ForevaXena's FanFic . . .
Falling
by Grit Jahning
Disclaimers:
No, I don't own Xena and Gabrielle - I just borrow them. I'm putting them back
were they belong, I swear...
Subtext:
Yes, it is maintext in this story. Though it starts out innocent enough. Later
on in the story there will be scenes of two women making love. If this bothers
you, or you're too young - please don't read this story.
Violence:
Yes. Nothing to graphic though. There will be scenes of domestic violence and
child abuse. (no rape or sexual violence!) If this bothers you - please don't
read this story.
A
Note About The Story: This isn't a 'typical' alternative story. It isn't general
fiction either. You could probably call it Uber in some ways. So consider
yourself warned...
Language:
I don't use English in my day to day life so I apologise in advance for any
spelling or grammar mistakes. You're welcome to point them out to me, though
(But please be nice...<smile>) (I will use 'proper' English spelling –
just thought I mention that, too. It just stuck with me after school.)
Part 2
You're
the bravest of hearts, you're the
strongest of souls
You're my light in the dark, you're the
place I call home
You can say it's all right, but I know
that you're breaking up inside
I see it in your eyes
Even you face the night afraid
and alone
That's why I'll be there
When
the storm rises up, when the
shadows descend
without end
Baby, that's what I'll give, if that's
if that's what it takes
You
can sleep in my arms, you don't
When your heart's crying out, baby,
whisper my name
the thunder is crashing up above
You've given me your love
When your smile like the sun that shines
That's why I'll be there
When
the storm rises up, when the
shadows descend
without end
I will stand like a rock, I will bend
till I break
Till
there's no more to give, if that's
what it takes
I will risk everything, I will fight,
I will bleed
I will lay down my life, if that's
I make
Baby, that's what I'll give, if that's
what it takes
Through
the wind and the rain, through
the smoke and the fire
When the fear rises up, when the wave's ever higher
I will lay down my heart, my body,
my soul
I will hold on all night and never
let go
Ev'ry second I live, that's the promise I make
Baby, that's what I'll give, if that's
If
that's what it takes
Every day
If that's what it takes
Every day
(*
" If That's What It Takes" written by Jean-Jaques Goldman/Phil
Galdston)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-
12 -
The
forest around her was swallowed by darkness. The moon barely visible through a
thick carpet of clouds covering the night-sky.
But
it was peaceful. The soft howling of an owl and the sounds of wings carrying
easily through the quiet.
And
what used to be a balm to her soul and mind - now it drove her insane...
This
wasn't supposed to happen!
A fist connecting with a tree. Bark splitting from its trunk. Shit. Shit.
Shit. ... Another hit. Another. Blood on bruised knuckles.
Gods,
what had gone wrong?
All
she had to do was close her eyes to see those shining green eyes and to feel
those soft lips touching hers. To feel the heat rising inside her body.
Spreading across her skin.
A
long muscular frame moved against the tree. Forehead leaning on cold bark. Hands
resting on its rough sides.
A
deep sigh.
I
just have to get myself under control again. It was one incident. ... I keep my
distance and this will pass! ... It has to....
"Yeah."
A low, deep-voiced whisper. Dark hair was brushed away from pained pale blue
eyes.
For
a few days she had played with the idea to leave. Not go back. But the thought
itself had hurt so much she couldn't even imagine what it would be like to never
see Gabrielle again.
She
couldn't stay away. It was as simple as that. She was caught in something so
intense .... She was falling. Falling into an abyss deep and unknown. And yet so
familiar and comforting it scared her senseless.
She
took a deep breath and straightened. I can handle this! I have to!
A
horse snorted and she turned towards the pale mare. "C'mon Argo. Let's go
home."
Home.
A slight smile.
XXXXXXXXXXXX
"I
don't know, mum."
Gabrielle
turned and took another look at the mirror. The pale green dress she wore hugged
her body in a way that was very flattering to her slim, well-developed body. And
she couldn't help but blush at the way it showed her bosom.
"It
does ... um, you know, " A waving hand indicating her chest. "... show
a lot." She turned embarrassed green eyes to Cyrene who was smiling
broadly.
"Don't
bother cutie. You look..."
"...beautiful..."
The
low voice sounded from the doorway and Gabrielle turned around with a start.
Just to break into a huge smile.
"Xena!!"
Without
second thought she rushed her older friend and wrapped her into a tight hug.
Feeling long, strong arms settle around her. Holding her just as close. "I
missed you." She whispered into a chest that smelled like sun and fresh
grass. Hay and leather.
"Me
too."
They
separated and smiled at each other. An appraising look from those blue eyes and
Gabrielle blushed even more. "You really like it?" She fussed with the
dress. Plugging at a seam.
And
then a finger lifted her chin up.
"Yup.
.... I guess this means you have a date, huh?"
Gabrielle
wasn't sure but she thought something like sadness crossed Xena's chiselled
features.
"Yes."
Cyrene
stepped into the conversation. Happy her daughter had returned earlier than she
herself had expected. "A boy from Potedeia .. what was his name? Um ...
Pardel ... Persi..."
"Perdicus,"
Gabrielle said. A small smile playing around her lips and she dropped her gaze.
"I
told you so ... Didn't I?" Xena forced a smug expression on her face.
Knowing she succeeded when she felt her younger friend swat at her arm. Inside
she tried to keep those walls upright.
Feeling
them crumble all around her.
A
shy smile and another blush as Gabrielle remembered that day. " ... yeah
... Guess you did."
Their
gazes met and for a moment something like an understanding seemed to pass
between them but it vanished just as quickly and left both of them confused.
Cyrene
watched the interaction with a puzzled frown. She had suspected that they might
have had a fight or something like that but watching them now.... Something had
changed that much was obvious. She saw it in the way Xena kept her body rather
rigid. Unusual when she was close to Gabrielle. Mmh.
She
tilted her head a little and watched her daughter more closely. Saw her pale
eyes flicker across the room but always returning to appraise the smaller form
standing before her. Then her gaze softened and there was a shine to her eyes
.... Oh gods ... She's in love with her!
Cyrene
turned around and rubbed a hand across her face. Now what?
XXXXXXXXXXXXX
The
only light was a candle placed on the table that flickered across a dark head
and a pair of hands holding a cup of ale.
Way
to go warrior! Xena took
another deep swallow of the ale and let it burn down her throat. She had already
had three cups but was far from being as drunk as she wanted to be.
Drunk
enough so it wouldn't hurt anymore... Guess that means I have to try a little
harder, doesn't it? She staggered to her feet and walked over to the bar.
Searching for another bottle.
"I
think you had enough."
The
quiet voice sounded behind her and Xena turned around to see her mother.
"...I
don't think so....." She grabbed the bottle and went back to the table she
had sat at for a couple of hours now.
Trying
to drown the images and feelings inside her.
Her
mother sat down across from her and grabbed her hand. "Xena..." Pained
blue eyes looked at her and she saw Xena swallow. "Do you want to talk
about it?"
The
tall body opposite her stiffened and dark eyebrows furrowed. Slowly Xena
withdraw her hand from her mother's grip. "Talk about what?"
Cyrene
took a deep breath but she decided to go ahead. "Gabrielle is really
looking forward to tomorrow." A snort answered her. "Perdicus seems
nice."
"Does
he?" It wasn't really a question.
"Yeah.
I think he really cares for her, you know? And she's at an age where she should
think about a husband."
Xena's
head snapped up. "What?"
"A
husband. ... I think he's a nice catch."
Xena's
jaw moved as Cyrene recognised the signs for silent anger. "Do you ... do
you think ... she's thinking about ... that?"
"Well,
she is fourteen. She's starting to think about stuff like this, you know? ...
I'm sure you talked about things like that?"
"No,
no, we ... not about that."
Xena
dropped her head again and her eyes traced the liquid in her mug. Losing herself
in the dark reflections. Marriage?
"You
know she can't live here forever."
Pale
eyes narrowed. "What's that supposed to mean?"
Cyrene
smiled. "Honey, I love her just as much as any of you but just like the
boys she'll find someone she wants to start a family with. Someone who loves
her. ...." Cyrene paused a moment. Searching Xena's still face.
"Someone who doesn't hide from what they're feeling."
Their
eyes met and around the older woman's lips played a knowing smile. For a moment
Xena considered denying ... it ... whatever .... Love? .... that was
settling inside her heart and soul. But her mother's eyes didn't hold anything
but understanding and love.
She
broke their gaze and turned towards dark windows next to her. Sighing silently.
"She .. she isn't thinking about me like that."
"Maybe
the two of you should talk. Maybe she's as confused and afraid as you?"
Xena
straightened. "I'm not afraid!"
"No?
Why did you just leave the other day?"
"I
... I .... " Xena fell silent. Unable to come up with an answer.
"Mum...she's like a little sister to me. We practically grew up together!
.... I ... I'm just overly protective right now. You know, her first real date
and all ... nothing to it." Yeah, just keep telling this to yourself,
warrior. ".. Besides ...
she is ten years younger than me. ... It would ... never work."
Cyrene
heard the final note in Xena's quiet voice. "You're sure?"
"We're
best friends. ... And that's all I want from her." Xena's voice became a
whisper. "I can't loose this."
Before
Cyrene could response her daughter got up and left the inn. The darkness outside
swallowing her within seconds.
"Oh
honey, don't turn away from the best thing that might ever happened to
you."
XXXXXXXXXXXX
The
square was packed with laughing, moving and watching bodies. A thick carpet of
voices and music had settled. And it was impossible to lead a conversation
without yelling. Young couples were dancing on a platform set up near the band
and everybody had a marvellous time.
Gabrielle
loved it.
It
would have been perfect if Xena had been with them. But her tall friend hadn't
shown up so far. Maybe she's with someone. And they wanted their privacy. She
frowned. For some reason that thought bothered her. But before she could think
about it Perdicus showed up, two mugs of cider in his hands and a huge smile on
his face.
Everybody
had congratulated him on his date and he couldn't help but notice how beautiful
Gabrielle looked in the green dress. Her long blonde hair kept in a loose knot
at the back of her neck. Yup, sure am lucky.
"Hey,
Gabrielle .. I bought us something to drink."
"Thanks."
She accepted with a shy smile. They had danced non-stop until now and she was
more than ready for a break. Mmh...maybe...
"Perdicus....."
Dark eyes turned her way. "Would you .. like to .. maybe ... go for a walk?
I could use a break."
Yes!!!
"Sure,
Gabrielle. If that's what you want .... "
They
left the crowded and noisy square behind and headed for a small path to the back
of the town. The sky was cloudless and so the full moon was shining undisturbed.
The
silvery moonlight bright enough to make out every detail around them, although
it was nearing midnight.
They
stopped at a huge birch tree and Gabrielle leaned against it. Her eyes tracing
the myriad of stars overhead. Looking for the shapes Xena and she had found just
a couple of weeks ago.
Again
that strange feeling. Why does it feel like things
changed between us?
"....had
a lot of fun."
She
came back with a start and looked at Perdicus with an apologising smile.
"Sorry ... I was just thinking. What did you say?"
"I
said I had a lot of fun tonight. ... And when I look around ... nothing here
matches the beauty in front of me."
The
blonde teenager was sure her face was a deep red and she was surprised it didn't
glow. She swallowed nervously as Perdicus took a step closer. Oh
gods....
"You
know ... there is something that would make this night perfect."
She
wasn't able to answer let alone think as she saw him lower his head. She closed
her eyes - waiting for the same tingling and heat that had taken hold of her
body when Xena had kissed her. She felt his lips on her mouth and ....
Nothing.
Just
that. Lips on lips.
Gabrielle
blinked her eyes open. Hoping her confusion and disappointment didn't show in
her face. Obviously it didn't because Perdicus smiled at her and took her hand.
"Come on, let's go back."
She
allowed herself to be led away. Her mind still trying to find out what had been
missing. It
was romantic, wasn't it? Sure, full moon, we were dancing .... he was nice and
kind ... gentle ... Why didn't it feel a special as it did with Xena?
XXXXXXXXXXXXX
Lyceus
put down the axe and started collecting the logs he had been chopping for the
last two hours.
You
would think I'm the only man in this family capable of chopping wood. What about
Toris?! He's stronger than me! Or Xena! She sure is stronger than me - or Toris.
.... Gods I hate this!!
He
threw the last log on the stack of wood with an angry grunt.
He
wasn't really upset about the work. Actually it was a nice way to get his anger
out of his body without harming anyone else. He had snapped at Xena earlier
today and had got one of those 'looks' and a low: "Don't start with
me!" So, chopping wood was a lot safer and a lot more satisfying. It was
just ....
Ever
since that ... that ... jerk Perdicus had showed up everything had changed.
Xena
was hardly home anymore and Gabrielle was only talking about that .... that guy.
After the first two weeks he had run out of expletives.
The
young man sighed and dropped down on the chopping block. It was just some silly
crush he had on the small blonde, he knew that - and he knew that he would never
have a chance with her but seeing Gabrielle with Perdicus...
It
hurt nevertheless.
He
was happy for her. There was no doubt about that. Of course he was - someone as
special as Gabrielle deserved someone who loved her
and took care of her. He'd only hoped that he could be that someone. But
obviously Perdicus and Gabrielle were really serious about this relationship
thing.
He
sighed again and got up.
His
pale eyes looking around until they spotted the tall dark form at the stable,
working with a foal.
And
Xena didn't seem to like Perdicus either. She usually excused herself whenever
he showed up and last weekend when he'd come over for dinner she'd hardly said a
word. He wasn't sure what his sister didn't like about Perdicus. Whenever he
tried to talk with her about it she changed the topic.
Whatever.
All that matters is that Gab is happy.
And he had to admit that she seemed to be happy with Perdicus.
XXXXXXXXXXXXX
-
13 -
Pale
blues watched rays of sunlight sparkle on the frozen surface of the lake.
Causing the ice to glitter brightly. She watched her breath evaporate as gently
curling steam and felt the biting cold on her face and unprotected hands but
chose to ignore it.
It
was quiet around her. Now and then sounds of softly sighing branches broke
through the silence but other than that she was alone. With her thoughts and the
quiet sadness that she carried around with her since autumn.
She
had got a letter last week. One of her friends from the Academy had written her
- telling her that he and some other friends were joining an army against the
Romans. He'd asked her to come with them. They would need her help.
Her
first reaction was to refuse. But then she thought about it. And she decided to
at least travel to Athens to meet them and to get more information. Now all she
had to do was telling mum.
And
Gabrielle.
She'll
hardly know I'm gone. Now that she has Perdicus. Her
face became grim and she closed her eyes against the pain she felt inside. It's
for the best. ... It'll give me a chance to get over .... whatever ... and she
and Perdicus ... Just the thought of them together ....
Gods.
She never felt as helpless as she did at this moment. Part of her wanted to drop
to her knees in front of the small blonde and confess an undying love. But
another part was convinced that Gabrielle deserved better than her. Someone who
could provide her with a safe home, a stable life.
She
opened her eyes and exhaled. Her eyes taking in the sight in front of her. Trees
covered by frost. Painting them in glittering white.
A
silent sigh and she got up. Her decision made.
XXXXXXXXXXXX
"Gabrielle,
can we talk?"
The
blonde teenager looked up and smiled at the young man standing in front of her.
"Sure."
Perdicus
sat down next to her and took a deep breath. He met her questioning gaze for a
brief moment and looked down on the ground again.
Gabrielle
sat on a bench in the backyard of the inn. Sheltered enough to ward off the
early winter cold.
She
watched Perdicus swallow and felt a nervous flutter inside her stomach.
"Gabrielle
... we .... " He looked up and took one of her hands. Oh gods. "You
know, that I really like you. A lot. And ... I mean, I know you're only fourteen
and ... I ... I don't want to .... pressure you into something here but ...
"
Gabrielle
frowned puzzled and shook her head. "What are you talking about, Perdicus?"
Brown
eyes met hers. "Marry me." There, he said it.
For
a moment all she could think of was how to breathe - and then she became aware
of a chilly breeze that caressed her face. She heard faint sounds of birds and
from far away children's laughter.
Then
her mind focused on the young man in front of her again and she swallowed.
"Ma ... marry you?"
Perdicus
frowned. Somehow that wasn't the reaction he had been looking for. Wasn't she
supposed to be happy?
"Yes.
... I mean ... not tomorrow or anything but I'd like for us to make this
..." He gestured between them. ".. kinda official, you know?"
"I
... um, I don't know what to say, really." Gabrielle rubbed a hand across
her face. Overwhelmed by the entire situation. Marry? Gods, she wasn't ready for
something like that, was she? She wanted to do so much. The Academy of Bards in
Athens ... and she wanted to travel. See the world beyond Amphipolis.
Perdicus
straightened and released her hand. "Well, ... a 'yes' would be nice."
His voice had lost its soft tone and gained a colder edge.
She
stood up, taking a few steps away from him. Trying to sort through her emotions.
Just then Xena entered the yard - a set, distant look on her face. She stopped
short when she saw them. Her eyes meeting Gabrielle's for a long moment. Then
she nodded wordlessly towards them and entered the inn.
Leaving
the small blonde even more confused than before. She felt that something was
about to happen and at the moment she didn't want to think about Perdicus'
proposal but go in there and talk to her older friend. Something they seemed to
do less and less lately.
"Gabrielle?"
She
started at the voice behind her and turned to Perdicus. "Sorry ... I was
just .... " She shrugged helplessly. "I'm sorry Perdicus but I can't
... think about this right now. Okay? Give me some time. Please?"
She
didn't wait for his response and headed into the inn. Leaving him standing in
the cold backyard - unsure if he should be upset or disappointed.
XXXXXXXXXXXXX
Xena
folded another shirt and put it into her bag along with a small dagger. Her eyes
roaming over her small room wistfully.
"You're
not coming back, are you?"
The
quiet voice sounded behind her and she took a deep breath before she turned
around. Steeling herself against sad green eyes she knew were looking at her.
She
forced a smile on her face. "Sure I am. ... I'm only meeting some friends
and ... "
"No
you're not." Gabrielle interrupted her. Entering the room with hesitant
steps.
"Gabrielle..."
"Why?"
Gods,
she wasn't ready for this conversation. "It's what I do. ... I'm a warrior
and they need my help."
"So,
you are going to join that army."
"Yes."
Xena
turned around and closed her bag, shouldering it. She kept her back to Gabrielle
and closed her eyes against the pain the next words she was about to say would
cause her younger friend.
"I'm
twenty four ... it's about time I start my own life, you know. ... I can't live
for the rest of my life at my mother's inn. ... Maybe find someone I .. I want
to spend my life with. You know, stuff like that."
Dead
silence. Then she heard a soft gasp. "Oh."
She
turned around just in time to see Gabrielle wipe away tears. Her jaw clenched
and her grip on her bag tightened.
They
looked at each other silently. Faint sounds of birds floating through the
window. Sunlight playing in blonde and dark locks.
Then
Gabrielle moved forward and Xena was unable to keep her distance as she wrapped
her arms around the sobbing frame. Closing her eyes. Taking in their closeness
and Gabrielle's warm body for a long aching moment.
A
soft voice drifted up to her. "I'm going to ... to miss you so much."
She
pulled back a little and looked into hurting green eyes. Her hands travelling
quite without her permission to Gabrielle's face. Wiping at tears and feeling
that incredible soft skin. "Don't cry, please? ... I'm going to write,
okay? And I try to visit as often as I can."
The
blonde head moved in a nod and she felt Gabrielle's arms tighten around her
again.
Pale
blue and green met and Xena gently tilted Gabrielle's head up and ducked her
own. Letting her lips brush against the
blonde's for a short sweet kiss. Imprinting the sensation into her mind and
heart. Keeping her eyes closed she whispered: "Goodbye, little one."
And without another look back she turned and left her room. Knowing as she
mounted Argo and rode out of Amphipolis that she left a part of her soul in that
small room.
XXXXXXXXXXXXX
-
14 -
She
was surrounded by hundreds of soldiers. She saw them fighting, saw their swords
clanking against each other. Saw horses rear and knew they were neighing in loud
desperate voices as arrows pierced through their hides. She saw comrades ...
friends ... enemies sliced open by already bloody blades. Knew they were crying
out in pain. Shrill, hoarse screams. Knew that all around her hoarse, husky
voices were shouting orders.
But
all she could hear was her blood pounding in her ears.
Were
the slight noises her armour made with every move.
Was
the soft sound her sword made as she withdraw its blade from another bloody
chest.
All
she heard was the soft chuckle that escaped her as she watched the dead body
drop down onto crimson-coloured grass.
The
scent of blood and burned skin lay heavily all around her and she breathed it in
with a smile.
Closing
her eyes and laying her head back. Enjoying the soft drizzle that had started as
it hit her face. Hearing in that strange quiet that surrounded her the soft
splashing sounds the raindrops made as they burst on her skin.
Gods,
it felt good.
She
was drowning in a sea of darkness and violence and she embraced it gratefully
because it drowned out any thoughts and emotions.
The
pain inside.
It
numbed her soul. And that was all she was looking for.
She
opened her eyes again and looked around. Spotting another Roman soldier. But
this one had 'scared' written all over his youthful features and she lifted a
teasing eyebrow.
"Wanna
play, little soldier boy?"
XXXXXXXXXXXX
They
had set up camp and the men were still abuzz with stories of the battle.
Untrained voices singing old songs and the entire army floating on a high after
yet another successful battle.
Not
that it matters, right? Xena
mused, while cleaning the last piece of her armour. They might won battles but
Greece was losing the war. Rome had conquered almost three quarters of the
mainland and their biggest army was marching steadily towards Athens.
Crushing
every single Greek army on the way. That her own army hadn't fallen yet was
mostly her merit. Her men simply followed her and her unwavering belief in her
abilities.
Oh,
she had heard of armies that had surrendered and she knew that they were
fighting a losing battle but .... She'd be damned if she surrendered to those
Romans!
Not
as long as I'm able to lift a sword!
She put her armour away and let her eyes stray over the camp.
Every
time she entered a battle and survived she felt invincible. She was filled with
a power and energy she could actually feel burning through her veins.
There
was no pain. There was no shame. Only her need to succeed and defeat.
She
felt alive.
This
was what she had always dreamed of. Leading an army. Seeing the respect her men
had for her in their eyes.
And
only at night when she was alone and her mind calmed down did she start
wondering. Came those countless, nameless faces back to haunt her dreams. Did
she question her actions. But she was doing a good thing, wasn't she? She fought
for the freedom of Greece. Surely that had to be a good enough cause?
And
only sometimes when she was overwhelmed by her guilt, pain and memories of
killing - was she very close to giving up.
All
she had to do then was close her eyes and she was swallowed up by shining green
eyes and bright smiles ... soft touches ... lilting laughter ... and a gentle
voice .... asking her the same question over and over again: "You're
not coming back, are you?" And at those time she heard her own voice
answer - tired and desperate: "No, I'm not. ... no I'm not...."
Pale
blue eyes closed and Xena buried her face in her hands hoping to ease the ache
in her chest.
Two
years.
She'd
been gone for two years - and she hadn't visited once. Or written a letter. For
all she knew her mother probably thought she was dead.
And
Gabrielle.
"...Gabrielle..."
A pained whisper. Almost a desperate prayer. But it vanished unheard like so
many before. She couldn't return home. She couldn't face Gabrielle with the
memories of what she had done.
What
she had become.
Even
her men were afraid of her. Her fierceness in a fight. The way she lost herself
... her soul ... every single bit of light there might have been inside of her
...
Her
eyes opened. A pale icy colour. Hard. Without any emotion.
This
was her family now. That was all she needed.
"Hey
Xena ..." The husky voice sounded from the large campfire in the middle of
a circle of tents. "We just opened a new barrel of ale. ... C'mon join
us."
She
doesn't need me anymore. She'd probably married Perdicus .. maybe she even has a
little baby by now. .... She's happy without me. ... She doesn't need to see the
monster I am.
She
got up. But just the thought of him touching Gabrielle....
She
shook the image off and sauntered over to her men. Already the scent of ale and
roasted meat assaulting her senses. Her men moved to give her some space - their
dull, aged eyes shining with awe and well-deserved respect.
A
mug of ale was handed to her and she took a deep gulp. The liquid burning down
her throat. Igniting a fire of a different kind inside her stomach.
Getting
drunk would help in numbing her mind. And maybe....
Her
eyes strayed over the faces of her men. And the few women that had joined her
army from several amazon villages.
And
maybe she would have some fun later on.
That
the sex usually left her feeling even more empty and craving for more than pure
physical relief was a thought she pushed far away for now. She would deal with
that afterwards. All she wanted to do now was to drown in nothingness and
meaningless physical closeness.
Hoping
to escape those dreams and that haunting pair of sad green eyes.
XXXXXXXXXXX
Shy,
first rays of light broke through the last remains of a cloudy night-sky.
Wandering slowly across deep green hills, ancient, swaying treetops and the
village square. Painting everything in their way in a soft pink. Birds were
awakening and ruffling their feathers. Their first calls echoing gently through
the still sleeping village. To be answered by hoarse barks of dogs that were
already strolling around, looking for food. Cats were stretching slim bodies,
enjoying the soft warmth on their furs.
It
was a beautiful and peaceful morning.
Met
by thoughtful green eyes, watching the rosy rays creeping across the floor and
up onto the bed. Spreading across her bedding.
A
soft sigh and she rested her chin on her forearm. Just to utter a soft sound of
pain and to curl up into a tight ball, her arms covering her stomach.
"Gods,
I hate this." The cramp eased and she exhaled in relief. And then she
smiled when she remembered the first time she ever had to go through this. Thank
the gods, Xena had been there.
She'd
awoken at night - her entire body one large cramp. At least that's what it had
felt like. She'd got up and her eyes had widened in shock when she noticed
bloodstains on her sheets.
She'd
almost fainted and after the first moment of panic stormed into Xena's room
across from hers.
"I'm
dying!"
Sleep-dazed
and slightly confused blue eyes had looked at her and her tall friend had
grumbled something about finding a better time to do that. Xena had lit a candle
and had listened to her for a few moments - and then a soft chuckle had escaped
her and she'd stood up and ruffled her hair.
"C'mere
little one ... What did we talk about just the other week?"
"Um
... Toris and Varia ... and how she ... " A soft blush, noticeable even in
the dim light. "...she'd got pregnant."
"Right
.. and what did I say happens to women at a certain age? .. What has to happen
so they can get pregnant?"
She'd
thought about that for a moment and then she blushed further. Closing her eyes
in embarrassment. She'd mumbled something and had desperately hoped Xena
wouldn't make her repeat it.
And
she hadn't. Gabrielle's smile turned sad and she closed her eyes. She'd shown
her what she needed to do at those times and then she had made her a tea to help
against the cramps.
Pale
green eyes opened again.
By
now the sun was shining brightly and she heard the sounds of the awakening
village. Laughter, calling voices. Sheep and horses. Dogs.
Gods
she missed her so much - sometimes she hurt just thinking about Xena. Crying
herself to sleep wondering why her friend didn't write or visit. What caused her
to stay away.
Please.
She begged of any god that listened. Don't let her be ... Just thinking
it... She swallowed. Don't let her be dead or hurt. Please! Let
.. even if she found someone to ... someone she loves ... anything .. Just let
her be all right.
A
soft sob escaped her and she buried her face in her pillow. I miss you so
much!
XXXXXXXXXXXX
His
lips were moving slowly down her throat. Kissing her neck. His hands tugging at
the laces that kept her dress closed.
It
was... Gabrielle frowned and started squirming. I
don't...
"...I
don't want this, Perdicus...."
It
took a moment before the words registered with him. He looked up, his dark eyes
frustrated.
"What's
wrong?"
She
shrugged and ran a hand through blonde locks. Avoiding his eyes and moving away
from his body. How to explain that it wasn't his lips she wanted to feel on her
body? Not his hands caressing her skin?
That
it wasn't him she dreamed about at night.
"Gods
... Gabrielle ... it's been two years. ... There is nothing wrong ... Is it
something I did ... or said?"
She
shook her head. She didn't mean to hurt him and she knew that he really cared
about her. He was kind and courteous but....
"I'm
just not ready for .. this ..." She gestured between them.
"Fine."
He huffed. Getting up from the bed and reaching for his shirt. His moves short
and angry.
"Perdicus..."
He
turned to her for a brief look and then shook his head. Shrugging his shoulders
he showed a nonchalance he obviously wasn't feeling. "I said it's fine,
Gabrielle. ... See you tomorrow."
She
watched him leave and sighed. Gods, this was getting to much...
XXXXXXXXXXXXX
Perdicus
drummed his fingers on the surface of the table and frowned. He had been waiting
for some time now and started to get impatient. This was happening more often,
lately.
Gabrielle
came late to their dates or found excuses why they couldn't see each other. Any
attempts he'd made to do more than just kissing or touching were met by shaking
blonde locks and the same answer: "I'm just not ready for this."
Hades.
He'd been patient but there was only so much he could take and ... I love
her. She loves me. There's nothing wrong about doing it!
His
frown deepened as a tall sandy-haired man came to his table - a slight smirk
playing around his lips.
"Perdicus."
"Lyceus."
"Waiting
for Gabrielle?"
Perdicus
bit his tongue to stop an angry response. "Yup."
"Well
.. could take some time ... she's down at the river with a few other girls.
Washing clothes." The smirk got more noticeable.
Lyceus
knew he probably shouldn't enjoy this as much as he did but ... damn, it felt
good to see that look on Perdicus' face.
"What?
... We were supposed to meet here." The dark-haired man got up.
Trouble
in paradise, huh? ... Aw, too bad...
Inside Lyceus was chuckling softly. "Maybe she forgot about it."
Dark
eyes met pale blue and Lyceus lifted a brow at the challenge he saw in them. C'mon
buddy, I've been waiting for this for two years.
But
Perdicus took a step away from the taller man and shrugged. "Maybe."
Without another look he left the inn. Leaving a triumphantly smirking Lyceus.
"What
are you grinning about?"
His
mother's amused voice sounded behind him. Oops. He turned and tried to
force an innocent expression on his face. Knowing he failed miserably. So he
shrugged.
"Seems
Perdicus and Gabrielle have some .. I don't know ... problems .. stuff, you
know."
Cyrene
sighed and sat down. Oh yeah, she knew. Ever since Xena had left, Gabrielle
hadn't been the same. She was very quiet and she smiled a lot less. Always a
faraway and sad look in those green eyes.
"Mum?"
Cyrene
started slightly and looked up. Meeting Lyceus' concerned gaze.
"Just
thinking. ... Yeah, I noticed it, too."
"Mmh."
Lyceus mused. "Maybe, I should talk to her...."
Despite
herself Cyrene chuckled. "You want to talk about love with Gabrielle?"
She watched Lyceus blush and drop his head. "Never mind, honey .... I think
there's only one person she wants to talk to, anyway."
"You're
right ... I think, she misses Xena very much." So did he but even he had
noticed how close they had been.
"Do
.. do you think she's okay? .. Xena, I mean."
Cyrene
rested her chin on her hand and exhaled softly. "... I don't know, Ly. ...
But knowing Xena ... yeah I think she's all right. She needs some time to work
through a few things. That's just her way of doing it." Her eyes wandered
to the window nearby. Tracing a few clouds overhead.
And
knowing Xena, she suspected her daughter was just too stubborn to admit what she
was feeling.
And
Gabrielle...
It
didn't take Aphrodite to see that the small blonde was in love with Xena. She
might not recognise the signs yet but by the way she had behaved around Perdicus
for some time now Cyrene suspected the realisation would come to her sooner or
later. And the sad part was that everything Xena had been afraid of ...
Gabrielle not wanting her ... had been unnecessary.
Cyrene
shook her head sadly. Oh honey, sometimes life doesn't give you a second
chance.
XXXXXXXXXXXXX
Gabrielle
sat near the river. Watching leaves and small twigs float by. Closing her eyes
she laid her head back and enjoyed the warmth of the sun.
Perdicus
had left a short while ago. Not very happy with what she had told him. A soft
sigh stirred the air. Actually he'd been really upset. Not understanding why she
had to leave.
But
she just felt that Xena needed her. There were no words to explain this feeling
but it pulled at her soul. Away from Amphipolis.
Away
from Perdicus.
He
was nice and she was sure one day he would be a perfect husband for some girl.
Just not for her. She didn't love him. She cared for him, sure. But...
She
had thought about all the time they had spent together. And she had compared
what she was feeling then with what she had been feeling being close to Xena.
I
should have known it from the first kiss. She
mused thoughtfully. No touch, no kiss felt even close to what Xena had awoken in
her with that one, brief kiss over two years ago.
Soft
splashing sounds brought her back from her musings and she opened her eyes to
see a family of ducks wading through the shallow water near the riverbank.
Small, fluffy ducklings stumbling after their mother. Quacking eagerly.
A
delighted laugh escaped her and she leaned forward. Her eyes dancing merrily at
the sight.
Then
her smile turned sad. It were moments like this when she wanted nothing more
than turn to her friend. Showing her little delights like this. Seeing her face
break into that bright smile she so seldomly used.
A
small hand brushed blonde bangs to the side and she got up slowly. And with a
last look at the small animals she left.
Her
mind already trying to figure out what clothes she'd be needing.
XXXXXXXXXXXXX
-
15 -
Lyceus
sat down on the bed in surprised shock. "Are ... are you sure about
this?"
Pale
green eyes met his gaze and a pair of shoulders shrugged. "I ... I don't
know, Ly. But ... I do know ... that I need to find her. ... I can't explain
it... "
A
hand ran through dishevelled sandy-blond locks. "You love her."
Gabrielle
stopped what she was doing and turned thoughtful green eyes towards him. There
was a look of almost childlike wonder on her startlingly open face. Her blonde
hair shining brightly as the sun broke through the window and across her head.
It was ... Lyceus swallowed ... to have someone look at you like that ....
"Yes.
.... " A shy whisper and a gentle, soft smile appeared on her lips.
"Yes, I love her."
"And
Perdicus?"
The
small blonde sighed and sat down next to him. "I told him yesterday ... he
... I don't think he understands it but .... It's not him I want to be
with."
Lyceus
put an arm around her shoulders and hugged her gently. "Hey, I understand.
... And I'm .... I really hope you find her ... and you know, things work
out." That earned him a small, warm hand that stroked his face in a brief
caress. And a soft kiss on his cheek.
"Thank
you."
"Um,
well ... " He had to clear his throat, knowing he was blushing. His legs
crossing in an unconscious gesture. "Do that again and I'm not going to let
you go."
Gabrielle
laughed softly and got up. "Not even Hercules could keep me away from her,
Ly."
A
knock on the door and Cyrene poked her head into the room. "Hey
cutie.." She held out a package. The air already filled with the scent of
freshly baked....
"Nutbread!"
Cyrene
chuckled and handed it to a broadly smiling Gabrielle. "And don't eat it
all at once."
Gabrielle
rolled her eyes at the not so subtle reminder of her already famous appetite.
The
older woman's face turned serious and she gave her silently watching son a quick
look. It took him a moment before a clue hit him and he stumbled to his feet.
"Um, I ... I ... " He waved his hands and left with a helpless shrug
towards his mother. Who rolled her eyes and shook her head.
"Not
very subtle is he?" Gabrielle remarked with a smile.
"No."
Cyrene took a deep breath and taking one of Gabrielle's hands sat down on the
bed. "Cutie ... do you really want to do this?"
Gabrielle
frowned a little. She'd thought Cyrene approved of her decision and ....
"Yes, I am. Why?"
"I
worry about you. You're going to be all alone out there and .. the gods know
what could happen." Cyrene looked at Gabrielle for a long silent moment. Trying
to compare the young woman in front of her with the small five year old she'd
first met. So much about her had changed.
And
yet so much had stayed the same.
She
carried an inner strength that never ceased to amaze the older woman. But Cyrene
was afraid Gabrielle's open way of approaching people could get her hurt in so
many ways.
Inquiring
green eyes looked at her and Cyrene sighed. "Just .. promise me to be
careful, all right?" I don't want to be the one to tell Xena when she
returns that something happened to you while you were out looking for her.
Gabrielle
hugged the older woman tightly and took in the scent that so characterised
Cyrene. A mixture of herbs and clean cloth. Flour and sugar. A scent that
forever would mean home to her.
"I
promise."
XXXXXXXXXXXX
-
16 -
Strange
how the scent of blood sticks to you - no matter how many times you wash your
body. It's like it stuck in every single pore of your skin. Reminding you of
what you've done.
What
you are.
The
water was hot enough to steam gently. Disguising the tall occupant of the tub.
There were soft sounds floating in through the walls of the tent but she decided
to ignore them. Hoping to find some quiet time.
So,
that was it. Their last battle. Tomorrow. And she knew they didn't really have a
chance.
And
she was disgusted at herself for not even trying to be afraid. She'd already
accepted the fact that she was going to die tomorrow.
Pale
eyes disappeared behind heavy lids and a deep sigh stirred the quiet air.
Causing steam to curl in surprise.
She
hurt.
It
was as simple as that.
Her
body hurt from all the wounds and scratches she'd got in battle. She felt so
much older than her actually twenty seven years.
But
more than that did she hurt inside. So bad. She wanted to be strong. But....
What
for?
The
only reason she'd ever had - ever needed - didn't need her anymore. Oh gods, little one ... I could really use a hug. ... I want
to see you again. Hold you if only for a second. There's so much I want to tell
you. ... So much I should have told you two years ago. ... That's really all I
want but ...
"...
I'm tired of fighting, Gabrielle...."
Tired
of waking up in the morning ... tired of killing ... tired of breathing...
Tired
of living.
Of
being alone. Knowing that she couldn't have the one she so desperately wanted.
Needed.
Pale
eyes traced the edges of a sword nearby. Dark, crimson-coloured spots still
visible. Her ears ringing with screams and pleas. With the sounds of metal
against metal. Her mind alive with images of bloody bodies. Sliced open chests.
Cut off arms and legs. Dying eyes. Soft sighs of last breaths. Her hands feeling
cold skin of friends. Remembering warm blood running through shaking fingers.
The
tall form sat up with a pained gasp and the dark head buried in a pair of hands.
"
... oh gods, Gabrielle ... help me...."
XXXXXXXXXXXX
"...
you know Xena, when I find you ... you are so gonna owe me for this."
Gabrielle grumbled and continued rolling up her sleeping bag and the blanket she
slept on. She had been on the road for almost a week now and she still felt
like every single rock in the forest decided to creep under her furs at
night.
Her
bruises having bruises of their own by now.
The
first two days she had tagged along a couple of traders on their way to the west
and they had told her that the battles were getting fewer now that Rome seemed
to control almost all of Greece. Only a few armies around Athens kept on
fighting. Managing to do some damage to the Roman army. Not much. And not nearly
enough to stop the Roman advance.
And
they told her about a female captain that led one of the most successful Greek
armies.
And
she just knew that it had to be Xena.
So,
all she had to do now was finding her. Those traders had called her insane to
even attempt entering the war zone but ...
Deep
down inside she knew Xena needed her. She felt it almost as physical pain. A
pull that wouldn't quiet down until she'd found her friend.
No
matter what happened afterwards. If she would tell Xena how she felt... Just
being with Xena...She knew for better or worse they had to be together.
Everything else ....
Gabrielle
sighed and pale green eyes lifted, tracing a bird floating overhead the small
clearing she'd found last night. Its soft cries echoing through the still quiet
forest. Nearby she heard the gentle murmuring of a small lake.
She'd
stayed at an inn in Kyparissos yesterday and luckily enough the owner had agreed
to her offer to pay for her room and a warm dinner with some stories.
And
his guests actually liked them. Asking her for more. That had felt nice.
But
now ... just the thought of fish made her stomach grumble.
Xena
could catch fish barehanded. She was eleven when her taller friend had showed
her this skill. One of many as she had added smugly. And then Xena had thrown
the wet, flipping fish into her face. Ugh ... that had been gross. Gabrielle
smiled.
Yeah
... but it had been one of the best days ever, too.
She
shook the memory off, feeling tears stinging her eyes. I am going to find her
... and boy does she ever have some explaining to do...
She
tied a piece of string around the furs to keep them closed and stood up.
Stretching her small frame. Stiff after yet another uncomfortable night on the
unfamiliar hard ground. Her hands ran through her long blonde locks and she
shook her head to loosen them up a bit. Then brushed a few stray locks behind
her ears.
Then
she sighed and looked around. She left Kyparissos yesterday and the man at the
inn had said to head south.
"...south
he says...great...where's south?"
"Well
honey, I'd sure be happy to show you."
With
a little scream she turned around to see a group of seven men. All of them
wearing armour. Clean and well cared for. Their faces cleanly shaven. Unusual
for Greek soldiers. Oh gods...
One
of them took a step closer and she was able to see a small crest on his chest
armour. An eagle on a standard, the words S.P.O.R. carved into the shimmering
gold.
XXXXXXXXXXXX
It were soft cries that had woken her. She'd jerked upright trying to
get her bearing. By the time she'd kicked her mind into working she'd been out
of her bed and her room, across the hall and into Gabrielle's room. She'd been
living with them for about three weeks now and nightmares had been a nightly
occurrence.
She'd seen the small frame trash
wildly in her bed. Obviously having a nightmare.
"Little one..." She'd
crouched next to the bed and rested a soothing hand on a small shaking shoulder.
"Hey ... ssh ... you're safe."
With a soft scream Gabrielle had
awoken. Her eyes filled with fear and panic - but the moment they recognised the
tall, dark form next to her bed a sob had escaped her and she'd thrown her small
frame into Xena's arms.
"...don't let me go..."
She'd swallowed and held her tightly.
"Never, little one."
Climbing into bed with Gabrielle she'd
kept up her soothing rubbing of Gabrielle's back. Brushing wet bangs from a
flushed face. Dropping a soft kiss on her head she'd whispered....
"...never..."
A hoarse whisper as Xena dropped down next to one of her men.
"This
wasn't supposed to happen, Costas."
The
old man coughed, blood running from his lips in thin lines. His brown eyes
slowly glazing over. "It's war, girl ... people die." Another cough.
His entire body shaking violently.
Xena
closed her eyes. But it didn't help against the images she knew were surrounding
them. Her army - slaughtered. For one of her men there had been ten Roman
soldiers.
"..friends
weren't supposed to die..."
A
trembling, weak hand lifted and cupped her cheek with bloody fingers. "I
couldn't .... have ... died .. with more ... ho ... honour. ..."
"Honour?"
Xena's voice was unbelieving.
The
grey head moved in a slight nod. "Honour, Xena. ... You gave those men
pride and honour ... don't ... ... this was ... a good cause to ... to die for
... You ... made it so..."
Pale
blue eyes clearly showed their reluctance to accept the words but the dying man
shook his head again. His fading voice becoming urgent.
"Go
... and find her...Xena..."
Dark
locks shook in vehement denial.
"Xena
.... " The hand dropped to the ground with a soft thud. Another cough.
"Everyone deserves ... deserves love. .... Everyone...." A fading
whisper.
She
was beyond tears by now. She rested her hand on his face, closing his dead eyes.
She sat next to his dead body for a long time. Long enough for the sun to rise
to its highest point. Long enough for the blood on her hands and face to dry.
When
she finally got up her eyes traced over the battlefield. Over hundreds of dead
bodies. Looking down at herself, she lifted her sword.
"..everyone...."
A desperate whisper.
XXXXXXXXXXXX
She
mounted Argo and let the mare lead the way. Not really caring where they were
going. Her mind was numb and her soul was crying out for someone to put it back
together again.
It
was Argo's urgent neigh that brought her back to the here and now. She looked
around expecting to see someone attacking them but the forest surrounding them
was quiet.
"Hey
girl ... what's the matter, huh? ... There's noth...."
She
didn't finish the sentence as a noise caught her attention. It was low but ....
She concentrated. Yeah, there it was again.
"Good
girl." She praised the horse and got down. Leading Argo to the side.
"You stay here. I'm going to look what this is all about."
Argo
snorted and nudged her side. Obviously not happy with Xena's decision. A large
hand rubbed the pale head and Xena smiled. The gesture feeling strange after....
Gods, when was the last time you smiled, warrior? "Now Argo, don't
argue with me, okay? ... I'll be right back."
With
that she turned and headed towards a small clearing where she'd heard the noise.
As she got closer she could make out voices. Men. Maybe a handful of them.
And....
A
woman's voice. Xena's face turned into a frown. The voice sounded strangely
familiar. Almost....
She
took a few more steps closer. Now she could make out words. The voices getting
louder and...
Her
heart froze for a small eternity. Just to triple its pace. ...Gabrielle...
XXXXXXXXXXX
Gabrielle
backed slowly away from the advancing man. Hoping to come up with something ...
anything .... to say.
"I
... um ... I really ... uh ... appreciate the offer but .... um, ..." Think,
think, think!!! "You know,
my friend ... she'll be coming back now .. any minute, really and um... she
knows ... the way. So thank you for .. your offer but ...."
"I
don't remember making an offer, blondie."
Gabrielle
swallowed and backed away further - just to end up against a tree. "You
don't? Oh ... well but .. I don't really need ...."
The
man chuckled. "Oh honey ... I know exactly what you need." The other
men behind him started laughing as well. Their hoarse voice stirring the quiet
forest.
Gabrielle
looked around in a desperate attempt to find an escape. Isn't this the part in all those stories were the hero shows
up? But there was no hero. And she was pretty sure there wouldn't be one any
time soon. The man got closer and she could smell sweat and ale. Blood and dirt.
"Touch
her and I swear you'll be begging to the gods that you were never born."
The
low voice sounded somewhere behind them and Gabrielle tilted her head. The voice
sounded strangely familiar.
The
Roman soldier in front of her whirled around. His hand already reaching for his
sword.
And
then a tall dark form emerged from the undergrowth - and Gabrielle felt like
fainting. Oh gods, please let it be real!
Pale
eyes surveyed the scene in front of her and although her insides where in a
tumult she tried to keep her face expressionless. But she couldn't stop herself
from searching those pale green eyes than she could stop breathing. And despite
the situation they were in or anything that had happened today, there was only
one thought in her mind for that one eternal moment their gazes met. ...She's
beautiful....
The
Roman soldiers looked at each other uncertainly. Not sure what to make of the
tall form standing there. Covered in blood and gore. Midnight-dark hair wisping
around an unreadable yet breathtakingly beautiful face.
One
of them cleared his throat. "Come on Marius, let's go. ... She's not worth
it." Pale blue eyes met his. A fire blazing in them that made him take a
step back.
But
Marius, the man that had advanced Gabrielle earlier only snorted. No way was he
going to run from ... some woman. He rested his sword on his shoulder and lifted
a brow at Xena. "What are you going to do to stop me, huh?"
Xena
smiled. A bright almost gentle smile. So in contrast to the cold in her eyes.
"Oh... I'm not sure yet. Maybe taking you apart limb by limb .... Or I
start with that little piece of flesh you're obviously thinking with. You know
.. bit by bit. And I'm going to take my time, too." Another flash of white.
Despite
himself Marius cleared his throat. His eyes roaming over the dark figure once
more and then he turned slightly to look at his men.
Most
of them already backing away. The whole situation hadn't been their idea in the
first place and they would be damned to let themselves cut into pieces by that
... that woman. Just because of some girl.
Marius
huffed in disgust and turned back to Xena. "You're bluffing."
The
dark head tilted to one side. "Wanna find out?"
She
withdraw her sword from its place on her back and lifted a questioning brow. C'mon
soldier boy, do me the favour.
Marius
pursed his lips. Then turned
towards Gabrielle. She was a nice piece of flesh but ... another look at Xena.
This bitch is obviously crazy ... and a fuck, no matter how good, wasn't worth
dying for. He dropped his sword and lifted a placating hand. "Hey .. just
wanted to have our fun ... but ... she's not worth fighting over."
Xena's
face became a stony mask and she took a few steps closer to the man. Topping him
by at least a few inches. "That's were you're wrong." A quiet deadly
tone. She's worth dying for. ... Worth living for...
He
laughed. His voice sounding ominously high-pitched and he motioned his men to
turn. With another look back at Xena they disappeared into the woods.
And
then there was only quiet and two sets of breathing.
And
then she drowned in a pair of green eyes and a small frame propelled itself into
her arms. Sobbing helplessly. "You're alive. .... Oh gods ... you're
alive..."
Am
I? She
felt Gabrielle warm, living form move, her scent already invading her senses and
she closed her eyes. Yes I am. Now....
XXXXXXXXXXXXX
She
had no idea how long they stood there. It was long enough for Argo to find them.
Long enough for darkness to fall around them. Long enough for Gabrielle to quiet
down.
She
rubbed a hand across her face. Long enough for the tears on her own face to dry.
She
exhaled and ducked her head to look at the quiet face buried against her chest.
"Hey .... c'mon ... I'm all bloody."
A
muffled whisper. "...don't care ... you're here..."
Xena
swallowed. "At least .. let's sit down first, okay? And I need .. to get
out of this armour and leather."
The
small frame moved very reluctantly and then Gabrielle looked at her. A small
hand cupping her cheek hesitantly, brushing a few dark lock away. "...are
you real?..."
Xena
covered the hand on her face with her own. "You bet I am. ... C'mon."
She looked around. "That's good enough a place to make camp."
Gabrielle
moved to a fallen tree trunk and sat down slowly. Her eyes never leaving Xena's
moving form. She watched her silently as the taller woman started setting up
camp. Lighting a fire and starting to take off her armour. Struggling with a
buckle. "...stubborn piece of ..."
She
smiled and got up again. "Let me help."
Before
Xena could response a pair of small hands busied themselves with her armour. She
looked down at the pale head. Her heart beating wildly in her chest. So much so
she was surprised Gabrielle didn't hear it. The buckle finally gave in and she
dropped her armour. Briefly meeting Gabrielle's eyes.
"Thanks..."
She
cleared her throat and looked around. "Is there ... a lake or a river
nearby?"
"Yeah
.. just down there." She pointed the way.
"Okay
... um ..." She motioned to her bloody body and leathers. "..I'm going
to go wash up a bit."
Pale
green eyes followed her. Gabrielle debated with herself for a moment but then
she called out: "Do you ... mind ... um .. if I join you?" Seeing Xena
hesitate she added: "I don't really like to be alone right now."
Xena's
throat moved visibly but the dark head nodded. "Sure."
Gabrielle
caught up with her and they headed in the direction of the small lake.
XXXXXXXXXXXX
"Do
they hurt?"
Xena
cleared her throat, trying to get words passed the lump forming in her throat as
she felt warm hands on her back..
Overhead
a bright, full moon was shining. Painting the water around them silver but also
highlighting the scars on her body in stark white.
"Sometimes."
Silence
behind her and she turned to see a deep frown on Gabrielle's expressive face.
"Hey ... I'm fine. Really."
A
silent nod.
Xena
turned back and headed into the cold water. Her body shocked for a moment but
adjusting to the unexpected cold. Without second thought she let herself fall
forward. Letting the water wash passed her body, cleaning it from the blood and
dirt.
She
surfaced to look at Gabrielle - and started laughing at the incredulous look on
her face.
"I
can't believe you just did that. ... The water must be freezing!"
She
continued to laugh. Not quite believing how good it felt to do just that.
She
waded out of the water and reached for the towel Gabrielle was handing her.
Rubbing her chilled body dry. And warming it up in the process. Very aware of
green eyes watching her every move. Warming her in a very different way...
She
donned a shirt she had brought with her and finally turned around. To see
Gabrielle quickly averting her gaze. A soft blush visible even in the moonlight.
Huh?
"You're
ready to head back?"
"Oh
.. um, yeah sure."
They
returned to their camp in comfortable silence. Accompanied by soft sounds of
night-creatures. The howling of an owl. The sighing of trees.
They
sat down near the fire. The flames quickly drying Xena's leathers and
efficiently fighting off any chill the night brought.
Pale
blue eyes studied the silent form next to her and she sighed silently. There was
so much she wanted to ask Gabrielle. What was she doing here? How did she get
here? Why wasn't she with Perdicus? So much ... but it was late. And she was
tired.
"Hey,
little one ... you're tired?"
Quiet
green eyes turned to her and she swallowed. "What?"
"Say
it again."
Huh?
Say what ... Oh... "Little
one."
Those
eyes filled with tears and she immediately pulled Gabrielle into a hug.
"I
missed you so much, Xena..."
She
squeezed the smaller form tightly and closed her eyes. I'm so sorry. She
rocked Gabrielle gently. Her hands rubbing her back in a soothing motion until
she felt Gabrielle's breathing even out and she knew her younger friend was
asleep.
She
moved her own body into a more comfortable position. Never releasing the small
body in her arms. Not even as sleep claimed her as well.
Silence
dropped over the clearing. Now and then broken by soft snorts of a horse. By
faint sounds of small creatures. The moonlight falling onto a tightly
intertwined pair of bodies - and two small, contented smiles.
XXXXXXXXXXXXX
-
17 -
It
was the powerful, steady heartbeat underneath her ear that woke her. Just to
become aware of a pair of strong arms holding her in a secure nest of warm body.
A
scent of clean, sleep-warmed skin and leather invaded her senses.
She
swallowed - not daring to open her eyes. Don't let it be a dream ... don't
let it be a dream ... don't let it be a dream...
Ever
so slowly did she open her eyes and saw tanned skin at close range.
In
desperate relief she cuddled closer to the body she was draped over. Her sigh
warming the chest her face rested on. "Gods... I love waking up like
this..." A soft whisper.
Silence.
Even
the heartbeat underneath her ear stopped and she swallowed. Realising that Xena
had been awake. She tried to squirm away - thinking she'd gone too far. Said too
much already.
But
the arms around her only tightened their hold. And then a quiet, low voice
floated down to her. "I love ... having you here."
Her
turn to stop breathing. But then she exhaled and slowly, hesitantly she looked
up.
To
meet gentle blue.
And
a small, almost incredulous smile.
She
swallowed, drowning in a sea of ice-blue and it was so hard not to just....
But
Xena must have read something in her eyes because now the tall body under her
started to stir. Obviously trying to get up. No, no, no....
She
caught Xena's eyes. Her face serious. "Don't you dare."
Puzzled
blue eyes narrowed. "Huh?"
"Don't
you dare running away from me again. ... Talk to me!"
She
saw Xena's throat move as she swallowed and those eyes searched hers with
something akin to... She's afraid! Of me?
"Please?"
Xena
closed her eyes. There was a part of her - a huge part - that wanted to give up
and give in to what she felt happening between them. But there was one small,
insistent voice, telling her that Gabrielle deserved better than her. And she
had listened to it for such a long time, it was hard denying it now.
"I'm
a murderer." Said as it would explain everything. She tried to move again
but the weight of the small body resting on top of hers efficiently pinning her
in place.
Thoughtful
green eyes looked back at her. Threatening to become her whole world. But she
couldn't turn away. Not anymore...
"You're
a warrior ... a soldier ... you defended yourself."
"I
killed."
"I
know."
"Gabrielle
... you don't understand ... I ... " I'm a monster.
A
small hand brushed blonde locks behind an ear and then came to rest on her
chest. Placed above her heart.
"I
know that there is a very dark spot inside of you. And I know that part enjoys
fighting. Enjoys the power fighting gives you. ... You killed. I know that, too.
... But there," The small hand tapped on her chest. "There's more than
that dark spot. .... So much more. .. There is light, Xena. Enough light to
drown out any darkness. ... You're a gentle, caring soul. Don't let anyone ...
no - don't tell yourself you're not."
"Gabrielle...."
The
pale head tilted to one side. "Did you kill children?"
"What!!?
Of course not!!"
"Women?"
"Gabrielle!!
Never!"
"People
that were completely unable to defend themselves? Or attack you?"
"I
can't believe ... No!!"
The
small hand moved and cupped her face. "You're a good person, Xena." A
gentle, featherlight caress. "You are not the monster you think you
are."
Xena
swallowed. Unable to break their gaze.
"Please
believe me."
Oh
gods... She
felt a gentle warmth invade her body. Cupping her hurting soul. But there were
still those voices - telling her to stop this right now, to leave, to think
about everything she'd done, what was best for Gabrielle ... and .. and ....
And
her heart did the only thing it could think of. It told them to 'shut up!'
And
then there was only quiet.
And
a pair of gentle green eyes.
And
those soft lips.
And
then there was nothing else but Gabrielle and the world around her faded. The
only sensation she was aware of soft lips touching hers in a soft, almost
hesitant kiss.
She
slowly, gently rolled Gabrielle onto her back, deepening their kiss but keeping
it undemanding. Her tongue slightly brushing over a trembling lower lip. Asking
for entrance....
After
a small eternity they broke apart. Gabrielle's eyes closed tightly and her
breath uneven. That's what has been missing...
Xena's
hand moved to caress that soft skin. Kissing closed eyelids. And that cute,
slightly upturned nose. Touching her forehead to Gabrielle's.
"...hey..."
Green
eyes fluttered open. The look of love in them painfully obvious. "...hey
yourself..."
They
smiled at each other. Still not aware of anything beyond the space they shared.
But reality slowly intruded when Argo trotted near and nudged at Xena. Snorting
impatiently.
They
laughed softly. "Guess this means we have to get moving, huh?"
"Probably."
But
neither of them did. And then Xena ducked her head again. Kissing those soft
lips for a brief moment. Her fingers lingering on Gabrielle's face. Marvelling
at the softness. She sighed and smiled ruefully. "C'mon."
She
moved and stood up. Offering a hand to the small form looking up at her with a
gentle smile.
XXXXXXXXXXXXX
Breakfast
consisted of fresh fish Xena had insisted on catching and some dried fruits
Gabrielle had found in her bag.
It
wasn't much. And yet it was the best breakfast Xena had in what seemed like
forever.
She
was unable to keep her eyes off of Gabrielle for any length of time. Always
assuring herself that she was really there.
Gabrielle
on the other hand found herself constantly touching Xena. A gentle touch in
passing. Her shoulder resting against Xena's as they sat next to each other. Her
hand resting on Xena's forearm as she was relating one thing or another.
At
the moment they were sitting at the fire. Their things already packed and Argo
waiting patiently for them to start their journey.
"What
did Perdicus say?" Xena picked up their conversation after they had sat
silently for some time now. She met Gabrielle's eyes only for a brief moment.
Still waiting for the other shoe to drop. Or maybe to wake up ... Or something
....
"Oh
.. um, he didn't understand why I did it. ... He said .... you're old enough to
take care of yourself. ..." She shrugged.
"Mmh."
Gabrielle
frowned at the noncommittal sound and ducked her head to peer at Xena's face.
"Xena?"
Distant
blue eyes looked at her and the tall frame next to her straightened a bit.
"Um ... I ... I understand if you want to return ... to him. You know...
You found me, you know I'm all right. ... It's okay...if you want to leave
now..." The words were dragged from her but she felt that she needed to
give Gabrielle the freedom to choose. No matter what happened earlier.
It
took a moment before the words registered with Gabrielle. But then she jumped to
her feet.
"What??!!
... Xena! Where were you this morning? .. Return to .... What are you
saying?"
Xena
swallowed, already regretting her words. She got up as well, trying to calm the
upset blonde but Gabrielle pulled away from her touch. Her voice suddenly
turning hesitant.
"Don't
you want me to be with you? Is .. is that what you mean?" Pained green eyes
looked at her and Xena took a deep breath. Trying to calm her suddenly racing
heart. You blew it, warrior!
"No
.. I ... I just thought ..."
"What?
You thought what? Xena ... gods ... I love you. Not him."
The
tall frame froze in motion. And it took her a moment to get enough air into her
lungs to utter an incredulous: "What?"
Gabrielle
ran a slightly trembling hand through her blonde hair. Exhaling slowly. Her eyes
sad and strangely defeated. "I love you. ... Why do you think I kissed you
this morning?"
Xena
was still trying to sort through the chaos in her mind. She loves me.
Gabrielle
watched Xena. Not sure what to make of the silence. She angrily wiped at tears.
Closing her eyes. And gasped in surprise as she felt a warm hand on her face.
Gently caressing her cheek.
"Don't
cry. ... don't cry, little one."
She
moved forward and buried in Xena's chest. "I'm ... sorry ... I ...."
"Don't!
Don't be sorry." Long arms closed around her. And then she felt Xena's
chest move as she took a deep breath. And a soft touch on the top of her head.
And that low voice near her ear. "The gods know I don't deserve
this but ... With all that I am Gabrielle ... I love you with all that I
am."
They
held on to each other. Almost afraid to let go least one of them might
disappear. Above them birds were breaking through treetops. Their shrill voices
echoing through the forest. And then Gabrielle pulled away a little. Swatting at
Xena's chest.
"Don't
you dare ever doing that again! You scared me!"
Rueful
blue eyes peered at her through dark lashes. "I'm sorry. It's just ...
" Her voice became serious. "I want you to have a choice here. ....
There's nothing I can offer you. I have no money. ... This, " She indicated
herself. "...is all I can offer you." And the gods know it's not
nearly enough.
To
her surprise Gabrielle smiled at that. A small hand touching her chest.
"That's all I want, Xena. ... All I need."
She
took the small hand in her own and pulled it to her lips. "It's all yours.
Always been." A soft whisper.
And
again they got lost in each others eyes. And again it was Argo that reminded
them that there was indeed a world beyond them. Snorting and shuffling her feet.
Obviously bored by the display of emotions.
Pale
blue eyes turned in the direction of the mare and narrowed in mock anger.
"We need to have a talk, horse."
Gabrielle
giggled and swatted at her am. Pulling away again. "But she's right. We
need to get going."
They
had decided to head towards Amphipolis. Letting Cyrene know that they were okay.
And then...
Xena
wanted to wait until the war had settled down. Not expecting Athens to be able
to defeat the Roman army. Maybe stay in Amphipolis for a couple of months. And
then head towards Athens again. Or travel around Greece.
Eager
green eyes met her gaze. Well, they would think of something.
'They'.
She didn't have any words to describe how good it felt to actually be
able to say that. She felt a gentle smile play around her lips and couldn't stop
the small sigh that escaped her.
She
looked up and met teasing green eyes. "Daydreaming, warrior?"
Ooh...wanna
play little one? She
let her eyes roam over Gabrielle's body. Taking in every gentle curve hidden
beneath a rust coloured knee-length skirt and pale green short-sleeved shirt. A
gentle warmth spreading across her skin. And then she let her lips form into a
sultry grin. "You bet I am."
The
expected blush rose rapidly across Gabrielle's face and neck and she turned
away. Busying herself with their bags. And felt a pair of hands settle on her
shoulders. "I was only teasing, little one."
"I
know. .... It's just ... " She cleared her throat. Her voice dropping to a
whisper. "I thought about ... that ... too, you know."
A
warm body moved closer. The low voice dropping one octave. "Did you
now?"
She
only nodded. Her blush deepening. And felt those hands rub her arms in a
friendly gesture. And a soft chuckle on the back of her head. But the voice
sounded strangely unsteady.
"We
have a lot of time to talk about that. ... Later. ... Now, let's just get going,
okay?"
She
turned around and smiled. Something she didn't seem to be able to stop doing.
She stood on tiptoes and kissed those smirking lips. And was rewarded with
closing blue eyes.
It
took them a moment before they blinked open again.
She
went over to Argo and held up a hand. "Gonna help me up on that beast, or
what?"
Xena
chuckled and took their bags. Securing them on the saddle. Then she helped
Gabrielle up and mounted behind the small form. Closing her arms around
Gabrielle's slim waist with a feeling of decadent freedom.
And
for whatever reason remembering a night over ten years ago when they had ridden
like that on Argo, too. She shook her head at herself and ducked her head close
to a small ear nearby.
"I
thought we take the route through Thessaly. It'll save us at least two days in
travelling."
Gabrielle
sighed contentedly and snuggled closer against the chest at her back. Closing
her eyes. Safe.
"Thessaly?"
She shrugged, caressing a thigh nearby quite without conscious thought.
"Sounds fine with me."
XXXXXXXXXXXX
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