ForevaXena's FanFic . . .

Life And Death In A Pizza Box

by Lady Xysia

DISCLAIMERS: Lady Xysia doesn't own Xena, Gabrielle, Ares or Rob Tapert. Universal / Renaissance Pictures does.

This is the sequel to what Xena and Gab do when they are dead, some spoilers blah blah blah

Copyright 2000 Lady Xysia.

Send correspondence for Xysia to kcendra@hotmail.com and place "Lady Xysia" and the name of the piece you're referring to into the subject line.

Xena and Gab free from the cross and fully healed are walking through a field in the linen wraps::

Gab: Xena we really need to get some new clothing..

Xena: I don't see why you didn't ask Eli or Americe for some money

Gab: Eli doesn't believe in money, its evil. It causes war, hate, pain and bad fashion.

Xena: ::rolls eyes:: Whatever...

Gab: It does, Oh Xena look a tree!

Xena: Oh wow so what.

Gab: Its so cute!! ::runs and hugs it::

Xena: Gabrielle I told you no tree hugging when your around me.

Gab: But its sooooooooo cute

Xena: Cute my ass...

Gab: Well maybe not that cute.

Xena: I told you to lay off the henbane.

Gab: I don't do henbane anymore, I do my powder.

Xena: ::raises eyebrow:: Powder?

Gab: From the smoke blowing thing...

Xena: So thats why Argo's been acting strange, going off alone at nights and coming back dazed.

Gab: What do you mean?

Xena: What do you think I mean, you've been drugging her!

Gab: I have not! All I've been doing is reading to her.

Xena: I don't want to know what...

Gab: Just some of the latest scrolls to come out.

Xena: That stuff is trash.

Gab: You should use it, instead of my scrolls.

Xena: Nahh no rough.

Gab: We could wear fig leaves..

Xena: Greens not my color.

Gab: Thats right now you have to be picky.

Xena: I'm not being picky I'm being logical, leaves don't cover much.

Gab: And thats a bad thing?

Xena: Ok how about this. we split up and find town, we can meet each other back here in two days.

Gab: Fine! ::stalks off::

Xena: Thank the gods shes gone.... ::walks into the forest::

Xena: Hmm what to wear... ferns, nope. Feathers? Nahhh if I can kill a boa..! trips and falls flat on her face::
What the fruck!

Pan: Sorry...

Xena: ::Looks at him:: Pan!? I haven't seen you for years!

Pan: Xena!? ::hugs her leg::

Xena: Ummmm get off my leg and stop humping it.... I have Gabrielle to do that.

Pan: You found someone to replace me?

Xena: Yeah... but I'm thinking about dumping her.

Pan: Ok, so what have you been up to from the last time I saw you?

Xena: That was ten win...

Pan: NO! it was 7 winters ago... gods why is everything ten for you...

Xena: I don't know I think when I got hit on the head with a log it did something to me, and the fact that I can't do my opium anymore.

Pan: ::blinks:: You gave up the smoke!?

Xena: Yup, been clean now for almost four years.

Pan: Wow, I'm impressed.

Xena: Yeah, any ways I need some clothing can you help?

Pan: Hmmm well I do like that bloody I've been nailed to the cross look on you but I think I can help.
::takes her hand and gos along to a nifty house in a tree::

Xena: When did you get this place?

Pan: From this guy with a bunch of robes, he kept hugging trees...

Xena: Eli! OOoooo If he hadn't healed me he would have gotten it good.

Pan: ::nods:: I don't blame you, any ways come along ::gos inside:: its bigger then it looks.

::Inside is a large area so grand and chic that Ares would have hung his head in shame::

Xena: Damn if Eli can find me a place like this maybe I'll forgive him for what he did to Gabrielle.

Pan: Ha! the taxes are murder.

Xena: Then I'd kill the tax collector.

Pan: Good idea, ::rummages through a chest:: Hmmmm dresses aren't your thing...

Xena: Got any armor?

Pan: Well now that you mention it I have your old I'm going to kill Hercules armor that you left here.

Xena: That will do.

Pan: ::hands it to her:: Your sword and old chakram are here too.

Xena: Yeah! Now I don't have to go back to India to get a new one.

Pan: You were in India?

Xena: Gods Don't you start too!
::Puts on her armor, claw shoulder things, arm bands, bracers, boots etc.::
AHHH gods this feels great... and it still fits too.

Pan: Yup leather is your thing. ::hands her the sword and chakram::

Xena: Thanks.

Pan: Say want some henbane?

Xena: Sure.

::Mean while as Gab gos on her merry way.::

Gab: Ohhhh a tree! I loooovvvveee yyyyoooouuu Trrreee!

Farmer: Yup another blonde twit.

Gab: Twit!? I'm not a twit! I follow the way of friendship.

Farmer: And the way of drugs to I suppose.

Gab: Well umm, hey do you know were I can get some clothing?

Farmer: What do I look like? The God of clothing?

Gab: I don't care what it is as long as its something to wear, other then this bloody stuff.

Farmer: Well I think I might have something ::digs through his cart:: hmmm ahh here you go. ::tosses her a bundle:: enjoy and stop hugging the trees....

Gab: Of all the ungrateful people ::gos behind some bushes and gets dressed:: Ahhh Xena will be so envious of how quickly I got these clothes. ::starts back down the road to meet up with her.::

::Back at Pan's place.....::

Xena: Yeah, Gab and I really got hot and heavy into it.... Who knew painting mehndi one each other erotically could burn so many calories.

Pan: ::nods:: So are you two off to any place inperticular.

Xena: Not at the moment, we just got nailed to a cross and came back from the dead. Don't know were we're going next. I hope some place interesting for once. I'm so tired of this Xena saves Gabby, or Xena pries Gabby off of a tree and such.

Pan: I know what you mean.

Xena: Well thanks for the stuff I need to get going back to Gabrielle maybe she hugged a tree to heard and knocked herself out.

Pan: One can only hope.
::Xena walks out of the tree and down the road::

Gab: ::spots Xena:: Xena I... NOOOOOOOooooooo!!!

Xena: ::draws her sword:: What!? What is it? Joxer? Argo? Ares in a thong? hmm the later would be a nice thing to see..

Gab: Nooo Xena you can't become evil again you promised!! ::punchs on her armor:: ow ouchy!

Xena: Gabrielle what are you talking about?

Gab: Your, Your in your old armor and and you have blood all over you!

Xena: I tripped and cut myself.

Gab: What your doing drugs again!!?? I told you not to do opium!

Xena: ::looks guilty for a moment:: Well err Gabrielle were in Hades name did you get those cloths?

Gab: Huh? Oh you like em? ::spins around modeling::

Xena: Like em?! HAHAHHAH! You look like a Pre Myceasen Spice Girl or something.

Gab: A what?!

Xena: You don't want to know, I heard about them from Ares one time...

Gab: You mean you've been seeing Ares again too?

Xena: No, you know he stalks me...

Gab: Why don't you just tell him what you are now? Maybe he'll leave you alone.

Xena: I think he already knows about you and...

Gab: I don't mean that! I mean that you are truly good now.

Xena: Like he'll ever believe that.

Gab: Don't worry we'll think of something.

Xena: So were do you want to go from here?

Gab: To a market place.. seeing you don't like what I'm wearing..

Xena: If you could see yourself you would agree.

Gab: Is it that bad?

Xena: Yup, and then some.

Gab: Hmm maybe some new clothing for you.

Xena: Whats wrong with my armor?

Gab: I just don't like it... and you know why.

Xena: Only if theres something at the market place that I like, if not I keep this.

Gab: Well, ok.

::they go down to the market place with various wares and junk and glitter, Gabrielle picks up a few gaudy looking items and then puts them back before deciding on a (GASP!) Smaller BGSB and SHORTER rust colored skirt::

Xena: Gabrielle umm just how do you expect to pay for your new gear?

Gab: Oh oh... umm bugger?

Xena: Were in Hades did you come up with that from?

Gab: ::heavy NZ accent:: What the bloody hell do you mean I always talk like this Xener.

Xena: Ares! What have you done to her!?

::Ares appears in a flash of blue light::

Ares: Xena I am sick of this...

Xena: What?!

Ares: Always Ares this or Ares that or...

Xena: You never seem to mind me calling your name when we....

Gab: WHAT!?

Xena: Opps umm nothing..

Gab: Just what the bloody hell are you talking about Xener?

Xena: Gods Gabrielle its X-e-na not Xener, can't you pronounce a'?

Gab: Ey?

Xena: I give up...

Ares: You do? Yes I have been waiting for you to say that Xena! ::big happy grin:: Yes your coming back to me, to the dark side of the force.. errr way? Bugger now what was that bloody line...?

Xena: What in Hades name is going on?!

Off Screen: Cut!

Gab/Ren: Lucy what are you talking about?

Xena: Lucy? Gabrielle I'm Xena.

Gab/Ren: Lucy are you feeling ok? Did I knock you upside the head with my staff?

Xena: Not that I know of..

Gab/Ren: Lucy are you sure your feeling ok? I mean with the baby and everything.... here you should sit down maybe work on your knitting?

Xena: Knitting?

Gab/Ren: ::hands it to her:: Here you go.

Xena: ::looks at it and picks up on of the needles flinging it across the set with it impaling Kevin Sorbo in the back killing him.::

Gab/Ren: How did you do that?!

Xena: I have many skills.

Rob: Thank God now we don't have to worry about that blasted show of his...

B.S.: ::Flipping channels:: ::news person:: And today we are sad to report the slaying of Hercules actor Kevin Sorbo who was said to have been killed by a woman dressed up like Xena wielding a blood covered sea gull. Next on The National Extra Garbage....

B.S.: Yes! Back in Business!

TBC... Maybe... Of maybe not... hmmmm if Xena and Gabrielle Go to visit Una and then raid her freezer maybe...

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