

Xena inhaled and walked over and sat between Gabrielle and the fire. She saw that the bard was trying to hide the fact that she was crying. "Hey, Xena, what took you so long? You fall in?" Gabrielle joked, her light words not reflecting her heavy sorrow.

"Can we talk?" asked the warrior, wincing at how pathetic she sounded, but couldn't help herself.

"Of course...I'm ready whenever you are..." replied the bard, not making a move to turn and look at Xena.

"I need to see your eyes, Gabrielle."

The blonde took a ragged breath and sat up, then turned towards the warrior, not looking her in the eye. Xena gently lifted Gabrielle's face to look into her soul, puffy from crying though her eyes were, then pulled her in for a hug, too brief for either person's liking.

"I'm sorry I'm not more talkative. I can't afford to be...but I am trying, just for you. I guess I just have to try a little harder," the warrior smiled. "I've been thinking a lot-" but the warrior was stopped by the bard's soft fingers pressing gently against her lips.

"Shh...you don't have to tell me anything you don't want to, Xena. Don't feel guilty because I talk too much..."

The warrior took Gabrielle's fingers from her lips and held her hand in her lap, her eyes fastidiously glued to the bard's. "Never think for a moment that you make me feel guilty, Gabrielle. You've brought friendship and joy to my life...and a light that I lost a very long time ago. I can never thank you enough.
"And I promise you that I will be more open with you...I'm sorry it's taking so long...I just need a little more patience." Almost as an afterthought, Xena, the Warrior Princess, the Destroyer of Nations, the Lioness of Amphipolis, added, "Please."

Shocked, Gabrielle couldn't speak. *She said 'Please' to me...* The bard leaned forward and kissed the corner of Xena's mouth and smiled reassuringly. The dark woman was afraid that Gabrielle would scoff at a warrior who said "please" to a bard, but instead found patience as yet another thing added to the emotions in the blonde's expressive green eyes.

*I can't even remember Alia's eye colour anymore...but Gabrielle's green will stay with me forever...* she thought as she returned the bard's kiss, smiled and went to her bedroll on the other side of the campsite.

Neither was aware that the other gently caressed the area that was kissed, the warmth and softness lasting long after the event. They settled in for sleep, safe in the presence of each other.

*****

"Xena...it's me...Alia."

The warrior turned around and saw her Alia step towards her from what she assumed to be the Elysian Fields.

"We need to talk."

"I'm sorry for disgracing your memory, Alia..." Xena said, her head lowered. "Gabrielle's just a friend."

A small giggle came from the former slave. "I've come to talk some sense into you, warrior...because you need some help. Have a seat. Some of what I have to say might hurt."

Xena sat as Alia directed, then listened intently to her former lover. "Remember when I said that being inside you wasn't my destiny? I had already met and lost my soulmate by the time you came into my life. She came to me in a dream, much like I am with you now, and told me about your future and what I could tell you when you and I reached a certain point. And now we have.
"I have no bindings over your heart. That beautiful bard does and no matter how you try to get rid of her, she'll stay by your side and stay in your heart. SHE is the other half of your soul...not me."

Alia stepped forward and hugged the warrior. "You've changed so much, Xena. You make a lot of people proud...including me...and especially Gabrielle.
"I'll always remember you, but now you have to let whatever you think you feel about me go and continue your life.
"Good-bye, Xena..."

"Xena, wake up," said a soothing voice that cradled the head of a crying warrior princess in her lap. Slowly, the dark woman came back to the world, feeling gentle fingers wipe tears from her cheeks. Xena sat up to face the bard, holding Gabrielle's hand to her face. The warrior kissed the inside of the blonde's palm, then pressed her cheek to it.

"Let me ask you a couple of questions, Gabrielle..." started the warrior. "Why'd you buy me the whetstone and oilcloth?"

"You needed new ones."

"Yes, but...you contributed to my cycle of violence...."

The bard laughed gently. "Xena, what does it matter? You would have bought them yourself, I just beat you to the punch."

"It matters to me...it's an extraordinary gesture..."

"I saw you were in need and I provided, just as you do for me every day. It's as simple as that. If you want to get technical, if you need some sort of reasoning, let's say that by buying you the whetstone and oilcloth, I contributed to your saving countless villages and lives. Feel better now?
"What was your other question?"

"Have you ever been in love, Gabrielle?" The bard swallowed, her cheeks colouring. Xena noticed her reluctance to speak and her heart sank, but she decided to continue, for Alia.

"I thought I was in love once...I was nineteen and...a powerful warlord. I fell in love with one of the slave girls. Her name was Alia.
"All I wanted was to keep everyone I've ever loved from danger...so I became what I feared: war. One night, the security around my camp was lax, and Alia and I were asleep on my pallet...when we were ambushed by an effective army of vengeful farmers...
"Alia was raped and murdered and I died that night...I slaughtered the entire attacking force..."

Gabrielle didn't turn away as Xena expected. She leaned forward and brushed away the raven hair from the warrior's eyes, then cupped her chin with both hands. "You know...I would feel the same way if I lost you or were on the verge of losing you..."

"No! Don't say that...don't even think it.... I wouldn't be able to live with myself if you killed for me. I'm not worth it."

"Yes, you are, Xena...you've just been told that you aren't. I'm here to tell you that you ARE worth anything...everything. You deserve every bit of happiness available," said Gabrielle, trying to maintain eye contact though the warrior wanted to duck her head and not believe what the bard was trying to tell her.

"I've done truly horrible things, Gabrielle..."

The bard dropped her hands, and her gaze, to her lap. "Everyone has, Xena...even me."

The warrior laughed, then gave the bard an apologetic look when she looked up. "What truly horrible thing could YOU have done, Gabrielle?"

The bard sighed heavily. "I've kept a secret from you, my best friend. A big one. Not some little dinky one like 'I knew the nutbread was laced and ate it anyway,' which is true, but this lie...well, it effects both of us."

Xena fanned her hand across her chest at the admittance about the nutbread. "You DIDN'T! Oh...my gods...I'm SO devastated," she said, feigning painful shock.

"Xena..."

"...I don't think I'll ever be able to trust you to cook our bread again..."

"Xena..."

"...that explains the mysterious bag at the bottom of my saddle bag..."

"That's just this seasoning called oregano, okay...?"

"...no wonder you have a voracious appetite..."

Gabrielle loved this playful side to Xena, but was tired of trying to get her secret out in the open. She grabbed the warrior and pulled her forward to meet her lips. The contact was full of lightning and fire and colours never before seen by human eyes. The bard tried to pull back to look into Xena's eyes, but the dark woman followed her retreat. Gabrielle smiled into Xena's kisses, then gently pushed her away. Fear crept into the warrior's baby blues...

"Oh, don't get scared now, Xena. I just wanted to tell you that I love you. That's my big secret. I'm in love with you and I have been since before that day in the clearing. I saw you before then, when my family and I went to Porios to visit my aunt Silva...your army marched through the town and I saw you through the window in the tavern. And you looked up at me and, oh Gods...I don't think I ever wanted another human being more then when our eyes met.
"Or, more than right now," Gabrielle admitted sheepishly.

"I remember that day. I was going to raze the village, but I saw these eyes, these brave green eyes, and they bored into my soul. I led my army away as fast as possible," Xena said, the wonderment evident in her voice. "Gabrielle...I love you, too. I've been so afraid that you'd leave me or that I'd be defiling Alia's memory that I never considered telling you.
"To lose you would be to lose myself..."

"You're not going to lose me, Xena. It's a promise I intend to keep." Gabrielle leaned forward and kissed the warrior again. As the bard lay back, she wrapped her hand around the back of Xena's neck, pulling her down on top of her. They broke the kiss to breathe and the warrior looked into Gabrielle's eyes. There, within the beautiful green eyes of the least expected source, Xena found the love she'd been looking for all her life. It was then that she was absolutely sure that she had also found the other half of her soul.

They kissed again and when Gabrielle opened her mouth to receive Xena's questing tongue, their souls connected, trading half for half so they carried part of the other with them always. The bard wrapped her legs around the warrior's waist while her hands were busy trying to get the battledress off. Xena trailed kisses from Gabrielle's mouth to her neck, sucking gently on her pulsepoint as her fingers fumbled with the bard's belt.

"Hmmm in Tamtumus dom youm get thith thing off?" said Xena against Gabrielle's throat, unwilling to tear her mouth away to ask the question.

"Let me get it," the blonde giggled, her voice thick with need.

"Ohm nom youm don't...I hame many skillth...certaimly I cam take off a belt..."

Gabrielle giggled again as she returned her attentions to getting the leather barrier off of the body she desperately craved. She finally succeeding in undoing the laces on the battle dress and peeled it off Xena's body. They separated for a mere moment to allow Xena to fully remove her clothing and when they came back together, the feverish kissing was gone, replaced by a passion that didn't know time. It was a slow exploration, all-comsuming, reassuring them of the place they held in each other's hearts. Every action was filled with the intense white heat and blinding light of their love.

Finally, Xena conquered the puzzle of the blonde's belt and slid it and the skirt reverently from her body. She kissed Gabrielle again then moved her attentions to the other side of her bard's neck, her fingers starting to work at the laces to the green halter top.

Gabrielle pressed her hands against Xena's breasts, feeling her nipples harden under her gentle touch. The warrior moaned at the contact, her fingers still working at the laces.

"D-do you need some help, Xena?"

In response, the warrior growled against the milky white skin of Gabrielle's neck and smiled. She had no trouble with the laces at all, they were already untied, but she liked the feel of the soft, firm breasts underneath the course green linen. Slowly, she worked the sides of the top apart, then over the bard's head.

With a forcefulness that surprised them both, Gabrielle flipped them both onto Xena's back, straddling her waist. she pulled back enough to look into Xena's eyes, their noses barely touching.

"Are you mine, Xena?"

The sincerety of the question shone in Gabrielle's eyes and stabbed a pleasurable pain into the warrior's heart and soul.

"Yes.
"Are you mine, Gabrielle?"

The bard smiled, tears of happiness rolling down her cheeks. "I live for no one else. Yes, I am yours." Sealing their bond, and the exchange of souls, they kissed. Their kisses her no longer the fevered ones of love long denied, but of a love being explored. The bard broke their kis to lavish Xena with the love she had spent her life fighting for, but never truly found.

*Safe. Complete. Love.* These words flitted through the warrior's mind as Gabrielle sucked on her pulse-point, leaving a mark for the world to see. However, Xena didn't mind if the world knew that she was owned by someone. She craned her neck to give the bard further access. Xena arched her back when bardly hands came into contact with her breasts and she felt a smile against her neck.

Gabrielle loved the effect her touch was having on the warrior...but she felt something was missing.

"Xena.." she started but was silenced by the warrior's fingers pressed against her lips. The dark woman smiled, then closed her eyes as the bard pressed her lips to the inside of her wrist.

Xena leaned up and kissed Gabrielle deeply, then flipped them back over onto the bard's back and softly squeezed the blonde's breasts, making her moan into the warrior's mouth. Reluctantly, Xena left the warm comfort of Gabrielle's mouth and kissed a path to her breasts, licking and nibbling yet careful to avoid her sensitive nipples, saving the best for last.

"Gods, Xena...please..." moaned Gabrielle.

"In good time. Be patient."

The bard laughed. "YOU're telling ME to be patient?" In response, the warrior bit down gently on aching flesh. "Oh-okay..patience it is..."

Xena resumed her loving attention on Gabrielle's breasts, but before long she felt hands on her shoulders pushing her down the length of the bard's body. This time, she complied, nibbling and kissing down to Gabrielle's heat. She kissed the bard's thighs, working her way inward toward her center.

Scared for the third time in her life, Xena took her time pleasuring the bard, learning the things that drove her mad with need and reading the body that writhed under her touch. Gabrielle moaned when the warrior's velvety tongue pressed against her most sensitive area and when she exploded, their souls were sealed together in that one perfect moment. The bard found her soul mate in the fierce, repentant warrior who was worshipping her like a Goddess. The warrior found her soul mate in the equally fierce, bright shining star of a human, who, in turn, loved the warrior as she had sought after all her life.

Xena's first taste of love brought her true happiness. For the first time in her twenty-nine years of life, she felt whole and complete. Truly satisfied. She was home. She was safe. All because she had Gabrielle and Gabrielle had her.

Chapter Three:
A Taste of Death

After waking up later in the evening, several candlemarks after fighting off an entire army, Xena calmed her feverishly beating heart and steadied her shaking hands as she poured the elixir for the venomous Persian bolt down Gabrielle's throat one more time. Then she waited. The Warrior Princess hated waiting. To ease the tension in her body, she moved herself around, with her back towards the entrance to the armoury they were staying in, to look at Gabrielle. Watching the bard always gave the warrior peace, even after their recent ordeals...

A pang shot through her heart as she remembered all about Illusia, Hope, Solan...and how she dragged her best friend...lover...soulmate behind Argo through the Amazon village and to the cliffs over the raging seas below. They've already worked through their anger and pain and have started the long healing process, but Xena will always regret her actions that day...even if it eventually brought them to Illusia, a place where their hurts could start to heal. And, she vowed to spend the rest of her days atoning for that one deed.

"Xena?" called Gabrielle from the nest of blankets she lay on. In an instant, the warrior was next to the bard.

"What can I do for you, Gabrielle?"

"I just wanted to see you..." the bard replied. "Make sure you were still here."

Xena gave the bard a half smile. "Of course I'm still here...what would make you think I wouldn't be?"

"I wasn't sure whether I was dead yet or not..."

"Gabrielle, don't talk like that. You'll be fine," reassured the warrior, as she thought, *You'd better be.*

"Don't try to placate me, Xena...you and I both know that this antidote hasn't taken effect-"

"Yet. It just takes a while, that's all."

Gabrielle leveled a look up at the warrior that told her to hush. "Be realistic, Xena. If anything, it seems to have slowed the effects, but the poison's been in my system too long..."

The same thought had crossed the warrior's mind, but she refused to accept the possibility. "You can't die, Gabrielle...not because of me...not right now. We still have so much we need to talk about, and do..."

"I'm not dying because of you. I'm dying because of me. It's that simple.
"Do you remember that night by the fire after our first meeting with Callisto? When I made you promise me that you wouldn't become a monster if something were to happen to me? I need you to reaffirm that promise to me now...because I know the Warrior Princess never breaks a promise."

Xena bent close to the bard and whispered, "I promise that I won't become a monster...but you're not going to die, so this is a waste of breath.
"I want you to get some sleep, now, okay? You need it..." The warrior flashed her brilliant smile, but there was a slight flicker in her eyes that belied the fear brewing under the surface. Gabrielle caught the flicker, but did not mention it. She didn't want to spend the last moments of her life fighting with Xena when they just got through the worst couple of moons of their lives.

"Stay right here with me?"

The warrior covered her lover with a blanket and flashed her another smile. "Of course..." Then, Gabrielle closed her eyes and pretended to drift off to sleep.

After a while, the bard looked up at Xena, whose attention was focused on the far wall battling with her emotions. *She must be really worried if she can't feel my eyes on her...* thought the bard.

The bard reached out a hand and began to gently stroke Xena's forearm, feeling the goosebumps as they rose in the wake of her touch. Instead of acting surprised, the warrior closed her eyes and tried to hide the tear that rolled down her cheek. With her other hand, Gabrielle gently wiped away the tear and brought the warrior's head to down to rest on her shoulder. Xena accepted that simple gesture of comfort and let her tears flow freely into the blanket that covered her lover as she wrapped her arm over the bard's gaunt torso and gently squeezed while curling her legs into a fetal position.

The warrior felt Gabrielle give a gentle kiss to the top of her head then start to stroke her raven black hair, provoking more tears from cerulean depths. Xena lifted her head up and looked at her bard, who gave her a wan smile of reassurance. She leaned forward wanting, needing, to give this woman her strength...and Gabrielle had said once that any strength she needed she got from the warrior's gentle, loving kisses. She poured all she could into the kiss while remaining as gentle as possible.

Gabrielle smiled into the kisses and returned them the best she could. She couldn't tell if the weakness she was suddenly feeling were from the kisses or...

And then there was nothing.

Xena's tears renewed themselves as she cried into her bard's mouth, her tears wetting Gabrielle's cheeks and rolling along the still pulse-point.

"Pleasepleasepleaseplease..."chanted the warrior between kisses to whatever God heard her. "Not now..." The warrior continued to kiss Gabrielle, praying that maybe, just maybe, her love would be enough to bring her love back.

"DON'T LEAVE ME NOW!" she cried several heartbeats later, pulling away from the body beside her to sit on her knees. "Weren't we always supposed to be together?! You come back here and you tell me how I'm supposed to go on! You tell me that!" She paused and let the reality wash over her.

*Gabrielle is dead and there is nothing I can do about it.*

Xena turned away and pressed the heels of her hands against her eyes to stem the flow of tears. "THIS WASN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN!! Aren't I supposed to go first?! I'm the warrior! I'm the one who has millions wishing for my death! She didn't do anything to anyone! All she did was dare to love me, the unlovable. She dared to do good for the world and this is how she's repaid...a poisoned bolt... She died to save Greece and no ones going to stop and mourn her?!?! Not if I have any say about it!" The grief-stricken warrior stood and on wobbly feet approached her armour and weapons.

"...promise me..."

Xena shook her head. She didn't want to get distracted from her mission to avenge Gabrielle and make sure the world knew of this glorious, light-like being.

"...promise me that if something happens to me, you won't become a monster..."

"I promise."

The warrior stopped and turned to look at her fallen angel, then melted into a puddle of tears and grief. After a couple of candlemarks, Xena looked up and noticed that the sun had gone down, then she looked over at Gabrielle. "Well, looks like we won't be traveling anywhere today," she said almost lightheartedly. "That's okay by me, tho..."

The warrior curled up in the crook of Gabrielle's arm and rested her head against her shoulder. "I'm sorry... I nearly failed you, didn't I? I almost destroyed the world to tell them what a good, kind, generous person you are." Xena smirked at the dichotomy, as she often did when she thought of the two of them in simple terms. "The bard and the warrior. The warrior and the bard. I guess we were kind made for each other right from the start, huh? Opposites attract and all that."

Xena sighed and felt her tears welling up again. "I don't know if I can do this without you, Gabrielle. You told me that you lived only for me...so does your death mean I'm dead now? I feel dead...the only thing that's missing is that I still have my heartbeat. Without you, I merely exist...I don't live. I can't."

*Her blood is poison...can you imagine a better way to die?*

"Shut up," she told herself.

*What was it that Alti told you about the blood rituals? That when you drink the blood of someone, their powers become your powers... Without her you're gonna die anyway, Xena...why not take her blood, make another part of into another part of you?*

"I only did that to my enemies and when Alti came along, she showed me the magic behind it...something I didn't know before..."

*Exactly,* her mind continued, *so why not kill yourself with Gabrielle's blood? You'll have her with you always... If you were to live, the most you could do is keep her ashes with you...but her blood. That's more permanent. Then you can go on to the Elysian Fields and live with her forever...*

"I'm beginning to make sense..." said Xena to herself as she crawled towards the body of her lover, slowly pulling the breast dagger from her bodice.

*Is that a bad thing?*

"When I'm grieving, yes..." The warrior straddled the bard's body and leaned in close. She knew that the poison was in Gabrielle's blood and so drinking her blood would kill her...but give her enough time to at least build a pyre for the both of them.

"I'm coming, Gabrielle," she whispered as she made an incision to the bard's neck and sucked out the poisonous liquid.

*****

A dark man in tight black leather stood before the Fates and their loom.

"Her fate is complete-"

"Now for her destiny."

"She'll die before she can step out of the armoury-"

"To build their pyres."

"Isn't there anything I can do?" asked Ares, who rushed to the Fates as soon as he had heard about what happened to Xena and Gabrielle.

"You're too late, Ares-"

"You should have interceded at Xena's birth-"

"Now, nothing can be done-"

"Not until she finds the other half of her soul again..."

Ares turned and watched in the loom as his prized, his favourite, the only thing - other than himself - that he can say her truly loved, killed herself slowly. "I always knew that blonde was bad news..."

*****

Xena sat back and closed her eyes, feeling the power from Gabrielle's blood seep into her. About that, Alti did not lie. The warrior kissed her bard and placed her breast dagger with her armour and weapons, then proceeded down the ladder to prepare the pyre for them.

She felt dizzy. She felt sick to her stomach. She watched as the area grew light and then grew dim, her eyes trying to adjust and knocking her senses out of whack. Her head began to hurt and she felt a fever and the sweats creep up on her.

"No, I can't die now... What'll happen to our bodies?!"

She stumbled over her own feet, the world swimming around her. The door was so near yet seemed so far. She fell to the floor, clawing along the wooden planks to get outside to build their planks. "Who cares? I'll be with you soon, Gabrielle...that's all that matters."

Then everything was dark.

*****

Ares turned away from the loom.

"Don't cry, Ares-"

"She lives still-"

"But not as you'd like her to..."

"What good is a warlord if she can only come out at night?" mumbled Ares to himself. He turned back towards the Fates. "You said something about meeting the other half of her soul again..."

"When that happens-"

"Xena can have her life back..."

"When will that happen?" the God of War asked.

"Time is not ours to tell-"

"We all have eternity-"

"So be patient..."

"Patient. Right. Not my strong suit," he said as he paced back and forth trying to figure out their secret.

"Her destiny is not with you, Ares."

"Her destiny was to rule the world, not die with a bard!" he growled as he took off in a flash of light.

*****

Brilliant fingers of pink and orange stretched across the blue sky at dusk. The animals and insects of the night crept out from their hiding places to welcome the stars. Inside the armoury, a new existence was born.

She felt the cold hard floor underneath her. *Where am I* she thought. *Elysium has wooden floors and bad lighting?*

She looked around trying to find out where she was. Her head still pounded furiously, but, luckily for her, it was ebbing. *This is the armoury...why am I here?* She stood and walked outside. Everything seemed louder, clearer...like she had just opened her eyes for the very first time and had never before heard a sound.

With a speed that scared her, Xena reached out to her right and grabbed a hold of Ares' neck just as he arrived. "I knew you had to be behind this...what's going on?!"

"I had nothing to do with this, Xena," he said as he pried her iron grip off his neck. "I wanted to stop it, but hey...I wasn't there thirty-one years ago"

"What are you talking about?"

"You're dead, Xena, but not dead-dead. You're a vampire..."

"A what?"

"A vampire. Kinda like the bacchae-

"I killed Bacchus."

Ares laughed. "You're so funny. You killed him until the following bacchanalia... Like I was saying, a vampire is kinda like a bacchae only you're not under the control of Bacchus."

Xena became stern and determined. "What do I do to get out of this?"

"See, the Fates were kinda sketchy about that. Apparently they chanted something when you were born and cursed you and it sucks, blah, blah, blah-"

"What was the curse, Ares?" she asked, aware of a sharp pain in her stomach.

"Getting hungry? I can fix that for you-"

"First tell me what they chanted."

Ares sighed. "They chanted 'She'll taste of life, she'll taste of love, she'll taste of death and be reborn to walk the earth in search of her soul, so say Fate' or some kind of mumbo-jumbo like that. You're hungry. What do you want? A blonde? A redhead?"

"What?!" she said as she absorbed the words of the curse.

"What do you want to eat? A blonde or a redhead? No good brunettes right now..."

Now Xena was really confused. "What are you talking about?"

"Vampires feed off the living. Suck their blood as food. Do you want a redhead or a blonde?!"

The warrior grew horrified. "Neither!"

"Hey, I'm just offering to help you out here... You don't eat then you won't be in any condition to meet Gabrielle again."

Xena grabbed Ares by his throat and hauled him up against the side of the armoury. "Will you just spit it all out already?"

"I don't really understand what the Fates have in store, but it's all about the irritating blonde you were so fixated on. Apparently, she's your soulmate or some such non-sense. You're doomed to walk the earth until you find her again. When you do, everything will be as right as rain. Might as well keep up yer energy, Xena."

The warrior released the God of War and walked towards the door in thought. "I'll bring you a smorgasboard...keep the others around as snacks or whatever... You're gonna want to stay in during the day. Sunlight's a killer on your complexion now..."

No sound came from Xena either of thanks or in damning.

"Okay, well, I'll be back in a few," he said as he turned away, then mumbled, "Thanks Ares, you big hunka burning WarGod." He walked forward and in a flash of light, he was gone, off to get Xena a living meal. The warrior walked back into the armoury and climbed the ladder, then sat next to the body of her love.

"Looks like I really messed up now, huh? I've turned into a monster...I've broken my promise to you..." Xena wanted to cry, but she had no more tears to shed. "Ares says I'll find you again, but I'm damned to walk the earth as a vampire until I do. Sounds like something in one of your scrolls..."

Xena stood then put on her armour and weapons and climbed down the ladder and headed back out into the night to build a pyre for her bard. She built it high and big, then went back inside for the body of her love.

The warrior saw Gabrielle's scroll bag on the bottom floor and considered throwing it onto the pyre with her. *No,* she thought. *I should save these for when I meet her again.*

Outside, Xena gently placed Gabrielle's body on top of the pyre and lit it. She felt the tingles on the back of her neck signaling that the God of War was back, but she didn't care. Instead, the dark warrior sang her funeral dirge, her voice so mournful that even Ares shed a tear, and tried to relive every good moment she shared with Gabrielle. Drawing strength from her memories, Xena turned around to face Ares and his gifts - two women, a blonde and a redhead, both of who seemed ready and willing.

*Forgive me, Gabrielle, for what I'm about to do. I do this so we may meet once again.*

The blonde and the redhead attached themselves to each of Xena's arms and lead her into the armoury.

"What I wouldn't give to be both of those women tonight...except for the blood-drinking thing that Xena's going to do. But the rest of it, oh they're in for a treat," he said, fully aware of what pleasures the blonde and the redhead were going to experience before becoming Xena's meal. He shook his head to rid himself of the images, then took off for a battle that, much to his chagrin, required his attendance.

Xena was thirty-one years old...and had become ageless...

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