ForevaXena's FanFic . . .

Home

by Daniëlle Buser

Genre: alternative post-fin

Violence: Alti is back, so that should tell you something. 

The water splashed against the bow, furiously banging against the wooden vessel that stubbornly held out and shattered the white waves. The sound of wooden rafters, reels and masts creaking was everywhere, while the southwestern wind swept the sail. Gabrielle desperately pressed her wrist in order to stop the nausea in her stomach, but nothing helped. The swelling of the sea was too strong. For weeks on end there had hardly been any wind and they had bobbed up and down the water delightfully, but now all hell had broken loose. Although someone did like the change of weather. She looked slightly envious at Xena who stood proudly at the bow while her jetblack hair blew fiercely in her face. Xena liked speed, movement, action. She’d gone almost mad during the continuous lack of wind. Unlike Gabrielle, who had her quill and scrolls. She was so caught up in her story about Egypt that she forgot everything and everybody around her. Until Xena started nagging for her attention. Faintly smiling Gabrielle recalled the sneer she had given the proud warrior. Can’t you do something for yourself? As if she was a little child. And Xena did try. Sulking though. But after a few days all of her weapons were sharp as a razor and the copper of her armory shone like never before. There was nothing left to polish nor mend. And then things would get difficult for her friend. Gabrielle understood this all too well. When there was nothing left to do, Xena was alone with her thoughts and she didn’t like that. It brought back memories she’d rather forget. Or, Gabrielle thought, perhaps she had Memsut on her mind. Whether it was the memory of the two of them together, or the persistent rocking of the boat, the contents of her stomach sought a way out and Gabrielle ran to the rail. Just in time she held her head above the fiercely swirling waves and gave her dinner back to the sea. The bard shivered while she rested her head onto the rail, afraid there was still more to come. But there wasn’t. Instead she felt a cool hand in her neck. ‘Are you alright?’ she heard behind her.

Gabrielle slowly turned and saw how Xena couldn’t suppress a smile seeing her greenish face. It made Gabrielle furious. ‘I’m having a blast, thank you very much.’

Xena tried not to laugh and said: ‘Did you use the pressure points?’

‘Are you kidding me? I’m black and blue of all the pressing,’ Gabrielle shouted, while she clung to the rail because the vessel heeled over again. ‘Can’t you just knock me out? Everything is better than this!’ The bard had to scream to make herself heard through the howling wind.

But Xena was unrelenting. ‘I don’t think so. Let’s go to the hold, maybe you’re doing something wrong.’

She dragged the bard along with her to a hedge that led to the dark interior of the ship. In a corner behind a stack of grainsacks they had laid out their bedrolls and there was a small lamp burning. She ordered Gabrielle to sit down against one of the sacks and took hold of her arm. Xena searched the skin and then pushed hard on Gabrielle’s wrist. Her stomach almost immediately agreed to it, a benevolent feeling. She gave Xena a thankful look, but the warrior only had eyes for her wrist. Xena’s hair was tangled and her face was wet with the spurted salty water. Gabrielle fascinatingly watched her long, black lashes which blinked only seldom, the high cheekbones that made her appearance so dignified, the soft lips that... Memsut had kissed. She looked away to shake off the strong emotions she felt. She was still having trouble understanding the things she had seen, to accept it.

The bard startled when Xena touched her flushed forehead. ‘You feel feverish,’ she said with concern.

Gabrielle blushed even more and took her hand away. She cleared her throat and changed position. ‘Told you so, that pressure point stuff doesn’t work anymore.’

Xena’s blue eyes examined her, but she said nothing.

Gabrielle looked away and prayed in silence for Xena to leave, but she didn’t. The silence between them was almost unbearable, so finally Gabrielle muttered: ‘Maybe a bit of sleep would do me good. Don’t worry, I’ll be okay.’

She gave Xena a furtive glance and when she noticed that the warrior still looked at her intently, she lay down. Turning her back on Xena. The bard closed her eyes and felt the nausea getting stronger again, but it was not as bad as before. No, if there was a reason she could not sleep, it was because of the piercing eyes she felt burning on her back. It took all of her concentration to breathe normally, although she was certain Xena knew there was something going on. But as usual her friend kept her thoughts to herself, and for once Gabrielle was happy with it. Not long after that she felt a blanket covering her and she heard Xena walk away.

The next morning Gabrielle found her soul mate back at the bowsprit. As if she had stood there the entire night, lost deep in thought. Gabrielle hesitated to go to her, not knowing what to say. But she forced herself to be strong and shuffled towards her, never letting go of the rail. The ship still rocked, but the sea was calmer than the day before. Not that she felt better, but still. Soon Xena noticed her. Her eyes showed concern but she sounded lightheartedly. ‘How are you feeling?’

Gabrielle touched her stomach and answered: ‘Better. But I think I’ll skip breakfast.’

Xena smiled and gazed at the horizon. ‘You’re lucky we’re close to Greece, otherwise I would have forced you to eat fried squid.’

Gabrielle gazed into the distance. ‘Xena, there’s nothing. Do you really think we’re almost home?’

Slightly arrogant the warrior answered: ‘I don’t think so, I know so.’

Gabrielle sighed. The irritating thing was that Xena was always right. And this time Gabrielle begged it to be true. Home... How delightful that sounded. Although she didn’t really have a home to return to. Of course, Lila and her daughter still lived in Poteideia. But even in her hometown she felt like a stranger. No, her home was with Xena. She found out about that a long time ago. The splashing waves started to play with the contents of her stomach again, so she turned away from the rough sea.

‘Where will we go when we get there?’

Xena shrugged her shoulders. ‘You tell me. Wouldn’t you like to go to your sister?’

Gabrielle’s face lit up. ‘I would love it. But... we could try to find Eve first.’

Xena’s expression grew dark. ‘We know where Lila is, Eve could be anywhere.’

Gabrielle put a comforting hand on Xena’s fingers that clenched the rail. ‘You miss her, don’t you?’

The warrior princess kept silent, but Gabrielle knew she wrestled with her emotions.

‘Okay, we’ll pay my sister a visit first. Who knows... Maybe we’ll meet people on the road who know more about Eve’s whereabouts.’

Staring at nothing Xena murmured: ‘Maybe.’

Xena had been right. That same afternoon they saw green hills rising from the sea and it was not long before they moored in the harbor of Crassus. Gabrielle grabbed all her things and ran across the gangplank. Finally on solid ground she fell down on her knees and bowed to the ground.

Xena tapped her on the shoulder and sighed: ‘What do you think you’re doing?’

‘What does it look like? I’m going to kiss the ground.’

‘I wouldn’t do that, if I were you.’

‘Thank the gods you’re not,’ the bard snorted. ‘Unlike you I don’t have to think about my precious reputation all the time.’

Xena raised an eyebrow, surprised about the venom in her voice. But when the bard bowed her head to press her lips on Greek soil, she walked on and said dryly: ‘Suit yourself.’ And as if she suddenly remembered something, she turned around and smirked: ‘Do you smell something? I could swear they just cleaned fish here...’

In horror the bard looked down and stared into the dead eyes of a tuna - and worse - a slimy mass of intestines and spawn. A flood of bile searched its way up and Gabrielle ran to the waterfront to throw up the last bit of gastric juice she had left in her. When she turned violently she saw that Xena wore a triumphant smile. But before the warrior could open her mouth, Gabrielle hissed: ‘Don’t you dare say something!’ and walked off. Xena followed her with a smile on her face.

Shortly afterwards they walked into a tavern. A young woman in her twenties stood behind the bar. Her blonde braids danced around her shoulders while she cleaned dirty glasses in a trough. As soon as she noticed the two women, she stopped working and observed them with curiosity.

‘Do you have a room for the night?’ Xena asked, while glancing at the inn with approval.

The woman nodded and threw her a key. ‘Through that door, and then the second to your left. If you have a horse, there’s a stable just around the corner.’

Xena grabbed Gabrielle’s bag and headed to their room just after she sniggered: ‘Why don’t you get something to drink. You know, wash away the foul taste on your lips.’

‘Ha-ha-ha,’ Gabrielle said, but the warrior princess was already gone.

The bard ordered a glass of water and sat down. While waiting she smelt her armpit and muttered: ‘I would kill for a warm bath.’

The barmaid gave her a bowl with icecool water and apologized: ‘I’m afraid I can’t help you with that, there’s only a bucket in your room. But there’s a bathhouse nearby. If you decide to go tell them Shaira sent you, that should give you a better price.’

Gabrielle thanked the girl whose amber eyes began to sparkle as she answered with a radiant smile: ‘You’re welcome.’

Xena who had just returned looked from one to another without saying a word.

‘Ah, you’re back,’ Gabrielle said with enthusiasm. ‘Shaira just told me about this bathhouse. Shall we?’

Xena glanced at the barmaid for a while, but the girl was absorbed with the dirty dishes. ‘Fine. A bath wouldn’t hurt us.’

The public bathhouse was indeed nearby. It was not long before Xena had undressed herself and was on her way to the misty steam bath. In surprise she turned to Gabrielle who was still totally dressed.

‘What are you waiting for?’

Gabrielle lowered her eyes. ‘I’ll be right there. You go ahead.’

Xena looked at her questioning, but left for the vaporous room.

Gabrielle took a deep breath and tried to control herself. Why had she hesitated to take her clothes off in front of her best friend? Why had she suddenly felt so conscious of her body? Why was it so hard to look at Xena’s naked body? Was it because of the memories of Xena and Memsut? The sight of their entangled bodies? The sensual moaning she had heard? Gabrielle shook her head. Whatever it was, it had to stop. It had to be like before. She forced herself to merely enjoy the water, the warmth, the smell of herbs. And she succeeded. During the massage she received, she dozed off in a dreamless sleep and only woke up when she was shaken firmly by the masseuse.

Totally languid they walked into the tavern. It was crowded inside. All tables were taken and the room was filled with the noise of jabbering and yelling men. The blonde barmaid had her hands filled with jars and skillfully walked between the tables and grabby fingers. But as soon as she saw Gabrielle and Xena, she tapped two men on the shoulders. ‘These gentlemen were just leaving, right?’

The men looked at her with astonishment and wanted to protest, but Shaira said menacingly: ‘It would be very inconvenient if your wives found out how much money you just lost gambling, wouldn’t it?’

Grumbling the men took their board game and money and cursed their way to the door.

Shaira had a triumphant look in her eyes when she said: ‘Have a seat ladies.’

When Xena and Gabrielle did so, still a bit surprised by the boldness of the young girl, she leaned over and put her hands on the table. ‘What can I do for you? Would you like something to eat?’

Gabrielle immediately jumped at it. ‘Yes! I’m starving.’

‘Then it’s your lucky day because the daily is my speciality.’

Gabrielle looked at her with delight. ‘Make it a double for me. I could eat a horse.’

‘Alright, three times the fish chowder.’

Gabrielle looked up in horror. ‘Fish chowder?’

‘Yes, it’s the day’s catch: sardines, squid, trout...’

Gabrielle brought her hand to her mouth to stop the retch.

Xena patted her on the back and smirked: ‘She had a traumatic experience with a few scaled friends. Would you by any chance have something less fishy?’

The girl chuckled and looked with compassion at Gabrielle’s green face. ‘I’ve got some nutbread. Will that do?’

Gabrielle nodded with relief, and Shaira left for the kitchen. A few minutes later she returned with a damp bowl for Xena and a pile of bread for Gabrielle. ‘I added some homemade fig marmalade. Hope you like it.’

Gabrielle thanked her and eagerly attacked the food.

Xena threw her an amused glance and took a spoonfull of soup. ‘Are you sure you don’t want any? It’s really good.’

But Gabrielle raised her hand and stuffed her mouth with more bread. At the same time she felt a clammy hand on her shoulder and she smelt the foul air of beer. A man’s voice behind her babbled: ‘Hey sweetie, why don’t you come and sit on my lap?’ Gabrielle looked tiresome at Xena and sighed: ‘Xena?’

But the warrior shrugged her shoulders. ‘Not now Gabrielle, I’m eating. Handle him yourself.’

‘But I’m all rosy from the massage. Come on, Xena, just this once...’

At that moment the barmaid passed by and without hesitation she broke a jar on the guy’s skull. When the drunk plopped down she lightheartedly said to his friends: ‘Bring him home and I’ll forget about the bill.’

That did the trick. The men took their mate and dragged him out of the inn. Without a word Shaira walked away. Xena and Gabrielle gazed at her with amazement and admiration.

Finally Xena grunted: ‘She has more guts than I thought.’

A moment later Shaira returned with a full jar of wine. ‘It’s on the house,’ she said while she winked at Gabrielle.

‘What did we do to deserve this?’ the bard asked.

‘Look around you... I see these ugly faces almost every day. It’s nice to have a beautiful view for a change.’

She filled their glasses and moved over to her other customers. Gabrielle cleared her throat and embarrassed she began to play with her hair. ‘That was nice, wasn’t it?’

‘That wasn’t nice, Gabrielle. That was flirting.’

Gabrielle gave her a bewildered look. ‘Flirting?’ And when Xena did not react: ‘With me?’

‘Oh come on, Gabrielle. Don’t tell me you didn’t notice that she only looks at you when she talks to us.’

‘Can’t she just like me?’

‘Sure. But I bet she’ll mention your beautiful green eyes the moment I’m gone.’

Xena and Gabrielle were not aware that Shaira had arrived at their table. The blonde girl looked deep into Gabrielle’s eyes and whispered with a sensual smile: ‘You do have beautiful eyes.’ And when the bard looked down blushing, she turned over to Xena and said: ‘Thanks for the tip.’

When she saw that the warrior’s eyes narrowed for a second, she smiled softly and left.

Xena grunted: ‘I lost my appetite. I’m off to bed.’

She didn’t wait for a reply but immediately walked away.

With a dazed expression on her face Gabrielle took a sip from her wine. It wasn’t long before Shaira joined her.

‘I didn’t chase her away, did I?’

‘Actually... I think you did.’

The girl laughed aloud. ‘Oh boy, I’m sorry. I really didn’t mean to eavesdrop. When you work at a tavern most of the time you pretend to be deaf, but sometimes... Well, I just couldn’t resist to tease her a little bit.’

‘There are not many people who were able to embarrass Xena and still live,’ she grinned.

Shaira smiled. ‘Xena was right about one thing though, I do like to flirt. But I mean no harm. I recognize a couple when I see one.’

Gabrielle looked at the table and plucked her fingers. ‘A couple? Xena and I are not... you know... together,’ she stammered.

‘Oops. I really thought that the two of you... I’m sorry.’

‘Forget it. It’s okay.’

When Gabrielle entered their room Xena lay on the bed, her arms beneath her head. She was wide awake, but obviously she was not about to give her more than a quick glance.

‘Still mad?’ Gabrielle asked, while kicking off her boots. ‘Why should I be mad?’ it sounded grumpily.

Gabrielle laughed. ‘Xena, I know you. I can tell when you’re angry.’

‘You’re wrong this time, I was almost asleep!’

‘Sleeping hey..,’ Gabrielle said slowly and took off her skirt. ‘Then why are you still totally dressed? Just admit it, Xena. Your sulking about it. You can’t stand the fact that Shaira had you there.’

Xena rolled her eyes and turned her back on her. ‘Believe what you want, I’m going to sleep.’

The bard slid under the blanket and after some time she said softly: ‘Xena?’

‘Hum.’

‘Won’t you at least take off your boots?’

It remained quiet for a while. But then Xena got up and moaning and groaning she took them off. Without another word she lay down again and turned her back to Gabrielle. ‘Can I finally have some piece and quiet now?’

The bard secretly smiled. ‘Sleep well.’

The woman next to her grunted something.

After a few minutes Gabrielle whispered: ‘Xena?’

Cursing the blackhaired warrior turned around and hissed: ‘What?!’

Gabrielle bit her lip and suppressing her laughter she said: ‘Nothing. I just wanted to say you’re kinda cute when you’re sulking.’

For a moment Xena looked like she wanted to kick her butt, but then she fell back in her pillow and moaned: ‘Remember me why I ever took you with me.’

‘You know why,’ Gabrielle grinned.

Xena looked aside and pretended to think hard before she said: ‘No, not a clue.’

Gabrielle poked her friend. ‘Hey, you need me! Who else will tell you to air those feet of yours once in a while?’

‘Maybe you’re right.’

‘Not maybe, I am right.’

‘Okay, you’re right. As always.’

‘Aha!’ the bard cried out in triumph while she leaned over Xena. ‘So you admit it?’

‘Admit what?’

‘That you were angry!’

Xena narrowed her eyes, grabbed a pillow and threw it merciless against Gabrielle’s head. With a smack the bard fell back on the bed.

‘Thank you,’ Xena sighed contentedly.

‘For what?’ it sounded muffled from beneath the pillow.

Xena’s mouth curled into a smile. ‘For helping me to get rid of my aggression.’

‘Oh.’ Gabrielle threw the pillow away and spit out a feather. ‘Glad I could be of help. I think.’

The next day Xena and Gabrielle rose early. They wanted to be on their way before the sun would get too strong.

‘We’ll buy some bread at the bakery,’ Xena said while packing their things.

Gabrielle looked bemused at her companion. ‘As long we don’t have breakfast here, right?’

Xena slowly lowered her sword into the sheath. ‘Certainly not as long as you’re in that mood. Here!’ She threw a purse at her and Gabrielle caught it with one hand. ‘And because you seem to know everything so well, you can pay the bill. I’ll go get us a horse.’

Somewhat later Gabrielle entered the tidy tavern, apparently Shaira cleaned it last night. She was just about to put the money on the bar, when the kitchendoor swung open and the young girl walked in, her hair still wet from washing it. ‘You’re early!’ she mumbled in surprise. ‘I haven’t even collected the eggs.’

‘We are in a bit of a hurry. I was about to give you the money.’

‘Oh,’ the girl said with a glimpse of disappointment in her eyes. ‘Then I wish you a safe journey.’ She bit her lip and whispered: ‘Maybe I’ll see you again someday.’

Gabrielle coughed and stuttered: ‘Yeah, who knows... I ehm, I have to go. Xena is waiting for me.’

The girl nodded and quickly took something out of a drawer. She gave Gabrielle some pieces of paper. ‘This is for you. I don’t know whether you know her, but the poet Sappho visited Crassus a couple of months ago. I wrote down some of her verses. I would like you to have them.’

Gabrielle was astonished. ‘Are you sure?’

‘I’ve read them a hundred times, I know them by heart.’

Gabrielle didn’t know what to say. Xena once gave her a poem from Sappho and it was priceless to her. Touched by Shaira’s gesture she hugged the young girl and whispered: ‘Thank you. This means a lot to me.’

‘Glad to hear it. You better go now, I don’t want to make your friend angry again.’

Gabrielle chuckled and waved her goodbye, before she walked out the door.

They had walked all day and spoken little. The lightbrown stallion that Xena had bought followed tamely, but she didn’t thought it wise to ride him already. She wanted to make him familiar with their presence, their smell, their voices.

When the sun was setting, Xena said: ‘Time to make camp.’

The warrior looked at a sheltered spot between a group of trees. ‘That looks good to me.’

She fastened the reins of her horse around a figtree and removed the saddle. ‘There, that should feel a lot better,’ she said while gently patting his flank.

Meanwhile Gabrielle had spread out their bedrolls and sat down, leaning comfortably against a tree. While chewing on some smoked chicken she grabbed her bag and took out the poems she had gotten from Shaira. She’d longed to read them all day, but reading and walking wasn’t a good combination.

Eagerly she started to read. Tell me. Is there anyone. In the whole world. Who you love more. Than me. The blood rushed to her cheeks, and yet there were goose bumps all over her arms.

‘What ya got?’ Xena asked with a curious look on her face.

‘It ehm... it’s a gift from Shaira. Poems from Sappho.’

A shadow flew over Xena’s face, but she recovered quickly. ‘Let me hear it.’

Gabrielle blushed again. She loved it when Xena took interest in her stories or those from others, but this time she felt caught. She couldn’t read aloud the first poem. She rushed to grab another page and to her relief this one was better.

She cleared her throat and said with a solemn voice: ‘Beauty lasts a glance. But goodness lasts for eternity.’

Xena looked in anticipation, but when Gabrielle put down the piece of paper her expression changed into disbelieve. ‘That was it?’

Gabrielle nodded affirmatively, after which the warrior frowned and sighed deeply. ‘Really Gabrielle, I don’t understand why you like that stuff so much. It doesn’t even rhyme!’

‘You want to hear some more or what?’

Xena scratched her head. ‘Well...  maybe some other time.’

Gabrielle sighed with relief and reread the first poem. It was so beautiful and it touched her so much, she had to be careful no to burst into tears. Fortunately Xena was totally wrapped up in the burrs on her chakram, which she polished with a flat stone. Gabrielle read the verse again, and again, and again. Just until she had absorbed every word. Her gaze fell upon Xena, and it was as if the poem came to life. Tell me. In a trance she looked at the muscles of Xena’s arm which flexed with every strike of the grindstone. Is there anyone. She watched the fingers that almost lovingly held the weapon. In the whole world. The curves of her breasts. Who you love more. Her mouth. Than me. Eyes. Blue eyes that looked straight into hers.

Gabrielle woke up with a start and she nervously blinked. ‘I think I just dozed off there.’

She knew she had spoken, but she didn’t recognize her own voice. Xena’s eyes narrowed for a second and a light frown appeared on her forehead. But she said nothing. Instead she put away her chakram and got up.

Measured she said: ‘I’ll get us some wood. I won’t be long.’

As soon as Xena’s footsteps died away, Gabrielle buried her head in her hands and whispered: ‘What’s wrong with me?’  

The next day they walked through a beautiful sloping countryside. But Gabrielle hardly noticed. She felt fractured after what happened last night. She had been awfully quiet ever since Xena returned with a pile of wood. And when the warrior finally asked whether something was wrong, she pretended to have a headache. She had even taken the white powder that Xena always carried with her. But it didn’t stop the restlessness she felt. The uncomfortable feeling when they were together, something she had never felt before Egypt. Why couldn’t she forget about Xena and Memsut? Why couldn’t she let go of what happened back there? Xena had lovers before, why was this so different? What did it matter with whom Xena slept? Wasn’t it far more important that she obviously preferred to be with her? That in the end she always chose for their friendship? That night she went to bed early, but she didn’t get a wink of sleep. And thus she knew that Xena had not slept either. For hours she had stared into the fire. Even when it was only smoldering. It was not until early morning that Gabrielle fell asleep, but when she awoke she felt even more exhausted. And now only her willpower gave her the energy to put one foot in front of the other. Hours had passed by and not a word had been spoken.

Xena was the first to break the silence. ‘Do you mind if I take him for a ride? I think he’s ready.’

Gabrielle tried to hide her enthusiasm. ‘No, you go ahead. Try to find us a camp next to a river. I have an urgent need for icecool water.’

Xena examined her for a while and she sounded concerned. ‘Maybe we should stay there for a while. You don’t look too well.’

Gabrielle rubbed her eyes to avoid Xena’s piercing eyes. ‘I had a bad night, that’s all.’

The warrior put her foot in the stirrup and with an elegant swing she landed in the saddle. She grabbed the reins and urged the impatient animal to a standstill. She looked at the bard who was playing with her hands. ‘We’ll camp nearby. And we will not leave until you feel better.’

‘I just need a bit of sleep. Really, I’m fine.’

Xena’s jaws tensed. ‘No, you’re not.’

After an hour’s walk she arrived at their campsite. Xena had neatly displayed their stuff and apparently she had also collected some wood. There was enough for a night’s fire. The stallion grazed contently, but Xena was nowhere to be found. She did hear a rustle... Water, she thought thankfully. Tonight she would take a long bath, it was about time she cleared her head. Gabrielle grabbed a water skin and gulped down the cool water. Immediately she felt better. She put her shoulderbag on the ground and searched for the last chunk of nutbread. But her eyes were caught by the poems. She looked around her and took the pages. When Gabrielle sat down in the shadow she started to read.

Now she avoids you. But tomorrow she will look for you. Now she won’t accept any gifts. But shortly she will give them. Now she does not want your love. But soon she will hold you dear. Despite herself.

Gabrielle found herself breathing heavily. She glanced around, frightened that Xena might come, but there was nobody there. Don’t be silly, she thought irritated. It’s only a poem. And she forced herself to read on as if it was a shoppinglist. But she knew that wasn’t the case. That she felt every word.

Come now. As before. Release me. Of that unbearable pain. Do what my tormented heart longs for. And battle with me. At my side. Her heart pounded when she stashed the piece of paper in her bag. This was a poem Sappho had written for a woman, Gabrielle thought while she rubbed her strained temples. Was this what Xena felt for Memsut? she asked herself in anguish. And then: Do I feel this?

It wasn’t long before Xena showed up with an enormous trout in her hands. ‘I’m sorry, there’s not much game around her.’ Gabrielle rose to her feet and brushed her blonde hair. ‘Doesn’t matter. I think I’m cured of my sea trauma. Shall I clean it?’

‘No, let me. I already stink.’

A bit awkward Gabrielle watched how Xena cut the fish with a small knife. ‘Can I do something else? Make a fire?’

Xena didn’t look up from her work when she answered: ‘You’re not going to do anything for a change. Why don’t you relax a bit, or take a bath. The water is great. When I’m done, I’ll take a plunge myself.’

Gabrielle considered that a bath was indeed a good idea and walked off. An overgrown path lead to a sheltered lake that was fed by a small waterfall. The beauty of it was so overwhelming, that she almost forget what she had came for. Ah yeah, a bath. She untied the laces of her boots and kicked them off. Shortly afterwards she was stark naked and plunged into the clear green water. The lake enclosed her with a cool embrace and she grasped for breath. She pushed some wet locks out of her face and looked around her. Through her lashes she saw the splashing waterfall, an enchanting sight. She must have stood there for some time, for she felt a shiver down her spine. Time to head back for camp, she pondered.

Just as she shifted her feet, she felt hands on her back. Xena, to give her a backrub, she thought. But there was nothing caring about the way her fingers slid down her back. Too soft for a massage, too sensual for a simple washing. Goose bumps covered her body when strong fingers searched for her shoulders and moist lips kissed her neck. Her breathing halted. This isn’t happening, she thought. But it was. Her heart pounded in her chest when caressing hands went down her spine and exasperatingly slow scouted the flanks of her thighs. A warm breath covered her neck, while fingers touched the sensitive muscles of her abdomen. Gabrielle closed her eyes when they found her breasts. A soft moan escaped her mouth, and at that moment she felt luscious lips in her neck and the pressure on her breasts hardened. So this is how it feels, she thought: desire. A strong hand took her by the chin and forced her to turn around. With closed eyes she stood before her. Ready to taste her lips. But instead she heard a cold laughter. Her eyes flashed open, but she already knew before she saw. Alti!     

The cruel shamaness grabbed her blonde hair and pulled her head backwards. She got so close that Gabrielle could smell her breath. Alti’s eyes gleamed, but yet there was no feeling in them. They were as cold and ruthless as death. ‘Disappointed?’ she sneered.

Gabrielle shivered, it was such a heartrending voice. But she kept her mouth shut, while she tried not to think about the fact that the old hag had touched her so intimately.

‘Don’t worry little one, you don’t have to say a word. Your body already did... I know everything.’

‘You know nothing!’

Quick as lightening Alti grabbed Gabrielle by the throat and squeezed hard. The bard grasped for breath, but hardly succeeded in catching some air.

‘So Xena’s bitch does know how to talk,’ she grunted, while she caressed Gabrielle’s breast. She produced a nasty little laugh when she saw the bard’s disgust.

‘Now what would Xena do if she knew what you really want from her?’

And when Gabrielle didn’t answer, she said in a gruesome manner: ‘She would get rid of you. Xena might need you as her maid, but not in her bed.’

Gabrielle tried not to listen but it was impossible not to hear her horrifying words. It was as if Alti took possession of her mind, or was it the lack of oxygen that clouded her brain?

‘Xena longs for power, status, danger. You can never give that to her.’

Alti’s words tortured her like the floggings of a whip. ‘Borias, Ares, Memsut... Think about it, Gabrielle. A warrior, a god and a pharaoh. Do you really think she would fall for a farmgirl from Poteideia?’

Gabrielle knew that Alti was right, but she had a far bigger problem now: she needed air and quickly.

‘I’m not hurting you, am I, little girl?’ The shamaness choked her even harder. ‘I just want to warn you. Your time with Xena is over.’

Gabrielle almost lost conscience, but right at that moment the pressure on her throat disappeared. She panted while looking around her in panic. No one. Alti was gone.

Just when she got dressed, Xena arrived. She quickly turned her back on her, afraid that she might see the slashes on her neck.

‘Feeling better?’ her friend asked.

Gabrielle mumbled affirmative, pretending to be very busy with her boots. When the warrior princess took off her armory, Gabrielle knew that she had to warn her that Alti was around. But she couldn’t bear to be with her. Not now. She had to think.

‘Could you do my back?’ Xena asked when she walked into the lake.

There was no answer. Gabrielle had already run off.  

A small fire was burning when Gabrielle entered their camp. Some chunks of fish braised in the frying pan and she inhaled a delicious smell. Not that she was hungry, she feared that she wouldn’t be able to eat a thing. The bard sighed. She had to be careful that Xena wouldn’t get suspicious. If she wasn’t already. Xena wasn’t stupid. The slightest change in behavior was noticed by her. She shook her head in despair, why did she have to be such an open book? She sat down and covered her face with her hands. There was only one solution: she had to forget everything. She had to bury her feelings for Xena and never think about it again. She simply had to!

Gabrielle took Shaira’s poems and stared at them. They were so lovely. So lovely... But then her face took on a grim expression and she threw the first page into the fire. It caught alight immediately. When she grabbed the second page, her eyes fell upon the last poem she hadn’t read yet. Despite her will she couldn’t help but read the words. Whenever I see you. My tongue stiffens. A fierce fire vibrates. Inside of me. A mist covers my eyes. My ears sing. I start to sweat. My body trembles. Gabrielle swallowed. The page trembled in her hands. She had to get rid of it, even if every vein in her body protested against it. She gritted her teeth, squeezed the page and threw the pellet into the flames. But the heat unfolded the paper and the words caught her eye. Whenever I see you. A fierce fire vibrates. Inside of me. Suddenly the scroll blackened and there was nothing left to see. Gabrielle gazed at the smoldering paper and her eyes filled with tears. It was as though she had said goodbye to a part of her that she had only just discovered. But it was her only option. She didn’t want to lose Xena.

By the time Xena got back, Gabrielle had served the fish on clean large leafs. She had to act normal, she said to herself. Cheerful and bustling, that’s how she should appear. The way  Xena knew her.

‘Maybe I should let you cook more often. This actually smells good,’ she chuckled.

Xena put a hand on her shoulder to support herself and plopped down next to her. ‘Don’t get your hopes up. You’ve not tasted it yet.’

Despite of the fact that she wasn’t hungry at all, the trout melted on her tongue and she was pleasantly surprised by the delicate flavor. The herbs Xena had used were just right and even in the correct quantity.

‘Xena! This is delicious!’ she burst out in surprise.

‘I have many skills,’ Xena smiled. But after she took a bite herself, she got the same astonished expression on her face. ‘Did you mess with it?’

But Gabrielle denied it and took another spoonfull. It went well, she thought. As long as she didn’t look into her eyes too deeply, she would be okay. Eventually this feeling would pass, after all it was just a silly infatuation. She startled when she realized that she had just given a name for what she felt for her soul mate.

‘Aren’t you going to eat that?’

Xena looked like a puppy begging for a bone, so Gabrielle gave her the leaf and murmured: ‘Go ahead and take it. I still feel a little faint.’

Immediately she could see concern in Xena’s eyes. And instead of reaching for the fish, she reached for Gabrielle’s forehead. ‘You feel warm... Give me your arm.’

The bard hesitated. She felt her heartbeat racing already, what would happen if Xena touched her? But if she refused, her friend would definitely know that something was going on. So maybe it was for the best if she feigned a flue... Then she would at least have an excuse for her strange behavior. She gave Xena her arm and gazed at the fire. Skilful fingers searched her wrist and rested when they found the artery. Gabrielle concentrated on her breathing and forced herself to calmly in- and exhale. But still she felt her heart beating so loud that she was afraid Xena might hear it.

The pressure on her skin disappeared and Xena quietly said: ‘I’ll give you some more medicine. I don’t know if it will cure whatever it is you’re suffering from, but at least it will help you sleep.’

Gabrielle nodded and the warrior rose to get something out of her saddlebag. A moment later she returned with a water skin and the white powder. She put some of it on Gabrielle’s tongue en let her take a sip of water. ‘There. And now get some rest.’

Meekly Gabrielle followed Xena’s instructions.

It took a long time for Gabrielle to doze off. Xena sat by the fire, but every now and then Gabrielle felt her eyes upon her. And her heart would skip a beat. But now Xena faded away to the background and her body became heavy. She let her thoughts run freely and so she arrived in Poteideia. How long 

had it been? A year? Two years? She couldn’t remember the last time she paid her sister a visit. So much could happen in two years. Maybe Lila had moved to another town. Maybe her daughter had married. Maybe she was already dead... Gabrielle rejected that horrifying idea and forced herself to think about something more pleasant. The beautiful fields of flowers they had crossed yesterday for instance. With a smile Gabrielle recalled the thousands of poppy’s that had surrounded them. Even Xena had been impressed by the view. She hadn’t said so, but she had seen a softness in her eyes. A look that Gabrielle loved so much. Xena...

Gabrielle wondered if she had spoken her name aloud and listened intently to the sounds surrounding her. But she only heard her own breathing. Not completely at ease she tried to relax her muscles. Just as she wanted to think about the flowers again, she felt a cool hand caressing her face. Fingers that followed the line of her jaw and descended slowly to her neck. Alti, it’s Alti! Gabrielle shouted to herself. She opened her eyes, ready to strike her opponent... But it wasn’t Alti.

‘Xena?’ Gabrielle whispered when she stared in her friends face. She saw something in her eyes that she had never seen before. A sparkle, a yearning... She wanted to say something, but Xena planted a finger on her mouth.

‘Don’t talk,’ she said with a voice trembling from desire. She removed her finger and bent over. Soft lips landed on Gabrielle’s mouth, but she felt almost paralyzed. She wasn’t capable of doing anything, but that didn’t discourage Xena. Soon she felt the weight of her body on top of her. Strong muscles that pushed her legs apart, hands that held hers captive above her head, lips that opened her mouth. While her heart beat faster and faster, she felt Xena’s tongue around hers. That was the moment she snapped out of it. She answered her kisses and pushed her pelvis against Xena’s body. The game of their entangled tongues got more passionate, until Xena pulled back and bit hard in her lower lip. Her excitement had been so strong, that she hardly noticed the pain. But now she felt a trickle on her chin and she tasted her own sweet blood. Suddenly an alarm went off in her head. Xena would never do a thing like that. She opened her eyes... and stared in the grinning face of the shamaness. Alti licked the blood of her chin and looked malignantly down on her.

‘Do you really think you can hide this from her? She will find out. And then... it’s bye bye, Gabrielle.’

The bard went for her throat, but her hands flailed in the cold air.

‘Gabrielle?’ Xena grabbed the shivering bard by her shoulders, a worried look in her eyes. ‘It was only a nightmare,’ she said with a soothing voice.

Gabrielle looked at her in terror. Had it been a dream or... She put a trembling finger on her lip. It was covered with blood. An icecold feeling took hold of her. Had Alti really been there? But if that was the case, why hadn’t Xena seen her?

Xena walked off and quickly returned with a water skin and a piece of cloth. ‘That must have been some dream. You bit your lip.’

Xena held her face and gently removed the blood. Her face was so near, she could feel Xena’s warm breath on her skin. So close that she could kiss her. But she rejected the thought immediately. She was going crazy! She and Xena, that was just impossible...

Xena’s voice woke her up with a start. ‘Do you wanna talk about it?’

Gabrielle lowered her eyes. ‘It was the same one again. Callisto must have killed Perdicus a thousand times by now.’

Xena stroke her arm to comfort her, and Gabrielle couldn’t help but shiver. ‘Maybe it’s the fever. You still feel hot.’ She looked at Gabrielle intently, but the bard avoided her eyes. ‘Lie down.’

The bard leaned back, waiting for Xena to check her pulse again. But the warrior pulled down the blanket and wanted to lay her hands on Gabrielle’s bare belly. In a reflex the bard pulled the blanket up again. She couldn’t bear to feel her hands there. Not after what she had been through. But at the same time she realized how strange this must seem.

And Xena’s eyes did indeed show amazement. ‘What’s wrong? I just want to examine you.’

‘I... I’m cold.’ That sounded logical, she thought.

But Xena did not at all look convinced. ‘Alright. Then we’ll do it this way.’

Her hands slid under the blanket and touched her belly. Gabrielle grinded her teeth and focused on the full moon that shone above her. Don’t think about it, just don’t think, she said to herself while Xena’s fingers pressed gently on her stomach. She moved skillfully over her body and checked all organs. When Xena’s fingertips touched the sensitive skin below her belly button in search of her appendix, a tremor went through her limbs and a soft sigh escaped her mouth. ‘Painful?’ was Xena’s alarmed reaction.

‘No,’ Gabrielle whispered. She immediately regretted it. “I mean yes. Well... I don’t know really.’

Xena pressed the same spot again but of course Gabrielle felt nothing. Flushed she said: ‘It’s okay now.’

Xena removed her hands and sat down on her bedroll. She folded her hands pensively between her chin and nose.

Gabrielle tried to break the tension. ‘And doctor? Am I dying?’

Xena looked at her, but there was no humor in her eyes. ‘I found nothing abnormal.’

‘Then why the grave look? That’s good, isn’t it?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘What do you mean?’ Gabrielle muttered, while her stomach tightened with fear.

Xena looked her straight in the eye and said calmly: ‘Is there something I should know?’

A silence fell.

I had a nightmare, that’s all.’

‘Gabrielle, I’m not just talking about tonight. Ever since we left Egypt you’re... different. So quiet.’

Gabrielle sat up straight and sighed: ‘By the gods, Xena, I was seasick. I’m not at my best when I have to puke all day.’

‘We’re not at sea anymore. I know something’s bothering you.’

They looked at each other in silence. But soon Gabrielle blinked and pulled up the blanket, as if it could protect her from Xena’s piercing eyes.

‘Gabrielle, don’t do this... If there is something, please tell me.’

‘Nothing’s wrong.’

Suddenly Xena burst out: ‘Don’t lie to me! You barely talk to me, you avoid me, you panic when I touch you... Don’t tell me nothing’s wrong!’

Gabrielle stared into the smoldering fire and did not know what to do. Should she tell her? Could she?

Xena again broke the silence. ‘Is it because of Egypt?’ Gabrielle startled, which Xena saw as a confirmation. Her face softened. ‘Gabrielle, what happened between Memsut and me... I would never lay a hand on you. Not in that way. You have got to believe me.’

The bard looked at her in shock. So Xena thought she was scared of her advances. How ironic. But Xena’s promise that she would never touch her as a lover made her feel even more miserable. Alti was right. Xena would never care about her the way she wanted. And she made a decision...

‘I believe you. But I need time to cope with it. And I don’t think I can do that here.’ She didn’t look at her, but she felt Xena’s eyes burn on her face.

‘What are you trying to say?’ Xena said and her voice sounded vulnerable.

Gabrielle felt tears coming up, but she pulled herself together and forced herself to look Xena in the eye. ‘I think I have to be alone for a while.’

She saw how Xena’s eyes narrowed, how she held her breath for a second, how the muscles of her shoulders flexed. But she sounded cool when she asked: ‘How long?’

‘I don’t know.’

Xena rose and poked in the charred wood and soon little flames started to show. Gabrielle only saw her back, but she was almost certain that the warrior cried. She wanted desperately to go to her and take her in her arms, but she couldn’t. She would leave in the morning. Alone.

When Gabrielle woke up she looked at the blanket next to her. It looked untouched. Gabrielle sighed. So she had stayed awake all night. Her heart ached. Could she leave Xena? Could she justify the lie that she didn’t feel comfortable around Xena, that this was the reason she had to go? But soon enough she realized that it was her only option. She could not reverse the matter anymore. And besides, maybe it was for the best. She needed time to figure out her feelings for Xena. And whatever Alti had said, she was convinced that she would get over it. And then everything would be alright again.

When Xena approached with a couple of skins she had a strange look in her eyes, as if she had already said goodbye. ‘It’s a days walk to Poteideia, so two skins should be enough.’ Gabrielle took the water skins and said softly: ‘Thank you.’ She wanted to say more, but Xena turned around and mounted her horse. No embrace, she thought with pain in her heart.

‘Were will you go?’ the bard asked.

Xena looked at the horizon and answered absent-mindedly: ‘Don’t know yet. Maybe I can pick up Eve’s trail.’

Gabrielle nodded, even though Xena did not look at her. This was awful, she thought. She seemed so far away, so unreachable, her face all blank. Deep down Gabrielle wanted to pull her from her horse and shout to her: I love you, don’t you see that?! But instead she mumbled: ‘That’s a good idea.’

Xena glanced at her for a second. ‘Take care,’ she said grimly and with a harsh ‘Yah!’ she spurred her horse and rushed off. Soon Xena was just a dot at the horizon.      

‘Gabrielle!’ the grey woman cried out.

The bard hugged her sister.

‘I missed you,’ Lila said, while she stroke Gabrielle’s blonde hair. That was enough to break her resistance: the bard burst into tears.

Lila took her wet face in her hands. ‘What’s the matter?’

Gabrielle wiped the tears away. ‘Don’t worry, I’m just happy to see you.’

Lila kissed her sister’s cheek and took her inside. She sat down on a bench and patted on the seat next to her. ‘Sara will be so glad to see you. She’s got great news!’

Gabrielle looked curiously, but she understood from Lila’s expression that she wouldn’t tell her. ‘Can’t wait to see her,’ she said and stretched her tired legs.

‘Gosh, I can’t believe you’re here! Where’s Xena?’

Gabrielle looked down and said with a flat voice: ‘Xena wanted to visit her daughter and I wanted to see you. We’ll meet in a couple of weeks.’

‘There’s nothing wrong between the two of you, is there?’

Gabrielle brushed her sister’s remark aside and laughed: ‘Of course not. Even friends have to spend some time apart every now and then.’

‘But you are so close... Are you sure nothing happened?’

Gabrielle couldn’t lie anymore and buried her face in her hands. ‘I can’t explain, Lila. I hardly understand it myself. Don’t ask anymore, please.’

Lila fondled her back and let it rest.

The big news was very apparent when Sara entered the room. She was pregnant! ‘Someone has been busy,’ Gabrielle joked.

Sara laughed out loud and stroke her big belly. ‘Isn’t it great? Just after I arrived here, I fell in love with Rufus. Look!’ and she showed her a golden ring. ‘We’re engaged! At the next full moon we’re going to get married.’

Gabrielle shook her head while gazing at her niece and sister. ‘I should visit you more often. I can’t believe it: Sara with child and you, Lila, you’re going to be a granny!’

Gabrielle’s sister chuckled. ‘Please, don’t say that too often. It’s bad enough that my sister looks as young as my daughter.’

Gabrielle burst into laughter, but her smile died away when Sara cried out: ‘Where’s Xena?’

The bard swallowed a sob and said: ‘Xena has other things to do, but she asked me to give her regards to you.’

Sara’s disappointment was obvious, but fortunately she didn’t ask any further.

As soon as Xena was out of Gabrielle’s sight, the warrior urged the stallion to make an outflanking movement. She wanted to see Eve badly, but she could not leave Gabrielle just like that. She wanted to stay near her. Maybe Gabrielle had sorted things out within a few weeks, maybe even in a couple of days, she thought with optimism. But deep down inside she felt less secure. Xena looked frowningly at the road to Poteideia. I can’t lose her, she thought. She couldn’t bear the idea of having to live without Gabrielle. With a grim expression she galloped away.

That evening Xena sat on a hilltop, near the crackling campfire. She peered at the mountain in front of her on which a small village was built. Poteideia. She saw lights behind the small windows and it made her feel even more lonesome than she already did. What would Gabrielle do now, she asked herself. A single tear ran down her cheek and she quickly rubbed it away.

‘What a pathetic sight!’ it sounded suddenly, only a few yards away. ‘Xena, Destroyer of Nations, crying over her little girlfriend.’

Xena jumped up and drew her sword. ‘Alti,’ she said with disgust. ‘What do you want?!’

The shamaness laughed slyly. ‘Not so impatient. Don’t you wanna know how I got here?’

‘Not really.’

But the old hag didn’t seem to hear her and continued: ‘Tartarus is a place for losers. Not for people like you and me. We are born to rule, to conquer the world. Ares was your puppy, now he’s mine.’

Xena cursed in silence. So Ares helped her, the fool. Xena smiled coldly. ‘Can we keep this short?’

‘So you can go on sobbing over that irritating blonde? I would almost lose my respect for you, Xena.’

‘I don’t care what you think of me.’

‘Maybe you don’t, but I do. We’re so alike. The desire for greatness, power, strength... Together we can have it all.’ Her voice was tempting, almost tender.

But Xena wasn’t impressed. ‘You bore me. I don’t want any of that.’

Alti gave her a scornful laugh. ‘That’s what you think now. You thought you had something far more valuable. Gabrielle. Am I right?’

Xena didn’t answer, so Alti grunted: ‘She left you, Xena. Get over it!’

‘I don’t have to listen to...’

Alti interrupted her roughly: ‘Ares told me what you were doing in Egypt. Or rather, with whom. Now I don’t care, but little Gabrielle... Deep down she’s still a farmgirl and she loathes the idea. That’s why she left you.’

‘You don’t know anything!’ Xena roared with anger.

The shamaness smiled and there was cruelty in her raw voice: ‘Oh I do. I’ve been watching her and it was so obvious... Gabrielle doesn’t feel comfortable around you. So the poor thing fled. You should have done her when you had the chance.’

The warrior grabbed her chakram and threw it in blind anger at the shamaness, but she avoided the weapon easily.

‘You lost her, Xena. Accept it!’

‘Never!’ Xena hissed while catching the chakram.

‘Never is a long time, Xena. We shall see...’ And she disappeared into thin air.

Xena hadn’t slept a wink, but she was used to little rest. She stared at the mountainvillage. Why was she still around? Why didn’t she go look for Eve? She had to give Gabrielle some time to cope with it. Because she would, she new that for certain. Nothing could tear them apart. Not a man, not even death... So why did she feel so weak? Why couldn’t she just leave Poteideia far behind her? Why couldn’t she have faith in Gabrielle and trust her to come back in her own good time? She looked at the stallion who glanced at her calmly.

‘Why don’t you tell me?’

But of course there was no reply. After all, this wasn’t Argo who had always felt exactly what was going on in her mind. Lonelyness swept over her again, and doubt. What if Alti was right? She shivered. And suddenly she knew what to do. She took the reins and jumped on the horse.

With pounding heart Xena stood before the entrance of Gabrielle’s parental home. She immediately recalled one of the last times she had been there. The hostility she received from her father. Reluctant she had stood there, as if she was asking for Gabrielle’s hand and already knew she would be rejected. And once again she was afraid of rejection. But she had to talk to her. She couldn’t leave without a comforting word from Gabrielle. That everything would be alright. She cleared her throat, took a deep breath and knocked on the door. No sound. She knocked again, but still no reply. Xena took hold of the handle and the door opened itself. Cautious she looked around the corner. No one. Maybe they were shopping, Xena thought. Very well, she would wait inside. She looked around in the small but cosy room. She could see another room and there it was... Gabrielle’s bag lying on the bed, a scroll sticking out. Xena sat down and took a sip from the water skin, but her eyes were constantly drawn to the scroll. Maybe it contained her story about Egypt, she considered. She rose and walked towards the little room, but stopped halfway. No, she wouldn’t do it. She would sit and wait, like a good girl. Gabrielle would probably be back in a minute. Xena sat down again and drummed on the wooden table. She tried to fix her mind on something else, but the scroll attracted her with an overwhelming power. In the end she couldn’t hold herself down anymore and hared to the bed. She grasped the scroll and rolled it down. Hounded by her conscience she started reading...

I have loved her so dearly. I would do anything for her, even die. But now that I know this... What am I to do? The thought of her and that woman makes me sick. What is she thinking when I’m lying next to her? Does she look at me like a man? I don’t want to think about it, but I can’t help myself. Whatever she will say, however she suppresses it, something has changed forgood. She isn’t my friend anymore... How am I supposed to tell her that? Deep down inside I wish she would just leave and forget about me. That would be the best for both of us.

A chill took possession of Xena’s heart. Like a robot she rolled up the scroll and put it back in the bag. Her voice sounded almost emotionless when she said: ‘Goodbye Gabrielle.’ She turned around and rushed from the house. Outside she knocked over a man, but she couldn’t care less. She couldn’t stay a second longer. Xena mounted her horse and spurred him roughly. And she was gone.

Gabrielle pulled the heavy basket on the table and rubbed the sweat from her forehead. Slightly irritated she looked at Rufus, her niece’s fiance, who sat on the bench with a large jar of beer. ‘Busy, Rufus?’

The boy jumped up. ‘I’m sorry, it’s just that I’m still recovering.’

‘From what?’

Rufus scratched his head. ‘There was this tall dark woman. She came bursting out of the house and knocked me down! I hope nothing’s missing.’

Gabrielle knew it had to be Xena. ‘A woman with long black hair, wearing lots of leather?’

Rufus looked at her in surprise. ‘Yes, you know her?’

Gabrielle smiled. ‘I would think so. That was Xena, my best friend.’

The bard looked around for a note, but there was nothing. Strange. ‘What did she look like when she left.’

Rufus stroke his sore muscles and groaned: ‘Like she wanted to tear me apart with her bare teeth... That’s why I didn’t think of Xena. The stories I heard about her, well, I thought she’d be more... gentle.’

Gabrielle’s anxiety grew. What had happened? Had she seen Alti and was she angry with her for not warning her? That had to be it. Gabrielle gave her sister an apologizing look. ‘I have to go. Something’s wrong and I...’

Lila interrupted her. ‘Of course.’

She gestured Rufus to leave them alone and as soon as he had shut the door she continued: ‘Does she know what’s bothering you?’

The bard shook her head.

‘Then tell her, Gabrielle. Whatever it is, the two of you will work it out.’

‘It’s a little bit more complicated than you think. I can’t tell her.’

‘I have 23 years more of experience than you, Gabrielle. Believe me, you’ll hurt her more with your silence than with the truth. Whatever it is.’

Gabrielle looked in admiration at the grey woman. She kept forgetting that Lila wasn’t her little sister anymore. ‘You’re right.’ She hugged Lila and grabbed her bag from the bed. ‘I’ll be back before the wedding,’ she promised and walked off.

With staggering speed Xena rode through the Greek countryside. The stallion bathed in sweat and his head was covered with foam. Not a second of rest Xena had granted her horse. She only wanted to be far away, far from Gabrielle. It wasn’t until she had to cross a river, that she urged the exhausted animal to stop. The stallion immediately gulped the fresh water and Xena started to realise what she had done. In what kind of a rage she had exhausted the horse. She patted him gently on his flank. ‘I’m sorry. It’s not your fault. I have only myself to blame.’

‘My my, your self-pity makes me sick,’ a familiar raw voice sounded behind her.

Xena didn’t even turn around, but said grimly: ‘Go away, Alti. I’m not in a good mood.’

In a flash the shamaness appeared in front of her, only a few feet away. Her smile was cruel and so was her question: ‘If you’re so worried about Gabrielle, why don’t you go to her?’ Xena grinded her teeth and answered: ‘I travel alone. Are you happy now?’

‘Yes I am, and so should you. You don’t need her.’

Xena looked at her in disgust: ‘Let me guess... But I do need you?’ And she laughed derisively.

The shamaness looked her deep in the eye. ‘You have two options, Xena. Die of loneliness or do what is destined. Together we can conquer the world.’

The warrior drew her sword and stroke the shiny metal. ‘You forgot the third option... Kill you!’

Quick as lightening she leapt forward en swung her sword, but she missed Alti’s head. The shamaness was gone.

Suddenly she heard a sound above her. High in a tree Alti looked down at her. ‘You forget I have special powers now. You can’t kill me.’ In a blink of an eye she stood behind her. ‘I’m immortal. A gift from Ares... ambrosia.’

Xena turned around and stared at Alti’s horrifying grin. It was as if the last bit of hope had just left Xena’s body. She dropped her sword and spread out her arms. ‘Then go ahead! Kill me! Do it!’

Alti grabbed her throat and squeezed it hard. Xena embraced the darkness that surrounded her, she wanted to die. She didn’t want to go on without Gabrielle. She simply couldn’t live with her disgust.

In the background she could hear Alti hiss: ‘Is this all there’s left of you? Where is your pride? Your passion for life? Where is your fighting spirit?’

And suddenly it wasn’t just sorrow she felt. It was anger. An emotion she hadn’t felt this fiercely in a long time. Everything that Xena had suppressed clenched in a pitchblack energy. She thrust her knee so hard into Alti’s kidneys that the grip on her throat immediately disappeared. Her longs filled with oxygen and she could see clearly again. Alti’s body was doubled up, her face winced with pain. But she still had a smile on her face. ‘I knew you wouldn’t disappoint me.’

Gabrielle dismounted the horse Rufus had lent her. A couple of hundred yards away she’d noticed a plume of smoke... Hopefully it was Xena’s camp. She took the reins in her hand and walked slowly in the direction of the camp. Soon she saw Xena’s horse grazing. Her first instinct was to run to her friend, but then she realized she had some explaining to do. Her heart skipped a beat when she thought about it. She would have to tell her about Alti... What she did to her. And finally what she felt for Xena. By the gods, what if Xena would laugh at her? She shook her head as to shake off her negative thoughts and walked on. Gabrielle attached the reins to a small tree and paced down a small trail. As she passed a big cypress, strong hands suddenly grabbed her by the shoulders and she felt a knife against her throat. ‘Don’t move!’

Gabrielle stood stock-still. ‘It’s me... Gabrielle.’

Slowly the blade was removed. A bit shaky the bard turned and met Xena’s eyes. She couldn’t exactly read the expression on her face. But whatever it was, it made her shiver.

‘Are you okay?’

But Xena looked at her as if she had just spoken Arabic. ‘What do you want,’ she said stony-faced.

Gabrielle choked. She had expected Xena to be surprised to see her, maybe a little angry because of Alti, but not this. The cold look Xena gave her came as a complete surprise. She stumbled when she searched for words: ‘I came because I... I mean, Rufus saw you and...’

Xena didn’t flex a muscle while she looked at her with that gruesome hard expression on her face.

Fear filled Gabrielle’s body, but at the same time she felt her anger taking over and she burst out: ‘I could ask you the same thing! What were you doing in Lila’s house?’

That remark at least had some effect, because Xena looked away for a moment. ‘That was a mistake.’

‘What exactly? That you walked right through Sara’s fiance or that you didn’t even leave me a note?’

Xena’s expression even grew darker. ‘I came to say goodbye. But when I found no one home, I decided that was probably for the best.’

Gabrielle’s heart missed a beat. ‘What are you saying?’

Xena walked to the fire and threw a log on it. With her back towards her she said: ‘Our traveling days together are over. We’re both ready to go our seperate ways.’

Gabrielle couldn’t believe her ears. She rushed to Xena and forced her to face her. ‘How can you say that? When did you hear me say I’m ready to leave you?!’

Xena cut herself loose and a cold smile appeared on her face. ‘Let me think... Ah yes, that must have been right before you left me.’

‘Xena, I didn’t leave you,’ Gabrielle whispered. ‘I just needed some time to think.’

The warrior folded her arms. ‘Well, you weren’t the only one who did some thinking. I made myself too dependent on you, I can see that now. It’s time I stood on my own two feet.’

Tears welled up in Gabrielle’s eyes. ‘Xena, you can’t mean this.’ She reached out for her, but the warrior stepped back.

‘Don’t make this harder than it already is, Gabrielle. I have made my decision.’

Gabrielle covered her face with her hands, but she couldn’t cry. She was too astonished and too shocked. This woman was not the Xena she knew.

‘Why?’ she asked with difficulty.

Xena sighed and looked at her as if she was a nagging kid who she wanted to kick. ‘I already told you. Go home, Gabrielle. Go back to Poteideia. That’s where you belong.’

Every word cut her like a knife, and she wasn’t capable of defending herself. So this was it. She had chased off her soul mate with her strange behavior, her lies. Xena was right, she was the one who had left. And now it was too late to come back. Gabrielle looked at the woman who she so desperately loved and now seemed so far away. She wanted to say something, but the words just wouldn’t come out. So she walked off, feeling totally numb.

Gabrielle grabbed the reins of her horse and stumbled back on the path that would lead her back to Poteideia. But it had grown dark and it was foolish to travel now. So she made camp in a sheltered spot. After Gabrielle had collected some wood she mechanically rolled a branch between her palms to start a fire. Soon a small spark appeared and she carefully planted some bark on top of it. While she was building a fire, her brains worked overhours. What in Zeus’ name had happened to Xena? Why couldn’t they just talk about it? Why did she look so enraged, so cold, so... full of hate. Through the trees she saw the smoke of Xena’s fire. She was so near and yet they had never been so far apart. Only a couple of hours and Xena would be out of her life. Forgood. She was certain of it. As soon as the sun had risen she would leave. Gabrielle couldn’t grasp it. She just couldn’t imagine a life without Xena. The bard shook her head. This wasn’t right! She and Xena belonged together! At the same time she realized that things were a little different now... She had feelings for Xena she had never felt before. Or maybe she had never recognized them. She shrugged her shoulders. What difference did it make now. Xena would never know. Maybe it was for the best... She took a piece of wood and threw it in the fire so hard the charred bits flew everywhere. No, it wasn’t for the best at all! She couldn’t let her go. Not without her knowing what she really felt for her!

Xena sharpened her sword with long strokes. She glanced at the shiny blade, but her thoughts were with Gabrielle. She was astonished that it had been so easy to sent her away. At first she just wanted to release the bard from her burden. She knew Gabrielle would be better of without her. But now all she felt was anger. She was angry at Gabrielle, who had abandoned her just like that. Who had thrown away all those years of friendship, because for once in her life she had followed her heart. Her rage grew. Had she hurt Gabrielle like that when she married Perdicus? No, she had set aside her own feelings and let her go. And what did she get in return? Nothing! What did she think? That she wouldn’t be able to keep her hands to herself? Gabrielle wasn’t just selfish, but arrogant as well!

While Gabrielle searched for Xena’s camp in the dark, she remembered Sappho’s poem. Now she avoids you. But tomorrow she will look for you. Now she won’t accept any gifts. But shortly she will give them. Now she does not want your love. But soon she will hold you dear. Despite herself. She hoped that Xena would understand, but she knew chances were slim. But she had to tell her. Otherwise her life with Xena would have been based on nothing. She didn’t want to part with a lie.

This time she wasn’t welcomed by a blade against her throat.

Xena sat on a stone next to the fire and looked at her with a stony posture. ‘I thought I was clear.’

Gabrielle’s heart leaped in her mouth. Could she say it to this Xena? This cold woman who showed no emotion whatsoever? Yes, she had to. If not for her, she should say it for her own redemption. She cleared her throat and sat down on a stone, a yard away from Xena. ‘I’ll leave in a minute. But I have to tell you something.’

She paused for a second, hoping Xena would melt, but she still looked unmoved. Gabrielle ran her fingers through her hair and ill at ease shifted her position. ‘There’s something I didn’t tell you, because I... was afraid to.’

Xena got up and narrowed her eyes: ‘Spare yourself the trouble, I already know.’

Gabrielle suddenly felt small, with Xena towering above her. But she controlled herself and got up as well. ‘I don’t think you do. The reason why I left... I haven’t been completely honest of my feelings about you and Memsut.’

Roughly Xena interrupted her and snapped: ‘Leave, Gabrielle! I know I disgust you!’

‘What are you talking about? I don’t think you’re disgusting!’

‘By the gods, you’re so full of it.’

‘I’m not lying!’

Xena smiled malignantly. ‘You don’t even have the guts to admit it. Maybe I should have read your scrolls more often, then I would have known how you really feel about me.’

Gabrielle’s heart missed a beat. Had Xena read one of her scrolls? She didn’t understand. She had never written something about disgust, had she?

‘I swear on my mothers grave that I have never written anything like that. Xena... I love you.’

Xena blinked and for the first time her face showed a bit of humanity. But soon enough she regained her cold expression. ‘It wouldn’t be the first time you lied to me.’

‘I would never lie about this!’ Gabrielle calmed herself and said: ‘Where did you read it? In Lila’s house?’

Xena nodded. ‘I wasn’t planning on reading it, but the scroll was sticking out of your bag.’

Gabrielle look puzzled at her bag. She couldn’t recall putting a scroll in it. All of Shaira’s poems were burnt and her other stories were still in Xena’s saddlebag. Suddenly something dawned on her... She opened the bag and went through her things. And there it was, a small scroll. She took it out and rolled it down. She immediately knew. She hadn’t written this... She read the scroll and her anger grew with every single word. And she wasn’t only angry at the one who wrote it.

She turned the scroll to Xena and shouted boiling with anger: ‘Is this the one?’

Xena hardly looked at it, but nodded affirmatively. Gabrielle paced to Xena’s horse and took one of her scrolls from the saddlebag. In a few seconds she stood in front of Xena and rolled out the two scrolls. ‘You still think I’m lying?’

A silence fell.

Then Xena snorted: ‘Alti...’

‘I’m so sorry,’ she whispered, while she remorsefully looked at Gabrielle. ‘She showed up when you left and I... I should have known.’

The bard drew in a large breath and slowly released the air, trying to let go of her anger. But she was still so mad. ‘I don’t know who I’m more angry with... You or Alti.’

‘I know. If I had read your scrolls more often I would have known that it wasn’t your handwriting.’

When Gabrielle saw the tormented look in her eyes she felt her rage die away. ‘I shouldn’t have left.’

Xena squeezed her hand and said softly: ‘You did what you thought was best for you.’

‘No, I didn’t. I chose the easy way out.’

They looked at each other in silence.

Then Xena said: ‘I’ll get your bedroll.’

A moment later they sat quietly near the fire, on their bedrolls. Gabrielle had wanted to tell Xena everything. But now it didn’t seem necessary. Not now they were together again. But she would have to tell her about Alti. Because if she didn’t, the shamaness would. Gabrielle watched her friend  poke in the fire, her thoughts miles away.

‘Xena?’

The warrior peered up, still a bit absent-minded. ‘I should have told you this earlier, but... I saw Alti too.’

Xena raised an eyebrow. ‘Where?’

Gabrielle studied her fingers and mumbled: ‘At the lake, the one with the waterfall.’

Xena’s face showed total disbelieve. ‘But that was days ago! Why didn’t you tell me?’

Gabrielle looked away. ‘I don’t know. I thought she just wanted to bug me.’

‘She’s evil incarnated and you thought she was just fooling around? You expect me to believe that?’

The bard kept silent, but there was a guilty look on her face. Xena watched her for seconds and then shook her head. ‘I don’t understand... Alti rises from the dead and you keep it from me. That’s not like you, Gabrielle.’

The bard rubbed her strained forehead. ‘I’m sorry.’

They were silent for a while, until Xena looked aside and asked in wonder: ‘What did she want from you?’

‘She just... said things. It’s not important. Alti can’t tear us apart, no matter how hard she tries.’

Xena’s eyes narrowed. ‘Did you leave because of her?’

When she saw Gabrielle’s startled expression, she clenched her shoulder. ‘I need to know, Gabrielle. What did she say to you?’

The blonde woman flushed and searched for words. What should she tell her? The thought of Alti touching her body made her want to throw up; she couldn’t talk about it. So she said: ‘Just nasty things about you. Let it rest, Xena. I just wanna forget it.’

Suddenly Alti appeared on the other side of the fire. ‘Well, well... How cosy.’

Xena rose and adopted a menacing attitude while touching her chakram with her fingertips. But Alti made a disapproving gesture with her finger. ‘I wouldn’t do that if I were you... Just listen to what I have to say, Xena. It might interest you.’

Gabrielle sat rooted to the spot and barely dared to breathe. ‘I know everything I need to know,’ Xena replied calmly.

Alti laughed. ‘Is that so?’ She looked at Gabrielle, wearing a sardonic smile. ‘I bet you left a few things out. Funny, with me you were so... open.’

When Xena saw Alti’s suggestive expression, she gave Gabrielle a questioning look. But the bard stared glassy into the fire. ‘What is she talking about?!’ Xena asked rather harshly. Gabrielle opened her mouth, but no sound came from it.

Alti witnessed her struggle with a grin on her face. ‘Lost your tongue, sweetie? What a pity... It gave me so much pleasure.’

Gabrielle looked up abruptly and hatred filled her eyes. With all the power she had in her, she threw a rock at her tormentor. The stone broke into pieces when it hit a tree. Alti was gone. Still panting and shaking she stared at the empty spot. She felt Xena’s eyes on her, but she didn’t had the courage to confront her.

‘Gabrielle? What’s going on? What did she mean by...’

Gabrielle shook her head in despair and shouted: ‘Can’t you see what she’s doing? She’s trying to play us off against each other.’

Xena grabbed her by the shoulders and forced Gabrielle to look at her. ‘Then don’t give her that chance and be honest with me. What happened?’

The bard looked at her in fear but still no word came from her lips. The silence seemed to last an eternity. Xena shook her fiercely and screamed: ‘Did she touch you? Did she...’

Gabrielle almost spit it out: ‘Yes!’

Startled Xena released her, and she gazed at her with a mixture of disbelieve and horror.

‘Don’t look at me like that!’ While tears filled up her eyes, she bitterly said: ‘I thought she was someone else!’

Immediately Xena’s expression became more compassionate. ‘Did she pretend she was Perdicus?’

For a moment Gabrielle considered to answer that with a yes. It would be so much easier than the truth. But she also knew that Alti would expose her whenever she’d feel like it, and Gabrielle didn’t want to give her the satisfaction.

‘No, it wasn’t Perdicus.’ She paused for a second and then said: ‘I was washing up in the lake when I felt hands on my back. I thought it was you. I thought you had come to give me a backrub. But suddenly I felt hands everywhere...’

Xena’s eye showed disgust. ‘And you let her?’

Gabrielle blinked, surprised that Xena didn’t seem to understand what she was trying to say. ‘I didn’t know it was Alti!’

‘Then who did you think...’ Xena stopped in the middle of her sentence and looked in bewilderment at Gabrielle.

The bard flushed and whispered: ‘I should have known that you would never do such a thing. But after Memsut... I don’t know, I was taken by surprise. I was confused. I couldn’t think straight at the time.’

‘I understand.’ She tapped with her boot, obviously ill at ease with the situation. Grinding her teeth, Xena said: ‘We’ll forget it ever happened.’

An hour later they lay underneath their blankets, but Gabrielle couldn’t sleep. All kinds of thoughts raced through her mind. What would Xena think now? Did she understand, really understand? Sometimes it was so hard to get through to her. She glanced at Xena and saw her gazing at the stars. ‘Can’t you sleep either?’

The warrior looked at her in silence. Gabrielle’s heart skipped a beat. Why couldn’t she just look at her without feeling so... so strange?

‘What’s troubling you?’ she heard her say.

In panic she said the first thing that came up. ‘Alti. I can’t seem to get her out of my mind.’

Xena sat up with clenched fists. ‘I swear, I’m gonna cut off her head as soon as I know how.’

Gabrielle didn’t answer. She wasn’t thinking of Alti at all. Xena leaned over her in concern and Gabrielle felt her panic grow when she stared into her beautiful blue eyes.

‘She can’t hurt you anymore. Not now that I know the truth... You should have told me right away.’

Gabrielle lowered her eyes. ‘Would you have told me if she had done the same to you?’

Xena smiled. ‘Alti could have never fooled me.’

‘Why not?’

Xena looked puzzled for a moment. ‘Well, I can see why you must have thought that I... But you would never... I mean, come on!’ Her laugh lacked conviction and soon died away.

‘What makes you so sure about that?’

Xena looked away and sighed: ‘Because I know you, Gabrielle.’

‘You don’t know everything about me,’ the bard answered stubbornly. And when she saw Xena’s smirk, she added: ‘My handwriting for instance!’

It was a spiteful remark, she realized that as soon as she saw the tormented expression on Xena’s face. ‘I’m sorry, that was uncalled for.’

Xena flexed the muscles of her jaws, and pent-up she said: ‘No, you had every right. One thing I do know though, and that’s how much you loved Perdicus.’

Gabrielle looked at her intently. ‘Don’t you know how much I love you?’

Xena blinked and began to look for pieces of wood, throwing them into the fire, one by one. ‘That’s something completely different,’ she mumbled.

‘You’re right. I loved Perdicus, but I can live without him. You know I don’t ever want to be without you.’

Xena gazed at the flickering flames and it took her a while to answer. ‘That’s not what I meant. What we have is... not physical.’

The bard bowed her head and whispered: ‘Remember that nightmare about Perdicus I had? I lied... I don’t know if it was a dream or reality, but Alti used your body and - we kissed. I let it happen, Xena.’

‘Alti could even seduce a Hestian virgin,’ Xena joked.

She wanted to get up, but Gabrielle grabbed her wrist and said heatedly: ‘Forget Alti! How many times do I have to tell you, Xena? I thought it was you!’

With a stony posture Xena said: ‘Gabrielle, you’re tired. We’re both tired. Please, let’s get some sleep. We’ll talk about it in the morning.’

The expression on her face was so determined, that Gabrielle knew there was no point in arguing now. So she let go of her arm and lay down. While staring at the stars she wondered why Xena was making this so hard for her. She peered to her left and saw that Xena had turned her back on her. She had expected nothing else. How could she sleep?

Next morning Gabrielle woke up with a throbbing pain in her head. She had only slept in snatches, and her dreams had been violent and exhausting. She rubbed her eyes and noticed that the sun had only just risen above the horizon. It had to be early. Gabrielle looked around, wondering where Xena was. Just as she turned Xena arrived, holding the reins of their horses. When she saw her, she nodded and attached the reins to a sycamore tree. Xena’s bedroll was already packed and the water skins were filled. Gabrielle understood that she would not get much time for breakfast. She got up and rolled up her blanket, still numb from exhaustion. After she had put her stuff in one of the saddlebags, Xena gave her a chunk of cheese and some bread.

‘Let’s go,’ she said stiffly. ‘I want to get out of here as soon as possible.’

Gabrielle took the food and stuck it in her bag, but she wasn’t ready to leave just yet. ‘About last night... Can we talk about that first?’

The warrior shook her head and mounted her stallion. ‘Not now, Gabrielle. We have a long way to go.’ She spurred the horse and took off at a footpace.

Gabrielle watched her with astonishment. Xena always did that. Wallowing she put her foot in the stirrup and mounted her horse. Soon she rode next to Xena and she snapped at her: ‘Would you mind telling me where we’re going, or is that too much asked?’

Xena scouted the horizon and answered calmly: ‘To the temple of Helios.’ She pressed her heels in the flanks of her horse and he dashed off.

Well, Gabrielle thought surly, this clearly isn’t the right moment for a good talk.

After they had traveled all day long under a burning sun, they made camp in a shady spot, near a calm-flowing river. Xena took the horses to the bank and let them drink for a while. Then she grabbed a stick and sharpened one end with her knife. Gabrielle knew enough. Xena would go out fishing and that meant that she was not to be disturbed for some time. Talking was not done during fishing. Meanwhile Gabrielle spread out her bedroll and gathered some wood. Now the only thing they needed, was something to roast on top of the fire. Hopefully there was trout in the river. She walked slowly to the bank and stopped a few yards away from Xena. The water almost reached her kneecaps while she held the spear deathly quiet above the surface. Every muscle in her body was flexed and Gabrielle looked with admiration at her athletic build. Her upper legs were colored by the sun and here and there her skin shone from spurted water. Gabrielle’s eyes followed a drop that started descending from just beneath her skirt to her thighs. Exasperatingly slow it moved along a muscle, until it slid into the hollow of her knee and vaporized. Gabrielle held her breath while she watched her friend. She was so beautiful...

Violently she was torn away from her thoughts when Xena struck her spear into the water and shattered the surface. Enthusiastically she turned to her and showed her the skewered fish, a big satisfied smile on her face. Her eyes shone with pleasure, but soon enough her expression changed. She got distant again. It hurt Gabrielle to see the change.

Xena threw the fish on dry land and said surly: ‘I’m gonna try to catch some more. Maybe you can start a fire.’

The bard nodded and walked back to camp. Soon enough there was a small fire burning and while she added more twigs, she racked her brains how she should bring up the subject when Xena returned. Because they had to talk, they just had to. But where should she begin? With the jealousy she felt when she saw Xena and Memsut together? The flood of emotions she felt when she read Sappho’s poems? The longing she felt when she thought Xena was kissing her? She was so deep in thought that she burned her fingers. Cursing at herself Gabrielle ran to the river and dipped her burning fingertips in the cool water. It immediately had a soothing effect and she sighed with relief. Wet from the splashing water Xena waded towards her and pointed at her hands. ‘How bad is it?’

Gabrielle peered up and felt small and awkward again. ‘It’s nothing,’ she lied and forced a smile. ‘I wasn’t paying attention and... well, you know how clumsy I can be.’

‘Let me see.’

‘I hardly feel it, really.’ She pulled out her fingers and waved it at her demonstratively. ‘There, it’s already gone. Why don’t you just go catch some fish,’ she grinned despite of her aching phalanxes.

‘The fish can wait.’ Xena flapped her hands in a commanding way. ‘Let me take a look. I don’t want you to get an infection from a simple burn.’

Moaning Gabrielle spread her fingers on Xena’s palms and stared at nothing. Her cool skin worked almost like anesthesia to her burning fingers, but it didn’t last very long.

‘I’ll be back in a minute. Keep your hands underwater,’ Xena said and waded to the bank.

Gabrielle didn’t object this time and plunged her fingers in the cold stream. Ah yeah, there it was again... relief. Fifteen minutes later Xena returned with a bunch of flowers. Gabrielle peered up and smiled. ‘Xena, you shouldn’t have.’ But Xena rolled her eyes and threw them on a flat stone and scoured it with her boot.

‘Oh...’ Gabrielle wallowed.

The warrior princess grinned at her, while she took a stone and smashed the flowers until they changed into a whitish balm.

‘Ready,’ Xena said. ‘Go sit by the fire, against the tree over there.’

Gabrielle got up and flapped her hands to shake off the drops of water. It was only a short walk but her fingers burned again. She sat down and leaned against the tree, eagerly awaiting Xena to come and relieve her.

Finally the warrior kneeled next to her and said softly: ‘Give me your hand.’

Gabrielle lifted her hand and Xena led it to her upper leg. She placed it gently on her thigh, palm up, and grabbed the stone. Through her lashes Gabrielle gazed at her, but Xena was totally concentrating on her fingers. Carefully she rubbed the ointment on her sore skin. When she was done with her left hand, she asked for the other one and gave it the same gentle treatment. Meanwhile Gabrielle watched her every move. In wonder she asked herself if she had been blind all these years... She couldn’t believe she had ever looked at her long fingers without fantasizing how it must feel to be touched by them. That she had ever looked at her mouth, without wanting to know how her lips would taste. Gabrielle’s mouth got dry and she had to look away to control her breathing.

‘Done. Hopefully it will take the pain away. Be careful you don’t rub it off,’ she heard Xena say.

Gabrielle peered at her greasy fingertips. ‘How am I supposed to eat now?’

Xena grinned and her eyes sparkled. ‘I will have to feed you... If you’re nice.’

Gabrielle laughed and finally it almost felt normal between them. Almost.

A few moments later the fish sizzled in a frying pan and a salty smell filled the air. It even dominated the scent of her ointment. Xena had her back towards her and poked in the fish. ‘What kind of flowers are these anyway?’ Gabrielle asked.

‘Camomile. A Persian shaman once told me that it has a calming effect.’

Gabrielle looked at her fingertips and sighed: ‘He was right. I hardly feel any pain.’

‘Good.’ The warrior took the pan and showed its contents to Gabrielle. ‘What do you think? Is it done yet?’

The bard saw the fish was white enough and answered: ‘Yep. If only it’s just as tasty as last time...’

Xena raised an eyebrow, but there was a smile on her face. ‘Don’t expect too much. I don’t.’

She cut the fish into little pieces and let it cool off for a minute. Then she put a chunk on her spoon, blew on it and brought it to Gabrielle’s mouth. As soon as the fish landed on her tongue she tasted nothing but salt. Xena had been a little too lavish with the seasoning. Gabrielle grinded the fish and tried not to put on a wry face. Bravely she swallowed it down and pointed at the water skin.

‘That bad, hey?’ Xena groaned.

The warrior brought the spout to her lips, and Gabrielle greedily took a big sip and rinsed her mouth. ‘Just a dash too salt. Apart from that it’s delicious.’

Xena scooped some fish on her spoon and took a bite herself. Immediately she spit it out. In utter amazement she looked at Gabrielle. ‘How could you eat that?! That fish is as salty as the Dead Sea!’

Gabrielle chuckled. ‘Just rinse it with some water, I’m sure it will be edible then.’

Grumbling Xena took the water skin and did what Gabrielle told her to do.

The moon was already high in the sky and the stars sparkled like diamonds on a black satin sheet. Xena had cleaned the frying pan and gathered some more firewood, so it would burn for most of the night. Gabrielle looked at her hands which were still sticky from the camomile-balm.

‘How much longer do I have to wear this?’ she asked Xena, who put another log on the fire.

‘Go ahead and wash it off.’

Relieved the bard ran to the riverbank. Hastily she cleaned her fingers, for the gurgling stream reminded her of the fact that she had to pee for some time now. She rushed to a bush and squatted down. What a relief!

After she had freshened up, she walked back to camp and sat down next to Xena. The warrior was polishing her sword. Something she did on a daily basis, even if there was not a single scratch on it. Gabrielle watched her for a while and then decided to go for it. ‘Xena?’

Her friend kept on sharpening the blade and answered distractedly: ‘Uh-huh.’

‘Can you stop that for a moment. We need to talk.’

Xena peered at her for a second and slowly put away the grindstone and sword. ‘About what?’ she said calmly, although the muscles of her shoulders flexed.

‘I think you know.’

For a moment she thought she saw fear in Xena’s eyes. But then she got that stony expression again and she said: ‘This isn’t the right moment.’

Gabrielle met her eye and protested: ‘Why not?’

Xena gnashed her teeth. ‘Because we should focus on Alti and not on this... this problem.’

Gabrielle had trouble holding back her tears. So this was how Xena saw it. Or rather saw her. As a problem. But Gabrielle did not intended to be swayed.

‘I don’t get you. First you wanna know what’s bugging me and when I try to tell you, you don’t want to know!’

‘That’s not true. I just think you’re confused now. I don’t want you to say things you might regret later.’

‘I would rather regret the things I said, than the things I didn’t say,’ the bard whispered.

Xena stared at her and could not hide her admiration.

That gave Gabrielle courage. ‘Alti could never have driven us apart if I had been honest with you from the start. That’s the reason why I want you to know how I feel. Do you understand?’

Xena looked away, but nodded.

Gabrielle drew in a long breath and plucked up her courage. ‘The thing is...’ She feverishly searched for the right words. ‘What I felt when Alti used your body... Or maybe I felt it before that... That I...’

Gabrielle fell silent.

She heard Xena say softly: ‘Let it go, we can talk about it some other time.’

But all of a sudden Gabrielle muttered: ‘I think I’m in love with you.’

Burning wood cracked and leafs rustled, but apart from that there wasn’t a sound. They sat still and it was like she couldn’t even hear her own heart beating. Slowly she looked up and saw how Xena gazed at her motionless. Had she heard her? She had spoken so softly. No, she couldn’t have.

She forced herself to look at Xena and said a little louder now: ‘I’m in love. With you.’

The warrior opened her mouth, but she just sat there, staring. After a silence that seemed to last forever she whispered: ‘Maybe that’s just what you think.’

‘I know what I feel, Xena. I’m not a child anymore.’

Xena looked at her calmly. ‘Age has got nothing to do with experience.’

‘I see! So because I didn’t sleep around like you did, I’m not capable of knowing my own needs and desires? Is that what you’re trying to say?’

Xena made a hushing gesture with her hands. ‘You’re twisting my words. I only meant that Alti messed with your head. And because this is all new to you, you think that...’

‘I think what?!’

‘Well, you think... you have this thing...’ Frustrated Xena looked away: ‘I don’t know anymore.’

‘Then stop thinking for me! Xena, you’re wrong about this. Alti took advantage of my feelings for you, she didn’t start them.’

Xena peered up and her eyes showed tension but also some receptivity.

Gabrielle went on: ‘I think it happened in Egypt. When I saw you in Memsut’s bedroom... I felt so hurt.’

She saw the guilt in Xena’s eyes, just before she started staring at her boots, her face like a mask.

Gabrielle continued like she was talking to herself: ‘I was hurt and angry at the same time. I thought that was because  you lied to me. But Memsut knew.’

Gabrielle was amazed how calm she felt; as if she had lost a heavy burden. But Xena seemed to turn whiter and more quiet by the second.

‘I was jealous, Xena. Plain and simple. As soon as I realized that, it was like I saw you with different eyes. Suddenly I felt things when I looked at you. Things I had never felt before...’

Abruptly Xena got up. ‘I can’t do this.’ And she walked off.

‘Walking away is not the solution, I already tried that!’ Indecisively Xena stood still, her head down. Gabrielle looked at her, and for the first time she felt stronger. Immediately she recalled Memsut’s words at their farewell: Take care of Xena. You’re the strong one, don’t forget that.

‘I’m not asking you to understand me, I just need you to listen. Why is that so hard for you?’

Xena turned around, a strange expression on her face. ‘Because I can’t believe it. I just can’t.’

Gabrielle looked at her and softly replied: ‘Sometimes I can’t believe it either. I mean, we’ve been friends for so long. I never thought my feelings for you would change. But they did. And as much as I want to, I can’t change what I feel. I just hope you can live with that.’

When Gabrielle said those last words, she felt her insecurity increase again. What if Xena couldn’t?

The warrior sat down again. ‘I don’t have much of a choice, now do I?’

Gabrielle felt her heart skip a beat, but she answered solemnly: ‘There’s always a choice, Xena.’

The warrior sounded lightheartedly when she gave her a quick look. ‘Well, since I can’t live without you, it seems you’re stuck with me.’

Gabrielle couldn’t help but grin. And soon even Xena was smiling.         

Gabrielle lay under her blanket and watched how Xena took off her boots. After that her breastplate followed, her gauntlets, her leather garment... Until she only wore her underwear. She quickly closed her eyes when Xena lay down next to her, only a yard away. She didn’t want to give her the feeling that she watched her every move. Even if she did.

After a while she heard Xena say: ‘Those poems you got from Aisha...’

‘Shaira,’ Gabrielle corrected with a grin on her face.

She saw Xena pout her lips just before she continued: ‘Whatever. You still got them?’

Gabrielle peered at her somewhat surprised. ‘No. I ehm, burned them.’

It was quiet for a while, then Xena asked: ‘Why?’

Gabrielle sighed and gazed at the stars above. ‘They were love poems. I was so overwhelmed when I read them. It was like Sappho exactly described how I felt and it confused me. And when Alti showed up... Well, she made it even worse. So I burned them. I thought I could destroy my feelings by destroying the poems. Sounds silly, doesn’t it?’

She glanced at Xena, who had listened quietly. Her face was all soft and her voice sounded warm. ‘No, I think I understand. Although I’m not certain we’re talking about the same poems here. The one you read to me wasn’t about love, was it? The one about the beauty and goodness stuff.’

Gabrielle smiled. ‘How eloquently put, Xena. Yeah well, that was the only verse I could recite. The others were a bit more ehm, personal.’

Xena looked up to watch the moon for a while. ‘Too bad you burned them. I would have liked to read them.’

Gabrielle’s eyebrows cocked with surprise. ‘Are you serious?’

‘Yeah, just out of curiosity.’

‘Well, I happen to know them by heart. So, if you want me to, I could recite a few.’

She thought that Xena would back out and there was indeed a startled expression on her face, but she merely said: ‘Okay.’ Gabrielle concentrated on a star and shyly began to recite: ‘Tell me. Is there anyone. In the whole world. Who you love more. Than me.’

Gabrielle held her breath, but she heard no reaction. No sound. Nothing.

She met Xena’s eyes and it was like the warrior woke up with a start. As if she had been deep in thought. But the warrior recovered quickly. ‘Short. Short, but nice.’

‘It’s more than nice, Xena. Do you want to hear another?’

There it was again; her impulsiveness always got her into trouble. The poem expressed so exactly what she felt for Xena, she wasn’t sure she could get it from her lips. So she quickly added: ‘On the other hand,’ and she yawned: ‘It’s kind of late. Maybe we should get some sleep.’

She wanted to turn her back on Xena, but the warrior answered dryly: ‘No, let’s hear it.’

‘Really, we could do this another time.’

‘Being the Philistine I am, that would probably be ten years from now. Better take the chance.’

Gabrielle felt anxious and her tongue got dry, but she had to go through with it now. The blood flushed to her cheeks and unsteady she began to recite: ‘Whenever I see you. My tongue stiffens. A fierce fire vibrates. Inside of me. A mist covers my eyes. My ears sing. I start to sweat. My body trembles. For you. Her whole body was stiff from tension. She pricked up her ears, but the only thing she heard was her own heart pounding. Look at her! she shouted at herself, but she just couldn’t.

Finally she heard Xena slowly exhale. ‘She’s good, that Sappho,’ it sounded emotionless.

Gabrielle turned over and despite her racing heart and trembling voice she said: ‘These are her words, but I feel them.’

Gabrielle could see the flickering in Xena’s eyes in the light of the campfire. She was so close by. So close. But not close enough.

‘This is what I feel for you.’

Xena blinked and hastily said: ‘Gabrielle, stop it!’

‘But it’s true. My body trembles for you.’

Xena’s eyes showed panic when Gabrielle grabbed her hand en pulled it towards her. Gabrielle felt her breathing go faster when she led Xena’s fingers slowly to her bare belly. Her green eyes looked piercingly into Xena’s and she saw how their expression changed from astonishment to fear. Never had she seen Xena so vulnerable, so totally robbed from bravura. The tension between them was so strong, she almost felt sick. But she wanted this, she wanted Xena to feel the need in her. Her excitement. When Xena’s fingertips finally touched her skin, she couldn’t help but sigh from desire. It was like that woke Xena up, for her hand slipped from under hers. With a fright Gabrielle looked at Xena who sat up with clenched fists. She wanted to reach out to her, but Xena pulled her shoulder away. ‘Don’t,’ it sounded huskily.

Gabrielle swallowed a sob and softly said: ‘I understand. It won’t happen again. I’m sorry.’

She slowly lay down and turned her back on her. While she desperately fought against her tears, she heard Xena get up and walk away. As soon as she was out of earshot, she didn’t resist anymore and cried.

It was long before her friend returned. Gabrielle closed her eyes as soon as she heard the familiar footsteps. She heard the sound of a blanket being lifted up and the shifting sound of Xena’s body on her bedroll. She heard her breathing.

And then her voice. ‘Are you asleep?’

Gabrielle kept her mouth shut and didn’t move a muscle.

‘I know you’re awake. You snore when you sleep.’

Gabrielle coughed, but didn’t turn over. Even when she felt how Xena bent over her.

‘Gabrielle, I know you’re hurt. And believe me, that’s the last thing I want. But I can’t allow this.’

The bard closed her eyes and shuddered. ‘You don’t have to explain, Xena. I understand. Really.’

She heard Xena sigh while rolling on her back. ‘I don’t think you do, Gabrielle.’

Gabrielle had the feeling she hadn’t slept at all, but still she hadn’t noticed Xena getting up. Apparently she had dozed off just before sunrise. The pain in her head was more severe now, but her fingers felt a lot better. They only looked a bit red. When she got on her feet, she felt like a wreck. She gripped a skin and squirted some water on her face. The cold water refreshed her body, but it didn’t make her feel less woozy. She pushed her wet hair backwards and shut her eyes. What she wouldn’t give for a warm bath and a good massage... When she opened her eyes Xena just returned, her cupped hands filled with berries. She looked tense when her eyes met Gabrielle’s. ‘Breakfast,’ she said, holding her hands up. Gabrielle tried to look cheerful and answered as lightly as possible: ‘Yummie.’

Silently they ate their fruit.

‘How long will it take us to reach the temple?’ Gabrielle said to break the silence.

‘Two days at the most.’

The bard wanted to leave as soon as possible, because she couldn’t bear the tension between them. So she stuffed her mouth with berries and began to pack. She noticed Xena examining her.

‘Gabrielle, we don’t have to leave right away.’

The bard carried on regardless. ‘I know. I just have to do something, that’s all.’

She heard her friend get up and before she knew it, Xena had grabbed her wrist. Gabrielle didn’t want to look into her blue eyes and certainly not to her mouth, so she looked away. ‘Gabrielle, before we leave I want to make something clear.’ When the bard didn’t react, Xena clutched her shoulders and said sternly: ‘Look at me!’ And then warmer, almost imploring: ‘Please.’

The bard looked up, but not before she had gritted her teeth and narrowed her eyes. Only then did she feel strong enough to meet the piercing blue eyes. ‘Well?’

‘Gabrielle, if we want to defeat Alti, we have to focus. You’ll have to put your emotions aside. I know it’s hard, but try to let go of it.’

Alti had proven herself right. She already had become a burden for Xena. ‘Maybe it’s best if I left,’ was her embarrassed reaction.

The grip on her shoulders loosened. ‘No. I can’t protect you when you’re not with me.’

The bard freed herself from Xena’s grip and gave her an angry look. ‘I can take care of myself, thank you very much.’

The warrior faintly smiled. ‘I know. But I like taking care of you.’

Gabrielle’s eyes got soft again. Xena put her hand on her shoulder and said seriously: ‘We’ll talk after this is all behind us. But let it rest until then. I need to focus.’

Gabrielle nodded. Of course she understood and she was angry with herself for making things so difficult for Xena. ‘I won’t bring the subject up again,’ she muttered and went for her pack.

‘One more thing,’ she heard Xena say behind her. Gabrielle turned around feeling guilty, but Xena’s soft expression comforted her. ‘I’m glad you were so honest with me. It takes a lot of courage to say a thing like that. I’m not half as brave as you are.’

She smiled with those last words and Gabrielle’s spirit brightened up.

They rode for hours, but this time Gabrielle didn’t mind. The relief that Xena now knew everything had freed her, even if she didn’t feel the same way. The most important thing was that Xena hadn’t sent her away. Now she knew for a fact that things would be okay in due time. But Xena was right. She would have to suppress her feelings if they wanted to fight Alti. She scouted the countryside and a shiver ran down her spine. What an awful thought that Alti was a god now and could appear and disappear anywhere and anytime she wanted. Only with the dagger of Helios Xena could kill her, but Alti was so wicked and villainous... This could get messy. The thought that Xena could die, didn’t even come up in her mind. Her faith in the warrior was immense. Xena looked back and pointed at a group of trees in front of them. ‘We’ll rest over there.’

‘Good, cause I’m starving.’

Xena grinned at her and shifted back in her saddle.

Gabrielle smile grew bigger. It finally felt good to be with Xena.

They had almost reached the trees, when Xena pulled her horse to a stop and held her hand up in warning.

‘Ho!’ Gabrielle said to her horse, while she pulled the reins towards her. ‘What’s wrong?’

Xena showed her some fresh tracks. ‘A group of horsemen passed by not so long ago.’

She slid off the stallion and took the reins in her hand. Slowly she approached the trees. Gabrielle followed at a short distance and looked worried around her. There was a strange tension in the air, but she saw nothing when she peered into the trees. They walked on. Apart from the squeaking sound of their leather boots and the soft taps of their horses’ hooves, it was ever so still. No humming of birds, no nothing. ‘Gabrielle, come closer,’ Xena said and she could hear by her tone that something was about to happen.

She paced her step and listened carefully. Still no sound. It was too quiet. Suddenly she heard a loud crack behind her! She turned quickly and saw a roughly looking mercenary landing on the ground. A short sword shone dangerously in the sunlight. Gabrielle tapped Xena on her back and said: ‘I believe we have company.’

She heard her sigh. ‘How many over there?’

‘Just one,’ Gabrielle whispered. But as soon as she had said that, four more warriors appeared behind the trees. ‘Ehm, a few more. How many on your side?’

‘Not enough,’ it sounded almost amused.

Gabrielle looked behind her and saw that Xena was facing a group of ten strapping warriors. She gulped and got even closer to Xena.

One of the biggest stepped forward and grinned maliciously. ‘I believe this is our lucky day, men! Will you look at them? Two willing ladies for the taking and they’re not even ugly!’

The men roared with laughter, but that soon silenced when an unmoved Xena grabbed her sword and pulled it slowly out of the sheath, making a grinding sound. There was a smile on her face when she looked at the shiny blade. ‘Do yourself and your men a favor and leave.’

The leader bridled up and laughed. ‘I don’t think you understand missy,’ he sneered as he examined the curves of her body. ‘We’re going to do you a favor. Won’t we, men?’

He approached with his sword drawn. Xena slapped the horses on their backs and they run off. Then she looked arrogantly at the mercenary, while her sword hung alongside her body. Her calmness, her total lack of fear confused him. She looked at him as if he was a fly that she could blow away easily. And it made him furious.

‘Come to think of it, I rather cut your head off!’

And he attacked. Xena intercepted his blow without much effort and smiled while she balanced their swords. The headman’s face turned almost purple, while Xena looked at him with boredom in her eyes.

‘Are you done yet, cause I’ve got more to do.’

Boiling with anger he stepped back and swung wildly at her. But Xena intercepted his blows time and again, a grin on her face. Until she had enough of playing with him. She leapt into the air, flipped two times and landed behind her opponent. She tapped the suprised headman on the shoulder and when he turned she gave him a butt of the head. Dizzy he grabbed for his sore skull, but Xena had other plans. With one hard kick from her boot the sword flew from his hand, and he stared at her, utterly astonished. Still Xena wasn’t satisfied. She punched him merciless in his stomach and the warrior doubled up. With a hissing sound the contents of his lungs escaped from his mouth and gasping for air he wobbled on his feet.

Xena grabbed his greasy hair and hissed: ‘You were wrong. This isn’t by far your lucky day.’

And she hit him so hard on his chin that he touched ground a few yards away. His men looked with horror at their leader who lay like dirt on the ground. Barely conscious he groaned: ‘Get her!’ The men looked at each other indecisively, it was all too clear that they didn’t longed for the same treatment.

‘Get her, in Ares’ name!’ he cried in rage.

Suddenly one of them seemed to be moved by the spirit and came running at the two women. Soon others followed. Quick as lightening Gabrielle took the sais from her boots and braced herself. Zeroing in on the men in front of her, she already heard the sharp banging of metal on metal. The blade of the first warrior missed her head, for she feinted just in time. While he got out of balance and dipped over, Gabrielle kicked him at the back of his head with her elbow. Moaning and groaning he landed on the ground. Suddenly someone grabbed her from behind and a third warrior waved his sword at her. ‘Die bitch!’ he shouted while he got ready to thrust the blade into her chest. But at the same time she lifted her legs and used the weight of the man behind her to kick her opponent as hard as she could. Her heels hit his kidneys and he bounced backwards, moaning with pain. Without giving it another thought she threw her skull backwards and hit the warrior behind her on the chin. At the same time she kicked him on the toes. Gabrielle immediately felt the grip around her loosen up and she fought herself free. Right away she turned and lashed out with the hilts of her sais. A soft crack told her that she had broken one of his ribs. Whining the bold mercenary grabbed his chest and that gave Gabrielle the opportunity to punch him on the nose. The blood squirted out of his nostrils and cursing and swearing he ran off.

The bard was so concentrated that she barely felt exhaustion or any emotion whatsoever. Her survival instinct had totally taken over. Exhaling she looked at the two warriors that were left. When they looked at each other in hesitation, the bard pointed her sais at them and she snarled: ‘Don’t make me hurt you.’

Every muscle in her body was flexed and she looked at them cool-headed. She was prepared for every kind of attack. Right at that moment a body was smacked on the ground in front of her. She quickly glanced behind her and saw how Xena threw her chakram: on it’s flight it hit the butts of five man in a row, bounced on a stone and was caught again in mid-air by it’s satisfied owner. Then suddenly she heard it. The sound of boots shifting on dry ground. A gasp for air. Metal on metal. She turned with a dashing speed: the two men charged at her. Gabrielle instinctively crouched and stuck her hands forward. Just above her head she heard the blades miss their goal. Closer by, the nauseating gargling of her sais penetrating soft flesh. Gritting her teeth she pulled the knives out. Shiny red blood dripped from the blades, but Gabrielle didn’t bat an eye. Not even when her two attackers plopped down on each side of her. Only when she heard them moan with pain, she snapped out of it. Quickly she turned one of her attackers on his back and she saw blood gushing out of his stomach. The man was white with pain and tried to push her away. But Gabrielle said hushing: ‘Don’t be afraid, I’m trying to help you.’

She took the shawl on his neck and tore it in two. She made a ball of it and pushed it on top of the wound. Gabrielle grabbed the trembling hand of the warrior and laid it on the ball. ‘Push it hard, you’ll be alright.’

Then she turned to the other man, who was stabbed in his side. Not a deadly wound, but it bled heavily. A short glance at Xena learned that she could hold her own. She saw how she swung her sword, stabbed someone in the gut, pulled the blade out again, just in time to intercept another blow. Reassured Gabrielle staunch the flow of blood with the second strip from the shawl.

The warrior looked at her in astonishment. ‘Why are you doing this?’

‘Because I just have to.’

Now she did feel the exhaustion, and numbly she walked over to Xena. The warrior was surrounded by moaning and groaning bodies. Smiling from ear to ear, Xena stashed away her sword and joked: ‘This isn’t such a good place to rest after all.’ And while she watched the eliminated soldiers: ‘Too much vermin.’

On their way to their horses, Xena stopped in front of the leader of the pack. He leaned half unconscious against a tree and looked at her with drowsy eyes. She roughly grabbed him by his collar and pulled him up. ‘Let’s get something straight here... The only willing part of my body is my fist. You got that?’

He nodded and Xena released him. But when she wanted to take off, he pouted his lips and spit in front of her feet. Xena drew in a long breath, pulled him up by his hair and knocked him out with her fist.

‘Was that necessary?’

Xena looked completely innocent. ‘Yes. Nobody spits at me and gets away with it. Especially when I’ve just polished my boots.’

The sun stood high in the sky when they reached a village. They dismounted their horses and left them in the care of a stableboy. Gabrielle shook her legs loose and looked around. The village square was small but cosy and there were all sorts of market stalls where they did not only sell food, but also cloths, medicines and household goods.

‘Look Xena, at that booth they sell mugs!’

The warrior shrugged her shoulders. ‘So? We already got mugs.’ Gabrielle looked at her from the corners of her eyes and bulged her cheek with her tongue. ‘You kept maggots in mine! Do you really think I’m ever gonna drink from that mug again?’ ‘Come on! I rinsed it, didn’t I?’

Gabrielle laughed scornfully: ‘You could have soaked it in Aphrodite’s bath for all I care. I’m not going to put my lips on it again. So... give me your money.’

Xena held a protective hand on her moneybelt and threw her a haughty look. ‘You want a new mug, you pay for it!’

Gabrielle approached her in a menacing way. ‘So you can fill it with maggots? Not a chance!’

Xena folded her arms. ‘How do you think I catch fish, Gabrielle? They don’t just jump on my hook because they like to get pierced.’

Gabrielle didn’t immediately know how to react on that one. In triumph Xena straightened her back and pointed at the inn. ‘Now that we got that cleared up, I’m going to get myself a drink. See you later.’

Grouching Gabrielle walked over to the stall where they sold frying pans, knives... and mugs. She immediately fell for a piece on which a goddess was picking grapes.

‘How much for this one?’

The fat woman behind the counter put up her most charming smile. ‘Ah, the lady has taste. This piece of art comes from Thrace and it’s handpainted by the priestesses of the Iris-cult. They use only paint that...’

Gabrielle rudely interrupted her and said impatiently: ‘How much?’

The woman coughed slightly irritated. ‘Three dinar and not a cent less.’

Gabrielle startled. That was a lot for just a mug. On the other hand: it was so beautiful that even Xena wouldn’t get it into her thick skull to use it for live bait. ‘No, thank you,’ Gabrielle said and walked off. But when the woman called her back, a smile lit up her face. Of course that disappeared when she turned again. Her expression was indifferent all of a sudden, even after the saleswoman had said: ‘Very well. You may take it for two dinar.’

Gabrielle examined the mug disparagingly. ‘Ah, never mind... I only need something for my maggots. For fishing, you understand?’

The woman looked at her in shock and turned up her nose. But when she saw that Gabrielle put away her moneybelt, she hastily said: ‘I can’t go lower than one and a half.’

Suddenly a smile broke through on her face. ‘Sold!’

Xena sat at a table and drank a glass of wine. On a plate lay a chunk of cheese and some bread. Gabrielle hungrily sat next to her, put down gently her mug, grabbed a piece of bread and stuffed some cheese in her mouth with her other hand. Xena looked amused at the fragile mug. ‘Yeah, that’s just the kind of stuff you need when you’re on the road.’

Moaning Gabrielle took a bite from the bread, chewed irritated on it and said: ‘Did you pay for it? Then stop complaining!’

Xena raised her eyebrow, but couldn’t suppress a smile. Gabrielle took another mouthfull of cheese. ‘And don’t you dare using my mug for anything that crawls.’

Xena grinned and took another sip. ‘And what if I accidentally forget?’

Gabrielle shifted on the bench and pointed warningly at Xena. ‘You,’ she said, while poking her upper arm. ‘You’re not going to forget anything, because otherwise you will have to deal with me.’

Xena looked at her with big eyes and said childlike: ‘Oooooh! You’re scaring me, Gabwieyell.’

The bard slapped her on the shoulder and gnashed her teeth. ‘I mean it, Xena. If something happens to that mug, then...’

Xena looked at her in anticipation, while Gabrielle searched for a threat that sounded bad enough – and more important -  credible.

‘Then what?’

Suddenly Gabrielle’s face was all smile. ‘Then there are lots of things I can do with your chakram.’

Xena’s face clouded.

‘I could cut away my callous, shave my legs, scrape off fungus...’

With a disgusted look Xena grabbed her chakram and placed it out of Gabrielle’s reach.

The bard smiled blandly. ‘I’m glad you understand.’

Xena looked cranky at her and shook her head. But soon enough she smiled and shoved her glass towards Gabrielle. ‘Go wash your mouth.’

After a lavish dinner Gabrielle leaned back. ‘I think I ate too much.’

Xena who was nibbling on a chickenwing grinned. ‘Why am I not suprised? Does this mean you don’t want your baklava anymore?’

Gabrielle rubbed her stomach and smiled wryly. ‘Don’t say the word, please...’

Gabrielle stared at the leftovers of what she had gulped down: half a chicken, mashed eggplants, stuffed pepperoni’s, lambskewers... It had been delicious, but now the sight of the gnawed off bones made her feel sick. She could only just keep down a burp. ‘I think I’m going to retire. I have to lie down for a minute...’

When she got up she leaned so heavily on her friend, that Xena’s hand fell into the sticky honeypastry. The warrior pulled a long face while she looked at the threads of honey that dripped from her fingers. But apparently Gabrielle wasn’t aware of what she had done, for she looked surprised at Xena’s smirched hands. ‘By the gods, Xena. Didn’t your mother teach you table manners?’

Some time later Gabrielle lay spread-eagled beneath a thin cloth. The nausea was gone, but she still felt stuffed. She looked up when the door swung open and Xena walked in. The warrior peered at her. ‘Feeling better?’

‘Mwoah... Next time I order food for a whole garrison, please stop me!’

Xena put her sword on a table. ‘Not a chance.’

Gabrielle sat up and pouted: ‘Why not?’

Xena placed her foot on a chair and untied the laces. She peered at Gabrielle through her lashes. ‘I don’t take on a lost cause.’

‘Nice friend you are.’

Meanwhile Xena had taken off her boots and removed her wrist and arm-protection. Shaking her head she watched her friend who looked dead to the world. ‘Gabrielle, there’s no way I can stop you when you’re in a mood like that,’ she said, while unbuckling her breastplate and shouldercaps. ‘You just don’t listen to me.’

Gabrielle rubbed her tummy and murmured: ‘I know... But it all tastes so good! I wish I had your self-control.’

Xena got out of her leather garment and crawled underneath the sheet. ‘That’s hardly a matter of self-control. If I’ve had enough, I just stop eating.’

‘That might be my problem. I never know when I’ve had enough. Until it’s too late and I’m hanging above a bucket.’

Xena chuckled. ‘That’s why I try to stay sober. There has to be someone who cleans up after you.’

‘Ha-ha-ha. Not funny, Xena. And besides, the last time I was a bit tipsy was ages ago.’ After a short silence, she said: ‘Come to think of it... I have never seen you under the influence.’

The warrior folded her arms beneath her head and didn’t answer.

Gabrielle rolled on her side. ‘When was the last time you were drunk?’

Xena stared at the ceiling and murmured: ‘Before I met you.’

‘Hm, I wish I could have seen that.’

‘No you don’t.’

Gabrielle pricked up her ears. ‘What did you do? Dance on a table?’

Xena answered amusedly: ‘No, that’s more your style.’

‘Then what? Sharpen your chakram on the marketsquare butt-naked?’

Xena only looked at her disapprovingly.

Gabrielle nudged her. ‘Come on! You know all kinds of embarassing things about me and I have nothing to gloat about. Just tell me one little funny thing.’

Cooly it sounded: ‘I didn’t drink to have fun, Gabrielle.’

The bard fell silent and didn’t want to push her any further. But after a while the warrior continued herself: ‘I drank to forget. I wasn’t at my best then. That fire in Higuchi... I never want to be like that again.’

Gabrielle caressed her arm. ‘You won’t. You’re not that Xena anymore.’

The warrior peered at her and there was a grim look in her eyes. ‘The old Xena still exists.’ She laid a hand on her heart. ‘Here, deep inside. She isn’t dead, she’s just waiting for a moment of weakness.’

The bard placed her hand on top of Xena’s. ‘Sometimes I wonder what frightens you more: your dark side or the softness inside of you.’

There was no answer.

‘Being soft is not a weakness, Xena. It takes a strong woman to show her vulnerability.’

Xena turned her head away and closed her eyes.

The sun had only just risen when they rode off. It was hot and Gabrielle’s back was covered with sweat, but there was little chance they would stop shortly. Xena wanted to be at the temple before dawn and they had still a long way to go. While they rode Gabrielle thought about last night. Xena had been tossing and turning for hours and she herself had not slept much either. Not only because their conversation kept going through her head, but because she was so close. Normally they slept on their own bedroll, a small distance between them. But now they shared a bed... It had been so tempting to put her arm around her. To caress her face when she had woken up and Xena was still asleep. But she hadn’t done it. Instead she had splashed water in her face to cool off. It had woken Xena up and when she met her eyes, it was like Xena wanted to tell her something. But the only thing Xena had said was: ‘You’re early.’

And now they had ridden for miles and spoken little. She was still deep in thought when Xena suddenly urged her horse to stop. ‘What is it?’ Gabrielle asked.

Xena dismounted and answered: ‘A well. We can refill our water skins and eat before we go on.’

Gabrielle slid from the mare, glad that she could loosen up her muscles for a while. She attached the reins to a tree and grabbed her skins.

Xena had already pulled up the bucket and smelt the water. ‘Hm, better than the water in the village.’

Gabrielle handed her the skins and stretched her back. All day long she had felt a sore pain in her lower back, but she didn’t want to complain about it. It would pass eventually. But Xena had noticed. ‘Where does it hurt?’

It was incredible how attentive the warrior was. Gabrielle waved it aside and grabbed the refilled water skins. ‘It’s nothing.’

After she had stashed the skins in her saddlebag and walked back to the well, Xena was still examining her.

Gabrielle faintly smiled. ‘My back aches just a little bit, that’s all.’

‘Turn around.’

Moaning Gabrielle did what she was told and soon she felt Xena’s fingers on her skin. ‘Where does it hurt... Here?’

Gabrielle closed her eyes and tried not to focus on the touch, but on the pain. ‘No. Lower.’

Xena’s fingers went down and Gabrielle gritted her teeth, afraid she would show her longing. The warrior pressed on a muscle, but Gabrielle felt nothing. ‘It’s even lower than that.’

For a moment Xena’s hands left her skin, but then she started to unbutton her skirt. Gabrielle blushed and tried to inhale as quietly as she could. But breathing was difficult now that she felt Xena’s breath between her shoulderblades. Meanwhile Xena had released her lower back and roamed her body with her fingers, trying to find the sore spot. Faster than she wanted, Xena pushed on a muscle that she apparently had twisted. ‘There it is,’ Gabrielle groaned. She felt Xena’s breath in her neck and she couldn’t suppress a shiver.

‘I can only take away the pain, we don’t have time for a massage.’ Gabrielle nodded and felt how Xena pinched a spot on her spine. The pain immediately disappeared. ‘Better?’ Gabrielle murmured affirmatively, after which Xena buttoned her up again. Xena walked away and came back with some food. ‘Here, eat something.’

Gabrielle took a chunk of bread, still a bit self-conscious as she watched her friend gulp down ice cool water.

‘So... how do you feel?’

Xena put down her skin. ‘Why are you asking?’

‘You were so restless last night,’ Gabrielle muttered.

Xena lowered her head and pushed her heel in the sand. ‘I didn’t sleep very well, what else is new? Nothing to worry about.’

‘But after what I said... Sometimes I just don’t know when to shut up.’

Xena got on her feet and for a second she glanced at her, almost shyly. ‘I hope you’ll never learn.’ And she walked towards her stallion.

The sun had almost died when they reached the temple of Helios. The white complex was situated on a small hill and there was little cover. The entrance was guarded by six heavily armed soldiers. Gabrielle tapped her friend on the shoulder. ‘What are you up to?’

Xena examined the temple and narrowed her eyes as she looked into the sun. ‘It’s no use trying to get in with a trick. They will see us right away. We’ll have to eliminate them face to face.’

Gabrielle shrugged her shoulders. ‘There are only six of them.’

‘I know. It all looks normal, but... I have a premonition about it. And it’s not good.’

She looked with concern at the bard and laid her hand on her shoulder. ‘Stay close to me. Alti won’t be far from here.’ Gabrielle nodded and spurred her horse. At a footpace they rode towards the temple. After a hundred yards they saw one of the guards go inside.

‘Here we go,’ sighed Xena and she yelled out her battle cry. She dashed off to the temple, leaving a dusty cloud behind her. Gabrielle was having trouble keeping pace with the warrior and coughed when she inhaled the thick dust. While five guards pointed their sharp spears at them, another twelve man came running out of the temple.

‘O-oh,’ Gabrielle muttered.

But when Xena looked back she had a broad smile on her face and there was a flickering in her eyes. ‘Time for action,’ she yelled as she stood up in her stirrup. With a loud ‘Yayayayayayai’ she pulled the horse to a stop just in front of the temple and she was launched into the air. With open mouth the warriors watched how she flipped five times and landed right in front of them. Her smile was defiant when she said with a sultry voice: ‘Wanna play?’

The man stared at her breathlessly, not being able to do anything. Xena shrugged her shoulders. ‘Well, I do.’

Bang! Her boot landed hard as a rock on the chin of one soldier. He flew through the air and smacked against a pillar. Kadang! A second man banged with his helmet against the ground, after Xena had knocked him out with a rain of fists. Without giving herself a rest she leaped up and spread her legs, so she could kick two soldiers at the same time. As soon as she landed she turned swiftly and mowed down a man who wanted to attack her from the back. From the corners of her eyes she saw how her friend lashed out with her sais. Xena smiled, she could handle the four badly trained soldiers with her eyes closed. With a roar a warrior stormed at her and Xena drew her sword with a bored look on her face. When he was almost right in front of her, she dropped her weapon. ‘Oops,’ she gurgled. The soldier had a surprised expression on his face as he looked down at her blade. After that he only saw his own blood. Xena had eliminated him with a ruthless butt of the head. With a short kick on the hilt, the sword was launched into the air and she grabbed it in mid-air.

‘Let me have it, boys. Time for the second round,’ she grinned and waved her sword to the other soldiers. The men exchanged looks... and ran for it.

Xena watched them go and groaned: ‘I hate it when that happens! They tease you, they get you all excited and then they back out!’

The temple was abandoned. Only here and there the scent of incense spiraled up, but apart from that there wasn’t a motion in the serene building. Xena slid her sword in her sheath and walked towards the most holy of holy places. She swung open the heavy wooden door and there it was: the altar in the shape of a golden sun. But there was no dagger.

‘Maybe they hid it somewhere,’ Gabrielle said.

Xena shook her head. ‘Forget it. We’re too late.’

‘You think one of the guards took the dagger with him?’

Xena was about to answer, but something caught her attention. She narrowed her eyes and gnashed her teeth: ‘Show yourself, Ares. I can smell you!’

In a flash the god of war stood before her, the golden dagger in his hand. ‘It’s been too long, Xena. I’ve missed you.’

‘Really? I wouldn’t say that to your new girlfriend if I were you.’

Ares roared with laughter and caressed his jaw with the razorsharp blade. ‘Jealous?’

Xena flashed her brow. ‘Just disappointed.’

She walked around him, saying: ‘The god of war who let’s himself be used by a stark staring mad shamaness. I thought you were a bit more clever than that.’

The god gritted his teeth and a dangerous spark appeared in his dark eyes. He grabbed Xena’s neck with one hand and brought his face close to hers. ‘I had big plans for you, Xena. Together we could have ruled the world. But you’ve become weak. Alti on the other hand... She is everything you could have been. She’s got a fire inside of her, a never dying lust for power, a hunger for blood. She is my queen now and there’s nothing you can do about it. You’ve had your chance.’

Xena fought herself loose and shouted: ‘Don’t trust her, Ares. She will kill you without batting an eye. And you know why? Because even you have got a bit of humanity in your guts.’

They both looked aside when Alti appeared. ‘You would say anything to get him back, now wouldn’t you?’

The warrior threw her a lethal look. ‘Ares, don’t listen to her. Give me the dagger.’

The god of war laughed. ‘You can’t order me around. I’m not your little puppy anymore. Get used to it!’ And he swung the dagger into the hands of the shamaness.

When she caught it, she smiled maliciously at Xena. The warrior looked in astonishment at Ares, but he just grinned at her, cocking a disdain eyebrow. ‘You’ve lost, Xena.’

Ares walked over to Alti and he gave her a deep long kiss, while he looked at Xena. But suddenly his eyes got a gruesome expression.

He pulled away from Alti and looked in horror at the red stain on his chest.

Alti held the bloodstained dagger in her hand, while the god of war collapsed. She licked the blood from the blade and hissed: ‘You should have listened to her.’

Ares was completely dazed by the shock. ‘Why?’ he cried out.

The shamaness grinned villainously. ‘You’re weak. Sooner or later you would betray me. Besides, now that I have the dagger, I don’t need you anymore.’

She glanced at Xena. ‘Not even you.’ And she vanished.

Right away Xena and Gabrielle dashed off to the deadly wounded Ares. While Xena tried to stop the wound from bleeding, he said with difficulty: ‘I did... love... you.’

The warrior caressed his face that was contorted with pain. ‘I know.’

A second later he died.

‘Are you okay?’ Gabrielle said to her friend, who leaned over the soulless body of the god.

The warrior nodded and wiped off a tear. When she turned around the bard could see pain in her eyes.

‘I know he wasn’t to be trusted, but...’

Gabrielle held her hand and said: ‘It’s okay, Xena. I had a weak spot for him too.’

Xena glanced at his dead body. ‘I didn’t think I was ever going to say this, but I will miss him.’

Gabrielle got up and held a hand against her heated forehead. ‘What a nightmare. What are we supposed to do now?’

The warrior folded Ares’ hands and laid his sword on top of him. ‘Say goodbye.’

Hours later a big fire burned in front of the temple and Ares’ body was given back to the wind. In silence Gabrielle and Xena watched how the flames reached to the heavens and colored the sky red. Gabrielle watched her friend; there was a vague smile on her face. ‘What are you thinking?’ she asked softly.

Xena’s smile grew even deeper. ‘I just recalled when the three of us lived in that barn.’

Gabrielle grinned when she remembered. ‘Ah yeah, he was so fond of that little dog. I wonder... Do you think he could have changed?’

The warrior gazed into the fire. ‘War was in his blood. You can’t change someone’s instinct.’

‘You changed.’

Xena looked at her and took her hand. ‘I had you.’

‘What if you had done the same for him?’

Xena’s hand slipped away and she gazed at the fire again. ‘We would have brought out the worst in each other. Believe me, if anyone could have saved him, it would have been you.’

The bard flushed and looked down. She did not see Xena’s furtive look when she continued: ‘And I would never have let you go.’

The fire was still burning fiercely when Aphrodite showed up in a cloud of pink stars. The blonde goddess looked sadly at the funeralpile. But when Gabrielle laid a comforting hand on her shoulder, she got all radiant again. ‘I knew my half brother could get fired up, but this is a bit overdone, don’t you think?’

Gabrielle took her hand and said intently: ‘It’s okay to grieve. It’s only hu...’

The goddess laughed. ‘Human? Exquise me, but I’m a goddess!’ When she saw that Gabrielle didn’t smile, her expression became a little more severe. ‘I am in grief, you just won’t see my cry. I have to think of my reputation. And my mascara of course...’

She now turned to Xena. ‘Thanks for what you did. If there’s anything I can do for you... You name it. Maybe I can hook you up with a date.’

Gabrielle shook her head disapprovingly, but strangely enough Xena hardly reacted. Even Aphrodite was surprised. ‘Shees, I never thought this moment would come! Let’s browse in my little red book of love objects. Or do you wanna go on a blind date?’

Only then Xena seemed to wake up from her thoughts. ‘Oh please, I have other things on my mind. Food for instance. I’m going to hunt.’

Aphrodite looked bored. ‘How exhausting. Why don’t you let me do my godly thing?’

‘No. I need the distraction.’

The goddess shrugged her shoulders and sighed: ‘Ah well, go hunt then. That will give Gabs and me time to talk about the truly important issues. Tsss, you’re not going to believe what I just heard... Did you know that Cleopatra bathed in donkeymilk?’

‘Well, as a matter of fact we were at her palace and...’

Xena interrupted them harshly. ‘Can this wait?! Gabrielle, will you get me a water skin? It’s in my saddlebag.’

The bard looked at her in surprise but walked off nonetheless. Xena watched her leave and then said to the goddess: ‘Actually there is something you could do for me...’    

The sun was almost down when Gabrielle had gathered enough firewood. Just when she wanted to spread out the bedrolls, Aphrodite gurgled in horror: ‘You don’t actually think I’m going to sleep outside, do you?’

‘What’s wrong with camping underneath the stars?’

The goddess spread out her hands and pouted: ‘Everything! Gabrielle, where’s the glamour in sleeping with ants and worms? Ah come on, Gabs. Do something wild for a change and sleep in the temple tonight.’

The bard sighed: ‘And what about my fire?’

‘Don’t you worry about that, honey. I’m all the fire you need.’

Gabrielle rolled her eyes and wished for Xena to hurry up. She didn’t know how long she could stand the theatrical goddess.

Once inside Aphrodite walked straight to the sanctuary; a small room where no light could penetrate. Gabrielle stumbled over a doorstep and mumbled under her breath: ‘For the love of Zeus, what kind of a pit is this?!’

‘What was that?’

But Gabrielle faintly smiled and replied: ‘I was just saying we could use a bit of light in here.’

The goddess snapped her fingers and suddenly the room was illuminated by dozens of torches and hundreds of small candles. It was like Gabrielle stepped into a fairytale. Breathlessly she dropped the bedrolls. The sound of her stuff plopping on the ground kind of woke her up. Still woozy she unrolled her bedroll. But Aphrodite pulled up her nose and pouted: ‘You don’t really think I’m going to lay my gorgeous body on the floor, now do you?’

Gabrielle tried to calm herself and said: ‘Maybe you should try it first. These bedrolls are really comfortable.’

‘Honey, I’m getting a backache from just looking at them.’

The plopped down on her bedroll. ‘Well, if you have a better idea, be my guest.’

‘Oh golly! Let me see...’ The goddess laid a finger on her lips and murmured: ‘Shall I go for a pink one, or shall I pick a white one with lots of lace? Ah, why choose? It’s not like I have to pay for them!’

She snapped her elegant fingers and out of nowhere emerged two huge canopies. ‘I’m soooo good!’

Aphrodite jumped on top of the pillows and lay down seductively. ‘What do you think? Which one complements me more: this white one or...’ and she suddenly lay on the other canopy: ‘This little pink heaven?’

The bard tried to get her head clear. By the gods, hurry up, Xena, she wished in silence. ‘The pink one is ehm... totally you.’

Aphrodite beamed with pride. ‘You’re so right! What was I thinking: moi and virgin white?!’ She snapped her fingers and the rejected canopy disappeared. The goddess patted on the mattress. ‘Come here.’

Gabrielle smiled shyly. ‘I’m fine, thanks.’

‘Don’t be such a party pooper. Come lie next to me, Gabs. Please, please, please?’

The bard sighed and crawled grumpily on the bed. ‘Alright, for just a second then.’

Aphrodite drummed excitedly on the mattress. ‘Alright, let’s hear it!’

Gabrielle looked puzzled at her. ‘Hear what?’

The goddess nudged her playfully and gurgled: ‘Everything about your lovelife of course! That’s what friends talk about when they’re having a pajama party, dummy.’

‘In that case there’s not much to discuss. I have no lovelife.’

Aphrodite shook her head in disapproval. ‘You’re not making me happy, pumpkin. If you don’t get some action quick, your well is going to dry up!’

Gabrielle pulled up an eyebrow and murmured: ‘Yeah, that would really be a catastrophe.’

But the goddess seemed to miss the irony. ‘I know! I’m really worried about you, Gabs. Is there no one who makes your heart go giddy-up?’

Gabrielle didn’t answer.

‘Aha!’ Aphrodite cheered. ‘So, there is someone!’

‘No, there isn’t.’

‘You know, I could tickle it out of you...’

Clearly Gabrielle didn’t like that threat for she quickly answered: ‘Okay, okay! There is someone. But it’s not going to work out, so...’

Aphrodite almost got hysterical. ‘Who is it? Tell me, tell me!’ she said while jumping on the bed.

‘Just forget it.’

Aphrodite was now propped up on her elbows and looked intrigued into Gabrielle’s eyes. ‘Why the secrecy?’

‘You wouldn’t understand.’

Highly insulted Aphrodite cried out: ‘Duh! I’m the goddess of love for crying out loud. Believe me, sweetie, there’s absolutely nothing I haven’t seen yet. Like yesterday I saw this couple being real busy with candlewax and...’

Gabrielle closed off her ears and sighed: ‘I really don’t wanna know, Aphrodite.’

‘But I haven’t told you the best part yet!’ When she saw Gabrielle’s expression she backed off. ‘Alright, I’ll behave. But what I’m trying to say here is that nothing shocks me. So let me guess... Is he a priest?’

Gabrielle shook her head.

‘Your sister’s husband?’

‘No!’

‘Mmmm, your sister’s son then... you little rascal!’

Gabrielle gave her a deadly look, and Aphrodite sighed grumpily. ‘Ah well, it already sounded too kinky to be true.’ She nudged the bard and giggled: ‘You know what would be really kinky?’

‘Do tell me, the suspense is killing me,’ Gabrielle answered weary.

The goddess got sparks in her eyes and flashed her eyebrows up and down. ‘You and Xena! I know, I’m really losing it now.’

But Gabrielle blushed and nervously blinked her eyes.

The goddess almost started to hyperventilate and pressed Gabrielle against her bosom. ‘Praise me, this is like so super wonderful. I’m so proud of you!’

When she let go of the bard, her tone got a bit more severe: ‘She does know, doesn’t she?’

Gabrielle looked down. ‘Yes.’

‘And?’ the goddess asked impatiently.

‘Well... nothing. She didn’t want to talk about it. At least not now.’

‘Hellohooo! You can talk when you’re old and grey. The only thing you need now is some good old fashioned bodylanguage. Pfff, you’re such a rookie.’

Sulking Gabrielle folded her arms. ‘You don’t have to rub it in. Just help me or shut up!’

Satisfied Aphrodite sighed: ‘I thought you would never ask.’

‘Okay, lesson one: use your eyes.’

Aphrodite and Gabrielle were kneeling down on the bed and faced each other. ‘You must tempt her with those delicious green eyes of yours. Watch and shiver!’

The goddess looked through her lashes and roamed Gabrielle’s body inch for inch.

The bard immediately flushed. ‘I don’t think I can do that.’

Aphrodite glanced arrogantly at her nails and said: ‘Well, not like me of course. But just give it a try. Let me see your most sexy look. Think sensual. Think sex. Think... me!’ Gabrielle tried but she felt too self-conscious.

‘Oh boy. That didn’t ring my bell. Well maybe we should go straight to lesson two: lock those lips!’

‘I’m not going to kiss her. She’ll freak out!’

The goddess bulged her cheek with her tongue and said with a sultry voice: ‘Not if you’re doing it right. Believe me, honey. After I’m done with you there’s no way that hot blooded warrior will be able to resist your sweet lips. Now... You have to get real close.’

She was only a hair’s breadth away.

‘Then you look her deep in the eye...’

Her sensuous gaze gave her goose bumps all over.

‘And then you just kiss the girl.’

She pressed her divine mouth on Gabrielle’s. Her lips tasted like honey and her scent was intoxicating, but the bard found the strength to push her away.

‘What are you doing?’ she gasped.

‘Oh come on, don’t say you didn’t like that?!’

‘I had enough of this. I’m going.’

Aphrodite looked at her in horror and muttered: ‘Ehw, a turn-down! Alright, then you leave me no other option.’

She pointed her finger at the baffled bard and a rain of stars fell upon her. Suddenly there was a sensual gleam in the bard’s eyes and slowly she began to strip. Aphrodite looked approvingly at her and leaned back. ‘You go, girl! I knew you had it in you.’  

Two dead rabbits plunked down next to the small pile of wood. Xena peered into the darkness that surrounded her. No Gabrielle and Aphrodite. She looked at the temple and she noticed a glow coming out of the entrance. Xena took a deep breath and paced towards the building. Soon she found the room where the light seemed to come from. She hesitated when she stood in front of the door, but in the end she swung it open and entered the mysterious room. And there she saw it... A canopy with transparent curtains that was surrounded by candles and burning torches. But it wasn’t the illumination or luxurious furniture that attracted her attention. Something else startled her. It was the movement of bodies that lit up behind the thin curtains. She didn’t have to be told what happened there... Her eyes grew dark and her face turned into a mask, while she watched the sight. Slowly she pulled her sword out, gritted her teeth and dashed to the canopy. In rage she cut up the curtains and pointed her sword at the goddess who was just kissing Gabrielle’s bare belly.

‘Get your hands off of her!’ Xena’s voice trembled with emotion, her eyes filled with hurt and anger. Quickly Aphrodite released the naked body in her arms, but not without breaking the spell. All of a sudden the bard seemed to realise where she was - and in which condition. Bewildered she grabbed the blanket and covered her body.

‘I don’t understand,’ she stuttered. ‘Aphrodite?’

But the goddess said nothing. In shock Gabrielle looked up to the warrior, who gazed at her in disgust.

‘Wait a minute, this isn’t what you think,’ she said to the heavily breathing warrior in front of her.

Flap! Xena had slapped her hard and roared with anger: ‘Shut up!’

In shock Gabrielle held a hand against her burning cheek. ‘Xena, don’t,’ she begged in despair.

But the warrior raised her sword and the look in her eyes was so gruesome, that Gabrielle shrunk back in fear. Aphrodite quickly grabbed her hand and flashed them away. Just in time, for Xena’s sword sliced up the spot where Gabrielle just had lain...  

Gabrielle cupped her face with her hands. ‘I can’t believe it,’ she said over and over again.

Aphrodite responded with her typical arrogance. ‘I know, sleeping with a goddess must be the ultimate fantasy for ordinary mortals. But honey, it really happened. So if you wanna thank me, maybe you can write me a cute little scroll. You know, I sing of Aphrodite, the goddess who gave me multiple or...’

Furiously Gabrielle turned to her. ‘That’s not what I meant!’ And softer: ‘Did you see the look in her eye? She hates me. If you hadn’t taken me away, she would have killed me!’

The goddess waved it aside. ‘You mean that swaying-stuff with her sword? Relax pumpkin, she’s just a tiny bit jealous. Nothing to worry about.’

The bard looked at her in astonishment and shook her head. Aphrodite didn’t seem to realise what kind of a disaster had taken place in the temple. Come to think of it, she didn’t understand it herself. How did she end up naked in Aphrodite’s bed? Vaguely she remembered telling the goddess her feelings for Xena. She had wanted to help her and... Suddenly she recalled Aphrodite kissing her. She knew that she had pushed her away, but after that everything was a blur.

Confused she rubbed her eyes. ‘Aphrodite, what happened between us?’

The goddess got a naughty look in her eyes. ‘Well, where shall I begin... Ah yeah, you began to undress, and by the gods, Gabrielle, you are a great stripper!’

‘Stop it! It’s bad enough as it is.’

Offended Aphrodite cried out: ‘Bad? Darling, have you got any idea how many people would kill for a night with me?!’

When the bard didn’t answer, she continued: ‘You shouldn’t feel guilty. I mean, I’m the goddess of love. I’m 100% irresistable!’

Gabrielle gave her a dubious look. ‘Aphrodite, how long do we know each other... Four, five years? I have never felt the need to... well, you know. So why now?’

‘Do I have to spell it out for you? L.U.S.T. That’s what it was. Lighten up, Gabs. You mortals have one night stands all the time!’

‘Not me!’

The goddess pulled up her nose and murmured: ‘Well, you can’t save them all.’

Gabrielle lost her patience and clenched Aphrodite’s shoulders. ‘You don’t seem to get it. This isn’t a game! I may lose my best friend! Do you understand?’ She released her with a sigh of despair.

Aphrodite checked her lingerie and protested: ‘Be careful, will you. This is silk from Chin!’

When Gabrielle’s eyes started to gleam dangerously again, she held her hand up and said: ‘Okay, okay... Maybe I used a tiny little bit of magic.’

Gabrielle looked at her in shock. ‘You used what?’

Ill at ease Aphrodite played with her fingers. ‘Don’t spread the word, will ya? If they hear this on mount Olympus... I would like die. Can you imagine the humiliation?’

Gabrielle coldly said: ‘Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t send you straight to Tartarus?’

‘Well for starters... I’m immortal?’

Gabrielle almost exploded with anger, but before she knew it, Aphrodite sat on top of a branch. Gabrielle grabbed a sai and pointed it at her: ‘Come down here, you coward!’

Aphrodite blandly started to manicure her nails. ‘I may be blonde, but I’m not stupid.’

‘Than I’ll come up!’ Gabrielle put her dagger between her teeth and climbed up the tree.

‘Sweetie, I’m sorry you feel so bad about it. But it was for a good cause.’ Gabrielle climbed back and frowned her forehead: ‘What do you mean?’

Aphrodite muttered: ‘Well, now you know what to do when you and Xena hit the sack. Right?’

Gabrielle looked in total disbelieve at her and went for the tree again. Hastily Aphrodite continued: ‘I’m sorry, okay? And I will punish myself tremendously. How about... no beauty salon for a week?’

The bard started shaking the tree ferociously. ‘Come on Gabs, have mercy on a poor goddess. Two weeks then!’

Gabrielle realized that venting her anger on Aphrodite was useless, so she sat down on a stone and began to cry softly. From up above it sounded: ‘Don’t cry, Gabrielle. I know how love works. Mark my words, she will come back to you.’ Suddenly the goddess was next to her. ‘I hope one day you will be able to forgive me. You’ve always been good to me.’ Gabrielle gnashed her teeth. ‘Please go away, before I change that.’

Aphrodite glanced at her sadly and then snapped her fingers. In a flash there appeared a bright fire, a warm blanket, some water and food. ‘That’s the least I can do for you,’ she said remorsefully and vanished.

Xena pulled her sword out of the mattress, furious that the two had disappeared and left her powerless in the temple. With a wild cry she lashed out and cut right through a wooden post of the canopy. Furiously she destroyed the bed, while she roared with anger. After that the statues of Helios were on her list of revenge. One after another the images broke into a thousand pieces on the marble floor. Bang! A golden dish with offerings clashed against the ground. Everything that stood in her way was ruined and it was as though her rage only grew stronger.

Suddenly she saw Alti in the corner of her eye, a sardonic grin on her face. ‘And you thought she would love you till the end of time... Doesn’t that make your heart break?’

With a tormented scream Xena rushed to her and raised her sword, but Alti kicked her in the stomach and she crashed against a wall. The blood run from her head, but she wiped it off and ignored the pain. Again she attacked, leaping in the air and landing only two feet away from the shamaness. She lashed out with her fist, but Alti punched her on the chin with her elbow. She staggered backwards, dazed by the blow. ‘Lost your focus, Xena, now that you lost your sweetheart?’ Numbly the warrior reached for her chakram, but Alti pointed at it and by a magical power it was lifted from her belt and thrown yards away. ‘Give it up. You think you hate me, but I’ve never betrayed you.’

For a moment Xena seemed to be going for the shamaness once more, but she suddenly turned and kicked a bust from it’s pedestal. And another one. And another one. Through her tears she screamed: ‘You shut up! I loved her!’

Her sword crushed a sandstone statue. ‘How could she!’ she yelled, and turned to an image of a lovely goddess. In rage she faced the bust and hissed: ‘How could YOU!’

The look in her eyes grew pitchblack when she swung her sword and ruthlessly cut the statue in two. With a big bang the beautiful head fell on the floor and broke into a million pieces.

Calmly Alti said: ‘Feeling better?’

‘No,’ Xena replied with a grim voice. ‘Statues don’t bleed.’ ‘Then I suggest you do something about that.’

Xena glanced at her blade and a cunning smirk appeared on her face. ‘Don’t worry. The first man who comes in my way will wish he wasn’t born.’

Alti slowly approached her and for a second she caressed her flexed biceps. ‘Doesn’t it feel wonderful? The anger in your veins, that fire in your heart... Don’t tell me you didn’t miss that.’

And then she said more fiercely: ‘This is the moment. To do what’s destined. People will tremble for you again, Xena. The world is yours... Take it. Make the choice.’

‘I already have. I’ve burned my bridges.’

Alti walked around her and said slyly: ‘Oh, but you forgot one. There is a way back and you know it. You vented your rage on stone statues, but we both know who you really want to hurt... Kill her!’

Xena gave her a determined look. ‘No! Gabrielle is out of my life, that’s enough.’

The shamaness laughed coldly. ‘You know what I think? She still has power over you. Even after she humiliated you like that. It’s pathetic.’

She saw how Xena gritted her teeth and tried to gulp down her anger. Alti grabbed her by her breastplate and shouted: ‘Don’t keep it inside of you, Xena. Let it out, before it destroys you!’

The warrior freed herself with a wild push. ‘I’ll take that chance. I won’t do it and you can’t make me!’

Alti smiled knowingly. ‘I saw Gabrielle and that woman...’ She waited until Xena had absorbed the words. ‘And she loved it.’

‘Shut up!’ Xena shouted, pointing her sword at her.

But Alti went on. ‘I bet she didn’t think of you for a second. Not after the first time, not after the second...’

All light seemed to vanish from Xena’s face, as if her last bit of hope had just died away. She turned slowly and walked off.

‘Good. Slay the bitch.’

Shaking all over Gabrielle lay underneath her blanket. The cloth was warm and the night wasn’t colder than usual, but she couldn’t stop the trembling of her body. Why did her life have to be so complicated? Why did Aphrodite of all people chose her for her filthy game? And why now? She stared at the stars and wondered where Xena would be now. Would she still be in the temple? Was she looking for her? She immediately rejected the thought. No, of course not. She would be the last person she would want to see. Her anger had been so intense... Suddenly she realized something. Gabrielle had been so startled by Xena’s reaction, that she had barely asked herself where that anger came from. They were not lovers. Then why the rage when she saw her in the arms of another woman? She knew Xena didn’t think much of Aphrodite, so... Gabrielle’s heart began to pound. She almost didn’t dare to believe it, but there wasn’t another option: Xena felt the same for her! I must tell her what Aphrodite did to me, she thought and hastily got up. She was just about to pick up her bag, when she was grabbed from behind. Gabrielle screamed but soon a hand closed her mouth. A familiar smell entered her nostrils... Xena! She called out for her, but the sound was deformed and smothered. Her brain was working feverishly. What did Xena want? What was she here for? She tried to tear herself away, but the grip on her shoulders tightened and the hand pressed even harder against her lips. Fear slowly took hold of her when Xena hissed in her ear: ‘Be quiet, or you’ll be sorry.’

Slowly the hand was removed. For a moment Gabrielle hoped that Xena had come to her senses, but she quickly grabbed her wrist and twisted it on her back. The pain overwhelmed her and tears filled her eyes. Meanwhile Xena tied her hands up, without showing her any mercy. Gabrielle knew this wasn’t the woman she loved, this was the old Xena. Someone who enjoyed hurting her. Someone who was looking for revenge. The rope cut through her flesh, but she pulled herself together. There had to be a way to talk to the Xena she knew. Somewhere deep down she still had to be there. With a fierce swing she managed herself to turn. Gabrielle met Xena’s eyes, but there was nothing that gave her hope. Still she had to try.

‘Xena, don’t do this.’ For a second Gabrielle thought she saw softness in her eyes. ‘Aphrodite admitted she used magic on me. So I...’

The bard got stuck in the middle of a sentence, when Xena stuffed a cotton cloth in her mouth and secured it with a belt. Astonishment was written all over her face. But Xena didn’t look at her. She just lifted her up and carried her with a steely composure to her horse.

‘I told you to be quiet.’

Wet with perspiration she carried Gabrielle into the temple. Xena dropped her roughly and lifted her by clenching her hair. ‘Walk,’ she said with an icy voice, while she pushed the bard. Gabrielle tripped and dazed she looked around her. Why did Xena take her back to this place? It wasn’t long before they reached the room where she had been with Aphrodite... But it looked so different now. In astonishment she looked around her; what in Zeus’ name had happened here? Everything was destroyed. A shiver ran down her spine when she realized that Xena had done this. Gabrielle knew that Xena had a destructive force inside of her, but now she feared the warrior would vent it out on her. Roughly she was smacked against a wall. Xena grabbed her wrists and tied them to a ring above her head. Then she tied her legs up and secured them to the wall. There was no way she could escape. With all her power Gabrielle screamed out her name against the cloth. When she met her eyes she saw anger, but there was so much more. Pain. Torment. Guilt. Slowly Xena removed the cloth and Gabrielle gasped for air. Xena caressed her panting face but her eyes still shone dangerously.

‘Xena, cut me loose. I know you’ve been hurt and I want to explain. But not like this.’

She heard a soft crack in the room, but Gabrielle paid no attention to it.

‘Set me free and we’ll talk about it. Please...’

But Xena seemed to freeze and all of a sudden her face was wrenched with hate. ‘We’re done talking. It’s payback time!’ And she lashed out with her fist. The blow on her cheek was so severe, that it knocked her out immediately. The bard’s body collapsed and hung unconscious against the wall.

Clap! Clap Clap! Xena turned and saw Alti standing there, mockingly clapping her hands. The shamaness peered at Gabrielle’s still body.

‘Clever. You knocked her out so she doesn’t have to suffer... What a shame. But I will be satisfied with her blood.’

She pulled the sword out of Xena’s sheath and gave it to her. ‘Slay her. It’s the only way.’

Xena looked at the blade and the expression on her face grew darker. Finally she turned and paced to Gabrielle’s body. She clenched the bard’s blonde hair and lifted her angelface. She raised her sword and held it against Gabrielle’s throat. It would be so easy to just slit her artery. It would be over in seconds. Just one small cut. But the blade trembled in her hand which had gone wet with perspiration.

‘Do it!’ she heard behind her.

Xena narrowed her eyes and pressed the sword against Gabrielle’s throat. Her heart pounded in her mouth and her chest heaved as she tightened the grip on her hilt.

‘Do it... NOW!’

Suddenly Xena screamed with despair and shaking all over she tossed the sword yards away. Clattering it smashed against a wall. In rage Alti rushed to her and slapped her in the face. ‘You’re so weak it makes me sick!’

‘I just can’t. You do it!’

The shamaness looked at her with amazement. ‘You want me to kill her?’

When the warrior didn’t answer, Alti nodded. ‘Very well, if that’s what you want.’

She grabbed her dagger and pressed it against the bard’s heart. ‘It will be a pleasure to finish off this little tramp. Oh yeah, she didn’t just betray you today... She was very easy with me as well.’ And while she peered at Xena: ‘Did she tell you I used your body? Such a clever girl...’

Alti followed the curves of her breasts with her dagger and smiled at Xena. ‘She knew it was me, Xena. And she loved it.’ She pulled the dagger backwards, ready to strike...

‘Stop!’

Alti saw that the warrior was glowing with anger.

‘Give me the dagger. She’s mine!’

With a sly smirk Alti handed over the dagger and stepped back. ‘I should have done this a long time ago,’ the warrior hissed, while she almost choked Gabrielle. With a heart-rending roar Xena raised the dagger and went for Gabrielle’s chest. For a few seconds there was no sound, Xena did not even breathe. But then she saw the blade, covered with blood. She backed away as Gabrielle’s chest quickly turned red.

‘Finally,’ Alti said blissfully. ‘Welcome back, Destroyer of Nations!’

Xena slowly turned. With a gruesome smile on her face she walked straight into Alti’s open arms and embraced her.

‘You were right, I was born to kill,’ Xena whispered in her ear. ‘So why stop now?’

The shamaness looked at her with a mixture of disbelieve, amazement and admiration. She opened her mouth, but only a rattling sound came from her lips. And blood. When she fell on her knees she still looked at Xena, until her eyes rolled away and she smacked against the marble floor. Xena pulled the  dagger of Helios out off Alti’s chest and stuck it in her boot. ‘May you rot in hell.’

Suddenly the ground started shaking and chalk came falling from the roof... The temple was collapsing! Xena ran for the chained body on the wall and cut the ropes around her wrists. With one arm she caught the limp body. Quickly she laid her other arm under Gabrielle’s knees and lifted her up. When she saw her battered face and the large bloodstain on her chest, tears welled up in her eyes. ‘I’m so sorry,’ she whispered.

Haunted by falling debris she suppressed her emotions and ran for the door. She had only just reached the exit when the building collapsed. The power of the explosion pushed her forward and she lost her grip on Gabrielle. With a bang her head smashed against the cold grass and she nearly lost consciousness. Dazed she got up. ‘Gabrielle... Where are you... Gabrielle?’

She tried to peer into the dark and the mist of falling dust. In panic she searched with her hands on the ground and finally she stumbled on Gabrielle’s foot. Quickly she crawled to her body and turned her on her back. ‘What have I done?’ she gasped when she saw her face. She laid her hand underneath Gabrielle’s head and caressed the jaw that was disgraced by a big extravasation. In pain she whispered: ‘I will never forgive myself for this. Never.’

She leaned over and kissed the bard’s cheek.

‘Ouch! That hurts!’

Gabrielle tried to sit up, but a throbbing pain in her head made it impossible.

Xena gently laid her down again. ‘Rest. I’ll get you some medicine to kill the pain.’

But Gabrielle grabbed her wrist. ‘Forget the medicine. I need some answers here. Did you do this?’ And she touched her sore cheek.

‘Gabrielle, I had no other option. I had to convince Alti that I hated you and...’ Suddenly the bard saw the blood on her chest. It was still wet.

‘Xena?’ she asked in terror.

‘It’s chickenblood. Look!’ She gripped a pouch from her boot and showed it to the bard. ‘I pretended to stab you, so Alti would think I was finally on her side. And she fell for it. Alti let her guard down... and I killed her.’

‘There you are!’ Aphrodite chased off the night with her enchanting beauty. She sighed as she looked at the temple behind her. ‘Helios is not gonna like this, Xena.’

The warrior got up with some difficulty and gave her the dagger. ‘Maybe this will cheer him up.’

‘Yagh,’ Aphrodite said when she looked at the bloody blade. ‘Is she... like gone?’

Xena nodded.

‘Thanks. If there’s anything I can do for you...’

Xena peered at Gabrielle and replied: ‘A bath would be nice.’ Aphrodite’s eyes gleamed. ‘Yahoo! Let me handle this.’

She snapped her fingers and out of nothing a huge marble bath emerged. Steam covered the water, a fire burned on the side and there were some soft pillows on the ground.

Aphrodite was already pulling down the straps of her lingerie, when Xena snarled: ‘What do you think you’re doing? Haven’t you done enough?’

Aphrodite’s face revealed indignation. ‘Oh please, don’t tell me you’re angry with me too? Shees, what did you expect when you asked me to take care of Gabs? I’m the embodiment of love! You think I would just kiss the girl and let that beautiful body be? That would be like... blasphemy!’

Gabrielle staggered towards them and they could see the disbelieve in her eyes. ‘Are you saying Xena asked you to seduce me?’

Aphrodite was about to answer, but Xena gave her a threatening look. ‘Aphrodite is saying she has to go. Right?’

The goddess pouted her lips. ‘Well, it seems I’m not wanted here. You don’t know what you’re missing though.’ And with a quick glance at Gabrielle: ‘Well, you do of course... Bye, sweetie.’ And she was gone.

Gabrielle stared at the empty spot and the anger seemed to build up in her body. If Xena had asked Aphrodite to seduce her, then everything had been a fake. The jealousy, the rage, the hate in her eyes... And worse: it meant that Xena wasn’t in love with her after all. She had only used her to trick Alti. It was all a lie.

‘Please, tell me this isn’t true.’ Her voice trembled with emotion. But the warrior looked to the ground and didn’t answer.

Bang! Gabrielle punched Xena on her breastplate. ‘How could you?!’

Xena let the bard push her again.

‘How could ou let her touch me?!’

‘I’m sorry,’ Xena stammered.

In rage Gabrielle slapped her in the face. ‘You gave her my body! You squandered something that is sacred to me, and all you can say is sorry?!’

Xena just stood there, rooted to the ground. ‘Gabrielle, I...’ Her voice choked and a single tear ran over her cheek.

‘Oh no you don’t! Don’t you dare crying. You’re not the victim here!’

But Xena couldn’t stop the tears from falling. ‘Gabrielle, please, I never...’ She reached out to Gabrielle, but the bard pushed her away. She began to pace up and down, like a caged animal. Deep down she wanted nothing more than to hold Xena, comfort her, say to her that it didn’t matter, that it was okay. But she didn’t want to let go of the anger she felt.

But then she saw Xena’s face, the tormented look in her eyes.  She knew she couldn’t resist.

‘Xena, you will have to explain this to me.’

The warrior blinked and whispered: ‘You have every right to hate me. I deserve it.’

Gabrielle narrowed her eyes and said rather biting: ‘I don’t need your guilt right now, I need answers.’

Xena straightened up and regained her bravura: ‘Of course you do. But I need you to know that it was my only option. I had to take it. Even though it hurt me more than you will ever know. You’ve got to believe me.’

She glanced at Gabrielle, but the bard looked away.

‘Alti thought I wanted more from you than just friendship, so I needed her to believe that you had betrayed me. I’m sorry for beating you up like that, but it was the only way to convince Alti that I had turned against you. It was the only chance to gain her trust and get hold of the dagger.’

‘That doesn’t explain why you gave Aphrodite permission to have sex with me!’

‘I didn’t! Her only job was to put you under a spell and pretend that you were lovers. I swear, that was the only thing I asked her to do. I never expected her to... take advantage of you.’

‘You had no right to ask her in the first place. You should have told me!’

Xena shook her head. ‘Alti would have seen right through you. I couldn’t take the risk. You had to believe I was capable of killing you.’

‘Let me get this straight. Alti would never believe ME, but she would believe YOU? After all these years... You still don’t trust me.’

‘That’s not true! Gabrielle, I trust you with my life. But this is Alti we’re talking about. The only reason why I could fool her, is because I didn’t have to fake all that anger and rage. Gabrielle, my dark side is part of me. It doesn’t take much to unleash it.’

It took a while before she continued and her voice was warm and tender now. ‘I did a horrible thing and I know I can never make it up to you. But I’m going to try it anyway. I would do anything for you. Anything. If you’ll give me the chance.’ Gabrielle looked into her eyes and knew that she would give her a thousand chances, she would never leave her.

‘You can start by washing my back and cleaning my laundry. I feel dirty.’               

A moment later Gabrielle slipped into the tub. The water was nice and warm and she comfortably leaned back. Xena sat down on the edge and grabbed a sponge. ‘Lean forward, so I can wash your back.’

‘Don’t you want to come in?’

The warrior awkwardly rubbed her nose. ‘I’ll go after you. Let me take care of you first.’

Soon Gabrielle felt the soft sponge rubbing her tense shoulders. ‘Mmmm, nice...’

Meanwhile she thought about their conversation. She knew now why Xena had done it, and she could not but admire the cleverness of her plan. Even though it had turned out slightly different than Xena had expected. And she wondered... How had that affected her? She just had to ask.

‘Xena, I know you had planned the seducing part. But you didn’t know that Aphrodite would go further than that. So when you saw us... what did you think?’

Xena abruptly stopped rubbing her. ‘What do you mean?’

‘Just like I said. What went through your mind when you saw us?’

She could hear the warrior swallow. ‘I felt... anger. I could have killed Aphrodite.’

Gabrielle turned and looked at her intently. ‘Weren’t you angry with me?’

Xena lowered her eyes. ‘You hardly knew what you were doing.’

Gabrielle gazed at the steamy water again and casually said: ‘You didn’t feel jealous?’

She could hear Xena holding her breath, just like she held hers. But then the warrior said: ‘It’s all a bit of a blur. I don’t exactly know how I felt or what I was thinking.’

Xena dipped the sponge into the water and squeezed it’s warm contents on her back. It was a divine feeling, but Gabrielle was still thinking about Xena’s answer. ‘That look in your eyes... I never want to see you like that again.’

She felt a warm hand on her shoulder. ‘You won’t, I promise. What you saw was a ghost from the past. I could never hate you.’

Gabrielle laid her hand on top of Xena’s. ‘Good, because I couldn’t bear it.’

They were silent for a while. Then Gabrielle got up and picked up a towel. Shyly she glanced at Xena. ‘Your turn.’

While she walked towards her bedroll, she said: ‘And don’t forget my laundry.’

On the background she could hear Xena grin.

Gabrielle lay underneath her blanket. She felt tired but she couldn’t sleep. Her muscles were still stiff and sore, but that wasn’t the main reason. Xena was lying next to her. Her hair was still wet and she could smell the subtle scent of Egyptian soap that surrounded her body. It immediately brought her mind back to the sight of Xena’s naked body when she stepped into the bath. If only she could stop the wanting, the longing, the yearning. But Gabrielle knew that was hoping for a miracle. She sighed and tried to count the stars. Maybe that would doze her off.

‘Can’t sleep?’

Gabrielle felt caught when she met Xena’s calm eyes. ‘It’s much too bright to sleep. That fire is ridiculously big.’

‘Aphrodite is not exactly known for her modesty. You want me to put it out?’

‘Nah, maybe it’s just everything that has happened.’

Xena got that guilty look on her face again. Especially when she pointed at her bruised face. ‘How’s the jaw?’

Gabrielle shifted her jaws up and down and from left to right, and smiled. ‘Everything seems to be working, so... I’ll live.’ Xena gently caressed her battered skin. ‘I’m afraid it’s going to be black and blue in the morning.’

Gabrielle still felt Xena’s fingers on her skin, even though they had left her face. ‘I don’t care,’ she said and flushed a bit.

‘But I do. I did that.’ Her eyes got moist as she whispered: ‘And it scares me. How can I say I love you and then hurt you like that?’

‘Maybe because you love me. If you hadn’t finished off Alti, she would have killed me eventually. I think that’s worth a couple of bruises.’

Xena shook her head. ‘You’re far too good for me.’

The bard nudged her with her elbow and chuckled. ‘You know what they say: you get what you deserve. And apparently you deserve the best of the best!’

‘And I thought Aphrodite was immodest,’ the warrior smirked. ‘Sleep tight, Gabrielle.’

‘You too.’ 

It was the middle of the night when Xena woke up with a start. Gabrielle had cried out and was mowing wildly with her arms. When Xena clenched her shoulders, she still looked half asleep and frightened. She must have had a nightmare, the warrior thought. ‘Are you okay?’

Gabrielle rubbed her eyes and answered drowsily: ‘What? I had... I just go... sleep.’

She closed her heavy eyelids, rolled right next to her and fell almost immediately back to sleep. Xena looked at the delicate figure that cuddled up against her body. Awkwardly she looked at her arm that hung in mid-air, not knowing were to put it. She frowned, but then she gave the softly snoring bard a tender look and whispered: ‘What am I going to do with you.’

She carefully lifted Gabrielle’s head and wrapped her arm around her. And apparently the bard approved. She mumbled contently as she rubbed her cheek against the soft skin just beneath Xena’s collarbone. In her sleep Gabrielle moved her hand just in front of her face, which made her look even more adorable and innocent. Xena smiled and softly ran her fingers through her blonde hair. She looked at her for a long time, before she finally closed her eyes and dozed off.

The sun was already up for hours when Gabrielle woke up. She blinked against the bright sunlight and groped around her. Nothing. She placed a hand above her eyes and peered into the sun. Xena was sitting on a stone and looked at her, a few peaches in her lap. ‘Goodmorning,’ she said and threw her a peach. ‘Breakfast is served.’

Still drowsy Gabrielle caught the peach and took a bite. It tasted sweet and juicy. ‘Delicious,’ she said with her mouth full. When she finished the last bite, she licked her fingers. From the corner of her eyes she could see Xena watching her, a grin on her face.

‘Why didn’t you wake me up?’

The warrior threw her another peach. ‘You had a nightmare last night. I thought you could use some sleep.’

Gabrielle frowned her forehead. ‘A nightmare? I don’t remember... And there I was thinking I hadn’t slept this good in months!’

A bit embarrassed she asked: ‘I bet I snored like a bear.’

The warrior smiled. ‘More like a kitten. You don’t snore, Gabrielle. You purr.’

‘Liar.’

‘Okay, sometimes you are a teenyweeny bit noisy, but this morning you slept like a baby. All the more reason why I didn’t want to wake you up. You looked too cute. And besides, why rush? Let’s just relax for a while.’

‘You’re right.’ And then suddenly: ‘No, you’re not! The wedding!’

She got up abruptly and slapped her forehead. ‘How could I forget? On the next full moon Sara is going to marry and that is in...’

Xena continued her sentence: ‘Three days.’ She walked to the bedrolls and started packing. Over her shoulder she said: ‘If we leave now, we’ll make it just in time.’              

That evening the two women arrived at the same tavern where they had lodged two days earlier. When Gabrielle looked around in the inn, she suddenly realized how much had happened in that short period of time. The death of Ares, Aphrodite’s trick, Alti... Deep in thoughts she sat down at a table.

‘What can I do you for?’ the innkeeper asked.

That definitely was her wake-up call. ‘Beer. Lots of beer!’ Xena pulled up an eyebrow when she looked at Gabrielle. ‘Is that wise? I mean, we’ll have to get up early.’

The barkeeper grinned. ‘Shall I bring you a bowl of milk then?’

But Gabrielle folded her arms and answered stubbornly: ‘No! Give me a jar of beer. Or better: bring me two jars! That will save you a walk.’

The man looked questioningly at Xena, but the warrior looked the other way while she drummed on the table. When he was gone Xena peered at her friend and smiled. ‘Just remember, I don’t want to hear anything about a hangover in the morning.’

‘I’d rather bite my tongue. You won’t hear a word from me. I just have this uncontrollable desire for ale.’

Xena scratched her head and muttered: ‘It surprises me you haven’t ordered a triple portion of chickenwings yet.’

‘Mmm, what an excellent idea...’

‘Oooooh,’ Gabrielle moaned.

She lay on the bed completely dressed, except for her boots. When Xena had taken off her armory, she stood in front of her, hands on her hips. ‘Aren’t you going to strip?’

The bard tried to get up, but gave up halfway and plopped down in the pillows. ‘Never mind. I want to sleep.’

Xena sighed and crawled into bed. She had just lain down, when Gabrielle groaned: ‘Can you get me a glass of water? I’m a bit thirsty.’

‘Anything wrong with your legs?’

But the bard pouted her mouth. ‘Please? I’m sooooo tired.’

The warrior drew in a long breath and got up. She walked to the table, grabbed the pitcher and filled up a bowl. When she gave it to Gabrielle, the bard emptied it in one big gulp. ‘Can I have some more?’

Xena bulged her cheek with her tongue and counted up to ten. But she walked off anyway. ‘There!’ she snarled, while she put the pitcher on Gabrielle’s bedside table. Feeling already uptight she slipped into bed, only to find Gabrielle had taken much of the space.

‘Move over,’ Xena said grumpily.

Gabrielle mumbled something and shoved up only a few inches. ‘I know it’s really too much to ask, but would her Majesty be so kind to move her royal butt just a little bit more?’ Moaning and groaning the bard rolled over, but this time she pushed her behind so far backwards that Xena was still parked on the edge.

‘That’s it!’ Xena grabbed the pitcher and merciless she poured the cold water on Gabrielle’s face.

‘By the gods!’

Suppressing her laughter Xena listened to Gabrielle’s smothered curses and contently she folded her arms beneath her head. Teasingly she said: ‘Can you keep it down a bit? I’m trying to sleep here.’

Gabrielle threw a pillow at her. ‘Serves you right! I’m wide awake now! Tsss, you scared me half to death...’

The pillow flew back in her face and she heard the warrior say: ‘In that case I would have had some peace and quiet.’ That did it. Without giving it another thought Gabrielle jumped on top of Xena, who had clearly not expected this. The bard’s knees pinned Xena’s upper arms down. But just as Xena was surprised, Gabrielle hadn’t expected to succeed in her attack. Slowly the fierce expression in her eyes disappeared and doubt sneaked up on her.

‘And now what, Gabrielle?’ it sounded slyly.

The bard tightened her grip and rolled her knees over Xena’s biceps. ‘Don’t worry, this time I’ll make you suffer.’

‘Are you sure?’

Gabrielle blew a lock from her face. ‘Oh yeah. Very sure.’

But Xena lifted her legs and clasped Gabrielle’s torso. With force she turned her back which made them both turn, and suddenly Xena sat on top. Under her breath the bard cursed when she realized she was in a no-win situation. Xena held her wrists with one hand and arrogantly examined her nails. ‘Gosh, you really made it hard for me this time.’

The blood rushed to the bard’s cheeks and with all her might she tried to free herself. It was such a powerful attempt that Xena needed her other hand. She had her arms now in a iron grip. Gabrielle tried her best but it was no use. She couldn’t even move her legs, because Xena held them down with her feet. ‘Did I just hear you beg for mercy?’

‘Never!’

‘Just give it up, Gabrielle. There’s no way you can win this one.’

But Gabrielle pushed her arms up with all she had and she succeeded to lift Xena’s arms a couple of inches. Her head almost exploded and her heart raced, but she didn’t want to give up. While she breathed heavily like she had run the marathon, Xena looked like she was enjoying herself. It made Gabrielle furious, but she was also exhausted. Trembling she fell back in her pillow.

‘Is that all you’ve got?’

Gabrielle was too tired to be insulted. The bard closed her eyes and breathed in and out, trying to regain energy for a last attempt. But then she felt soft hair on her face. When she opened her eyes she saw that Xena hung her head, in order to relax the muscles of her shoulders. Her face was so close by.

‘Come on, Gabrielle. Say mercy and I’ll let you sleep,’ Xena said while she slowly lifted her head.

But the bard didn’t answer. She wasn’t capable of doing anything when she stared into Xena’s blue eyes. Did she see confusion in her eyes or was she just imagining things? Xena still looked at her and the color of her eyes seemed to grow deeper by the second. Gabrielle’s breathing fastened. Slowly Xena bowed her head, or did that only happen in her mind? Gabrielle couldn’t think straight anymore. She only saw her eyes. She only felt her heart pounding in her chest. And a panic that was slowly taking over her body. That made her tongue go dry and her eyes blink.

As soon as she had broken off eyecontact, she heard Xena say with a strange voice: ‘If we don’t go to sleep now, we’ll never make it to the wedding.’

Immediately the weight on her body disappeared. Xena rolled on her back and stared at the ceiling. Meanwhile Gabrielle listened to her breathing and tried to control her own. She had to say something to break the tension between them.

‘You do know that the first who lets go loses, don’t you?’

She heard Xena roll over, turning her back on her. ‘Alright, you win. Go to sleep.’

The bard was exhausted, but she doubted if she would get a wink of sleep. ‘I don’t know if I can,’ she whispered.

It was silent for a while. Without turning Xena grabbed her arm and wrapped it around her waist. ‘Try it anyway.’ Surprised Gabrielle lay behind the warrior, her hand warmly in hers. She sniffed up her scent... musky, sweet. Admiringly she looked at her bare arm, the strong muscles, her soft skin. She crawled closer to Xena, her nose and mouth just an inch away from her shoulder. As she breathed she saw goose bumps appear on Xena’s skin and the grip of her hand tightened for just a second. Like a cramp. The bard smiled... At least she wasn’t the only one who felt something. She kissed her lightly on the shoulder and laid her head to rest.  

They rode off before daybreak on small mountaintrails and through dense forests. Gabrielle had slept little and her stomach hadn’t completely recovered from the night before, but still she felt wonderful. Something had changed between them. It wasn’t expressed, it was just a feeling. The way Xena had grabbed her hand and pulled it towards her. Her physical reaction when Xena had felt her breath. That could only mean that she wasn’t indifferent to her. While Gabrielle watched her friend who sat so proudly in her saddle, she decided she wouldn’t bring her feelings up again. She would just let time take its course. She didn’t want to push Xena away by wanting too much too soon. And so she joked, rattled on about nothing really and just gave her casual looks.

‘Any idea what we should give Sara and Rufus?’ she asked when they rested in the shadow of a huge tree.

‘I think I owe Rufus an apology first.’

Gabrielle grinned. ‘Let’s hope he can walk again.’

When Xena peered up in a fright, she said smilingly: ‘Just kidding.’

The warrior sighed with relief and drenched the horses. ‘We’ll buy something in Poteideia.’

‘But what?’

Xena shrugged her shoulders. ‘What everybody gives a married couple... a cow or something.’

‘A cow? Xena, that is the most unromantic gift that I can imagine!’

‘I never said I was romantic,’ Xena grinned. ‘It’s practical though. But if you have a better idea...’

Gabrielle had a faraway look as she replied: ‘Ah, a sheet made of soft silk, wine glasses with the image of Cupid, a pearl on a silver necklace. Gosh, I’ve always wanted a pearl... I remember seeing one when I was little and I had convinced myself that the moon herself was hiding in it. That beautiful silver glow... I was sure she would come out at night and jump right back in the morning.’

She woke up from her thoughts and continued soberly: ‘Well, we’ll think of something when we’re in town.’

Xena nodded absent-mindedly.

At the end of the day they reached the walls of Poteideia. Gabrielle dismounted and touched her bum. ‘By the gods, I can’t hardly feel my behind. I swear, my buns are totally numb!’ And then she gently stroke the horse. ‘Not that I’m ungrateful, horsy.’

Xena looked down on her. ‘I have to get some new horseshoes, so I’ll see you later at your sister’s, okay?’

She grabbed Gabrielle’s reins and nudged her horse. Gabrielle watched her go and walked on. She took her moneypouch and counted the coins... 10 dinar. Hm, that should buy her a great gift. She went straight for Benir’s shop. He sold the most beautiful things from all parts of the world. When she entered the shop she felt like a kid in a candystore. Precious vases, delicate fabrics, rare gems... Benir had everything.

The fat salesman welcomed her with elegance and charm. ‘Lovely lady, can I be of service to you? Is it by any chance for the wedding that you have graced this humble house with a visit?’ Gabrielle nodded and gazed at the case with jewels. She saw jade, emerald, gold, but not what she was looking for. ‘Do you have pearls?’

The fat man lifted his hands with regret. ‘I am so sorry, I just sold the last one. But... how about this lovely bracelet made of turquoise? It’s the latest fashionhype from Persia.’ Gabrielle shook her head and pensively looked around. Her eyes fell on a beautiful statue of the goddess Hathor. Smilingly she recalled her journey in Egypt... ‘How much for that statue over there?’

The salesman smiled from ear to ear. ‘Only 8 dinar.’

‘For 5 dinar we have a deal.’

Benir scratched his bold head and muttered: ‘You are lucky I’m in a good mood, because otherwise I would have shown you the door for so much contempt. How does 6 dinar sound?’

Gabrielle smiled and gave him the coins.

‘You couldn’t have picked a more suitable gift. She is the Egyptian goddess of love, and I have heard stories that she’s even more powerful than Aphrodite!’

Gabrielle pretended she knew nothing about it and stashed the wrapped up present in her bag.

Lila stood in the kitchen and was busy with huge pots and pans. The table was almost invisible because of all the dishes, jars and pottery on it. ‘I know I eat a lot, but don’t you think you’re exaggerating a little bit?’

Lila turned around and her face lit up. ‘Gabrielle, you’re here!’

The bard hugged her sister. ‘Of course I’m here. I wouldn’t want to miss the marriage of my niece for the world.’

Lila peered casually over her shoulder. ‘And Xena?’

The bard shyly answered: ‘She’s at the blacksmith’s. She’ll be here any moment now.’

Lila sighed with relief and brushed her sisters blonde hair. ‘Good. I was beginning to worry about the two of you.’ She gave Gabrielle a questioning look when she saw her bruised jaw. ‘Where did you get that from?’

Gabrielle shrugged her shoulders. ‘Oh that. Xena and I met an old friend. Nut don’t worry: I’m in better shape than she is.’ Lila shook her head, but there was a smile on her lips. ‘Why doesn’t that surprise me?’ Her expression grew more severe. ‘And you and Xena? Did you tell her about... your problem?’

Gabrielle blushed. ‘I did. And I think you should know too. I mean, I want you to know.’ She shifted her feet and nervously played with her skirt. ‘The truth is... What I feel for Xena is... the same thing I felt for Perdicus. Well, actually it’s not the same, because with Perdicus it was less... Not that I didn’t care about him. But Xena and I are so much closer and... stuff.’

Lila could hardly keep herself from laughing. ‘And you call yourself a bard? Surely you can do better than: I feel stuff for her?’

Gabrielle was flabbergasted and didn’t know what to say.  

Finally Lila put her out of her misery. ‘I know you love her. In every way.’

‘But... How?!’

While Lila poured Gabrielle and herself some wine, she said: ‘I may have lived in this village my whole life, but I’m not retarded. Of course I knew! Remember Ezra, the glassblower’s daughter?’

Gabrielle nodded, still a bit dazed.

‘Well, I once saw her with Fedina, the daughter of the innkeeper. And she looked at her exactly the way you sometimes check out Xena.’

The bard flushed even deeper and took a big gulp of wine. ‘Couldn’t you have told me this sooner? I just found out myself!’

‘You’re kidding?! So you haven’t... You know, shared the same blanket yet?’

‘No,’ Gabrielle sighed. ‘I don’t even know if she...’

Right at that moment the door swung open and Xena stepped in. Lila cleared her throat and said under her breath: ‘Speaking of the devil.’ And then: ‘Xena! We were just talking about you!’

The warrior smiled ill at ease and gave Gabrielle a quick glance. ‘In that case... You want me to take a hike?’

Lila tapped her on the shoulder and smiled. ‘Nah, we just finished gossiping about you. Come, sit down, have some wine.’ After a while Lila asked: ‘You will come to the bathhouse, won’t you?’

Xena looked questioningly at Gabrielle and the bard explained: ‘In Poteideia it is custom to give brides a ritual washing by her female friends and familymembers. It’s very special.’

The warrior bit her lip and murmured: ‘I’m honored, but I think I would feel a bit misplaced.’

Lila looked at her warmly. ‘You saved my daughter’s life. Of course you belong there!’

Xena didn’t answer, but Gabrielle knew enough when she saw her shifting on the bench. ‘Darn! I forgot our present!’

She looked startled at Xena and continued: ‘I must have left it at the last well. Maybe if I rode off now... No, I would never make it in time for the bathhouse. Shees, how clumsy can I get! Xena, I don’t suppose you could get it for me?’

Xena looked a bit embarrassed when she answered: ‘I’ll go right away. Sorry that I can’t be there tonight, Lila.’

As soon as she had closed the door, Lila said: ‘You never were a good liar, Gabrielle.’

The bard pouted her lips. ‘Don’t be mad. It’s just that Xena is not really the bridal shower type. I know she would feel uncomfortable amongst us giggling girls. If not agressive.’ Lila smiled and refilled their glasses.

It was deep in the night when Gabrielle entered their bedroom. Blindly she searched for the edge of the bed and carefully she sat down. As quiet as possible she took off her clothes and crawled underneath the blanket. But as she laid down her head, she saw a little pouch on her pillow, bathing in a ray of moonlight. She peered at the sleeping figure next to her and listened to her breathing. Calm and constant. She slept alright. She took the pouch and opened it. Gabrielle held her breath... On the palm of her hand shone a delicate silver necklace and a beautiful pearl. It gleamed in the moonlight... Gabrielle felt a lump in her throat and her eyes filled with tears. She looked at Xena again and a wave of love swept over her. How badly did she want to wake her now, press her close to her, closer than she had ever been. But she pulled back her hand that hung just above Xena’s naked shoulder. Afraid that she wouldn’t be able to stop when she touched her. With trembling hands she put on the necklace and lay down quietly. She caressed the pearl while looking at Xena’s raven black hair and closed her eyes.

The clattering of pots and pans woke Gabrielle up. She rose to her feet, ready to come in action, but she only saw the empty bedroom. She stroke over the mattress that still showed the print of Xena’s body and sighed. Her friend had beaten her again. When she was dressed, she walked into the kitchen where Lila and some other women from the village were cooking. ‘Can I do something?’ Gabrielle asked, but Lila shook her head.

‘No need.’

‘Shall I help Sara with her dress then?’

‘Her friends are already taking care of that. Maybe you can help Xena. She’s decorating the horses. And talking about decorations... Nice necklace.’

The blood flushed to Gabrielle’s face and embarrassed she walked to the door. She waited until the blush had vanished and then strolled to the stables. Xena’s back was facing her as she brushed the mane of her horse. She had already decorated their heads with plumes and on their backs lay colorful cloths. Gabrielle coughed and straightened up. Xena looked over her shoulder and a smile lit up her face. Gabrielle touched the pearl on her neck. ‘I didn’t know you could get one of these at the blacksmith.’

Xena turned and played shyly with the brush in her hands. ‘I couldn’t resist. You wanted to have one so badly and after everything I’ve put you through... I just wanted to give you something.’

Gabrielle took her hand into hers. ‘Xena, I have already forgiven you. You don’t have to give me anything. Not that I’m not extremely happy with this gift.’

Xena’s shyness was soon replaced by pride. ‘You better be, because it cost a month’s rations!’

‘Your rations I hope. Otherwise I’m going to stay at my sister’s for a while.’

Now Xena laughed as well. In an impulse Gabrielle held her face and kissed her tenderly on her mouth. As soon as she felt Xena’s lips she realized what she was doing, and shyly she backed off. ‘Thanks. For the gift, I mean,’ she stuttered. Gabrielle hardly dared to look up, but she saw that the warrior felt just as awkward as she did.

‘You’re welcome. Well, I better finish this.’ And Xena started brushing the horses again.

The temple was crowded. The whole village had turned out to watch the ceremony. Sara and Rufus stood before the altar, a sea of flowers around them. Theatrically the highpriest lifted his hands and said in a booming voice: ‘The gods are my witnesses and it is before them you will take on this sacred vow. You should not take this commitment lightly, for it is an oath that will bind your souls for eternity. That is why I ask of you, Rufus: will you give your life to save hers?’ Gabrielle glanced secretely at Xena who stood across the room. She startled a bit when she met her eyes.

‘Will you take care of her, until death takes her away?’ she heard the highpriest say and she could not let go of Xena’s eyes.

‘Will you forgive her in times of despair and confusion?’

In thought she said ‘yes’.

‘Will you give her everything without expecting something in return?’

She felt so much love in Xena’s eyes.

‘Will you love her for eternity?’

Even if she wanted it, she couldn’t take her eyes off of her. It was as if there was a magnetic field between them and Gabrielle felt she was slowly transcending her body.

Until loud clapping woke her up. Dazed she looked around her. Everyone watched Rufus and Sara who kissed passionately; the ceremony was over and Gabrielle had missed it completely. Embarrassed she started clapping, but quickly peered to where Xena had been. But she was gone.  

While the party at Rufus’ house broke loose, Gabrielle looked around her. She searched for Xena who she hadn’t talked to  since the ceremony. The warrior had been too busy with riding the just married couple through the village. But suddenly she saw her. Xena rolled a winecask towards her and wiped the dust off her hands. ‘That should be enough. Or were you planning on sharing this barrel with the other guests?’

The bard bulged her cheek with her tongue. ‘I’ll try to control myself.’

‘Where did I hear that before?’

Gabrielle nudged her and pointed at the married couple that was left alone for just a second. ‘Shall we give our present now?’

Xena nodded and so they walked off to Sara and Rufus. When Xena reached out her hand, Rufus took it after a slight hesitance.

With a guilty look on her face Xena said: ‘I owe you an apology for our first encounter. Sorry about that.’

But Sara waved it aside. ‘Don’t be. At least now he knows that he has to treat me right. I told Rufus you would teach him a lesson if I’m not satisfied.’

Gabrielle grinned and handed their present to Rufus. ‘In that case you’ll need something to defend yourself with. This certainly is hard enough.’

When the groom unwrapped it Sara burst out in surprise: ‘The cowgoddess! How beautiful! Didn’t she help you in Egypt?’ Gabrielle beamed with pride and touched Sara’s big belly. ‘That’s right. She is the protector of pregnant women and the goddess of love. So, no harm in having her around in your new house.’

Moved they embraced each other. But they were roughly interrupted by the butcher and his wife who handed over a cage with four chickens. Rufus muttered to Xena: ‘Not again. I’d rather have a cow...’

Xena suppressed her laughter when she exchanged looks with Gabrielle.

Some time later they sipped on their wine and checked out the gifts on the table. Satisfied Gabrielle decided that their present was by far the most beautiful. When she peered at Xena, she noticed that her eyes were set on the statue as well.

‘Brings you right back, doesn’t it?’

Xena nodded and took another sip of the red wine.

‘Do you miss her?’ the bard softly said.

‘Sometimes.’

Gabrielle forced herself to ask the question, even though she was afraid of the answer. ‘Are you still in love with her?’

Xena looked a bit confused. ‘No. I will never forget her, but it was just an infatuation. A feeling like that comes and goes. Right?’

She looked at Gabrielle intently.

‘That depends,’ the bard whispered. ‘Sometimes it only grows deeper.’

Xena blinked and a light blush colored her cheeks. She grabbed Gabrielle’s glass and said hastily: ‘I’ll get you another one.’

But the bard didn’t let go of her glass and smiled. ‘I haven’t emptied it yet. I’m not as bad as you think.’

Embarrassed Xena peered at the half-full glass and muttered: ‘Oh...’

Awkwardly she looked around her, not knowing what to say. Gabrielle watched it amusedly, glad that Xena also had her uncertainties.

‘Why don’t you go talk to your family for a while,’ the warrior princess said finally. ‘Don’t worry about me. I’ll enjoy myself.’

But Gabrielle calmly answered: ‘Are you trying to get rid of me?’

‘No! I was just thinking that... you know... you haven’t seen them in a long time. That’s all.’

‘Maybe we should both mingle.’ Gabrielle smilingly grabbed Xena by the wrist and said: ‘Come on, let’s dance.’

‘Please Gabrielle, you know I can’t.’

But the bard was merciless. ‘You can’t leave the party without having danced with the bride and groom!’

Moaning and groaning Xena followed her friend, who broke the circle and enthusiasticaly linked arms. Xena pulled a wry face, but did the same and tried to swing her legs at the right time and the right side. And failed miserably. But after a while she got the rhythm and eventually she even started to smile.

Morning had already broken when Gabrielle and Xena walked home, supporting a jabbering and drifting Lila. The mother of the bride had had one too many. Like the rest of the village. Fortunately Lila’s house was just on the other side of the road, so Xena and Gabrielle didn’t have to carry their load for long. They had only just laid her in bed or Lila was sound asleep. ‘For some reason this looks really familiar,’ Xena sniggered. And as she peered at Gabrielle: ‘I suppose it’s a familything.’

Gabrielle tucked her sister in and whispered: ‘I swear I’m going to ply you with wine one day. I’d love to see you babble and drewl on your pillow for a change.’

‘Not a chance. Unless you plan to tie me down and put a funnel in my mouth.’

Gabrielle shut the door behind her and said: ‘Not a bad idea. Not bad at all.’

Together they slipped into their room and Xena plopped down on the bed. ‘Phew, my feet are killing me.’ She lifted a boot and pouted: ‘Help?’

‘You honestly think you can make me do anything with that look?’

The warrior smiled and pouted her lips again. Gabrielle shook her head, moaned ‘I must be crazy’ and pulled off her boots. On impulse she grabbed Xena’s arm and took off her gauntlet. Through her lashes she peered at Xena, who looked indecisive. Don’t hesitate now, she thought. And so she removed her other gauntlet, her shouldercaps and finally she unbuckled Xena’s breastplate. The bard dropped the armory on the ground and leaned against the mattress. Gabrielle slipped her fingers underneath the straps of Xena’s garment. She had her eyes fixed on the leather, frightened to meet Xena’s eyes. Ever so slowly she pulled the straps sideways, over the strong shoulders. She heard Xena holding her breath. When would she stop me? Gabrielle thought. And then: Would she stop me? The racing of her heart prevented her from thinking clearly. She couldn’t remember how the garment opened... Oh yeah, on the back, laces. Her fingers trembled while they searched for the laces and her chest heaved heavily. She tried to loosen the knot, but she was far too nervous. So she let go. In a trance she grabbed Xena’s face with both hands and pressed her lips against hers. She kissed her, and again, and again, and again. Gabrielle planted her knees on the mattress and pressed her body against Xena’s. Slightly she opened her mouth and kissed her lips, one after the other. They tasted sweet, so sweet... Her tongue softly caressed the boundary of her lips, tempting Xena to part them. Do it, please, Gabrielle thought while she ran her fingers through Xena’s hair.

Suddenly the warrior’s lips parted. ‘Gabrielle,’ she whispered. A flood of desire swept over Gabrielle body and she reached again for the laces. But she felt Xena’s hands on her shoulders, pushing her softly but determinedly away. Heated and shocked she gazed at Xena. She had the same expression on her face, but it told her something else too: rejection. A sickening feeling took hold of Gabrielle and she wanted to ran away, but Xena stopped her. ‘Let me explain, Gabrielle,’ she said softly.

‘What’s to explain? It’s clear enough you don’t want me.’

She got up and walked to the door. She already had the handle in her hand, when Xena leaped behind her and pushed the door back. ‘Don’t go,’ it sounded huskily.

‘Give me one good reason.’

Suddenly she felt hands on her back, soft and tender. ‘Because I love you. Because I love you so much it scares me.’

Xena’s lips touched her neck, warm and moist. Goose bumps appeared on Gabrielle’s skin and she choked when a hand slid down her waist and slowly searched for her stomach. Xena’s mouth was now on her shoulder, while fingers roamed her body upwards. For a few seconds they rested right beneath her breasts, and Gabrielle held her breath. A moan escaped her lips as soon as Xena’s fingers found what they were looking for. The feeling was so overwhelming, that Gabrielle couldn’t wait any longer. She turned and looked in Xena’s sparkling eyes. Finally she saw what she had longed to see... desire. Until hesitation sneaked up on her again. She saw it in her eyes, in the slight shifting of her body. But this time she wouldn’t let her go. Not this time.

She pinned her with her eyes and intently she said: ‘I’m just as frightened as you are. I don’t know where this is going to take us. I only know what I feel right now. I want you like I’ve never wanted anyone before. Let it happen, Xena. Please.’ Xena slowly lowered her eyes in search for her mouth... and Gabrielle’s lips parted on command. Xena tilted her head while she slipped her hand around her waist. Strong, compelling, longing. And then her lips touched hers. When their tongues finally found each other, it almost felt like an electric shock. She moaned and pulled Xena closer. Her hands found the laces and she immediately began to loosen them. She had only one thing on her mind: she wanted to be as close to Xena as possible. No clothes, no sheet, just skin on skin. She took Xena by the hand and led her to the bed. When she was just in front of it, she turned and looked up to her. Without letting go of her eyes, she pulled off her top. She noticed that Xena watched her breathlessly and for the first time she was aware of her sensuality. Slowly she dropped her skirt and a moment later her knickers fell down. She took Xena’s hand and brought it to her cheek, her lips, her breasts... The touch made her shiver. Xena’s other hand lifted her chin while the warrior bowed her head and kissed her. Gabrielle’s heart pounded wildly under Xena’s kisses and caresses. It was divine, but she wanted more. So much more. Gabrielle pulled down Xena’s leather garment and it fell softly on the ground. Gabrielle’s eyes were closed, but she saw with her fingers. Her hands searched for the muscles of her stomach, the softness of her breasts where her excitement was so clear. She directed her hands downwards and slid underneath her underwear. She felt how Xena flexed the muscles of her bottom. Her excitement grew and grew. Against her lips she whispered: ‘I want you.’ Xena’s blue eyes gleamed in the soft light of the moon when she looked down on Gabrielle. Almost dangerously... As if it was no trouble she lifted her up and laid her on the bed. Xena leaned over her and said hoarsely: ‘Are you sure?’ Gabrielle nodded breathlessly. Xena caressed the face she loved so much and bowed to kiss her forehead. Her temples. The dimple between her nose and mouth. Her lips. Her throat. Her collarbone. The soft curves of her breasts. Her breasts... She kissed them lightly like a breeze. But slowly she became more compelling and every touch felt like a burning desire. Gabrielle gripped her head and pulled her up. ‘I can’t wait any longer,’ she spoke with difficulty. She took possesion of Xena’s lips and finally the warrior did what she had yearned for. She slid on top of her. Everywhere she felt her skin, her touch, her breath, her lips, her tongue, her fingers, her muscles... Xena’s body was so strong and yet so soft. She felt a thigh gently pushing her way between her legs. The sensual game of their tongues abruptly stopped when Xena’s thigh found what it was looking for... A hissing sound escaped Gabrielle’s mouth and their eyes met. Deep of color, deep from desire. Eyes that narrowed with every movement. Breathing that fastened with every movement. ‘Gabrielle...’ she heard Xena whisper, but she was overwhelmed by a ground swell that took over her body, that stopped her from thinking. Her muscles flexed, cramped, her head seemed to explode and she pushed her forehead against Xena’s shoulder. Had she yelled? She wasn’t sure, but she didn’t care much either. She was empty, as empty as she had ever been. And yet she had never felt so happy before. Suddenly tears ran down her cheeks and she began to cry uncontrollably. Xena looked down in concern.

‘Gabrielle, what’s wrong?’

But Gabrielle couldn’t speak, she could only shake her head. ‘Did I hurt you?’ Xena asked with a guilty look on her face. But the bard stroke her cheek and laughed through her tears. ‘If this is pain, I never want it to stop.’

Xena gave her an intense loving look and bowed her head to kiss the tears away. She could still taste the salt on her lips when she brought them to her mouth. For a moment she had thought she could sleep for a month after that strange release of her body, but Xena’s tongue seemed to wake her up. Her caresses seemed to fill her up with energy and it made her hungry again. Gabrielle rolled her over and looked in admiration at her damp body. She was so beautiful. Gabrielle fondled Xena’s stomach. She felt the muscles tighten when her fingers roamed the skin below her belly-button. Gabrielle looked up and saw the desire in her eyes. But also fear. The bard bent over and kissed her breast. From the corner of her eye she could see Xena closing her eyes. Pinching them when she covered a nipple with her mouth. Carefully she let her tongue play with it, while noticing that Xena had clenched her fists. And then Gabrielle knew. She realized Xena was fighting to keep control. But she wouldn’t let her. Gabrielle’s hand slid downwards and soon she felt soft hair, a light curve. ‘Gabrielle,’ she heard the warrior say and her hand already reached out for hers. To stop her, no doubt. But she was too late. Her fingers already felt how excited Xena was. And she was, very much so. Gabrielle looked straight into Xena’s eyes, while she moved her fingers. Xena grabbed her wrist and there was a fright in her eyes. ‘Wait! I don’t want...’

But Gabrielle said: ‘Don’t be scared. Let it go, Xena. You’re safe with me.’ She shifted upwards so she could see her, eye to eye. ‘Do you trust me?’

Xena’s eyes got moist and she whispered: ‘Yes, but...’

The bard interrupted her. ‘Then let me love you, Xena. I only want to love you. Please...’

When Xena let go of her hand, Gabrielle kissed every inch of her face while her hand started moving again. Xena closed her eyes and slowly the tension disappeared from her face. Gabrielle’s kisses moved towards her throat. She kissed the dangerously fast pounding artery and let her tongue play with the hollow of her collarbone. Softly she heard Xena moan and she felt her hand on the back of her head. Her tongue marked a trail between Xena’s breasts, just before she enclosed a nipple in her mouth. When she gently sucked on it, the fingers on her head clenched her hair. Lower she went. She let her tongue slide into Xena’s belly-button. Lower. Her fingers were replaced by her tongue. Xena arched her back and she felt a pain on her shoulders. The warrior had clawed her nails into her flesh. But she didn’t care. The only thing that counted was Xena’s pleasure, her taste, her scent. She held her hands on her hips, almost possessively, and she kissed her like she had never kissed someone before. Gabrielle felt how Xena’s thighs began to tremble, how her hands clenched her shoulders and a moment later her hair. How her breathing became irregular, how her pelvis followed every movement of her tongue. Suddenly she heard a smothered cry. And then nothing. Xena’s body lay limp on the bed, as if she was sound asleep. Gabrielle crawled to her and looked astonished at her face. So soft and innocent... She carefully kissed her eyelids and pulled the sheet on top of them. She laid her arm around her and cuddled against her warm body. Xena moaned softly and wrapped her arm around her. A blissful smile appeared on Gabrielle’s face, right before she fell asleep.

Gabrielle woke up, because someone was stroking her hair. Blinking she opened her eyes and met Xena’s blue eyes.

‘Sorry. ‘I didn’t want to wake you.’

But Gabrielle smiled and laid her arm around Xena’s neck. Softly she pulled her towards her and whispered against her lips: ‘I’m glad you did.’ And she kissed her, first shyly, then passionately. Their hunger was only satisfied hours later.

Xena caressed her wet hair. ‘I can hardly believe this is happening.’

‘Neither can I.’

Xena lay herself beside the bard, an arm around her waist. Gabrielle fondled her damp hand. ‘Why haven’t we discovered this earlier? We have lain so many nights next to each other, we washed each other’s back so many times... Why now?’

Xena kissed her shoulder. ‘Maybe we weren’t ready. I know I wasn’t.’

‘In Egypt you told me you had never looked at me that way.’

Xena leaned over her and said softly: ‘And I wasn’t lying. All I knew was that I loved you with all my heart. Everytime you were with someone else I felt miserable. But I thought it was fear of losing you. I never realized it was jealousy. Not until we were in that tavern.’

Gabrielle grinned and nudged her playfully. ‘You were jealous of Shaira?’

Xena frowned. ‘And I had reason.’

Gabrielle kissed her forehead, but then she realized something. ‘But if you knew you had feelings for me then... Why did you reject me when I told you I was in love with you?’ Xena looked away. ‘I was afraid. You mean the world to me, Gabrielle. What if you were only confused? What if you would regret it the day after and couldn’t be with me anymore? I couldn’t take that risk.’

‘I’m not confused. Far from it. This is what I want. You are what I want.’ And she kissed her passionately.

Xena gently pushed her away. ‘We can’t go on like this,’ she grinned.

‘Why not?’ the bard replied and started to nibble her ear. ‘Come on, Gabrielle. What will your sister think?’

‘She’ll probably think: better not disturb those lovebirds.’

‘I mean it, Gabrielle. What if she heard something?’

‘In the state she was in? Not a chance. And besides, she already knows what’s going on between us.’

‘Lila knows? But how... Did you tell her?’

‘I didn’t have to. She had her suspicions for years.’

‘Impossible! You and I didn’t even know.’

The bard shrugged her shoulders and muttered: ‘Memsut knew.’ Xena bit her lip and sat on the edge of the bed. ‘That’s true.’

Gabrielle got dressed and threw Xena’s underwear to her. The warrior had a mysterious smile on her face. ‘What is it?’ Gabrielle asked.

The warrior got up and walked butt-naked to her, holding her gently in her arms. She kissed her lightly and then said: ‘I just recalled what Memsut once said to me. One day you will realise that everything you need is already there. And she was right. You’re all I need.’

Lila was up already when they entered the room. She was dusting the floor, but stopped abruptly when she saw the two. Lila pointed at the bread, cheese and freshly picked fruit on the table. ‘Have a seat, ladies. I’m sure you must be starving...’ She coughed and a playful smile was on her face. Xena looked frowningly at Gabrielle, but she just shrugged her shoulders. ‘Slept well?’ the bard said lightheartedly, while she took a bite of a peach.

Lila rubbed her temples and answered: ‘Like a log! And you?’ Gabrielle added some honey in her tea. ‘Like a baby. Didn’t we, Xena?’

The warrior almost choked in her tea and muttered: ‘Right. I’m going to feed the horses.’ And she was gone.

Lila burst out in laughter as soon as the door shut. ‘You mustn’t tease her like that, sister.’

‘Look who’s talking! I’m sure you must be starving... Tsss.’

‘Okay, we’re even. So,’ and she gave her a curious look: ‘Has it... you know, have you...’

Gabrielle nodded blissfully. ‘But don’t let her know I told you, okay?’

Lila placed a hand on her heart. ‘I promise.’ And then she kissed her sister on the cheek. ‘I’m happy for you.’

After a couple of days Xena’s horse was packed and the two said goodbye to Lila, Sara and Rufus. ‘Where will you go?’ Lila asked.

Gabrielle gave Xena a quick glance. ‘Hopefully we can pick up Eve’s trail.’ The warrior peered at her gratefully, before she hugged Lila.

The grey woman said: ‘Take good care of my sister.’ And while she threw Gabrielle a teasing look: ‘I know she can be obnoxious sometimes, but she means well.’

Xena smiled shyly and then turned to Sara and Rufus.

Gabrielle embraced her sister and tears welled up in her eyes. ‘I promise I’ll be back soon.’

A moment later Xena pulled her behind her on the horse and they rode off. When they were out of eyesight, Gabrielle stopped waving and wrapped her arms around Xena’s waist. She let her head rest on Xena’s shoulder. When the warrior felt her wet cheek, she took Gabrielle’s hand and kissed it softly. ‘I wouldn’t mind staying a bit longer in Poteideia. Would you like that?’

But Gabrielle wiped her tears away and said: ‘No. I love Lila, but I can’t be in that town for more than a couple of days... Why do you think I asked you to take me with you in the first place?’

The warrior spurred her horse and grunted: ‘I thought it was because of the leather.’

Gabrielle smiled and whispered in her ear: ‘Actually I’m not really into leather. But I like what’s underneath it.’

And she slid her hand underneath Xena’s skirt. Xena grabbed her wrist and shook her head. ‘By the gods, Gabrielle! How am I ever going to focus when you’re near me?!’

The bard grinned and kissed her neck. ‘Don’t worry. When there are bad guys around, I’ll behave. But meanwhile... you’re mine!’

And she let her tongue play with Xena’s earlobe. The warrior moaned softly and stopped the horse. Gabrielle’s hands roamed over her stomach, her waist, her thighs. ‘What’s this?’ the bard said when she felt a pouch on Xena’s belt.

‘What?’ Xena whispered breathlessly.

‘The pouch! What’s in it?’

Absent-mindedly the warrior muttered: ‘I don’t know... Your sister gave it to me. Cookies or something. Just go on, will ya?’

Xena felt a jerk on her belt and a moment later she heard a blissful cry behind her. ‘They are chocolate cookies. My favorites!’

Xena turned and saw that Gabrielle had stuffed her mouth with a cookie. ‘Phyou phwwant swome twphoo?’

Xena put on a wry face and spurred the horse again. ‘Some things never change,’ she muttered. But as soon as she felt Gabrielle’s hand on her stomach, she couldn’t help but smile.

‘What did you say?’ she heard Gabrielle say.

‘Nothing,’ Xena answered softly and laid her hand on top of Gabrielle’s. ‘I love you. That’s all.’

Continue The Story In "The Gladiatrix"

Back to FanFic Index