ForevaXena's FanFic . . .

Northern Light

by Kat Harris

Disclaimers: The characters Xena, Gabrielle, Argo, Ephiny, Solari, Otere, Yakut all belong to Renaissance Pictures, MCA/Universal Pictures and Xena Warrior Princess. No copyright infringement is intended. I’m merely borrowing them for a while and will replace them (almost unharmed) when I’m finished

Content Warning: This story contains references to intimate activity, although nothing graphic. If you do not wish to read about this type of relationship or are under 18, please feel free to go elsewhere.

Violence: virtually none (yet)

Spoiler Warning: Yes..spoilers for the episodes “Maternal Instincts”, “The Bitter Suite”, “Adventures in the Sin Trade 1 & 2”, “A Family Affair” The story begins at the very end of the episode “A Family Affair” and I’ve “borrowed” the last scene from that episode.

Part 1

 “I’m looking for answers too,” Xena said softly, “but how we look for them doesn’t matter as long as look for them together, you and me.” 

She dropped her head as she said it, as if suddenly fearful, or tired or perhaps both.  Gabrielle stared at her in something close to disbelief for a moment.  This conversation was about the last thing she had pictured in this moment of being reunited with her best friend.  So much had happened to them since the birth of her daughter whose short life had cast a long shadow over them. She wasn’t sure if Xena still wanted her around, a constant reminder of everything that happened in the last year.  In the hospice, she hadn’t even been sure if Xena was alive at all.  Even though she had taken Hope into the abyss with her, she had still left Xena with Ares and Callisto, surrounded by Dahak’s followers and had no way of knowing what might have happened next.

She sat beside her friend and put her arm around her shoulders, meeting her gaze with a soft smile.  Did she ever think that they would have this closeness again?  Even though Hope and her son’s bodies lay in front of them, and Gabrielle’s terrified family in the house behind them, there was no one in the world at that instant, apart from the two of them.  She had a sudden memory of leaving here as a young girl, not that long ago really, even though it felt like lifetimes.  Did I ever think what would come next, that she’d become the most important thing in my life?  Yes, maybe I did.  Despite everything, whatever she might feel about me, I wouldn’t change anything about our journeys.  It seemed a strange thought to have, here with her daughter lying dead just feet away and their home place almost in ruins.  She came to find me.

After a few moments, Xena shifted position slightly, resting her gaze on the blond head resting against her shoulder.  We should really go in and make peace with the family, she thought, but somehow neither seemed ready to move just yet.  She’s been through so much.  If I’d only realised she was still alive..  The vision that had made her realise that Gabrielle was not dead flooded her mind for a moment, the snow and the crosses..  It can’t be, it just means we have to be careful, must avoid any scenario that could lead us to that.  If I hadn’t gone after Caesar in the first place, none of this would have happened.  She stared at the body of the girl that had brought them both so much pain, but couldn’t look for long.  They were identical and it was like looking at Gabrielle lying dead;.  She couldn’t even sum up her usual rage for Hope and all that she had done pretty much from the day she was born.  In death, with her eyes closed and the flat emptiness they usually held, invisible, there seemed no difference between the two.

“Xena,” Gabrielle looked up at her, “I’d better go, talk to them..” she indicated the small farmhouse, “if I could just talk to them on my own first”.

“Of course, I’ll wait here, deal with..” she looked again at the two bodies, “wouldn’t want your mother to see..”

Gabrielle nodded with a grateful smile and walked away without a backward glance.

They headed off that night, both eager to leave the small village, even Gabrielle who usually looked to stay as long as she could on a visit, seemed anxious to leave.  Her parents had been confused and frightened, unable to fully grasped that the young woman who had been so settled and happy at home with them for the last few weeks wasn’t their daughter at all.  Only Lila had remained calm, full of love and concern for them both.  She was the only one who knew who Hope really was.  Her parents had just been told that she was a demon, able to take on any form that she wanted. It didn’t go far in the way of explaining what had happened and why but her parents asked few questions, perhaps not really anxious to know what had really been happening.

It’s true anyway, Gabrielle thought bitterly, “I shouldn’t think of her as my daughter.  But somehow whenever she thought that, she would remember holding a small baby in her arms and feeling as if she had conquered the world. 

“We’ll be back when things have..calmed down,” Gabrielle said to her mother while Xena stayed tactfully out of the way, loading their belongings on to Argo.  Her parents nodded tearfully and kissed her, all three of them hiding a silent and sorrowful relief to be saying goodbye.

Gabrielle was quiet as they rode through the darkness and Xena didn’t press her, still not fully able to believe that they were back together.  She remembered riding through the Siberian Steppes, the tearing cold and intense fear that she would never again see or hear anything of her friend, and the pyre she had prepared for the young Amazon girl impaled on a tree and left alone in the freezing cold.  It was as if her grief had exploded at that point and she had truly accepted that she would now be forever on her own, whatever she might find out in the world beyond, it would never bring her to the person she wanted to see most.  She had never really believed that it was possible for a living person to enter the gates to Eternity, but it was something to do, a goal, something to make her feel that there was still hope.

Unconsciously, she tightened her grip on Gabrielle, who sat in front of her on the horse.  Gabrielle leaned back, drifting in and out of an exhausted sleep.  She murmured something that Xena was unable to hear properly.  They had reached a heavily wooded area just south of Poteadia and it looked warm, dry and above all, safe for a camp for the night.  Xena lifted her friend gently from the horse and laid her on to a blanket, watching her face as she relaxed into a deeper sleep.  Thank the gods you’re safe.  She lay beside her and after being alone and frightened for so long, it seemed quite natural to both of them to sleep softly in each other’s arms.

Sometime before dawn, Xena woke suddenly, not quite sure what it was that had woken her.  She glanced at her friend to find that Gabrielle was also awake, staring up into the trees and deep in thought.

“Are you ok?” she asked softly.

“Yes, of course,” Gabrielle struggled to a sitting position, looking around her, “I just can’t believe that we’re back..doing this again, setting up camp.  I didn’t even dare dream..”

“Me neither,” Xena said, “I have so much to tell you about the time I spent searching for you.”  She looked at Gabrielle’s face, wondering if this was topic or a time that her friend might rather just forget about but Gabrielle had settled back comfortably, watching her face, her own full of interest and curiosity.

“Do you remember when I told you about Cyane and the Northern Amazons?” she began..

It was long past time daylight by the time she finished speaking.  Gabrielle listened, enraptured by the story of the lost band of warriors whom Xena had befriended, and their battle to defeat Alti and release the souls of Cyane and her tribe.  As she spoke, Xena watched her friend’s wide eyes, her beautiful smile.  For once, her usual restlessness was absent.  All she wanted to do was sit and talk to Gabrielle.

Cyane would have loved Gabrielle, Xena thought, they had the same spirit.

I wish I’d known Cyane, Gabrielle thought wistfully, she sounds so much like Xena.  It’s no wonder she thought she should have become an Amazon.

“You did a great deed, Xena”, she said softly, “and you kept your promise.  You didn’t become a monster.  Instead you put your energy into helping people who desperately needed it.  People you’d wronged.  When you first told me about that tribe and their leaders..well, you didn’t want to search for the survivors because of your guilt.  And now you have, and they’re so much better for it.”

“It’s part of what you’ve taught me,” Xena said gently, “it’s strange.  Through meeting them, they’ve found out about their past, and how to build a future.  And I found you.”  They smiled at each other.

Xena began to fold up their bedrolls.  Should I just tell her?  Or is it too late?  Maybe with everything that’s happened..we should probably talk about that first, going right back to Britannia and the Romans.  Or would that be too painful for her?  Is it too much to expect her to love me back after all I’ve put her through, all this hurt..  Out of nowhere, Solan’s face filled her mind, her beautiful son.  If only he could have known Gabrielle better, if only..

“Xena..” Gabrielle leaned over and tentatively touched her arm.  “Are you alright?”

“I will be,” Xena replied, looking away from her, “I’m just tired of wondering what would have happened if.., all these regrets.  That’s why I want to say this to you now, and whatever you want to do next is up to you, I don’t want to feel as if you have to stay with me if you want to be somewhere else, start all over again.”  Her throat constricted with panic as she said the words but she ploughed on, relentlessly.

“I tell you I love you everyday, Gabrielle but I’ve never told you that I’m in love with you.  And I thought we had all the time in the world to talk about it..until I thought you were dead.  And it was too late, and all I’d done was hurt you.  I understand if you don’t want to hear this..”

“I don’t need to hear it,” Gabrielle replied, moving over to sit close to her, “did you think I didn’t know already?  Or that I don’t feel exactly the same?  I should have talked to you, Xena and told you, that first time after Chin when we..” she blushed and they smiled sheepishly at each other,  “the first time.  But I couldn’t.  Not when your son’s death was because of me.  Your forgiveness meant the world to me.”

“You’re not to blame for anything,” Xena said, putting her arms around her, feeling her warm skin, the trembling around her shoulders, marvelling still that Gabrielle was here, alive, warm and full of love.

As they lay back onto the grass, Xena wondered briefly if she should set out the blankets once again but after a moment, it really didn’t seem to be important.

“Maybe it’s too soon, Gabrielle, after..everything.  I’m happy to wait as long as you need.”

They stayed at their camp for the rest of that day, reluctant to be apart, unable to part gazes for more than a few candle marks at a time.  I’ll wake up in a minute, Xena thought once, and find myself back on the Steppes and this will be all a dream.  It was the sort of scene she’d dreamed about in those few days, cruel dreams that nearly tore her apart when she woke to find herself alone once again.

“I can’t believe this,” she said out loud, “I never thought we’d be together again.  We never even talked much about love, you know, not in the physical sense.  It was almost just a comfort thing, a need we had a few times that..  I never thought you felt the same as I did.  I thought telling would make you feel..”

“So did I!” Gabrielle interrupted, “I thought maybe I was the only one..that maybe I’d make you feel awkward being around me.  I think I even married Perdicus to prove to myself that I could, that I could leave you and love a man.  It was stupid, and cruel.”

“You were confused,” Xena said gently, “and you did your best for Perdicus.  You would never have hurt him..but you would have been hurt in the end..  I remember hoping that you were really in love with him, and also that you weren’t..”

They were silent for a moment, arms tight around each other.

“Those young Amazons,” Gabrielle said thoughtfully, “they’ll probably go on to achieve great things.  I feel so happy whenever I think of them, and what you did.”

“You know, Gabrielle, I would have tried to keep my promise, as long as I could think straight at all.  But there was just no life without you.  I did what I did because I knew it was what you’d want me to do.  But other than that, there was no point to anything without you.”  A tear slid down her cheek as once again, she revisited her journey to the Steppes in her mind, staring up into the tree with the young woman left in the darkness, wondering where Gabrielle was and if she would ever know how loved she was.  Gabrielle kissed her softly, tightening her grip and finally leaning in towards her, her hands gripped firmly to Xena’s.

“Well if this isn’t just about the last thing I expected to find here..” a breathless voice broke their solitude and the two sprang apart to stare in surprise at the young warrior who had crept up on her camp.

“Ephiny..”  Gabrielle jumped to her feet and threw her arms around her friend, “It’s really you!!”

“Gabrielle, I’m so happy to find you alive.”  The regent Queen made a small bow and looked around her, “I got your messages after the..fight”  She glanced quickly at Xena and looked away, “we knew you were ok but after that, not a word.  I sent two scouts to Potedeia to see if you might be there and one returned with the news that you were dead.  I had to come and see..”  She broke off and hugged Gabrielle once again.

“Ephiny,” Xena got to her feet and approached her awkwardly, “I’m so sorry for what occurred the last time we met.  I hope your arm has healed?”

Ephiny looked at her in silence, seeming to weight up options in her mind.  Finally she offered Xena a small smile and nodded.

“It’s fine now.  I wouldn’t have travelled this far otherwise.  Solari is with me; she should be here shortly.  You both look exhausted but..” again she looked around at their camp and dishevelled bed rolls, “happy.  You’re not hurt?”

“We’re fine,” Gabrielle said, “I’ll tell you all about it when Solari’s here.  Xena’s just been telling me about the Northern tribe from Siberia and what she..”

“The Northern Tribe?”  Ephiny threw a sudden, dark look at Xena, “I didn’t think there was a Northern Tribe?”

“Come on,” Gabrielle said to her, “come with me while I fetch more water and I’ll tell you about them.”  Xena shot her a grateful look, glad to have a moment to herself while hopefully, Gabrielle would help smooth the path for them.

“I thought, you and Xena..” Ephiny began as soon as they were out of ear shot, “she could have killed you.  That last day, she dragged you..”  She shut her eyes briefly, attempting to shake the scene from her mind, of Gabrielle trapped and helpless, hitting rocks and stones as was dragged behind a horse towards the cliff edge.

“It happened for a reason, Ephiny,” Gabrielle said, taking her hand, “Everything does.  Let me tell you what happened next..”

It was almost dark by the time the two returned to the small camp.  Xena had been torn between wanting to let them catch up and wondering if everything was ok.  It was still hard to let Gabrielle out of her sight even though she knew perfectly well that the two of them were more than capable of seeing off any hostile intruders.  Solari had arrived in the meantime, greeted Xena cautiously but with slightly more enthusiasm than Ephiny and helped her build up the fire for their evening meal.  She looked exhausted and Xena realised that Ephiny’s fear for Gabrielle would have meant that Solari had to guard them both, as well as trying to make the journey as quickly as possible.

“Xena,” Ephiny came up to her and held out her hand, “I’m sorry I didn’t greet you properly, I..”

“Don’t worry,” Xena replied, taking her hand warmly, “I understand.  Given the circumstances of my last visit to your village, you’d be forgiven for worrying about Gabrielle.  I’m just glad that she has such loyal friends.”

“You both have,” Ephiny said gently.

“You know what I did to those Amazons,” Xena said quietly, remembering the look Ephiny had given her earlier, “I destroyed their tribe; I should have spoken to you about it before now.”

“Melosa told me not long before her death.  She said she had spoken to you about it and chosen to accept you as our friend, nonetheless, and I respected that..after a while” Ephiny replied, “Gabrielle told me what you did for them and it sounds like they have a tribe once again, thanks to you.” 

They were all tired that evening and fell asleep almost at the same time, Xena and Gabrielle in each other’s arms and the two Amazons close by, all as near to the fire as they could get.  Xena turned her head, watching the rise and fall of Gabrielle’s chest and how her face relaxed into sleep with each soft breath.  Was it only this morning that she had wondered about whether she should mention her feelings at all?  She closed her eyes, for once, happy to fall asleep in the perfect silence around them.

“No!!  Please!!”  the voice woke Xena and Ephiny almost in the same moment and the two leapt to their feet.  Unknown to each other, they both realised in the same instant that all four of them had been too tired to even consider taking turns to keep watch over the camp.  Xena snatched her sword from the ground beside her and in the same instant, Ephiny stopped dead and jerked her head towards the ground.

“Xena, it’s Gabrielle, she’s dreaming.”

Fully awake now, Xena knelt by her friend who was thrashing about underneath her blanket, her cries muffled against the dirt and leaves beneath her face.  When Xena touched her face, she was shocked at how cold and clammy she felt and hard it seemed to be to wake her.  She’d seen Gabrielle have nightmares before but never this severe.

“Gabrielle, wake up!  It’s a dream, that’s all.”

She cradled the smaller woman in her arms but Gabrielle pulled away, her arms flailing helplessly against some invisible enemy before her.

“I won’t, please!!  Let me out!!”

“Gabrielle,” Again, Xena attempted to shake her shoulder and rouse her.  Gabrielle struck out, raising herself from the ground and then seeming to fall heavily, almost as if being thrown down by some unseen force.  Solari reached towards her and pulled back almost in the same moment as if afraid to touch her.

“Xena, she’ll hurt herself.”  Ephiny knelt beside them and she and Xena caught hold of Gabrielle’s arms and held them, giving Xena a chance to hold her.  Gabrielle fought them but within a short time, she had calmed, and her breathing slowed.  Every now and again, she shuddered and slight whimpers escaped her lips.  Xena held her, whispering softly to her and finally lowered her to the ground, reluctant to let her go completely.

“Is she ok?”  Ephiny whispered, “ maybe it’s a fever.”  But her face now felt cool to the touch and her features relaxed and still, just as she had been when they had all settled to sleep.  They looked at each other, pale and strained in the moonlight.

“Wake us if you need to,” Ephiny said, with a nod to Solari as they settled back in their former positions.  Xena looked down at the blond woman sleeping in front if her.

Gods, Gabrielle, what have I done to you?

Xena opened her eyes in the early daylight, dimly aware that her arms, which had been tightly wrapped around Gabrielle were empty.  Quickly she sat up, looking about her.

“Good morning,” Gabrielle said brightly, sitting a few feet away with a pile of scrolls in her hand.

“What are you doing?” Xena said sleepily, “you’re never up first!”  Gabrielle looked a little pale, she noticed, but apart from that, she seemed fine, her eyes bright, brighter in fact, than she had looked for a long time.  Ephiny was awake as well, watching them both from where she and Solari lay.  At Gabrielle’s words, she sat up.

“What were you dreaming about last night, Gabrielle?”

Xena shot her a warning glance, which Ephiny pretended not to see.

“I don’t know,” Gabrielle said, “I don’t really remember my dreams anymore.”  She looked around at them, “why?  Was I talking in my sleep again?”

“Sort of”, Xena said, “I couldn’t really catch what you said, it just sounded like maybe you were having a bad dream.”

Gabrielle leaned back against the tree she was sitting underneath and smiled.

“I don’t think so.  There’s nothing really bad to dream about anymore, is there?”

I wish I could believe that, she thought.

I wish I could believe her, Xena thought, only slightly reassured.

“What’s the plan now?”  Ephiny asked them, folding up her blankets.  “Are you going to return to the village with us?”

Xena and Gabrielle looked at each other, waiting for the other to speak first.

“I’m not sure,” Xena said finally, “we have plans to travel a bit further.  We were planning that yesterday before you arrived, maybe India, maybe even further than that.  But we’re not ready at the moment, need to rest up a bit first after everything.”  She lowered her head, knowing that pretending that she herself was tired was the best way of getting Gabrielle to admit that she was too.  She opened her mouth to agree to Ephiny’s suggestion when Gabrielle cut in, placing her hand on Xena’s arm.

“I’d love to get away, just for a little while,” she said quietly, “it’s all a bit..you know..even leaving this camp seems frightening.”

Not so much frightening as sad, when we’ve been so happy here and who knows what might happen next.  Gabrielle shook her head slightly, trying to rid her mind of the bad dream she couldn’t even remember.  All she knew was that she felt drained and scared and full of a feeling of impending doom.  Here with Xena, and the promise of their love and life together and her two best friends seemed like the best place in all the world at that very moment.

“I know,” Xena said gently, placing her hand on hers.

“Well in that case, I might have a suggestion,” Ephiny said, frowning slightly as she tried to phrase the idea that had come into her head the previous night.

“That Northern Tribe, I’d love to see them, Xena.  We’ve heard so much about..well..what happened.  Now that there is a tribe again, thanks to you, as Amazon royalty, I think it would be nice to see them, let them know that their sisters are thinking about them and extend the hand of friendship.  Who knows but one day we might have to help each other.  What do you think, Solari?”

Solari nodded slowly, “our village is well protected.  This might be the best time to make the journey, they have very harsh winters and one season more, it won’t be possible to get near them.”

“We could go with you,” Gabrielle said, “what do you think, Xena?”

“Why not”, Xena replied, “It would be nice to see them again, especially with you there.”  Maybe away from here, the memories would get easier for her and the Amazons bring her such joy.  Otere and Yakut would love to meet her.

*********************************************************************

A Week Later  

The first snow began to fall just before dawn and by the time the small group of women emerged from the cave in the dense hillside, it fell in thick drifts, obscuring their vision every way they turned.

“We can’t travel much further in this,” Ephiny said, “I thought you said the harsh winter wouldn’t have begun yet.”  She punched Solari’s arm playfully and the two smiled at each other.

“”We’re just not used to it, that’s all,” Solari replied.  “Do you think they’re alright?”  She jerked her head back inside to where Xena and Gabrielle sat together by the fire.

“They’re alright.  It’s just the nightmares, if Gabrielle would just talk about them.  Maybe she really doesn’t remember them but it’s hard to believe. I thought she’d tear one of us, or herself, apart last night.  We haven’t had a decent sleep in nights and that’s not safe, not travelling in this weather.”

Xena emerged from the darkness and the two jumped guiltily apart. 

“Don’t worry,” she said heavily, “I’d be more surprised if you didn’t discuss it.”

“Xena, you have to sleep, and so do we.”  Ephiny said to her, “we’ll have to take turns to watch her, or tell her what’s happening.  Maybe if we..”

“No,” Xena said quickly, “not while we’re travelling.  I don’t want her upset.  Zeus knows, she’s distressed enough at night.  But you’re right..”  She sighed and looked at their tired faces. 

“You too take the cave over there tonight and I’ll stay here.  We’ll take turns after that, only we’ll have to swap places once she’s asleep or she’ll wonder..”

“Why you’re not sleeping with her?”  Ephiny said lightly.  On impulse she patted the tall woman’s shoulder.  “She’ll be fine, Xena, who wouldn’t have nightmares after everything she’s been through?  Once we reach the Steppes and the tribe, you can take it easy, get her to talk to you properly.  We’ll stay as long as it takes.”

“Thanks,” Xena whispered gratefully.

Gabrielle didn’t question why the two Amazons chose a new sleeping hide-out that night, being just as pleased to have Xena with her, just the two of them.  When darkness fell, they retreated to the cave and made love by the dying firelight, whispering softly to each other until Xena was half-asleep, attempting to pay attention to Gabrielle who was reading from one of her scrolls and failing miserably.  Even as she tried to keep the words in her head, she felt her eyes close and her breathing deepen.  Gabrielle smiled and stroked her hair, happy to see her so relaxed.  Eventually she packed away her papers and lay down, pushing herself into Xena’s arms and letting the first waves of sleep wash over her. 

“No! No!! Stop, please!! I can’t do this!!  Let me go!”  Xena was on her feet before she even woke properly, taking hold of Gabrielle who thrashed and struggled, still firmly in the grip of her dream.

“Gabrielle, I’m here, I’ve got you.”  She kissed the top of her head and held on to her but as had been the case every night since the first dream, it had no effect.  Gabrielle twisted away, pushing her away.

“I can’t!” she screamed, “Xena!”

“I’m here,” Xena said, tears running down her face at the look of pain in Gabrielle’s face,  “calm down, Gabrielle, I won’t let anyone hurt you.”

“Xena,” Gabrielle gasped her name as if it pained her.  Beads of sweat ran down her forehead and her arms still thrashed though not as firmly as before.

“My baby, don’t let them hurt her, Xena!”

Xena gasped as if she’d been punched.  The one thing she hoped Gabrielle wasn’t dreaming about.  She took Gabrielle in her arms, rocking her gently, their faces close together.

“Everything’s ok, Gabrielle.  We’re safe.  You’re alright.”

Gabrielle was crying softly now, her fists clenching and unclenching.  It was a long time before she quieted enough for Xena to lay her down once again, stroking her hair and gathering her up against her body.  She felt her breathing change from short and ragged to deep and quiet as she began to relax.  It was a long time before Xena slept again.

The next morning, Gabrielle looked exhausted but peaceful and happy, eager to travel further onwards in the snow.

“We’ll be fine.  If we’re following the route you took, Xena, we should be reaching a few small villages soon.  Maybe we could find an inn with a few real beds for a night or two!”

Ephiny looked questioning at Xena, noting the dark circles underneath both of their eyes.  They won’t be able to travel much further if this keeps up.  Maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned this journey to them at all.  But somehow she still believed that it would help.  She remembered her own mother who had been the first of their tribe to learn of the fate of Queen Cyane and her Amazons.  How happy she would be to know that there were survivors and that she was going to meet and spend time with them.  Who would have thought that Xena, after the terrible crimes she had committed against the Amazon Nation would someday become such a good friend to them.  Or, that a timid farm girl would lead them all with such confidence and wisdom.  We owe both of you so much, she thought, looking at the two who rode together in front of them, Gabrielle holding Xena’s waist and marvelling at the changing landscape around them, no doubt, planning how best to commit the scene to paper.

Before darkness fell once again, they reached the small village of Harov, according to Xena, just over a day’s ride from the spot at which she had bade the Amazons farewell at their last meeting.  They were all exhausted.

“I really think, Xena,” Ephiny said, looking longingly ahead, “the inn..”

“Why not?” She knocked briskly at the door, closed and barred against the bitter North winds.  A small woman answered, looking around nervously at them, her quick gaze taking in their weapons and dishevelled outfits.  Nevertheless, she agreed to gave them two rooms for the night, and breakfast whenever they wanted it in the morning.  After tending to the horses, they sank into comfortable chairs at the bar, gulping down mugs of ale and letting the warmth of the room with its cosy fireplace wash over them.

“I’m almost too tired even to bathe”, Gabrielle said, “you must have been exhausted after making this journey in such a short time by yourself.”

“I don’t know,” Xena said slowly, “I didn’t really notice very much at the time.  Time didn’t matter very much, I just kept going.”  She thought guiltily of the horse she’d ridden and then slain in order to enter the Land of the Dead.

“And they were hiding out, just surviving as best they could?” Ephiny asked, “the Amazons, I mean?”

“Yes, they were easy prey really for anyone who wanted to hunt them down, especially Alti and her followers.  But, they were tough.  They’d survived a lot in the last few years.”

“They knew they were Amazons then?” Solari asked.

“Of course they knew, they’d been young when, well, when the leaders died, but they’d learned a lot.  It was their heritage they were unclear about, all they had the strength to do was stay alive.”  For a moment, she remembered Otere and her strained, expressionless face when she’d spoken to Xena about their struggles.  Seeing a shadow fall across her face, Gabrielle took her hand and held it.

“You gave all that back to them, as well as giving them knowledge of what a Shamaness does.  Melosa told me once that the Northern Amazons valued that gift far more than any of us ever have.  They’ve always had great powers in that area.”

Unable to stop herself, Xena leaned over and kissed her gently, not noticing the amused glance of the two Amazons who dipped their heads quickly into their mugs.

“Well,” Gabrielle pulled away gently, “I guess we’d better go to bed, early start tomorrow.”  She blushed as she said the words, fooling nobody.  Solari giggled and covered her mouth quickly.

The warm beds were soft and comforting to their tired and aching limbs.

“The Elysian Fields couldn’t contain anything more pleasant than this,” Gabrielle said, closing her eyes and stretching out.  Xena watched her from the window, smiling at her delight.  Hearing a soft knock at their door she stepped into the chilly hallway to find Ephiny waiting.

“When she’s asleep, call me and we’ll swap rooms,” she whispered, “you need a good night’s sleep and you know I’ll look after her.  Hopefully she’ll never know.”

“I know,” Xena admitted, “I hate leaving her but I’m no use to anyone at the moment.”  She opened the door slowly and looked into the room.

“She’s asleep now, Eph, she’s exhausted.  Maybe it would be best if you went in right away, otherwise we might disturb her later.”

Ephiny nodded and pointed the way towards the next room where Solari was already in a deep slumber.  Xena lay beside her, feeling strange at having anyone else sleep beside her who wasn’t Gabrielle.  Before she could reflect upon it too much, however, sleep overcame her and she sank back into the comfort of the large bed.

She woke early, unsure of what had wakened her but aware that it was very early in the morning.  It was still pitch dark outside, total silence everywhere.  Beside her, Solari still slept, her breathing soft and quiet.  Outside, the moon was bright and she could see far away outlines of treetops and at one stage, a thin wisp of smoke rising above them.  The Amazon camps?

She decided to creep out into the hallway and listen outside Gabrielle’s bedroom door, just to make sure she was sleeping well.  It was difficult to know how many other people were staying in the inn, certainly, there were no sounds anywhere and she could feel by the chill in the air that all of the fires had long since gone out.  In the hallway, she placed her hands along the walls, waiting for her eyes to become accustomed to the darkness when she heard a voice.  She was just about able to make out the small figure of their landlady.

“I really don’t want any trouble,” the woman said nervously, not coming any closer to Xena as if she did not dare to, “I just..it’s just that, the noise was bothering some of the other guests.  I know you girls are..warriors and I’m sure you mean no harm..I don’t mean to..”

Xena interrupted her with mumbled apologies as she brushed passed on, letting herself quickly into the bedroom.  The moonlight illuminated the sleeping figures on the bed.  Ephiny was curled up at an awkward position, as if she’d fallen asleep while sitting on the edge of the bed, one hand laid on Gabrielle’s shoulder.  Both looked calm and peaceful.

Thank the gods.  Xena was about to leave and make her way back to bed when something caught her eye. 

Gabrielle’s wrists were tied together.

Ephiny stirred and sensing somebody in the room, bolted upright on the bed.  She saw the fury in Xena’s eyes and reached out to her quickly.

“I know Xena, I’m sorry, but there was nothing else I could do.  I couldn’t calm her at all, she was screaming and..” Ephiny looked down at the ground, her face perplexed and troubled.

“Xena, she was reaching for my dagger, it was down here beside us on the floor.  She was so terrified and, nothing I said made any difference.  I’m sorry, I had to keep her safe.”

Xena sat down carefully on the bed, feeling as if a thousand heavy weights had been dropped upon her at once.  Her head began to ache slightly from the heavy sleep she’d woken from so abruptly.  She stared at Gabrielle, her features so calm and beautiful in repose.

“I don’t know what to do,” she said after a moment, surprisingly herself with this rare admission of helplessness.  Ephiny sat beside her and took her hand.

“She’ll be ok, Xena but sooner or later, you’ll have to find out what’s bothering her.  We haven’t much travelling left to do.  Let’s just get there and see what happens, ok?”

“Xena?” They both turned to see Gabrielle awake, a sleepy smile playing on her lips.

“Is something wrong?” she asked, noticing Ephiny and their serious expressions.  Xena started to say something but Gabrielle had just tried to sit up and noticed her bound wrists.

“What in Hades?” she began, “has something happened?”  She held out her wrists to Xena who quickly picked up the dagger and cut them loose.  Neither of them could meet Gabrielle’s gaze.

What is it?” she asked, “Xena?”  Her face clouded over with fear.  Xena couldn’t bear to see her looking like that.  She pushed herself upwards on the bed and took hold of her two hands.

“There’s nothing wrong,” she said softly, “you had a nightmare, that’s all.  You were really upset and we couldn’t wake you.  This was just to keep you safe.”

“A nightmare?” Gabrielle bowed her head slightly.  “I’ve had them all along, haven’t I?”

“You remember them?” Ephiny asked quickly.  Gabrielle shook her head.

“No, but every morning, I feel as if I haven’t slept and everything feels strange, dark.  I feel..” She shuddered slightly and attempted a smile, as if pushing unwelcome thoughts away. 

“What do you feel, sweetheart?” Xena asked, feeling as if her heart would break.  Gabrielle said nothing, looking at the ground. 

“We’ll stay here today,” Ephiny said, “Gabrielle, tell us what you can remember and we’ll talk, really talk, about everything that’s happened.  It’s got to help.  And then you’ll know..”

“No!”  Gabrielle’s tone was harsh and surprised them all, “there’s no point.  Not now.  It’s only a bad dream.  I’ll take herbs or something tonight, I just need a good night’s sleep.  It’ll be fine.”  She turned away from them, staring out into the first light of day.  There were far off sounds of animals, and hoof beats stirring the small village to life.  Solari entered the room, looking excited.

“I think we’re nearly there, Xena,” she said, “some of the women in the kitchen gave me directions through the forest.  They think the Amazon camp is somewhere at the other end.”

“Great,” Gabrielle began to stuff her scrolls into her bag, “let’s have breakfast and get moving before the next snowfall.”

Ephiny looked at Xena and shrugged her shoulders.

“I guess we’ll have to let her do whatever she thinks best,” she said, “at least we haven’t too far to go now.”

Why won’t she talk to us?  Xena wondered, is it because she thinks I’ll turn on her again, or won’t understand? 

They set out into the chilly morning air, feeling little warmth in the pale sunlight.  The edge of the forest was about three miles from the small road that led out of the village.  The kitchen women from the inn informed Solari that the forest was reputed to be haunted by evil spirits and few people ever went within a few yards of it.

“Cyane started that rumour,” Xena said, amused, “no one would tell Borias or I how to find our way through it to the Amazon village”.

“It was my idea,” a quiet voice said beside them.  All four leapt up in surprise, turning in the same instant to see the almost ethereal figure of Artemis standing close by, regarding them with a slight smile.

“Amazons so far from home,” she mused, “they needed as much protection as they could get.  Not that it helped them much in the end.”  Her glance feel upon Xena who felt as if a million brands were pressed firmly upon her skin.

“I’m doing what I can to make amends,” she said quietly, “we’ve come to see them, to..”

“I know,” Artemis said quietly. She made a small bow to Gabrielle and Ephiny who stood on her other side.  “What you’re doing is very noble and will mean a lot to them.  I just ask that you don’t help too much..give them pride in themselves as a tribe.  Honour their hard work.  Let them know that they are watched over.  I could never get too close to them until now, because they knew and believed little of my existence.  I am proud of you all.  Xena, come with me a moment”.

Xena followed the shimmering figure of the goddess into a nearby group of trees.

“Artemis,” she began, “I haven’t come to hurt them anymore..”

“I know” Artemis said again, “you’ve helped them, Xena, and that means that the past remains in the past.  It’s what Cyane would wish.  But you must support Gabrielle, Xena.  You know she’s in trouble, don’t you?”

“Yes,” Xena said, “I don’t know how to help.”

“Just be there, Xena.”  The goddess began to fade. 

They continued on through the forest, untroubled for the first time in days by the falls of snow by the shelter of the tall trees.  Gabrielle had brightened up since the morning and she held Xena’s hand at intervals, taking in the sights around her and full of an almost childish wonder at the sight of the snow drifting through the treetops.

I’m so lucky, she thought, we’re together and it’s the most important thing.  Her mind was still full, from time to time, with images from her nightmares, images that she didn’t dare examine too closely.  Someday soon, I’ll think about it properly, maybe write it down.  But it’s not fair to trouble Xena now.  She wants to move on, honour her son’s memory.  No use dredging up the past.

“We’re coming to the other end,” Solari, who had run ahead to check things out, returned to them, breathless and smiling.  “I think I see smoke from their fires in the distance.”

Within a short time, they were out of the forest and on rough terrain.  Xena remembered stumbling through these rocks, unable to think, her mind full of distorted images from her past.  The sky was darkening, full of unshed snow.  Sure enough, in the midst of the next patch of woodland came smoke rising slowly above them.

“Good spot,” Ephiny said approvingly, “they’re high up as well, can see for miles around.”

Unlike their own tribe, Otere’s Amazons had either not yet learned, or decided not to, post their scouts out of sight at the edge of their homelands.  Two warriors stood waiting for them at the entrance to the woodland.  Recognising Xena, their faces broke out in bright smiles as they ran to greet the small group.

“Xena!  You’ve returned!  And Gabrielle’s back with you!”  They reached hands out to Gabrielle, recognising her instantly from Xena’s stories and descriptions.  Xena turned to introduce Ephiny and Solari.  Their faces were full of wonder and emotion as they stared at the two young girls.

“Sisters,” Ephiny said, her voice cracking slightly, “ we are so pleased to meet you.”

Next part to follow………

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