ForevaXena's FanFic . . .

After The Darkness

by Lisa S.

©copyright March 2001 Lisa S. and Skyder Pub

Disclaimers: This story contains violence, adult situations, and same sex relationships, which at times are graphic. If this is not suitable for you, please don't read any further.

All characters found in this story are the creation of Lisa S. and are her property exclusively.

Author's Note: This story takes place in one of my all time favorite towns, Madison Wisconsin. Most of the places mentioned are factual, but some are not, created for the purpose of this story. I hope all this rambling makes sense!

I want to thank my beautiful partner in life, especially for her encouragement and total belief she has that I can write or something. Thank you babe for always believing in all things pink and dainty.

Part 2

Moments passed by quietly and unfelt by either woman. Each felt only the other, their thoughts solely on this new predicament. With a tight squeeze, Jessie finally released her hold, moving toward the phone hanging on the kitchen wall. Moving with her, Rowan kept her hand on some part of her lover’s body, taking quiet reassurance from her presence.

“Michael Moore please.” Jessie’s voice was low and controlled, but Rowan could hear the slightest tightening in her words, which conveyed how disturbed she was. They were both silent as they waited for someone to come back onto the phone. “Jessie Blackman. Yes.” Her voice became more tense as she went through the rigmarole of getting Michael on the phone. “Hi Mike…yes, there’s been a new development. Some flowers were delivered here that I think you should know about.” She proceeded to read the card over the phone.

Without thought, Rowan began to lightly caress Jessie’s arm, listening with more than her ears to every change and nuance in her lover’s voice. After a few exchanges with the detective, Jessie hung up the phone. Letting out a controlled sigh, she put her arms around Rowan, holding her close.

“So, what’s the plan?”

Jessie kissed Rowan’s golden head before she replied. “Mike says that even if it wasn’t Colston, it was still a threat. So, he’s going to treat it as such.”

“Uh huh, and what exactly does that translate to?” If this weren’t so serious, Jessie probably would have grinned at the face looking up at her.

“He’s going to put a watch on the house.”

“The house? THIS house??” Rowan pulled away from Jessie a bit as this new information churned in her mind. “There’s going to be someone watching this house?” While the rational part of her mind understood the necessity of having protection, the private part of her rebelled against the idea.

“Rowan,” Jessie’s sobering voice caught her attention. The dark haired woman held up the card, which had come with the flowers. “Someone’s already watching the house.”

What Jessie was saying hit her hard. “Oh shit,” she said as she fainted into Jessie’s arms.

“Are you sure you can handle this?”

“I think you should be asking yourself that question.”

“No, really. I mean, I don’t want you to do this if you don’t think that you can. I don’t want to pressure you into anything.”

Rowan gave Jessie a fond smile. Her lover’s blue eyes were darting around nervously, her hands fidgeting with collar of the black rayon shirt she was wearing. “Jessie, I’ve known your mother for years. I am not in the least bit uncomfortable with going to her house for dinner.” She smiled again, noting that she had a good image of how Jessie must have looked when she was little. “However, if you don’t want to do this, then we can stay here.”

An adorable scowl formed on Jessie face as she thought about how silly she was being. Rowan had to bite back a laugh. Who would believe that the ex-drug lord is acting like a three-year old?

“Fine, fine.” She finally muttered. “Where did I leave my shoes?”

“Follow the trail back down the stairs.” Rowan’s eyebrow rose as she said this. “I still can’t find where my bra ended up.”

“Hey, you weren’t complaining earlier!”

“Why would I complain about you making mad, passionate love to me?”

Jessie barked out a laugh. “I wouldn’t exactly call it that!”

“Then what would you call it?” Truly curious, she wondered if she had misread Jessie’s commitment to their relationship.

“I would call it wild monkey sex, followed by some serious looooooove making.” Grinning, she ducked out of the room, just barely avoiding getting hit by a flying book.

Rowan shook her head as she heard Jessie laughing on her way down the stairs. When was she going to get over her insecurity? Jessie had never given Rowan any reason to think that she wasn’t serious about their relationship. At first, Rowan had chalked it up to the newness of it all. But, after a few soul searching moments, she realized that it was more than that.

Turning to look into the full-length mirror on the back of the closet door, Rowan sighed. “What would someone like her want with someone like me?” Her own eyes didn’t see the beautiful woman staring back at her through the mirror’s reflection. Instead, she saw only someone who was flawed and unworthy of someone like Jessie.

“Are you coming Ro?” Jessie’s voice floated up the stairs.

“I’m coming,” she yelled back, holding back the sigh. Sometimes it wasn’t prudent to question the good things in your life. Nodding her head to her reflection, Rowan took a slow, deep breath, holding it before letting it out. She was going to love and enjoy Jessie for as long as she was allowed that pleasure. A brilliant smile came onto her face, but she didn’t see it in the glass. If she has she would have maybe glimpsed at what everyone else saw in her. Her beauty was undeniable to everyone but herself. Only time would give her the gift of sight.

“Anne, you never stop surprising me, you know that?” Rowan looked around at the spread of food on Anne’s dinning room table. The first surprise she’d had was Anne’s house. Jessie had driven them over in her midnight blue Saturn. As they drove up University Avenue, they finally got onto Midvale Boulevard, passing Regent Street. Finally, Jessie turned off Midvale onto a street that Rowan didn’t recognized. A few more turns and then Jessie pulled into the driveway of a large, stately two story house. She hadn’t expected the bookseller to live in such a house. It was elegant but sedated with large trees scattered in the yard.

Her eyes twinkling, Anne had opened the door for them, just as at home in this house as she was in her little bookstore. A wine glass was already in her hand, the dark amber colored liquid catching the last of the sun’s rays.

After a quick tour of the house, Rowan had seen some of the bookstore-Anne in this house; the multiple bookshelves, the hidden piles of papers and books filling a few corners. The tour had ended in the dinning room, which Rowan was grateful for. Her stomach had started to make it known that it was in need of a feeding and that could get very embarrassing.

Laughing lightly, Anne took a sip from her wine glass. “Whatever does that mean, Rowan?”

“I never knew that you could cook.”

A soft snort came from Jessie. Anne raised an eyebrow in an amazing replication of her daughter’s own trademark expression. “Well, as my daughter will attest to, my cooking skills are limited.”

“Try nonexistent,” Jessie muttered.

Looking from the beautifully arranged table filled with food, to the mother and daughter standing next to her, she looked curious. “Then how…?” She let the question hang, waiting for Anne to explain.

Reddening slightly at being caught, Anne gave a feeble laugh. “Well, I was a little nervous about this dinner and I didn’t want to mess it up, so I had it catered.” Her mouth turned up in a sardonic half smile. “Kind of silly, huh?”

“Like mother,” she said smiling, turning to focus her gaze on Jessie. “Like daughter.”

Anne and Rowan began to laugh as Jessie’s face turned slightly red. “That’s as close to a blush as you’ll get,” Anne told Rowan through her laughter.

“Nah, I’ve seen better on her.” Her laughter was loud and boisterous, giving Jessie no choice but to join in.

“Come on you two, can we please pick on someone else?” Jessie was beginning to understand why she was so nervous earlier. Dinner with her mother and her lover could only mean one thing - she’d be the entertainment.

Turning her green eyes on Anne, she narrowed them slightly at the older woman in accusation. “Why are YOU nervous about tonight?”

Her laughter still coming out in little spurts, Anne avoided Rowan’s penetrating look. “Um, well…you see, you’re the first women Jessie’s brought home.”

The comment worked to sober Rowan’s mirth. “In that case, it is a honor to be here.”

There was a moment of silence that served to make the women both uncomfortable and at ease. Anne cleared her throat finally. “Shall we eat?”

Dinner was an unexpected delight for each of the women. The serious tone that they’d fallen to had been lifted and the meal was filled with laughter and talking. Gentle teasing of Jessie continued as Anne shared a few stories from her childhood with her lover. The former drug lord took it all in stride, enjoying the sound of Rowan’s laughter and her mother’s familiar voice which took her back to days before the darkness had formed around her heart. She could almost imagine that none of the last fifteen years had happened they way that had. It was easy to imagine herself as a 30-something health care worker, simply enjoying a meal with her mother and the woman she’d fallen in love with. No pain filled past, no demons hanging over her shoulder, no memories of dead faces haunting her. The warmth of Rowan’s hand on her knee, as well as the occasional squeeze, reminded her that she was going home with this woman, a prospect she found to be more fulfilling each and every day. Yes, it was easy to pretend.

Almost by an unspoken agreement, no one talked about Don Colston or anything else that had happened lately. They stuck to teaching stories from Rowan and family stories from Anne, with Jessie making acerbic comments every now and again and everyone laughing along.

Once the food had been eaten, and the wine had been replenished, they moved to the more comfortable surroundings of the living room. Rowan and Jessie took the couch and Anne sat in an overstuffed armchair. Putting her feet up onto the matching ottoman, Anne let out a long sigh. “I haven’t laughed this much in a long time.” She gave the two women an endearing smile. “Thank you for coming over. I’ve really enjoyed myself.”

Not feeling at all self-conscious in front of her mother, Jessie had half pulled Rowan into her lap when she sat down. She cradled the smaller woman in her arms, placing gentle kisses in her hair.

“Me too Anne,” Rowan said as a feeling of contentment overwhelmed her, starting in her belly and spreading throughout.

Anne let a minute pass before she spoke again. “I’m afraid that I have to get serious for a moment girls.” She gave each one a long, piercing look. Two sets of eyes looked back at her, one curious and the other filled with trepidation. “Now, Rowan, when Jessie was a little girl, I used to tell her that whomever she brought home would have to gain my approval before Jessie could settle down with them.”

“I believe that you said with him, not her.” Jessie quipped, her face hidden now behind Rowan’s hair.

“Semantics, my dear, will not help you now.”

“So, I need to gain your approval?” Rowan’s voice was hesitant as she asked, unsure of where this was going and feeling more insecure by the minute.

This time a warm smile light Anne’s face. “No dear, you already have my approval. In fact, I think that Jessie is the one that should be looking for my approval. I’m not going to trust just anyone with my favorite customer and dear friend, now am I?”

Jessie’s head popped up from where she’d been hiding behind Rowan. “What??” She squeaked, her voice breaking.

“That’s right, you need to gain my approval to be allowed to continue your relationship with Rowan.”

“But mom-“

“Don’t ‘but mom’ me,” Anne interrupted. “I’m serious! I’m not sure if you’re good enough for Rowan!”

A light blush began to creep onto Rowan’s fair face. She cast her eyes down in both pleasure and mirth, not wanting Jessie to see the laughter in her eyes.

Blue eyes narrowed in both consternation and just a bit of anger. “I’m listening,” she growled out, trying to control her anger considering that it was her mother.

Anne heard the warning tone in Jessie’s voice, but ignored it. She wasn’t a stupid woman. She realized that Rowan needed to hear just how much Jessie loved her and she knew that her stoic daughter might not exactly express what the blonde needed to hear.

Clearing her throat and sitting up straight, her hands folded in her lap, Anne looked at her daughter critically. “So, Jessica-“

“Jessica?” Rowan said, unable to hold her laughter any longer.

Looking at her lover, Jessie hissed, “whose side are you on?”

Properly chastised, Rowan let her laughter die. “Sorry, I didn’t know you’re real name was Jessica.”

“It’s not. I had it changed,” she growled while focusing her attention back on her mother. “And you know that.”

“I named you Jessica and if I want to call you Jessica, then I will!” Anne said primly, a satisfied smile on her face. “Now, if I can continue?”

Slowly Jessie nodded, knowing in the back of her mind that her mother must have some kind of purpose for this torture. A part of her found it very difficult to trust in someone else, even if that person was her mother.

“Now, Jessica,” she paused, waiting to see if there was any objection from either woman. When she was met with silence and attentive gazes, she continued. “What are your intentions toward our dear Rowan here?”

Her immediate reaction was to rebel against this inquisition, sensing that she wasn’t going to be able to shrug her way out of it. Looking into her mother’s blue eyes, she felt herself growing resentful. Only a slight shift in her face brought Rowan’s beautiful face into her view. It was only one look, which made up her mind for her, making her realize that she couldn’t stop this train even if she wanted to. And as she looked into the green eyes that had captured more than her attention, she realized that she didn’t want to stop it.

Taking a deep breath, Jessie willed her anger to leave. Squaring off and looking at her mother directly, she allowed one side of her mouth to lift in a half-heart smile, signaling the truce.

“I care a great deal for Rowan. I want to…to be a part of her life.” She found herself stumbling over her words, unsure of how to express what she felt without giving everything away. There was a part of Jessie that was used to hiding emotion and she wasn’t sure it was wise to give that up. What if she was betrayed? What if Rowan left her? What if any of the other million and one things that could happen, did? Where would that leave her?

Out of the corner of her eye, Jessie saw a flash of something akin to disappointment cross Rowan’s face before it was hidden again behind a forced smile. I caused that, Jessie realized with a flush of shame. She took a deep breath as her conscious and heart played a game of war with her over protective mind. Fuck it.

Anne watched both women with an all-seeing eye. She saw Rowan’s chagrin and Jessie’s internal struggle that followed. And despite this, she never lost faith in the love that she already knew they shared. In her heart, she felt that they were born to share a love greater than either one of them.

Finally, she saw a look of resignation come over Jessie’s face and she steeled herself for either her daughter’s acceptance or her rejection of the chance fate had given her. She took a silent, deep breath and waited.

Ignoring her mother sitting across from her, Jessie turned so that she was facing Rowan on the couch. With tender movements, she reached for Rowan's hand, brought it to her mouth, and kissed the back of it. "Rowan, I..." Her heart pounded so loudly in her chest that she thought it was going to break away from the fragile tissue that held it in place. "I love you."

Rowan opened her mouth to reply, but instead found Jessie's fingers there, urging her to wait. "No, please, I need to say this." She waited until Rowan nodded her understanding before continuing. "I love you and I want more than to spend time getting to know you. I want your nights, your days, your months, your years." Struggling to say exactly what she felt in her heart at her absolute weakest and strongest moments, Jessie stumbled along, only hoping that in the end, she was making sense.

"I...love you," Jessie finally breathed out, her voice growing stronger as she reached deep within herself for the ability to reveal what was written on her heart. "I want to spend time, not just getting to know you better, but time with you. A lifetime..." She rubbed at her face with the heel of her hand as she grew frustrated at her own incompetence in explaining herself. Forgetting that her mother was even there, she turned and looked at the source of all her emotional anguish. "Rowan, I don't know what I feel half the time. I have never opened myself to anyone, much less someone that I've only known a few months. And yet, I feel like you've always been a part of my life. Like, through everything, you've always been on the outskirts, waiting for me."

Although she was silent, Rowan was mentally answering each of Jessie's statements with emphatic yeses. Unbeknownst to her, her eyes reflected every yes, giving Jessie the courage she needed to forge on.

"You have quickly become my power and perseverance. I look to you for strength you don't even know you posses. When I looked into your eyes that first night I met you, I felt something inside of me begin to change." Even as she spoke, Jessie was making connections that she hadn't seen before. "And I liked it." It dawned on her that she had liked what was happening to her. In some way, meeting Rowan was what allowed her to persevere through the path to redemption. "I love you Rowan and I want to spend the rest of my life loving you."

There were tears in Rowan's eyes as Jessie finished her declaration. Without hesitation or thought she threw her arms around Jessie's neck, hugging her tightly and sobbing with joy when she felt strong arms respond by holding her back.

My Job is done, Anne thought to herself quiet proudly. She watched the tender moment for a few minutes before escaping away, leaving the two women that were embracing on the couch. As she left the room it was as though she were leaving a sauna or a steam room. A wave of cold washed over her, leaving her longing for whatever entity Rowan and Jessie created when they came together. Instantly, she felt alone.

As she walked through the rest of the house, she felt tears well up in her own eyes. She missed love greatly. She felt its absence in her bones just as clearly as she felt the years shorten her time alive. Love had once shined on her in all its glory, creating within her a peace that only true love could bring. Oh Nic, where are you? She cried out silently, saying his name for the first time in many, many years. No longer able to control the pain that she felt, she ran to her bedroom and flung herself onto the bed as silent sobs racked her body.

The phone rang in an obscenely loud manner, waking Rowan from her sound sleep. "Who the fuck?" She mumbled as she fumbled around for the phone.

"Nice talk," Jessie teased from her prone position on her back. She instantly missed the warmth of Rowan who had been laying half on top of her and half on the bed, but her eyes took in with appreciation her lover's naked form.

Giving her lover a quick slap, Rowan made one final reach for the phone and successfully snagged the handset from where it was charging. "Hello?" She croaked her throat dry from the previous night's activities. Jessie snorted at the break in Rowan's voice, knowing full well that she was responsible for it.

"Danni?" Rowan was wide-awake now as she listened to the voice on the other end. "Well, of course I'm glad to hear from you but-" It was obvious that she had been cut off by the party on the other end. "Yes, but-" Again. "Danni, no! You can't stay here! There's not enough room for you and-" A sigh rumbled through Rowan's chest as she held back her anger. "No. No! Danni, no!" Her voice got progressively louder as she held her ground. "No, and that's it!" With a decisive motion she cut off the conversation by pressing the talk button.

Not bothering to ask, Jessie just waited patiently for Rowan to tell her what the call was about.

"Sometimes I could just scream!" Came the unexpected response.

Jessie could see the tension in her lover's body and she reacted without thought. Gathering Rowan to her, she held her tightly, gently caressing her naked back until she felt her relax and melt into her. Where her breathing had been erratic from anxiety, it was now steady and deep.

Waiting a few more heartbeats, Jessie took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "So, do you want to talk about it now?" Her voice was gentle, not wanting to push the precious woman in her arms.

"That was my sister," Rowan's body tensed every so slightly as she spoke, as if just the very thought of the phone call made her want to jolt up and hit something.

Completely confused, Jessie tried not to make her voice too demanding. "Your sister?" She had thought that Rowan was an only child. Where did a sister come in?

"Yeah. Family's a strange thing isn't it?" The question was rhetorical, but Jessie still considered it with great thought.

"I'm not one to comment on that," the dark-haired woman gave a humorless laugh as she thought of her own family of two.

Rowan made a note of this comment deciding to probe further after she'd explained her own situation. "Danni, short for Danielle. My parents adopted her when she was 9. They'd been married for a few years and couldn't seem to conceive on their own. So, they tried being foster parents for awhile, and eventually adopted Danni."

"I assuming that this was before you came along?" Jessie asked lightly, her eyebrow arching upward.

Rowan laughed softly. "Definitely. After they adopted Danni the found a new doctor who suggested mom have surgery to clear up her tubes. So, they tried and after that, I was conceived." She grew silent as her face grew serious. "I think Danni always resented me."

"Did your parents treat her differently than they treated you?" Jessie had heard the regret in her voice.

"No, not at all. But, Danni had had a hard life before she'd been adopted. Typical story, really. Her birth mother had been on drugs when she got pregnant and hadn't bothered to stop just because she was carrying a life. Danni's birth father wasn't around, from what I know of. She went from foster home to foster home before she ended up with my parents." Again, Rowan seemed to loose herself in thought. "I think that it was too late for her." She rubbed her face against Jessie's bare shoulder, taking in the scent of her lover for a brief moment.

"She was 11 when I was born. My first memories of her are just looking at her hair." Rowan giggled quietly. "She had this…FLAMING red hair that stood up in all directions no matter what was put on it or how they brushed it. When she was like, 17 she shaved it all off. Mom got so mad!" Rowan laughed loudly this time as the memories swept her away.

"Did you two get along?" Jessie's desire for information about Rowan's mysteriously appearing sister was held, barely in check, by her greater desire to comfort her love.

The mirth left Rowan's face at this question. She looked down at where Jessie's bare arms touched her naked stomach, trying to control the tears that were forming. "When I was growing up, I thought that the sun revolved around her. I looked up to her with the innocence that only a child can have and in the end, I got hurt because of that innocence."

"She let you down?"

"Something like that," Rowan said vaguely. "When she turned 18 she had already been using drugs recreationally. After that she got more involved, dealing as well as using." The back of her hand began to slowly stroke Jessie's arm. The need to connect to her lover as she spoke was overwhelming. "On my 10th birthday I found out that she couldn't come to my party because she was in jail."

Jessie quickly did the mental math, figuring that Danni had been 21. "Do you know what for?"

"My parents wouldn't tell me at the time. It wasn't till later, when I tried to find Danni to tell her about my parents' accident that I found out she was in prison because she'd been involved in the murder of a cab driver on the north side of Madison. She didn't get out until three years after mom and dad died." Falling silent for a minute, Rowan stared out into her mind's memories.

Deciding that she would be best able to help if she just let the story come from Rowan, Jessie sat there, holding on tightly. She was prepared to hold on for the rest of time if need be. In the back of her mind the combination of Rowan's sister's name, the red hair, and the crime triggered some kind of memory response, but she wasn't going to deal with that just now. Rowan's needs came first.

"When she got out I didn't hear from her for almost a year and then a letter comes from Texas, of all places." She paused, looking at Jessie for a minute. "Now, this part is going to sound unbelievable, and I understand. When I first heard I thought that she'd been taking drugs again. But, it's all true."

"Okay," Jessie said, uncertain of what she was being prepared for. "While she was in prison, she participated in this..." Rowan searched for the right word. "...correspondence program. You see, they would match prisoners with people on the outside who were willing to communicate with them via letters. It was a way for them to gain some kind of interpersonal communication skills, or something."

"Right, I've heard of that."

"Well, Danni met someone and they, supposedly, fell in love." Rowan smiled at Jessie's puzzled look. "I know, that part doesn't sound too bad. But, here's the thing. The man she married was 30 years older and is a millionaire who owns a cattle ranch or something in Texas."

"Your sister went to jail and then married a millionaire she met while in jail?" Jessie's voice sounded almost as incredulous as the story.

"I know," Rowan sighed. "Sounds impossible, huh?"

"Definitely." Feeling a bit disconcerted, but not overwhelmed, Jessie remembered the original source of this topic. "So, that was her on the phone?"

Rowan's body tensed again as she was reminded of the phone call. "Oh yeah, that was Danni. She's going to be coming to Madison, for some stupid reason, and is bringing her two kids."

"Kids?"

"Oh yeah, she and the elder Texan have to children, a boy and a girl. Olson James Detwiler, the 5th is almost 8. Sunshine Detwiler is almost 6. My nephew and niece." She couldn't help the small smile that came over her face as she thought about the two children. Despite the annoyance of her flaky sister, she truly adored her niece and nephew.

"I can tell you like the kids. So, what's the problem? You meet up with them for an afternoon and then you don't have to worry about them again." Family was not something that Jessie totally understood. She'd never met any of them, only her mother, and for the life of her, she couldn't understand people's attachments to their extended family.

"The problem is that she wants to stay here."

Jessie paled as she realized what that meant. "Here?" She croaked out. "In this house?"

Nodding, Rowan couldn't help but smile at her lover's perplexed face. "Yes, that's what she wants. Of course, I told her no."

"I...I'll go back to the apartment while she's here." Jessie tried to appear nonchalant, but in truth she was having painful heart palpitations at the thought of spending a night without Rowan's warm body cuddle up next to her. You can do it J. You're a big girl, don't let something like this bother you.

Despite the facet that the mere idea of her sister staying with her turned her stomach, she couldn't help but warm at Jessie's sweetness. "You'll do no such thing. If she comes, I still want you here." A flash of insecurity passed over here. "Unless you don't want to stay while she's here."

A warm flush came over Jessie, inspired by both Rowan's words and the small dash of uncertainty. She wants me, her heart sang in response. Lifting the naked woman in her arms, Jessie quickly flipped her gently onto the bed, immediately positioning her own bare body on top of her. "I," she said nipping lightly at Rowan's neck. "Will be here," another nip on the other side of the beautiful neck. "Forever." Her eyes burned into Rowan's soul as the heat between their two bodies grew.

"Thank you," she said as she pulled Jessie's head down to capture her lips in a searing kiss.

"Do you know," Jessie began to ask as she laid herself fully on top of the smaller woman, her hands now free to caress and fondle the woman below her. "How much I love you?" Not letting her lover respond she softly nibbled on the woman's neck, relishing the arching body under her. "I want to take you now," she growled in a low voice as her mouth descended to Rowan's breast. "I want to make you cry out for me." Her tongue slowly circled a nipple, her eyes watching as it grew in anticipation.

"God, yes," Rowan said right before Jessie's hot mouth took her breast fully, suckling it, at first gently and then harder as their passions grew. Rowan reacted to Jessie's electric touch, causing soaring sensations to travel up and down her sweating body.

The pleasure that Rowan reacted to also filled Jessie as she took her over the edge again and again. Her fingers found the center of Rowan's needs, creating a frenzied rhythm of heat and a flow of pleasure and passion. With every pump of Jessie's arm, Rowan soared higher, crying out louder and louder.

Their bodies were joined, seared by the fire they were creating, melted together so that they were one. As one cried out in pleasure, the other cried out in an exact echo. Where one began and the other ended, neither knew nor cared. It was one pinnacle shared by two minds, one heart, and one soul, forever binding them together. Which, if you asked either one of them, was right where they should be.

Laying together, their bodies cooling from their lovemaking, Rowan and Jessie both silently watched the sunrise through one of the bedroom’s windows. Her body feeling sated and lazy, Rowan could only lay there, drowning in the sensations that were still shooting intermittently through her body. As she remembered the touch of Jessie’s mouth and hands, an uncontrollable shiver ran through her frame.

“You cold?” Jessie was immediately concerned, grabbing at the covers that had been totally disregarded. With tender motions she covered her lover, making sure that no space was left open for air to get through. “There, that better?” She asked, kissing Rowan’s golden hair.

“Hmmm…except for one thing.”

Puzzled, Jessie’s eyebrows came together in a gravitational pull toward the bridge of her nose. “What’s that?”

“You’re not in here,” Rowan gestured with her head at the cocoon that Jessie had created for her.

Smiling, Jessie rubbed at her forehead. “Well, we can definitely do something about that.” With quick motions, she lifted the closest edge of the covers and slid her body under. As her cooled body came into contact with Rowan’s now warm body, she felt the flame of desire ignite once again sprouting through her tender nerve endings.

“Much better,” Rowan murmured, her head instantly finding a resting place on Jessie’s shoulder.

They laid in comfortable quiet for a few moments. Jessie was torn between thinking about the naked body lying next to her, and the startling news about Rowan’s sister. “Do you have any other family secrets that you’re keeping from me?” Her tone was light, but it also carried a bit of wariness.

Rowan pretended to think about this a few minutes before she answered. “No…I think Danni’s the only family secret I have.” Her hand gently caressed the slope of Jessie’s strong jaw. “What about you? I don’t really know anything about your family, other than Anne, of course.”

“”Well, it’s not really an easy question to answer.” Jessie felt rather helpless.

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t know any of my family, other than my mother.”

“Grandparents?” Rowan asked, incredulously watching as Jessie shook her head no. “Aunts? Uncles? Cousins?” Each received the same negative answer. “What about your father?” Rowan was tentative in asking this, never having heard either Anne or Jessie talk about the man who had contributed to Jessie’s conception.

“He’s dead.” Jessie’s mouth turned down in a frown as she thought about what little she knew about her father. When she was younger she had held a lot of resentment and bitterness toward the man who had fathered her, but never lived long enough to be a part of her life. She didn’t even know what he looked like. She remember that once, when she’d been about 11 she had come across her mother starring at a small back and white picture, tears streaming down her face. But, as Jessie moved closer to see what she was looking at, she hid the picture. “That must have been him,” she whispered to herself, just now putting two and two together.

“What must have been him?” Rowan’s voice was soft, respectful of the difficult situation.

“My father. She must have a picture of him.” She went on to explain the memory that had just surfaced. “She must have been looking at a picture of him.”

“And you say that she was crying? She must have loved him very much.” Rowan’s voice was wistful, her romantic cravings kicking in.

It was very difficult for Jessie to respond to that. “She only talked about him a few times…” she faded off, a wistful look in her eye, a look which did not go unnoticed by Rowan. “I had all the usual questions, I guess. The other kids all had fathers, or at least knew who their father was. Mom…well, it was hard on her and even as a kid I knew that it hurt her to talk about him.”

Rowan smiled as she tried to imagine her lover as a child, with her large blue eyes and her dark hair. She could see a child like resemblance in her lover when she smile, really smiled. But that didn’t happen very often.

“She told me that he died in Vietnam.” Now Jessie was starring at something far away from the bedroom they were laying in. “When I left home, I took a trip to Washington DC. I went to…” her voice broke as she remembered the hardened girl she was then. Despite her tough attitude, she still had the emotions of a child who grew up without a father. “…the wall. You know, the Vietnam War Memorial? He…he wasn’t there.” Jessie struggled with the ghostly memories of pain she had felt growing up.

Over the years she had put the memories and the hurt away in a small box in the back of her mind, never wanting to revisit them. And yet, every day she found herself thinking about the man she never knew. Did she really look like him? She didn’t look like her mother. Did she talk like him? Was her smile like his? Did they share similar interests? And with the every day questions there inevitably was the morbid questions concerning his death. Had he died in battle? Had he come home in a wooden box? Or was he left to rot in the jungle’s humidity? So many questions without answers flooded her mind when she least expected it, leaving her unable to get beyond the mystery of her father.

Rowan felt stabbing pain through her body as she realized Jessie’s suffering. She felt helpless to do anything to console her lover, wanting so badly to erase the pain she was feeling, and yet realizing that it was impossible. Tears streamed down her own face as she held on tightly to Jessie’s warm body, both of them realizing how fortunate they were.

Years of bottling up her feelings made the moment even more powerful for Jessie as she realized yet again the extent of Rowan’s hold on her. Tendrils of her lover had been woven throughout Jessie’s being, creating an inescapable web. The sob caught both women unaware as Jessie broke completely, unleashing the pain that had gathered in her chest.

Putting her cheek against Jessie’s, Rowan cried with her, both women holding on to each other as a lifeline and salvation.

After a while the tears stopped flooding, only leaking out occasionally. Neither woman had moved, both of them lost in their own thoughts.

The alarm finally went off, signaling that it was time to start the day, but neither of them moved. They sat, holding each other, as the song Cocaine ended and the morning announcers came on.

“This is the Bob and Tom show on WIBA 101.5 FM coming to you live from the station that plays classic rock that rocks!”

With an internal sigh, Rowan closed her eyes, willing herself back together so that she could face the day before her. Cupping Jessie’s face with her hand, she drew her face closer so that she could softly kiss warm lips. Salt from the tears she’d shed was still on Jessie’s lips, adding another dimension to her wonderful tasting kiss. The kiss deepened out of need and reassurance, recreating the heat that had barely had time to die down. They both pulled away at the same time, gasping for breath.

“Whoa,” Rowan said breathlessly.

“We seem to be going from one extreme to the other.”

“At least we ended on a happier note, right?” The sadness that had consumed Jessie’s face earlier had faded somewhat, leaving only minute traces over the smooth planes.

Giving her lover a small, weary smile, Jessie brushed the blonde hair off her forehead before leaning over to place small kisses around her mouth. “I never knew happiness before I knew you. Thank you.” Giving Rowan another quick kiss, she got out of bed and made her way to the shower.

Her breath having left her body at the power of her lover’s words, Rowan couldn’t help the smile that tugged forcefully at the sides of her mouth. “Wow,” she said softly to herself before getting up. “Let’s see if she needs some help in the shower.”

Between classes and students with their ever-persistent questions, Rowan found her thoughts wandering back to Jessie’s father. There was an unexplainable need to get answers for her lover, wanting to somehow help the painful ache she knew Jessie must feel. While she’d grown up with a very loving father, she did know the pain of loss. And it killed something inside of her to see that pain in the woman she loved.

“Got to figure out something,” she finally muttered, forgetting that she was standing in front of a classroom filled with anxious freshman. She was almost startled to see almost two dozen pairs of eyes looking at her in bewilderment. “Sorry, just talking to Ralph here.” She pointed over her shoulder at the empty space next to her, confusing her students even more. A few snickers in the back of the room indicated that some of them thought she’d lost her mind. Good, maybe that will scare them into their homework more often, she thought with a satisfied smile. “Okay, so where were we? Who wants to beginning reading Hills Like White Elephants out loud?”

A groan was barely stifled as the students looked at each other to see who would volunteer. Rowan’s smile was slightly sinister as no one raised their hand. Another day, another victim.

“Jessie?” Rowan let herself through the front door, using her foot to close it behind her. Dropping her briefcase by the chair, she heaved an armful of papers onto the seat before turning around to lock the door. “Jess?”

The lights were on in the living room and kitchen, a sure sign that her lover was home, but there was no sign of where Jessie could be. After checking the downstairs and not finding anyone, she made her way upstairs.

The sound of now familiar, light snoring coming from the bedroom alerted her to Jessie’s location. Entering she as touched by the sight of her dark-haired lover curled up in her bed. Our bed, she amended her thoughts with a tickle of delight. Tigger was curled up near Jessie’s head, one paw lightly touching the sleeping woman’s head. Upon hearing Rowan’s approach, Tigger sleepily opened his eyes, blinked slowly, and then stretched his entire body while widely opening his mouth in a yawn.

“Hedonist,” Rowan told him with an affectionate smile. She pulled her shoes off and climbed into bed behind Jessie, curving her body to match that of her lover.

“Hon?” She whispered softly, reaching up to stroke the sleeping woman’s face, while pressing her body closer.

Jessie’s beauty never failed to cause her breath to catch in her chest. She had known beauty before, but it wasn’t close to the dark, glorious beauty Jessie held in just a mere look. How did I get so lucky?

She shook off her thoughts, concentrating on the conundrum before her. Why was Jessie in bed so early? Granted, she hadn’t known Jessie all that long, but this didn’t seem usual for her.

“Jess? Honey, are you okay?”

This time Jessie answered by mumbling into her pillow. “Sick. Flu.”

“Oh boy,” Rowan sighed. “Didn’t you get a flu shot?”

“No.” Jessie’s tone of voice sounded like a petulant child, causing Rowan to laugh softly before chastising her lover.

“Jessie! You work in health care. Surely you know better than to skip your flu shot!”

“Don’t get sick.”

“Uh huh, sure. So, you’re not sick now?”

“Nope.”

“Then what are you doing in bed?”

“Dunno.”

“If you don’t know, then how did you get here?”

“Dunno.”

If she weren’t so worried about Jessie, Rowan would have been rolling on the floor, the conversation striking her as completely out of character and definitely funny.

“Can you sit up for me, sweetheart?”

Jessie lifted her head about an inch off the pillow, a silly smile on her face. “You called me sweetheart!” She seemed very pleased at this endearment.

“Well, you are my sweetheart, sweetheart.”

Still grinning, Jessie began to sit up. Her grin, however, turned to a grimace as her stomach protested the sudden movement. “Oh God,” she moaned as she unsteadily tried to get up from the bed and make it to the bathroom before it was too late.

Sensing her lover’s need without words passing between them, Rowan helped her up and quickly walked her to the bathroom, the taller woman leaning against her heavily.

“You..don’t…have..to stay,” Jessie gasped as she leaned over the toilet, hoping that the waves of nausea would pass without her having to throw up. Rowan had helped her there and then stood by dutifully, waiting to help. Truthfully, Jessie was embarrassed and didn’t want Rowan to suffer through seeing her so sick and helpless.

Before Rowan could answer, an even stronger wave passed over her and she was left with no choice as her stomach rebelled. It felt like hours passed as she continued to get sick, and she had thought that Rowan had gone ahead and left when she felt a cool clothe on the back of her neck.

Moaning, she tried to relax her body as she felt strong hands rub her back and her neck, making her instantly glad that her lover had not abandoned her, despite her earlier desire for just that.

Poor baby, Rowan thought as she brushed at the hair plastered to Jessie’s clammy forehead. The ill woman had finally fallen into a light sleep, her body exhausted from the convulsions of dry heaves. Rowan was really concerned, but wasn’t sure what more she could do other than make sure that the woman was comfortable and that she tried to keep liquids down.

Unable to stifle a huge yawn, Rowan drowsily looked at the clock and realized that it was already midnight. Sluggishly getting off the bed without jostling her lover, she quickly stripped out of her clothing, not bothering to put on anything else, and climbed into the bed beside Jessie.

Realizing she’d forgotten to turn the light off, she groaned loudly in frustration, her only desire at that moment to sleep. Reaching around, she found a book on her night table. With a well-aimed hurl, she managed to hit the light switch, instantly throwing the room into darkness. Curling her body around the slightly feverish one, she held the woman tightly, feeling very protective of her lover’s weakened state. Snuggling into Jessie’s back, she closed her eyes and let herself drift into the pleasant feeling of slumber, her mind doing little happy dances at the feeling of Jessie in her arms.

Part 3

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