ForevaXena's FanFic . . .

Adventures In "ForevaXenites" Land

by Jordan Falconer

Disclaimer: Xena, Gabrielle etc belong to MCA/Universal and Ren Pics, and anyone else who has an interest in Xena Warrior Princess, not me. FX, DD, Chimpycheeks, and Mike are real people, but they have kindly agreed to allow me to use them. Drew Dancinghawk appears with DD’s permission.

Copyright © 2000: All other characters in here belong to me. All rights reserved. No part or whole of this work may be copied or used in any shape, form, or manner whatsoever without the author's express written consent. If you want to use them, all you have to do is ask ... nicely.

Violence disclaimer: This story (eventually!) depicts scenes of violence and/or their aftermath and readers who are disturbed by or sensitive to this type of depiction may wish to read something other than this story.

Love/Sex warning: This story depicts a love/sexual relationship between two consenting adult women (several times over...LOL). It will also depict fantasy-styled relationships with mythical creatures and group sexual encounters!  SO, If you are under 18 years of age or if this type of story is illegal in the state or country in which you live - move along, move along, nothing for you here ...

This is my mailing list story which rapidly got out of hand. As a brief explanation as to how this started, we began writing a fanfic collaboration. I did part one, and no one took up part two for quite a while. This was my lame attempt to get people to start writing. Unfortunately for me, Diamonddog didn’t believe me when I had Xena say "I’ll behave!". I had to defend myself, and things went on from there ...

Major votes of thanks to ForevaXena and Diamonddog for agreeing to be a part of this, and all the others for mucking around with me ... FX, DD: for sneaking me into your schedules for beta reading duties, I am eternally grateful :-)

ForevaXena's Note:   Jordan has done a brilliant job of capturing the craziness of all involved.  She is quite prone to taking actual quotes from many of us and using them in this story!  I hope you'll enjoy reading this as much as we all have.  Oh, and it certainly wouldn't hurt to read Jordan's other stories so that you'll more easily recognize the supporting cast!  

Join our "ForevaXenites" mailing list and you may find yourself involved in our antics too!!  The fun never stops <BG>

ON WITH THE SHOW!  

PART TWO

After waiting for a full 24 hr period (plus some grace time), there was still no sight of the list lurkers, or, more importantly, Chimpycheeks. The Pink Lady sighed.

"Okay everyone, take 5," she said.

The entire assembled group of 20 people sighed and stretched, bending backward and forward (in the case of the elves), walking around slowly, in the case of the Greek girls, and a combination of both in the case of Nightshade and Sunstar.

"Hey, Jordan," yelled the muse up at the fluffy cloud face, which to all intents and purposes had fallen asleep.

"Yes, oh mighty Pink Lady."

"I think it’s time for you to make and appearance."

Xena’s ears pricked up and Gabrielle smirked. Both stared at the cloud, which abruptly began to shine a pale, whitish color.

"Do I have to?"

"Oh, please," purred the warrior. "Show yourself."

If the cloud had had a throat, it would have swallowed convulsively.

"Yes, Jordan," said the bard helpfully. "Show yourself."

"Why should I show myself? I’ve been participating, it’s Chimpycheeks we’re after."

The Pink Lady sighed, and looked pointedly over the hill. Nightshade and Xena stared at the sudden white smudge they saw on the horizon, growing larger by the second.

"Unicorn," said Nightshade softly, while Xena glared at her, not willing to be outdone.

"Carrying a person," she added, with a quick, triumphant glance at the half elf.

By now their respective partners could see the struggling figure. It was a short human woman, under 5 feet in height, of Cuban descent.

"Hey, I’m no virgin," the figure was yelling. "Why am I being carried on a dumb unicorn?!"

The unicorn pulled up just in front of the muse, rearing prettily, dumping his irate rider on the ground just behind him, lifting his tail in anticipation.

"Ahem," said the muse, raising an eyebrow to glare at the mythical creature. "Don’t even think about it Rudolpho."

"Oh, alright," sighed the unicorn, horn shimmering in the sunlight.

He turned abruptly to glare at his passenger. "Look," he began coldly. "I didn’t ask to carry you. Despite rumors to the contrary, I don’t always carry bloody virgins. But Jordan asked me to, and since I owe her one or two, I said yes. So there."

"Thank you Rudolpho," cut in the muse hurriedly, quite concerned that the newcomer would suddenly tear out the unicorn’s pearly horn and place it in an incompletely (and quite possibly excruciatingly painful) inappropriate section of the unicorn’s anatomy. "You can go now."

The unicorn’s tirade effectively silenced, he gave one last beady glare at the newcomer before he trotted back off over the hill. The Pink Lady, well over six feet in height, dwarfing even Nightshade, leaned down to extend a hand to the puddled woman.

"Well met," she began gently. "You must be Chimpycheeks."

"Yes," said the aforementioned Chimpycheeks. "Who in the legions of hell are you?"

"I’m Jordan’s muse," said the Pink Lady. "You can call me the Pink Lady."

As she spoke, as though on a silent signal, the elves and humans stopped what they were doing and formed a circle around the two women. Chimpycheeks stared in shock at the mask like faces.

"Uh oh," said Chimpycheeks softly. "What are you going to do to me?"

"Anything," said one of the elven men softly, "And everything. I am Windwalker."

The tall elven male broke the circle to stand above the small woman. He was dressed simply, in the uniform of the Elven Captain of the Guard, tall black boots, and simple black leather armour, leaving his tanned and muscular arms exposed. Gleaming white skin and shimmering gray eyes topped off his straight, even, noble elven features. The red lips curved in a small smile, slightly parted, revealing a glimpse of even, white teeth. He slowly extended a long arm to her.

She eyed the calloused hand uncertainly, then took it, and he gently helped her to her feet, gray eyes swallowing her whole.

"Ooooh boy," she said softly. "I wish I’d said something to Jordan and the rest of the mailing list while I still had time."

"Hold it right there," said Xena, stepping in and holding up her hands. She looked at the Pink Lady, then eyed the sky with a feral grin. "I thought you said something about Jordan."

"Oh," said the Pink Lady, grin turning distinctly nasty. "So I did."

The Pink Lady turned the grin at the sky, making the cloud gulp again. "Show time," she said quietly, then pointed her finger gun at the cloud.

"AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed a figure as it tumbled out of the sky.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOF!" was the strangled sound that emerged from the gangly brunette as she crashed to the ground at the warrior’s feet. Within seconds she sat up, pushing her glasses up her nose. Eye to eye with a muscular, tanned leg encased in a thick, brown, knee high boot, she murmured, "Uh oh."

"Uh oh is right," said the warrior, grabbing her by the collar of her polo shirt and pulling her to her feet. "You little fury, I owe you more than one." She pulled back her fist to slam a mighty blow directly into the startled Jordan’s face. Jordan glared at her, unafraid (though quite pale), and when Xena’s fist was fully back, the warrior found it grasped firmly by the muse's hand.

"Now now Xena," purred the muse. "I didn’t bring her here for you to punish her. I brought her here for me to punish." The muse let go of Xena and grabbed the hapless mailing list participant.

"Uh oh," muttered Jordan, apparently incapable of saying anything intelligent. She pulled out the muse’s grasp and stared at her. She raised an eyebrow and pointed at the muse’s chest. Within a heartbeat, a jagged tear appeared down the front of the muse’s dress, and she let go of Jordan to stop herself from spilling out of her dress.

"Just remember," said Jordan coldly, "exactly who’s in charge. You may have made me fall out of the sky, but you can’t make me do anything I don’t really want to do, and I can make your life the same living hell you can make mine."

More of the muse’s dress began to disintegrate, and the warrior and bard snickered.

"Truce?" asked Jordan archly.

"Truce," gasped the Pink Lady.

"That’s better," said Jordan. She turned to pin the warrior with fierce blue/gray/green eyes. "Now you."

"Uh oh," said the warrior, as a small grin played around Jordan’s lips. "I’m not afraid of you."

"Well, I’m not afraid of you either," said the omnipotent being. "And I won’t stand to being manhandled."

"Hypocrite," piped up the bard.

Jordan glared at her. "It’s my story, I can be whatever I darned well please."

Abruptly, a black leather encased arm snaked forward and got a firm hold on the bilious green sports bra, pulling mightily. A second later, a very topless Gabrielle was gaping at the mailing list participant, lovely mouth forming o shapes like a landed fish. Behind them, Windwalker had pulled the Cuban girl in for a close embrace.

Gabrielle frantically dived behind her warrior, blushing.

"What did you do that for?" she asked plaintively.

"You did say you didn’t like it," Jordan replied, smirking. "I just haven’t had a good opportunity to change it."

"Ahh," said the bard, a little happier, but still distressed at being half naked.

"Don’t worry," said the mailing list participant. "It won’t matter for very long. ForevaXena! Diamonddog! You can come out of hiding now! LET THE SHOW BEGIN!"

From over the hill, two new figures emerged.

Xena turned, dragging the bard behind her, Nightshade and Sunstar breaking the circle to stand behind Jordan and the Pink Lady.

"Hey Jordan," said the taller of the two brunettes as they got closer. "It’s our turn now, isn’t it?"

"Hey Cindy," replied the Australian, grinning broadly. "It most certainly is. By the way, look behind you! Hey Diamonddog, cat got your tongue?"

"Nope," replied the other woman. Both obligingly turned around to look back the way they had come.

Two more Xenas had appeared over the hill, and were walking slowly toward the small group of bards, Pink Lady and Uber Xena/Gabrielles. As they got closer, one of the two of them waved a hand in greeting.

"Hey Jordan!" she called.

Jordan smiled broadly. "Hey Blair! And you, Raven. It’s been a long time."

The Dragon Wizard smiled and bowed when they had joined the small group. "Hello Jordan," she said, smiling. "It’s been a long time since I made it off your hard drive and out into the real world."

"Yes, it has indeed. How’s life at Lynka’s treating you?"

"Very nice," said Blair and Raven in unison.

"Okay," said Jordan. "Let’s get this show on the road."

Blair reached out, and took the startled Diamonddog by the hand. Raven did the same for Cindy.

"Jordan," said Cindy. "I wanted Blair, not Raven."

Diamonddog grinned.

"Sorry FX," said the grinning Australian. "I only have one Blair to go around, so you’ll have to take another Uber incarnation."

By this time, Raven was beginning to look a little angry. "What’s the matter little girl?" she purred. "Aren’t I enough for you?"

FX gulped, not prepared to get up close and personal with the fiery blue eyes.

Hurriedly Jordan stepped in, unwilling to see her carefully constructed clearing full of fireballs, dragon fire, or anything else which would require vast numbers of pages of careful reconstruction.

"Now, now, Raven, FX didn’t mean it quite like that," she said, giving her best charming smile (quite lacking) and trying to stare the irate immortal down. Finally Raven decided to let it go, much to the omnipotent being’s relief.

"Truce?" asked Cindy.

"Truce," replied Raven, still pinning her with the intense blue stare.

"Time to acquaint yourselves with each other," said the Pink Lady, a little distressed at having been so disgracefully ignored up until now.

Both Uber characters straightened up and looked at their respective partners. Vibrant blue eyes, long, flowing black hair, loose clothing revealing more than it hid, the very evident breasts, flare of the hips, long warm arms, captured the humans and swallowed them whole.

"Okay," said FX and DD together, and black eyebrows arched all around.

Xena’s arm snaked forward to grab Jordan’s shirt again. "Hey," she said coldly. "This is ridiculous. I’m not a blow up dolly for you all to roll around with like crazed weasels."

"Right," said Jordan coldly, "That’s it."

From over the hill came yet another figure, a bumbling, squeaky armored man bearing an enormous erection, flushed face and majorly heavy dose of lust after Xena’s bard.

"Zeus!" screamed Gabrielle.

"Son of a Bacchae!" screamed Xena.

"What?" asked Blair and Raven in unison, while Diamonddog and Cindy burst out laughing.

"IT’S JOXER!!!" yelled the furious bard. "Xena you and your big mouth!"

Both women screamed and began running as Joxer homed in on them, Gabrielle's forgotten breasts flapping in the breeze in a most appealing manner. Joxer began tearing after them, leaving scattered clothing in his wake.

"Gabrielle I love you!" he yelled at the top of his lungs, lumbering through the circle of elves, disrupting Chimpycheeks and Windwalker, who were totally butt naked.

Oddly enough, this disruption wasn’t really a disruption. Windwalker soon had Chimpycheeks one fifth, one quarter, one half, three quarters, out of her clothes. Jordan blushed, Diamonddog and ForevaXena, clutching their respective partner’s arms, grinned.

"Ah, Pink Lady," said Jordan quietly, trying to ignore the snuffling, snorting, moaning, groaning and general goings on around her. Blair and Raven had wasted no time with their respective dates, and Chimpycheeks certainly wasn’t complaining with the half naked elven man firmly entrenched between her legs, showing no signs of oxygen deprivation.

"Yes, Jay," said the Pink Lady, smiling.

"I don’t suppose you want to go for a ride, do you?"

Out of nowhere, a speck appeared on the horizon, growing larger by the second.

"Hey," said Jordan. "Isn’t that the dragon - "

"- From Royal Hunt of the Dragon," finished the Pink Lady, smiling. "Yes, it most certainly is."

"Oooooh, I adore you and you know it, don’t you?" asked Jordan, grinning.

The Pink Lady grinned crookedly and held out a hand. Jordan took it, and the Pink Lady led her past the orgy to the back of the dragon. Jordan mounted, Pink Lady behind her, holding her with strong and well loved arms.

"I love you too Jordan," she said softly as the Dragon launched itself into the air with a loud bellow of pure joy.

Jordan and the Pink Lady came back after several hours of flying around the mailing list scape, grinning and wondering if all was well.

When they landed, they were unsurprised at seeing a huge mass of groaning flesh, all bearing huge grins at past activities, all with cigarettes. There was still no sign of Xena or Gabrielle.

"Hey guys," said Jordan as she and the Pink Lady hopped down off the dragon. The dragon didn’t wait around to see what would happen. It merely bowed its head and took off again with a great whoosh of wings and another earsplitting cry of pure joy.

The assembled crowd of naked elves and humans complained loudly and vociferously about the cold wind generated by the flapping of the mighty wings. Jordan and the Pink Lady exchanged a glance.

"Why does it have to do that?" asked Jordan of no one in particular. Trying not to blush at the huge yardage of naked flesh in front of her, she spotted DD and FX, grinning at their amazing good fortune in snaring ... talented ... incarnations of Xena.

Eyes still roaming over the now moving crowd, she finally spotted Chimpycheeks, snuggled safe and sound in Windwalker’s arms, with a smug smirk seemingly surgically implanted into her features. A completely contented and exhausted Rudolpho reclined next to her, sucking in a deep breath of the cigarette smoke curling in the air above her head.

"Is this the time to start asking Windy here about oxygen deprivation?" Jordan asked with an evil grin. The Pink Lady elbowed her in the back.

"Pay NO attention to her dear," she said soothingly to Chimpycheeks.

Abruptly Jordan straightened, seeing three figures haring towards them in the distance.

"HAAAAAAAA!" yelled the distinctly male voice.

"XEEEEEENNNNAAAAAA!" yelled the half naked bard.

"GAAAAABRIEEEELLLE!" yelled the fully clothed warrior princess.

Both of them had been running around for a full two hours, and when they finally reached the clearing, a disgruntled, red faced warrior, bare-chested bard and highly aroused moron bore down on the Pink Lady and Jordan. The ancient Greek girls began using the other women as human shields against the onslaught.

"Jordan," puffed Xena.

"Pink Lady," puffed Gabrielle.

"Gabrielle," yelled Joxer, frantically attempting to paw his way around the unfortunate muse.

"Yes," said Jordan and the Pink Lady together, tugged around in a stumbling circle.

"For Hades’ sake," said Xena pathetically, between puffs and pants. "I apologize, now can you please get rid of that ... thing..."

"Hold on a moment," said Jordan between frantic gymnastics which already had her polo shirt untucked and motorcycle jacket threatening to come off. "You just apologized to me. DD is going to be in an uproar – that’s so unlike you."

FX burst out laughing, and from her comfortable perch between the very naked Blair’s breasts, DD grinned and said "Yeppers," in happy agreement. Fortunately, before more philosophical argument could brew, Blair chose to kiss her companion senseless, slowly working her way down the cheerful (and very willing) mailing list participant’s body with a long, talented tongue.

Unnoticed by all except for Nightshade and Sunstar, two further specks appeared on the hill. As they came closer it was apparent that it was yet another Gabrielle incarnation, with a particularly buxom young red head.

Noticing Blair engaging in more sport with her willing companion, Jordan grunted after a particularly hard impact with the warrior princess’s breast armour, and found herself being lifted off the ground.

"Ouch!" she yelled. Then muttering, "Well, I guess that settles that argument."

FX had just distracted Raven with her wandering hands, cheerfully brandishing Xena’s long forgotten whip. Raven grinned broadly as FX uncurled the whip, but her look of anticipation quickly changed to consternation when a loud outraged voice sounded behind her.

"RAVEN!" shrieked Mac.

"POOPSIE!" yelled Princess Rani.

"Oh my God," moaned Raven, as the red headed leech bounced on top of her, pushing a shocked FX out of the way, running her hands all over the naked body of Raven. Desperately, Raven tried to fend off the cloying Princess and meet her lover’s eyes.

"Jordan called me in to do this. It’s not my fault," she said, between grunts of exertion trying to keep the Princess at bay.

"You mean this meant nothing to you?" demanded a naked FX, hands on hips.

"You hussy!" thundered Mac, finally taking stock of Raven’s bedmate.

Even though the Pink Lady was being swung around like a sack of potatoes by the normally gentle Greek bard, she had time to grin before a particularly furious sweep, and point a semi pinned arm at Mac.

Mac suddenly found that she was clutching a large, old lady’s handbag. Losing no time, she lunged for FX and began to whack away with all her might. The whip FX had been planning on using was semi uncoiled and FX had partially knelt up to escape the furious cook’s onslaught. Mac chose that moment to lunge forward with her instrument of death, but tripped over one of the coils and crashed directly into FX. They both flew backward, a particularly sensitive portion of the cook landing on the list mistress’s face, top half of her body on the roiling Raven and Rani.

That pushed them both sideways at a high rate of knots, straight into the highly active Blair and DD. There was a yelp of pain as the unfortunate king was knocked forward to bite down with more force than intended on a portion of DD’s anatomy not intended for sharp white teeth.

"HEY!" yelled DD. "OUCH!"

"Sorry!" came Blair’s muffled contrite voice, face firmly mashed against DD’s sensitive regions. "Didn’t mean to do that!"

There was a sigh of relief as the combatants, arms and legs splayed everywhere, rolled off the unfortunate lovers.

Over the other side of the shocked party of elves, Rudolpho was snuggling up to Chimpycheeks. "Hello gorgeous," he crooned.

Windwalker reared up over her other side, capturing her eyes, licking his lips in a slow sensual manner that sent her distinctly weak at the knees.

"I must remember to say something on the mailing list, that something being that Jordan is sick and perverted."  

That was the last coherent thing she managed to produce for quite some time.

In the meantime, Jordan and the Pink Lady were still being tossed around with gay abandon by the desperate girls.

"ENOUGH!" roared the Pink Lady, seeing the confusion of arms and legs waving around in gay abandon in the middle of the clearing was getting out of hand. Needless to say, FX had stumbled to her feet and  was so involved in trying to dodge the furious Mac’s handbag that she ignored the muse’s roar, while Rani was still firmly entangled with the desperately struggling Raven. DD and Blair had forgotten the unfortunate nature of the situation and were firmly locked into enjoying each other in every physically possible, and some downright physically impossible ways, they could dream up in their time together.

The muse pointed a long arm at Rani.

"Joxer," she said slowly, making sure the village idiot without a village was paying attention. "Gabrielle is over there."

"OH! Thank you," he said cheerfully, a little hoarse from hollering at Xena and Gabrielle. He turned and ran straight towards the seething mass of flesh.

"GABRIELLE, I LOVE YOU," he screamed at the top of his lungs as he grabbed Rani and pulled her bodily off Raven.

"URK!" yelped Rani as she was so rudely pulled off the object of her desire.

Without missing a beat, he slung the reluctant Princess over his shoulder, and ran full speed towards the hill, enormous erection still amazingly apparent.

Xena and Gabrielle breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thank you," said the relieved bard, bending over, hands on knees, breathing deeply, apparently forgetting that she was still stark naked from the waist up.

"Uh, Gab," said the almost senseless Jordan, feeling decided ill after being mistaken for a milkshake.

"Sweetie," said the leering warrior princess.

"Huh?" asked the bard.

Before she had any idea what was going on, Gab found herself flat on her back, firmly under the ministrations of a very horny warrior’s lips.

The Pink Lady shook her head.

"That’s that sorted," she said. "Now for Mac."

After Rani had disappeared from the relieved Raven, the Dragon Wizard had looked up with some alarm to see Mac still stumbling around the clearing after FX, tripping over bodies left right and center, drawing cries of "OUCH!", "WATCH IT!" and "AAAAAH!", apparently still intent on braining her with a handbag.

The Pink Lady drew in a deep breath to begin yelling, but before she had the chance to say anything at all, Raven had leapt up, grabbed Mac and pinned her arms. Unfortunately, her forward momentum knocked them both over, directly onto Chimpycheeks and Windwalker, leaving the elf coughing and spluttering.

"Sorry!" said Raven cheerfully as she landed directly on top of Mac. Rudolpho in the meantime had gotten to his hooves, outraged, and lunged straight for FX, who he saw as the instigator of the entire trouble. FX squeaked, trying desperately to get out of his way, tripped over the unfortunate DD and Blair and fell headlong onto Jordan. Rudolpho tripped over one of the elves, and his horn jabbed an elf as he landed, causing more furious disruption as unicorn and elves tried to disentangle from one another. Suddenly Rudolpho found himself gazing into the glittering eyes of an elven male, apparently not at all sated.

"Honey," said the elf.

"Urk," said Rudolpho. Then, for quite a while after that, no one said anything at all.

"OOOF!" said Jordan, only barely able to catch the list mistress in time.

"Now will you settle for me?" asked Morgan the Ice Prince, who had quietly crept up on the group and now leant forward, hands on knees, eye to eye with FX.

"Yeppers," she said cheerfully. "You’ll do quite nicely."

Without any warning whatsoever, Morgan suddenly crashed backwards to the ground, FX suddenly having grown more arms than an octopus. Within seconds they were fully engaged with one another.

Nightshade and Sunstar, now fully dressed, moving in the eerie silence of the Elven way, quietly joined the Pink Lady and Jordan.

"Jordan," began Nightshade, ignoring the orgy which was beginning to crank up into high gear around them again. "We need to speak."

"Err, yes," stuttered Jordan, blushing. "That we do."

Grinning, The Pink Lady put a motherly arm around the omnipotent being’s shoulders, and steered her out of the clearing, Nightshade and Sunstar following close behind.

The Pink Lady led the way through the bushes, Jordan and the elves following close behind. When they had reached the banks of the river, they sat in a circle. The Pink Lady pointed a finger at the ground, and in a flash there was a cheerfully burning fire in the midst of the circle.

Jordan shrugged her jacket off and shot a glance at the muse.

"Little hot for a fire, isn’t it?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Maybe so," replied the muse. "But it’s much better for mood."

The other three all thought about this for a second, then nodded. There was a pause as they watched the twisting flame and smoke spiraling up into the blue sky.

"So Nightshade," said Jordan at last, digging in the pockets of her discarded jacket for her battered pack of cigarettes and favorite lighter. "What can I do for you?"

"Well Jordan," the half elf began, as rustling in the bushes behind the mailing list participant interrupted their conversation. Finally the cheerful face of FX appeared through the screening bushes.

"Hey Jordan," she said. "You didn’t see what I did with my Kensington wipes, did you?"

"You carry them on you?" responded Jordan with shock. "No, wait! Don’t say anything! I’m sure I don’t want to know. The answer to your question is no, I don’t know what you did with them."

"Okay," responded the list mistress cheerfully as the four people around the fire heard a clearly feminine giggling straight behind her. Suddenly, there was a whoosh and FX’s face disappeared, bushes still moving with the upheaval of her passing. Suddenly they were privy to groaning sounds, and moans of "Oh God, that’s good ... harder ... harder ..." Jordan and the Pink Lady exchanged glances, determined not to burst out laughing, while Nightshade and Sunstar eyed the bushes with identically raised eyebrows.

"Just ignore it," said the Pink Lady soothingly to the elves. "Now, what was it?"

"Well," began Nightshade again, just as the bushes began rustling again. Jordan and the Pink Lady exchanged a glance and sighed, as the horned head of Rudolpho poked through the undergrowth.

"Helloooo," he sang out, and cleared his throat. "Hello, Pink Lady?"

"Yes Rudolpho?" asked the Pink lady, smile playing about the corners of her mouth.

"Err," he began, blushing and ducking his pretty head. Suddenly a male voice floated out of the bushes behind him.

"Honey?" it asked. "Honey? Where did you go?"

"I’m heeeeeere," sang out Rudolpho, head suddenly disappearing as something had apparently happened to the rear of him.

"Ooooh," gasped the unicorn. "Err, Pink Lady – never mind!"

The flushed face was withdrawn, and Jordan had to struggle to contain a fit of giggles. The Pink Lady shot her a glare. She cleared her throat and looked at the polite half elf again.

"Nightshade," she began. "You were saying?"

"I was just going to - " began the hapless elf again, when yet another head appeared from the bushes. This time it was Blair.

"Jordan," she said, zeroing in on the mailing list participant.

"Yes Blair?" began Jordan patiently, sneaking a look at the two elves sitting across the fire from her. They sat, expressionlessly, but Jordan could feel that Nightshade was about to become violent.

Blair flashed Jordan a saucy grin.

"DD sent me here to ask you if you have any Kensington wipes?"

"Ah, no, I don’t," Jordan responded, smiling gently. "You might try asking FX is she still has some."

"Oh! Thanks Jordan," responded the King brightly, and her head withdrew from the foliage.

They sat around and waited for a moment or two to see if they would be interrupted again. There was no further signs of anything coming towards them through the bushes, but still the Pink Lady sighed.

"Pardon Pink Lady," said Sunstar. "I don’t think we’re going to be able to talk to you here. We’ll be moving along, and you can send Jordan to us when she’s done here."

"Oh! Alright," said the Pink Lady, clearly disappointed. They all stood up, and the elves hugged the Pink Lady and Jordan, bidding them a fond farewell and prepared to return to Sunstar’s home. When they were gone, the Pink Lady turned to look at Jordan.

"We’d better get back there," she said. "I hope they haven’t trashed the place."

"Oh, I don’t know about that," said Jordan. "Why don’t we ask them. FX! DD! DO YOU WANT US TO COME BACK INTO THE CLEARING?"

The Pink Lady winced at the escalated volume of Jordan’s voice. "Okay," she said. "Now we wait for them to answer."

From the distance, Jordan heard a voice sing out "YEPPERS, COME BACK!"

Jordan gave a smart nod to the sighing Pink lady, then scooped her jacket up off the ground. "OKAY, WE'RE COMING ON IN!"

Bracing themselves, they made the short trek back up to the clearing. Parting the last set of leaves, the stepped through into the clearing. Immediately, both the Pink Lady's and Jordan's eyebrows shot skyward, Jordan gaping like a landed fish.

In front of them was even more disarray than from the previous bouts of strenuous physical activity. There were tangled arms and legs everywhere, and again, all participants lay smoking on the ground in various states of stupor. Jordan ran her eye over the crowd, blushing when she saw Chimpycheeks kneeling in front of the apparently insatiable Windwalker.

FX, DD, Blair and Morgan were in a tangled heap close by, FX having apparently remembered where she’d placed her Kensington wipes.

"So, girls, did we have a good time?" asked the grinning Australian.

The list mistress and uber bard nodded wearily and snuggled back into their Uber Xena incarnations.

From behind the hill, a spec appeared, and Jordan looked up dismayed as the naked figure of Joxer – minus enormous erection – came screaming back over the hill towards them.

"AHHH!!!!!!!" he screamed. "HELP ME PINK LADY, SHE’S INSATIABLE!"

"YOU BIG HUNK O’ LOVIN’" screamed Princess Rani. "COME BACK HERE! I’M NOT DONE PLAYING WITH YOUR LOVE TOY YET!"

By this time, the unfortunate Joxer had entered the clearing and ducked for cover behind the unfortunate muse. On the ground close to her feet, Xena and Gab lay snuggled, speaking softly to one another.

"Wonder what happened to him?" smirked the warrior.

"I don’t want to know," murmured the bard. "Do you think he’s going to leave me alone now?"

"I don’t know," sighed the warrior, and nibbled the bard’s ear. "I’d like to kill Jordan for bringing him here to begin with. By the way, I’m just darned pleased that someone finally got off their backsides and put another part up for the fanfic collaboration."

"Oh yeah," said the bard, nuzzling the warrior’s neck. "You can say that again."

By this time, Joxer was using the Pink Lady as a human shield to ward of Princess Rani, Raven was sinking down to hide behind Mac, and Jordan was sighing, agreeing with the warrior (though not prepared to openly admit it), that bringing in Joxer was the worst mistake of her writing career.

"Let’s see if we can get rid of him," muttered Jordan, as the muse was swung around. By this stage, the poor muse was looking decidedly green with the constant rolling motion of the frantic moron.

"Oh dear," she gasped. "I – think – I’m – going – to – be – sick ..."

Without any further ado, the muse proceeded to throw up on the highly aroused Rani. Instantly she stopped her pursuit of Joxer, holding up her hands and looking at the odious matter flowing down them, down her naked body, dripping in chunks out of her long, red hair.

"Oh! Oh! Oh!" she squeaked in disgust. She said that for several minutes, until Jordan became convinced she would not be able to say anything else. Jordan hoped she would just run back over the hill in disgust, dragging Joxer with her.

Finally something more coherent came out of her mouth. "You old bag!" she stormed at the muse, now feeling decidedly better after losing her lunch. "How could you do that to a person of the royal house?!"

There was a gasp from the tired onlookers, even Chimpycheeks pausing in her activities to stare at the silly girl with shock. The Pink Lady, for her part, looked outraged, face gradually becoming paler as the rage built. Above them, storm clouds began building, a cold breeze starting up, gradually turning into a howling wind. Jordan leant into the wind, holding the jacket she’d struggled into desperately closed, while all the assembled people on the ground huddled together, shivering in their nakedness.

"What did you call me?" asked the Pink Lady, voice sounding hollow above the almost gale force wind.

"Oh dear," muttered Jordan, and turned to face the assembled crowd, looking fearfully at her, not willing to draw the wrath of the powerful muse onto themselves. She pointed a finger at the huddled people. Suddenly they were all decked out in bright Hawaiian shirts and board shorts, all wearing sensible running shoes, even Rudolpho, who looked down at the riot of color swathing him with considerable disgust.

"We have to get out of here!" yelled Jordan. "RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"

They did not need to be told twice. Jordan led the charge from the clearing, towards the well traveled hill. Behind them, thunder was building, and the earth began shaking. Jordan stumbled, Morgan crashing into the back of her, causing her to stumble. The strong hands caught her, and pulled her upright, then grasped the shocked FX again as they continued running.

The trees were bent over in two, and the earth began quaking with the wrath of the muse. A mushroom cloud built up behind them, noted the worried omnipotent being as she tried to lead her creations and hapless humans out of what was to be ground zero of the greatest fictional explosion of all time.

Great waves of earth and stone followed behind them, as a dull roaring sounded, and the howling wind began to heat up. Completely losing her balance, Jordan was thrown to the ground along with all the other characters, and there was a tangle of bruised flesh and broken bone as the ground continued to heave them into the air like a demented trampoline.

Dragging herself to her aching feet, Jordan leaned down and grabbed the groaning FX and DD.

"Jordan," gasped DD. "Can we still make it out of here?"

Abruptly, the unrest ceased, and Jordan looked behind them at the solid wall of flame coming towards them.

"I don’t know," she groaned, bracing herself, hopeless.

A column of superheated air slammed into the group and they were hurled through the air as a chain of massive explosions sounded behind them. Jordan’s last thoughts as heaving ground came up to meet her was, "Note to self: Don’t piss off the Pink Lady!"

PART THREE

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