ForevaXena's FanFic . . .

Heaven On Earth

by Julia Ford

Disclaimers:  The characters Xena, Gabrielle, and company are owned by MCA/Universal/Renaissance Pictures/Studios USA (have I missed anyone?).  Kennedy and Dawn may seem familiar and I thank X:WP for the inspiration.  The events at the tennis tournament really happened.  The other characters are my creation and are not intended to resemble anyone else living or dead.  My apologies if the story and or characters resemble anyone else’s!  Many of the places in Toronto that are described really exist…come & visit sometime.

Subtext:  Oh yes.  If you object to intimate relationships between two women and/or if it is illegal where you live or for your age, do not read any further.

Violence:  None worth mentioning.

Thanks: As always, my thanks to FX for humouring me by posting my stories <g>

Inspiration: An upcoming double wedding in the Xenaverse <g> and my own journey through the priesthood.

September 30, 2001 – It has taken me a while to get back to writing after the events of Sept. 11, 2001 but as many have said we need to continue with our lives.  Writing is part of mine.

PART 2

Chapter 5

Dawn and Kennedy had come home from the pub, chatting all the way…at least Dawn chatted.  Kennedy listened and found herself thoroughly enjoying Dawn’s company.  Both women were wide eyed and bushy tailed when they got home and not in the least tired, but they both knew that the next day would be a busy day at work so they decided to head off to bed.

At the top of the stairs there was an awkward pause as both women didn’t want the night to end by just going off to their own rooms, but they knew the rules of their church and the option they were thinking about was out of the question.

“Dawn, sleep well.  I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Thanks Kennedy.  Sleep well yourself.”

It took all of Dawn’s power to turn away from the black haired beauty and walk to her room.

Kennedy watched Dawn for a moment, sighed and then retired to her room for the night.

Friday was a busy day for both women.  Kennedy was kept busy learning about Canadian Anglican liturgy and preparing for Sunday’s Confirmation at St. D’s.  Coincidentally, St. D’s was Joanne’s parish so Kennedy had a chance to chat with the woman she replaced on Julie’s baseball team.

Dawn had heard from Bishop Stephen that Kennedy was quite an accomplished preacher so she decided to ask Kennedy to preach at St. D’s.  It would give Joanne a break as she was still on crutches and would let Dawn assess Kennedy’s skills for herself.  So Dawn asked Julie to give Kennedy the readings the priest would need to prepare her sermon.  Dawn took time before her meeting to go over her notes, including the human rights statement.  It was critical for the Bishops to approve the statement, but Dawn knew that some of her fellow Bishop’s felt it was “too liberal” and Dawn wanted to be prepared for the discussion.  As she walked out of the office for her meeting, Dawn smiled as she heard the easy banter going on between Julie and Kennedy.

“Hey, Kennedy, here you go.” Julie floated a paper airplane across the Bishop’s office towards the priest.

Almost without looking Kennedy plucked the plane out of the air and then looked at Julie with a raised eyebrow.  “What did I do to deserve this little present?”

“You drew the short straw…Dawn wants you to preach on Sunday and those are the readings.”

Kennedy smiled and tossed the plane back towards Julie and then said, “I won’t need to know what the readings are until Sunday.”

“Huh?  Most priests want to know the readings weeks in advance if the Bishop asks them to preach.”

“Jules, I’m not ‘most priests’.  For me to prepare a sermon well in advance is to prevent any spontaneity and the influence of the Spirit.  Julie, tell me about the most boring sermon you’ve ever heard.”

Julie laughed and then told Kennedy about the time she sat through a sermon she thought would never end.  She had counted 23 quotes from seemingly irrelevant books and there was no connection to anything familiar from either the scriptures or real life.

“Exactly.  Prepare too much you end up with scholarly drivel!”  Kennedy flashed smile at Julie. 

It was well after 1pm when Dawn got back from her morning meeting.  She was very frustrated and as soon as she walked into the office both Julie and Kennedy could feel it.

“Dawn?”  Kennedy was the first to speak.

“Oh, don’t mind me…it’s just that the other Bishops spent so much time this morning on trivial stuff that we will have to meet again on Monday about the human rights statement and some of the other important stuff.  Windbags!”  Just as Dawn stopped speaking her stomach growled causing all three women to laugh.

Julie walked up to Dawn, took the papers from her arms and pointed her in the direction of the office door.  “Yeah, and the windbags didn’t even feed you.  We’ve got about 40 minutes to get something to eat before your 2pm appointment comes.  Come on Kennedy, unless you want to be left behind.”

Dawn cheered up considerably during lunch and a present from Julie brought her out of her funk altogether. 

“Here Bishop,” said Julie as she handed Dawn a pair of tickets to the evening matches at center court of the Canadian Open Tennis Tournament “you and Kennedy should go to the tennis.  The person I was going to go with isn’t feeling well, so I was going to drop by and cheer her up instead.  The tickets would have just gone to waste.”

Dawn raised an eyebrow at Kennedy who smiled and nodded.  “Thanks Julie.  We’d love to go.  A good way to keep my mind off the windbags!”

**

Dawn sat back in the car seat with her eyes closed and thought about their evening together at the tournament.  She couldn’t remember the last time she’d laughed that hard.  Now, one normally doesn’t associate tennis with laughter but the show that Martina Navratilova and her doubles partner Arantxa Sanchez-Vicario put on was not your typical tennis match to be sure.  The two players had been relaxed and smiled as they played the first few games, but the fun really started when Martina nailed Aranxes squarely in the middle of the back with one of her serves and then ran over to ‘kiss it better’.  Later when it was Aranxes’s turn to serve, a member of the crowd had yelled to Martina to watch out for paybacks.  Instead of being annoyed by the disruption, the tennis great grinned and then turned to her tennis partner and blew her kisses. 

“A penny for your thoughts….”  Kennedy’s quiet voice interrupted the Bishop’s thoughts.

Dawn opened her eyes and looked over at Kennedy.  “I was thinking about how much fun I had tonight being with you and watching those two characters on the court.  It’s been far too long since I’ve had a good laugh.”  A long sigh punctuated the end of the sentence.

“Why so long?”

Dawn hesitated before answering as she weighed the merits of what a relief it would be to talk about it versus the reality that Kennedy was one of the priests in her charge.   In an uncharacteristic move Dawn started to talk.

“It’s been much harder being a Bishop than I had expected.  Somehow I thought I would have time to really lead my part of the Diocese towards, well to coin a Xena phrase, the greater good.  But I’m suffocated by meetings, by the rules and by the insistence of the most of the priests to just go and do their own thing regardless of my ideas.  That’s why I’m doing these six months of visiting them.  I want to kick-start them into new visions of how the world might be.  Yeah, yeah, don’t say it…idealistic and not possible.  I’m just so tired of the church being used here and throughout the world as the vehicle to crush the spirits of those who don’t quite fit the traditional church vision.  And I can’t quite get that through to the priests or the other bishops for that matter.  I feel like quitting!”

Kennedy had wisely not said a word until Dawn finished. 

“Seriously?”

“Yes, no, well I had promised myself I wouldn’t make a decision until after I finished this round of visits to the parishes….”  Dawn’s voice trailed off and she lapsed into silence.

Kennedy reached over and gave the Bishop’s shoulder a quick squeeze.  “Do you know what you would do instead?”

“Not really.  I became a priest and then bishop to try and help people.  My vision isn’t just to help the poor and the homeless, but to somehow reach out to help the corporate world deal with the stress and misconception that one has to get ahead at all costs.  I just don’t know what else to try.”

Dawn again lapsed into silence while Kennedy thought about her own role in the past and how her ambition to get ahead at all costs had harmed many others.  She had caused the type of stress Dawn wanted to heal.

“Kennedy, do you mind if I change topics?”

“No, go ahead.”

“This is the nicest car I think I have ever ridden in and unless they pay priests a lot more in Texas than we do in Toronto I know I could never afford it on my salary.  Where did you get it?”  Dawn had been looking at Kennedy as she spoke and saw the priest’s hands tighten up on the steering wheel as she asked the question.  “If it’s too personal a question…”

“No, but…how much did Bishop Stephen tell you of my background before I entered the priesthood?”

“Not much…just that you had been in business.”

“Well, the car is the result of my, how did you phrase it, ‘having to get ahead at all costs.’  Do you know what a corporate raider is?”

“No, I’ve heard the term but I don’t know exactly what it is.”

Kennedy paused and then started.  “Well, a corporate raider looks for companies who are at risk of going bankrupt.   These companies are in debt and are having trouble making their payments.  Perhaps they have started to only pay the interest on their debts.  A raider goes to the various people that the company owes money to and offers to buy their debt for maybe 50 cents on the dollar.  Often they will take the offer because they figure if the company goes into bankruptcy they will get even less of what they are owed.  So the raider soon ends up in the position of holding all of the debt.  Then they can force the company to sell out to them in exchange for the debt or they can force bankruptcy.  Either way they end up with the company.”

“What happens next?” asked Dawn.

“Depends.  In some ways it’s like what a warrior would do if they captured a town back in olden days.  Perhaps they might sell of all the assets such as people, livestock, gold and art and then burn the town to the ground.  Or perhaps they might install new management loyal to them and expel all the people they don’t need and have the town pay tribute.” 

Somehow Dawn could envision Kennedy in full armour riding in to capture a town…

“Anyway,” continued Kennedy, “you’d either sell off the assets of the company and shut it down or throw out the old management and reorganize it so that it was profitable.  It was highly profitable work when you picked the right companies to go after, but the cost was too high.”

“What cost?”

They were stopped at a light and Kennedy rested her forehead on the steering wheel for a moment.  Dawn heard the muffled response “the human cost.”

Dawn was tempted to not pursue the topic any further, but something told her to press on.  “Tell me?”

A gentle “toot” from the car behind caused Kennedy to lift her head and drive on.  For several blocks she said nothing before answering, “I used to think it was just about stock prices, debt ratios and return-on-investment.  I never thought about the people who may have spent a lifetime building up a company and the impact on them when I had them fired or ripped what they had built into little pieces to feed to the dogs for the sake of a profit.  That all changed the day a ten-year-old managed to find her way into my office.  She was a fiercely determined child who told me in no uncertain terms that what I had done to her father had caused him to commit suicide.  She said she would hate me to her dying day and then in a swirl of blond hair she stormed out.  It wasn’t her father’s death that hit me like a ton of bricks; it was that I caused this child to grow up so quickly and to exchange innocence for hatred.  Was money worth that?  I discovered I didn’t have the appetite to continue, so I sold out to my partner.  He was a bit of a bumbling fool and I knew that without me he wouldn’t be successful – and he wasn’t.  Although the money is invested, I try to live as if I don’t have it – except for the BMW.”

“So, then you found your way to the priesthood?”

“Yep,” said Kennedy as she pulled the car into the driveway and switched it off.

Once in the house Dawn yanked the blinds closed and then walked back to Kennedy and hugged her.  It took a few moments for Kennedy to relax in her arms, accept and then return the hug.  Kennedy gently kissed the top of Dawn’s head and whispered, “Thanks, I needed that.”

Both women lingered a little longer in the hug before they said goodnight and headed up to their rooms for the night.  

Chapter 6

The smell of coffee tickled Dawn’s nose as she woke up.  Stretching she thought, ‘ah, a day off’.  She got up and threw on her robe and padded down the stairs to the kitchen, following the aroma of the coffee.

Kennedy was leaning over the counter reading the business section of the Saturday paper clad only in a short silk housecoat loosely tied around her waist.  As she leaned over it provided a fairly revealing view.  Kennedy smiled slightly as she heard Dawn’s uptake of air as the bishop entered the kitchen.

“Here, I heard you say that you liked coffee in the morning but never had time to make it.”  Kennedy slid a mug of steaming coffee across the counter to Dawn.

“Hmmm, thanks.” Dawn took an appreciative sip and then sat at the table across from Kennedy.  “Anything interesting in the paper?”

“Well, it frustrates me.  Here is a company that is getting ripe to be picked off by a raider.  If only they had someone who could warn them and tell them how to avoid it….”  Kennedy shook her head and closed the business section.

“Want to a tour of the city Kennedy, or do you need to stay home and work on your sermon?”

“Dawn, I have many skills…don’t you worry about the sermon.  It’s a beautiful day.  Any chance of spending the majority of it outdoors?  I’m not keen to tour buildings.”

“Fair enough, after breakfast how about we start with a walk on the boardwalk?” 

Kennedy smiled and said, “That sounds great.”

It was three or four enjoyable hours later that Dawn and Kennedy found themselves on Church Street near Wellsely in the heart of Toronto’s “gay village” having lunch.  As they sat in an open-air patio, Kennedy was fascinated as she watched people go by.  Women holding hands, men holding hands and the occasional straight couple looking somewhat out of place were in the crowd wandering up and down the street in the sunlight.   

“Dawn?”

“Yes?”

“You seem comfortable here.”

Dawn smiled.  “Shouldn’t I be?”

“Well most of the Bishops I know would be squirming in their seats trying not to see what is in front of their faces.”

Dawn’s smile widened into a full fledges grin.  “I’m not ‘most Bishops’.”

Kennedy eyed her appreciatively, “No, indeed you are not!”

Dawn blushed.  As she felt the heat on her face she also felt the strength of her yearning for Kennedy.  To cover both she said, “There’s a store near here with really different T-shirts.  Let’s go look.”

 “Sure.”  Kennedy got up and left enough money on the table to cover the bill and then led the way out of the restaurant.  Ten minutes later they were in the “Out on the Street” shop.

Dawn had her back turned to Kennedy as the priest was looking at the T-shirts when she heard a deep chuckle.  She turned and walked to Kennedy’s side and saw her holding up a T-shirt with the inscription “I Slept with Xena.” 

“Dawn, something for Julie?”

“I don’t know…I know she’s a big Xena fan but I don’t know if she’s a….”

“Lesbian?  I would have thought so…” said Kennedy as she folded the shirt up and neatly put it back on the shelf.

“I’ve made a point of never asking anyone about their sexuality.  What I don’t know won’t lead me to a point where I would have to deal with the rules.”

“Oh, and just how would you deal with them?”  Kennedy asked fearful of the reply.

“It’s not so bad in the case of someone like Julie who is not ordained, but for the ordained you know that the rules state I’d have to either extract a vow of celibacy or remove their license.  But I could never do either of those things.  But if I didn’t I’d have hell to pay with the other Bishops if they ever found out.”

Kennedy reached over and gave Dawn a very brief hug which left Dawn thinking, ‘and just how do I apply them to myself?”

The rest of the day passed happily and quickly despite the sexual tension both women felt. 

That evening as they stood at the top of the stairs before heading to their separate wings of the house, Dawn drew Kennedy into a warm embrace.  “Thanks for such a good day.”

Kennedy bit her tongue to prevent herself from saying what she was thinking as she returned the hug.  As Kennedy walked down the hall to her room all she could think about was Dawn and how it was going to be impossible to keep her hands off the blonde for the next six months.  Changing and falling into bed Kennedy felt she had to do something to relieve the ache between her legs.   She reached down and touched herself – gently at first and then more firmly until she got some measure of relief.  It was never as satisfying as the real thing, but it would have to do.  What would she have thought if she had known that Dawn had just taken the same route?  

Chapter 7

Sunday morning was a busy time but Kennedy and Dawn had made it out to the well-to-do suburban church in plenty of time.  They drove Dawn’s Neon as the Bishop didn’t want anyone to make noises about Kennedy’s BMW.

Arriving at the church they were greeted by the parish priest (and former center fielder) Joanne who was fairly skillfully making her way around the church on crutches.  Together they walked to Joanne’s office where, much to the Bishop’s surprise, Julie was hovering in the background.

“Julie, what brings you out here?” asked Dawn as she started to put on her vestments.

“I just wanted to hear Kennedy preach.  You know when I offered to show her the readings for today she declined.  Said she preached better if she didn’t over prepare.  More change for the Holy Spirit to have a say…anyway I thought I would come.”  Julie grinned over at Kennedy who didn’t seem in the least nervous.

“Dawn & Joanne, I’m going to check out the sanctuary, get my bearings and make sure everything is set for the service…like the readings.”  Kennedy grinned at Julie as she walked out of the office.

As the preparations for the service continued, Kennedy carefully observed Julie and Joanne out of the corner of her eye.  Julie was obviously a familiar fixture in the parish even though she said she only came to hear her preach.  And the interaction between Julia and Joanne was certainly not like any that Kennedy had ever seen between a Bishop’s Administrator and a Parish Priest.  No, they were more like that of her friends Anne and Susan.

For her part, Kennedy hit it off well with Joanne.  The injured priest/ball player was quite appreciative, in a quiet sort of way, that Kennedy had “accidentally” clobbered Kathy.  Joanne’s knee surgery was not scheduled for a while but she was hopeful that she could get in earlier through a cancellation. 

The first part of the service moved along in pretty normal fashion until it was time for the sermon. 

As Kennedy got up and started to move towards the pulpit, Julie shifted to the front of her chair as if to get a better spot to listen from.  Julie knew that Kennedy had only read the scriptures 15 minutes before the service started and she was on pins and needles as she waited to see what Kennedy could have come up with in that short a space of time.  There was no way she would have even had time to even jot down some notes.

Kennedy walked half way across the front of the church, paused and bowed to acknowledge the altar.  Then, instead of moving on to the pulpit, Kennedy turned and faced the congregation. 

She took a few steps towards them and stared intently at one member of the congregation and started to speak.

“And just what would YOU have thought?”  The person Kennedy was looking at jumped in their seat and a giggle was heard coming from the other side of the congregation.  Before the person could stifle it Kennedy turned on them and with her blue eyes boring into the person who had giggled asked, “and what would YOU have thought?”

Then abruptly turning her back on the congregation Kennedy walked towards where Bishop Dawn and Joanne were sitting together and asked them, “and what about you two?  Huh?  What would YOU have thought if you had Jesus eating a meal with you and he let some unclean woman come up and wash his feet?”

Turning back to the congregation Kennedy moved her arms in a sweeping gesture and asked, “and what WOULD we have thought?”

The next ten minutes were riveting as Kennedy challenged the assumptions of everyone in the church by comparing them with the Pharisee who at dinner with Jesus had asked himself how Jesus could be a prophet because Jesus let THAT woman wash his feet.  She preached that he was limited by the rules of the Pharisees and didn’t understand how God was moving beyond those rules.   We also are limited by the boundaries we set without understanding that we do not define God but that God defines us.  Churches are limited by their history and the power struggles within them.  No area was taboo as Kennedy touched on various subjects in a way that made the people, including the Bishop, squirm in their seats…sexuality, homosexuality, the role of money and power in shaping church policy, the poor and homeless, and futility of the pursuit of wealth.  You name it and it was on Kennedy’s list!

“So,” said Kennedy as she concluded, “the next time you say that a person can’t be of God as it was said of Jesus in today’s readings…make really, really sure that you are not speaking from your own boundaries.   God is bigger than we are!!!!”

With that Kennedy went and sat down and the unheard of happened…the congregation applauded.

Julie spent the rest of the service smiling over the fact that she had been worried that Kennedy wasn’t well enough prepared and awe struck by the power of what she had heard.  ‘How could any of us keep our prejudices after hearing that sermon,’ Julie thought to herself.

That night as Dawn lay in bed she was asking herself the very same question.  How could the bishops retain their prejudice towards gays and lesbians?  How was it that they allowed themselves to be influenced, but only by the rich members of the rich parishes?  How was it that she was not willing to act on her feelings?  Was she boxing herself in and not allowing God to work in her life?

Joanne also found herself pondering the implications of Kennedy’s sermon.  She loved Julie yet could never bring herself to say those words to her.   Her fear that she would be stripped of her license to be a Priest always interfered, yet if those rules were not of God, why should they rule her life?   She knew that Julie was getting tired of waiting to speak words of love and hear them in return.  Did she want to lose the woman she loved without even trying?  With tears welling in her eyes Joanne escaped the pain the best way she knew how…she cuddled her cat and willed herself to sleep.

Sleeping did not seem to be an option for Dawn.  She hopped out of bed and looked down the hallway towards Kennedy’s bedroom.  Her light was still on and Dawn was drawn to it like a moth to a porch light.  Soon, without even thinking that she had decided to do so, she found herself knocking on Kennedy’s door.

“Come in…”

“Kennedy, do you believe everything you said today?”

“Yep, every word.  And they weren’t my words, I just borrowed them from the Holy Spirit for a bit.”

“And if you found yourself in conflict with the rules of the Church, but not with the Spirit?”

Kennedy started to laugh before she replied, “I’d end up in Canada under another Bishop who was trying to reform me.”

“No, seriously Kennedy, what would you do?”

“Dawn, come here and sit down.”  Kennedy waved towards a chair at the foot of the bed.  Dawn chose to sit on the bed beside Kennedy instead.

The Priest looked at her Bishop before she started.  “I find myself asking that question more than I ever have before.  In Texas I was always pushing at the boundaries like I did when I married Anne and Susan or the time I had a meeting and invited only the people in the parish who made minimum wage or less.  I championed their causes because I thought it was what the spirit was calling me to do.  I got my wrist slapped or worse for those actions, which was ok.  But now…”

Kennedy smiled gently at the Bishop before she continued, “but now my following where I am being called will put me into conflict with the rules.”

Dawn looked at Kennedy with a confused look in her eyes.  “I don’t understand.”

Kennedy gently laid a hand over Dawn’s.  “Before I fought for someone else’s rights.  I was always what the establishment found acceptable – you know – straight, white, university educated.  There was no questioning that I was acceptable and that helped me fight for others.  I am coming to believe that I will not be considered acceptable any longer by the Church, yet I also believe that where the Spirit is leading me is a good and holy place.”

“Will you act on whatever will make you unacceptable?”

“If I truly believe the Spirit is calling me I will.  Otherwise I’m doing just what I challenged the congregation not to do…I’m limiting God.”  Kennedy looked down at the hands she held.

“Why do you think that you are becoming unacceptable?”

“I love you.”  The words were out of Kennedy’s mouth before she could stop them.  She was afraid to look up a Dawn, yet still held on to the Bishop’s hands.

One hand gently extricated itself from under Kennedy’s much larger hands and by sliding it under her chin, Dawn raised Kennedy’s head.  When Kennedy did look at Dawn she saw tears in the blonde’s eyes. 

“Looks like we both have the same problem then.”

Dawn reached over and gave Kennedy a kiss.  It was gentle, yet searing in its passion.  Then she got up and left the room. 

**

Neither woman had slept well and it showed in their faces the next morning.  When they reached work Julie took one look at them and was about to kid them about staying up to late when it dawned on her that maybe she shouldn’t.  There was a haunted look in their tiredness. 

As it was Monday, Dawn convened her “official” staff meeting with Julie and included Kennedy.  Generally the meeting covered what was on the Bishop’s plate for the week and how they could juggle all the meetings and at the same time keep Dawn’s sanity intact.  Usually Julie would be encouraging the Bishop to not take on took much.  This week was different, as Dawn seemed intent on clearing as much as possible off her calendar by delegating items to Kennedy and in some cases Julie.  It was a brief, terse meeting – not at all Dawn’s regular style.  When it was over Dawn went into her office, to prepare for the Bishop’s meeting at 11 am she said, and closed her door after her.

“Ok Kennedy, what in blue blazes is going on today?  You two were fine yesterday and now you both look like death warmed over and she’s in a mood like I have never seen her in before.  Unless she is meeting with someone she never closes her door.  What gives?”  Julie was upset and it clearly showed in her voice.

“Julie, in simplest terms, we are both trying to figure out how we practice what I preached yesterday.  Can I leave it at that?  Please?”

Julie looked Kennedy directly in the priest’s blue eyes and saw nothing but pain.  “You can leave Dawn to tell her own story, but I think you need to talk about yours.  Perhaps I can help?”

“Thanks, maybe later…for now we’d better get cracking on all the stuff Dawn delegated to us.”

Julie let it be and settled in to work.  It was silent in the office until Dawn came out and said that she was headed off to the Bishop’s meeting and she’d see them after lunch.  Other than a phone call from Joanne who spoke to Julie and then Kennedy to let them know her surgery had been bumped up to Wednesday, they worked quietly pausing only to grab a bite to eat.  It was mid afternoon when Dawn arrived back, absolutely furious.

“Whoa Bish, calm down and tell us what just happened to get you this upset.”  Julia steered Dawn towards a comfortable chair in the Bishop’s office and then handed her a cup of water.

Dawn couldn’t sit although she did take the glass of water and gulp it down before she started pacing up and down her office.

“Dawn?” asked Kennedy in a soft voice.

Dawn spun and faced Kennedy, shot a glance over to Julie and then walked over and slammed her door shut.

“You want to know just what a bunch of conservative I-don’t-know-what’s the other Bishops are?  Do you want to know that they gutted that human right’s document I told you about last week by voting to remove the clause protecting gays and lesbians?  Some church when in a human rights statement we intentionally remove groups!  Do you want to know that they also voted to uphold the guidelines for ordaining gays and lesbians such that I can’t do it unless the person takes a vow of celibacy?  Do you want to know that they voted to censure any Bishop contravening the guidelines?  Do you want to know that I had little or no support when I spoke out against what the majority was doing?  Well, do you?”

“I think we just did,” said Kennedy as she started to reach over to put a hand on Dawn’s shoulder.

Dawn saw the hurt in the other woman’s eyes as she moved away from her touch, but couldn’t deal with Kennedy – more specifically her feelings for Kennedy – right now.

“Julie?”

“Yes Bishop?”

“Please get on the phone to the Sisters at SSJD and see if they have room for me to go there for a retreat starting now for a day or so.  If they do we will reschedule everything that’s in the way.”  Dawn waited for Julie to leave the room before she continued, “Kennedy, I need some time to think, to deal with my feelings, to decide if I can stay a bishop in this place…”

“Dawn, I understand.”

“Do you?  Depending on what I decide our lives will be affected one way or the other.  If I stay a bishop then I will never kiss you again with passion.  I will never be able to show you what I wanted to do next.”  Dawn looked straight into Kennedy’s eyes.

Kennedy returned Dawn’s gaze and said, “I pray that the Holy Spirit guides your decision making.  I sure know how I would like to see you decide, but I love you enough to give you the space you need to make your decision…whatever it is.”

“Thank you.”

Just then Julie walked back in.  “You’re all set for the rest of today until after supper tomorrow.  Then they have a big group coming in.  Will that do?”

“Yes Julie, and thank you.  I’ll leave you two to reschedule my appointments.  Kennedy, I’ll see you tomorrow evening.”  With that she left.

CHAPTER 8

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