ForevaXena's FanFic . . .

The Stars Of The Northern Hemisphere

by Lead Fox

WARNING: This story depicts romantic love between two consenting adult women.  Those will small minds or who are under legal age (18 years, 21 in some States) should not read beyond this sentence.   Those who are legal, live in States where such material is legal and those of understanding mind and heart please enjoy.

DISCLAIMER: The characters of "Xena" and "Gabrielle" belong to MCA/Universal.  The Norse goddess Freyja is in the public domain.  No copyright infringement is intended.

Part 1

            The stars of the Northern Hemisphere showed brightly into the dark night.  The distant clicking of some nocturnal beetle provided the only sound for miles.  The air was crisp and clung to the trees and escaped the surface of the water in the form of a fine mist.  The flames of the campfire flickered and danced high into the silhouettes of the trees.  The silent warrior woman sat, motionless, staring into the fire.  In the flames she could still see the shrouded body of her companion, lying in silent patience for her soul mate to come and awake her.  Without moving a muscle, the warrior shifted her gaze from the flames to the sleeping amazon who lay on ground in front of the fire.  How much more alive she looked, sleeping along side a fire, instead of in the center of it.  Could it have honestly been a year since the two spent a night side by side?  A deep wave of regret and resentment spread through the warrior’s body.  The very idea of the life she almost succumbed to, married to a savage and brutish king, who wanted nothing more than a trophy wife to go to when his mistresses no longer interested him, made the strong woman’s stomach turn.  Why did it take her so long to remember the girl that defined her?  What would have become of that girl if she had never recovered her memory?  The warrior’s eyes danced on the sleeping body just in front of her.  ‘Girl’ was not a fitting term anymore, this was a woman.  A woman who had followed her into certain death time and time again.  A woman who forgave her for all her horrid deeds and dark past.  A woman who gave her love beyond any she had ever known.

            "Xena?"  The warrior had barely noticed the soft green eyes of her bard coming open. "Xena, are you crying?"

            "Of course not," Xena answered, blinking away the last of her stray tears. "It’s just the smoke from the fire."

            The amazon bard looked into the flames and for a moment she saw the face of Brunhilde, the woman who had confessed love for her.  It had been a selfish love, the bard had originally thought.  But in the act of turning herself into an eternal flame, she gave herself up so that the bard and the warrior could be together again. "Xena, did you know that Brunhilde told me she loved me?  In fact, she wanted to kill you to prove her love to me.  Have you ever heard of such a thing?"

            "You mean killing in the name of love?  Of course."

            "No," answered the amazon, not taking her eyes from the flame.  She was selecting her words very carefully. "I mean a woman loving another woman."

            "Gabrielle, I love you.  And you love me.  We say it all the time," said Xena, feeling a small sense of angst in her chest.  What was her best friend getting at?

            "No, not like you and I love each other, Xena.  I mean like I love Perdicus and you loved Borias," said Gabrielle, still keeping her eyes on the fire.  With a deep breath in, she waited for Xena’s answer.  Slowly, her breath escaped.  She took in another and waited.  After two more deep breaths, she removed her eyes from the fire.  Xena was nowhere to be seen. "Oh no."

            The warrior called again upon all of her many skills to travel lightly and without sound and she moved as far and fast away from the light of the fire as she could reach.  Her steps were placed only on the balls of her feet, keeping them silent.  Giving her weight to every stationary object she could find, she footprints were light and would be hard to track in the dark.  Her eyes were wide, taking in all the light she could from the stars and moon above.  Her ears were alert, should anyone be trying to follow her.  No, not anyone, just one certain someone.  Her face was solid and stoic, as a warrior’s should be, and gave no clue to the destroyed heart which betrayed all her warrior instincts.  She was running from her own friend, for crying out loud.  But never before in her life had she so wanted to do nothing more than that: cry, out loud.

            *This doesn’t have to be a bad thing.* Rationalized the warrior. *I always wondered if she felt about me the way I do about her.  And now I know she doesn’t.  She really meant it when she called me her best friend, when she told me I was like family.*

            The warrior stopped dead in her tracks. *Then why was I the only one who could pass through the flames?  Why was I allowed the reviving kiss?  Doesn’t being a soul mate mean that our hearts are together as well?*

            Swallowing back tears, Xena raised her eyes to stars.  How many nights had she spent looking up at those stars, wanting to fly up and be among them?  Whenever it became too much, lying next to her love nightly without being able to touch her, hold her, caress her, the stars were always there.  She would stare into them until sleep grasped her and took her into the world of dreams where she and Gabrielle could be together.  The stars were free from judgment; the stars were timeless.  Before her bard, Xena had only the stars to forgive her during her conquests and bloodlust.  The warrior wondered how many more years it would be until she found companionship outside of the stars again.

            "You spent thirty years with a woman and you think you know her," muttered Gabrielle, shivering as she crawled on the snow-covered earth.  Xena had done a good job of covering her tracks.  She was not moving in straight lines and was keeping close to the bases of trees and rocks.  Gabrielle placed her fingers lightly in the depressed snow, feeling for a footprint.  A curl of wind swept across her back, causing her to shiver.  It was a good thing her hair was long again.  The bare exposure of her ears and neck to the cold air would have been unbearable otherwise.

            *Okay, so it was a stupid thing to say.  How was I to know she was going to just take off like that?  I thought she would have at least stuck around to argue.*

            "No, I was _hoping_ she would argue," she said aloud, rebutting her own thoughts. *Of course, she could have left for another reason.  She could have seen a wolf, or someone prowling up on us.*

            "Oh, and I wouldn’t have heard it?" she argued with her thoughts again. *Oh shut up, I don’t see you offering any bright ideas.*

            "So that wasn’t the darkness of hell in her heart after all," Xena whispered to the stars. "But why Virgil of all people?  He could never love her like I do.  No one could."

            "Are you trying to talk to me, or just whichever divinities happen to be listening?" asked a familiar voice.  Xena did not take her eyes from the sky.

            "What are you doing Freyja?  I haven’t seen you since I left Valhalla and you and I weren’t exactly friends."

            The voice of the Norse goddess of love came now to Xena’s ear from the other side. "No, but we all owe you a debt for returning to love to Odin and restoring Grunhilde.  Granted, we wouldn’t have needed it restored if it wasn’t for you..."

            "I get the point, Freyja.  Do you call this comforting?" growled Xena, taking her gaze from the stars to see the goddess standing beside her.  Shimmering in flowing white robes, the goddess of beauty and love stood with remarkable presence, and yet still seemed to float above the snowy ground.  Her long blonde hair came down her shoulders in deep waves.  Her eyes were a clear ice blue, almost enough to challenge those of the warrior princess herself.

            "Are you asking for comfort?" her voice sang out like sweet choral harmonies.

            "No, warrior’s don’t need comforting," said Xena, quickly remembering to keep herself in character.  This was the goddess who had once cowered before her as a Valkyrie, after all.  It did not hold up, however. "Warriors need someone to love them."

            "Well, there is always the Rhine maidens."

            "Very funny.  I open up to you and you brush it off.  I was being serious," said the warrior with strong conviction in her voice.  "You know, you haven’t been the same since they named a day of the week after you.  I think the fame is going to your head."

            "I was being serious, too, Xena," the goddess answered, seemingly unaffected by Xena’s harsh words. "You know that they are more than willing to love you."

            "I don’t want just any love, Freyja.  I have a woman in mind."

            "Xena, I was kidding." *No, that’s not right.* "Xena, where did you go?  Was this some kind of lesson in tracking?" Gabrielle rehearsed her first words to Xena as she continued on the trail.  It was true, Xena could have just been testing her.  But why would she do that?  Xena had long ago stopping giving her trials and tests to improve her warrior skills.  True, she was still not as proficient as Xena, and probably never would be, but she had certainly come a long way since her life in Poteidaia.  *I found her up here once before, I can do it again.*

            "I wouldn’t call it love at first sight, but she really grew on me.  I never expected to love any one as much I do her.  It’s like she taught me _how_ to love."

            "And you honestly think she doesn’t love you back?"

            "I did," answered the warrior, looking at the ground. "I thought for months that she was beginning to love me the way I loved her.  I hoped it for years, but lately I really thought...I really thought that loved me, too.  I never let on that I knew, and I was always careful not to show my love in case I was wrong, but I couldn’t help myself.  I had to put my hands on her every chance I got.  I kissed her whenever I thought I could get away with it.  And when it got too much to hold in anymore, I told her I loved her...but I said it so that she could decide how I meant it.  I just always hoped she would decide I meant it in the true, passionate way that I did."

            "And now?"

            "Now I know she has thought of me as a friend the whole time.  And she has been thinking of that pathetic boy from Poteidaia waiting for her in the Elysian fields all the while.  I went to HELL for her, and this is the thanks I get."

            "Be careful Xena," warned the goddess Freyja in an almost purring voice. "You are starting to get angry at her for a matter she cannot control.  If her heart belongs to another, then it does and there is nothing you can do about it.  Just as you would hope for her not to hate you for your love, you cannot hate her for hers."

            "I don’t hate her for it."

            "But you’re willing to run off into the forest and the stars and leave her behind forever because of it?"

            "No.  Well, maybe.  I mean, that’s what I wasn’t going to do but...I just..." Xena felt a strong lump forming in her throat and her words became harder. "I just want to cry and have her hold me until I don’t feel the need any more."

            "Well congratulations, brave warrior," smiled Freyja, "You finally admitted to your emotions.  Now, can you imagine this woman you love so dearly turning you away for loving her?  Certainly not the woman you paint for me.  To me, it seems that this woman says she loves _you_ just as often.  This woman offers to anoint your wounds and comfort your aching muscles.  She is so at home with you, she sleeps on the frozen earth just to be next to you, and loves you so deeply she would leave her blood family to lay with you for eternity."

            "But it is a different kind of love."

            "And that’s not enough?"

            A small twig snapped under the weight of Gabrielle’s step.  She looked down at her foot and cursed it.  She was still a ways away from being as good as Xena.  The path she had been tracing was now fading, as she was getting to an area with too many fallen trees and bare rocks.  The warrior princess had obviously begun to walk on these instead of the confessing snow.  Gabrielle kept her eyes as keen as she could in the dark on the night, but searching for footprints in moss was becoming beyond her abilities.  She was only grateful that the moon was still almost full and shone some light onto the forest.

            *Are you sorry yet?*

            "Yes!  I was sorry from the moment I looked up and saw that she wasn’t there anymore," Gabrielle said quietly to her antagonizing conscience.

            *Maybe if you’d just tried to be honest instead of ironic this wouldn’t have happened.*

            "Well maybe I wanted to be honest but then got scared, okay?" the amazon whispered fiercely to herself. "I mean, how many different ways can someone interpret the word love?"

            "I must have come up with twenty interpretations for the word love every time she used it in a sentence.  There were times when I thought no one in their right mind could hear anything else but complete romantic love...I would have told her right then and there, but something always came up.  Or I’d lose my nerve.  I can’t tell you how much I wanted to kiss her again after she woke up in Brunhilde’s flame," said Xena, looking back up to the stars again.  Above her, six stars huddled together in the night sky and twinkled as though each was taking its own moment to wink at her.  She remembered star gazing with Gabrielle and always finding her way back to those six stars.  They were the only stars that neither of them named.

            "It amazes me, Xena, that in matters of death you are a woman of action.  But in matters of love, you spend decades talking yourself out of taking the very action that would give you eternal happiness," mused the goddess, circling to Xena’s other side.

            "You are one to talk about time and eternity.  You who have nothing but," said Xena, sharply.  She brought her eyes back to the goddess and raised an eyebrow.  Freyja only smiled and shook her head slightly.

            "No, I know my fate.  I will die, Xena, it has been pre-ordained.  And so will you.  And so will Gabrielle.  And then you will move on to your next lives and see each other again, for countless lifetimes.  You’ve seen it yourself.  Think of how many opportunities you will have to love her in those.  Why deny yourself the chance in this lifetime?"  Xena took a long, hard look into the pale face of the Norse goddess.

            "I just love her so much."  A small smile crept to the thin pink lips of the goddess of love and beauty.

            "She’s coming to find you."

            The ground no longer had any clues to offer.  After clearing the fallen trees and patches of rocks, Gabrielle had expected to find the beginnings of new tracks in the snow.  Instead, she found only tossed snow and deep hoof prints from a herd of something that had run through.  She was beginning to have doubts about the direction that she had chosen.  Maybe if she had gone right after the trees instead of left.

            *Xena had better appreciate all I am doing to find her.*

            "She will.  She always does."

            *You know how crazy you sound talking to yourself like this, right?*

            "Yes," said Gabrielle, almost pouting in her tone.  She was getting very frustrated.  She was confused as to where and why her friend left, or if she should even be trying to find her.  If she had not gone into these woods, she would still be by the warm fire, with all of her digits in normal working order.  Instead, her fingers were stiff, her toes were sore and even her lips were feeling stiff and frozen.  Sighing, Gabrielle threw her head up to the sky. "I could use a _little_ help here.  Please?"

            Through the pitch black of the sky, darting between the bright glints of stars, the white streak of a shooting star caught the bard’s eye.  Something in the way it moved reminded her of the Valkyries she’d seen riding through the sky.  That was, of course, impossible, though.  As the bard’s eye quickly moved to play catch up with the speeding ribbon of light, it came to an abrupt stop in the middle of an assembly of stars.  Feeling deeply compelled in her heart, Gabrielle forwent the trails she had been trying to trace, and stepped toward the small cluster of stars.

            *I remember those stars.*

            "Xena?" asked Gabrielle, stepping into the clearing in the trees.  Xena quickly snapped her head down from the sky and began to make a grab for her sword.  She stopped immediately when she saw the cold and frail figure of her friend before her.  At the meeting of their eyes, Gabrielle’s lit up and her pale face was set aglow. "Oh Xena, thank the gods!"

            She spread her arms out and raced forward to the warrior princess. She grabbed Xena tightly and felt herself shudder against the warrior’s strong and somehow still warm body.  Xena wrapped her arms around Gabrielle and shut her eyes, smiling widely.  The bard’s body was cold, and she rubbed her arms up and down her shivering back.  "So, you found me."

            "Yes," said the amazon, and pulled her head back from the embrace, keeping their arms together. "Where did you go?"

            "Here," said Xena in her usual manor of frankness and nonchalance.  Gabrielle furrowed her brow briefly and shook her head.

            "No, wait, I meant _why_?  Why did you go?"

            "Gabrielle, you’re freezing.  You really should be wearing more than this in such cold weather," said Xena, taking the pelt off her shoulders. "Here, wrap up in this."

            Xena wrapped the thick hide around Gabrielle’s shoulders and spun it inward, cocooning the bard with her arms against her chest.  As the amazon sighed slightly with the additional clothing, Xena took her in her arms and held her close.  She bowed her head down, so that her cheek was pressed against the Gabrielle’s.

            "I’m sorry," she whispered. "I won’t leave like that again."

            "You better not," scolded the bard, playfully, through slightly chattering teeth. "I don’t know why I’m so cold all of a sudden."

            "It’s because you’re not moving any more.  Your blood is settling down and your body temperature is falling," said the warrior, trying very hard not to coo the words to the woman whom she so desperately loved.  Suddenly, her eyes came open as she felt Gabrielle’s soft lips on her neck.  They moved gently and the warm air that escaped them made Xena’s knees feel weak.

            "No, I don’t think that’s it," whispered Gabrielle.  She resisted a smile as she felt the tickling of Xena’s skin against her lips when she spoke.  It wasn’t her fault Xena was holding her so close, after all.  The thought made her smile, and she could not catch herself this time.  Suddenly, she felt a jolt as Xena pushed her away and held her out at an arm’s length.  Gabrielle opened her eyes wide in surprise. "What?  What is it?"

            "It’s...it’s nothing," said Xena, slowly.  Without saying anything else, and with a very puzzled look on her face, she slowly pulled the bard back into her embrace.  Every part of her body ached to hold Gabrielle even closer, to wrap not only her arms but her legs around that delicate and beautiful body.

            "Xena?"

            "Yes?" she answered without pulling out of the embrace.

            "Could you put your cheek against mine again?  I liked that," said Gabrielle, in a voice that seemed nothing but innocent.

            "Sure," said Xena, lowered her head again until her cheek brushed Gabrielle’s.  She ran her hands on the amazon’s back and held her close.  Slowly, and without realizing it, she began to shift her weight from one leg to the other, rocking Gabrielle in her arms.  Time seemed to stand still in that clearing as the warrior princess lovingly held and comforted the frozen amazon bard.

To Be Continued  . . .      

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