ForevaXena's FanFic . . .

What Would've Happened If . . .

by Artemis Wolf

Disclaimer:  The characters of  Xena: Warrior Princess, Gabrielle, Sarah, Virgil, Eve and Lila belong to  MCA/UNIVERSAL and RENAISSANCE PICTURES, the story however is mine.  If you wish to make a copy or use it, please  REQUEST PERMISSION.

            It is amazing how in this moment, time stopped. The turmoil of the past is not present. We are all sitting in front of the fire place in my home back in Poteidaia, smiles and laughter on our faces. It feels so relieving seeing my sister Lila’s expressions of pain over the past eight years disappear as she looks into her daughter, Sarah’s eyes. To me that is the most important thing of all at this moment. After all, our mission was to bring my niece Sarah back from Gurkhan’s Harem at Mogador, and we succeeded.  The pain of loosing my mother and my father has not mellowed, but then again I don’t think it ever will. At least there are many other events and feelings in my life right now that are keeping my mind from focusing on that pain alone, having a niece and having helped her get back home is one of them.

A niece…wow…even now sitting here on this table from across the room and looking at her, I still can’t believe she is my niece, let alone Lila’s daughter. Lila, my baby sister, now a woman much older than myself. Who would have ever thought that that could ever happen?  I see the lines of old age on her face and it shocks me. Those lines of years gone, experiences lived, laughter, joys and pain, yet were was I? Sleeping frozen on the top of a mountain somewhere. Those lines I should have as well. Lines of old age and life shared with my sister and my family.  What a strong woman Lila came out to be.  Keeping this farm still running on her own with the pain of the loss of mother, father, a husband and a daughter.

Being frozen for 25 years made me miss a big piece of my life.  Sometimes I wish that it would not have happened.  If I would not have lost those twenty five years  I would have still been able to have seen mother and father one more time, many times at that, and I would have met Lila’s husband Lector, and I would have been at their wedding celebration, and I would have seen Sarah grow and…. Oh gods… I hate thinking about what would have happened thoughts, when there is nothing I can do to change the inevitable.

I know I am not the only one on that same thread of thought in this room. We are all filled with what would have happened if… thoughts.  I know Xena has those thoughts when she looks at her daughter, Eve.  Many times while we are resting at the camp fires, I catch her looking at Eve as she sleeps. I have seen tears form in her eyes and I have seen a few drop as well.  I turn away pretending to be asleep.  I know it would be to much to ask of her to ponder on her pain. Why should I ask her, when I know what my Xena is thinking. I know she would have loved to have seen her grow, and mend for everything she could not have given Solan. Give her all the love that a mother gives a child and knowing that if she would have been with us Eve would not be tortured constantly by her dark past, something Xena hates to know that her daughter is living. Once she looked at me, her eyes were filled with anger and pain, and tears.  She said,

“Isn’t it enough for one of us in our family to carry all that guilt and pain from a dark past filled with mistakes?  Why does my daughter have to go through that as well?  I have enough guilt and pain on my shoulders to last a thousand lives and lifetimes.”

I held her in my arms. I held her as strongly as I could hoping it would melt away her pain, and I said to her,

“Xena, if there is one thing I have learned in my life is that all things happen for a reason. At least you have Eve now.  She is with us and she is born in a new light.  She has left that past behind and she is mending for it fighting for the greater good. She is everything we wanted her to be. Do you think that if Eve would not have been Livia she would have been fighting for the greater good and the way of LOVE with such passion and so vigorously? Do you think she would have been able to know that the power of the darkness is strong, but that the one of LOVE is stronger even still? Do you think she would have been as close to you and understand you knowing where you come from if she would not have been there too? Whether you think this or not, that dark past binds you in ways that nothing else could. As Ironically as that sounds, it’s true.”

She sank into my arms like she has never done before and in a matter of moments she let go of me. She looked at me and smiled. Then she whispered, “You are right.” She cleaned her tears and went back to sharpening her sword.

There in that corner smiling and laughing with Sarah, Lila and Eve is Virgil. What an extraordinary young man Virgil turned out to be.  The son of our good friend Joxer. Oh Joxer, if the dead can still hear our thoughts, hear me now. How I miss you old friend. How many more adventures we would have lived together in 25 years?  How many more times you would have annoyed the hell out of me and Xena, and how many more times you would have risked your life for me and her? You were always loyal no matter what even if it meant losing your life for either one of us, and not once Joxer did I thank you.  So many thoughts and words not spoken between us, mostly out of fear.  Fear that you thought I was leading you into a relationship which you so much wanted but I did not.  You were such an amazing friend Joxer, like no other male friend I ever had. Many may have seen you as a coward, but me and Xena never did.  We knew better than that. We always saw you as brave hero at heart.

Today I look at your son, and I see so much of you in him.  He is such a gentleman like you always were and he is so brave just like his father.  I know how proud he made you feel just by looking at him.  Your love turned him into such and extraordinary human being, and he is out there for the whole world to witness and see what an amazing man he turned out to be, and all because of his father and his mother who loved, cherished and nurtured him till the last minute of his stay home. He honors your memory, Joxer, every single second of his life.  I wish you were here to see it. 

I know this may sound weird, but I miss growing old with you and Xena.  I always thought we would be together, as strange as that may sound, specially in the kind of work we do, but in a very childish naive kind of way, I always though we’d be together, the three of us, but it was not meant to be. So now, as I sit here looking at Virgil, and I think that, maybe it was all for the best.  Your mind was set to be a warrior, living dangerously day to day, but your heart was set out to have a family and to be a GREAT father, and you did just that. Having Virgil in our lives is a blessing and every moment spent with him is cherished, because when Xena and I are with him we feel that you have not gone.  There is so much of you in him, Joxer. He keeps your memory alive with such honor and that makes us both so proud.

            Sarah…what an astonishing woman.  She has her mother’s compassion and I must say her aunts determination. She was so brave living all those years in captivity and surviving. Sometimes I wonder, if it would have been me having to go through that, would I still have kept my spirit, without having it been broken? I don’t know, maybe not.  I would not have been as strong.  My strength was found with Xena.  I have always had it, but it was life with Xena that sharpened it and brought it about.  If that would have happened to me while I was still a girl in Poteidaia I would have not lived as much as Sarah.  At least I know I would not have lived with compassion. Her strength surprises me and how she came through.  That has a lot to say on how she was raised by my sister Lila and her husband Lector.  He sounds like an amazing man, and I am glad he made my sister and niece happy while he was with them.

            I look at Eve smiling as the conversation between all of them grow.  She is such a chatter box occasionally.  I smile and I tell Xena, jokingly, “She got that from me.” Xena comments back teasingly, “of all the things, it had to be THAT.” She seems like such a child sometimes, so innocent, so pure.  At times it is even hard to believe that she was once Livia, and that she did all those things she did, and that she is a warrior.  There is no trace of that whatsoever in her, only in memories.  She is so different from Xena there. When you look at Xena, you see a strong woman, who is carrying the burden of her past mistakes on her shoulders, and who is trying to mend for all of it.  She looks harsh at times, no expressions, no emotions, but yet focused.   When you look at Eve you see innocence and you see… Eli.  Who would have thought, that Eve would be a better follower of the way of LOVE than me.  She makes me so proud.  For I know that the path of LOVE is not easy, and yet with all of her dark past she follows it so perfectly.  The Messenger of Eli, that is what she is, and what an amazing gift, and thing to be.  What an amazing gift of redemption for Eve and for us all as well.  I know sometimes that she feels not worthy of such title, but if Eli and his God thought that she was the right human for the job, then who are we to judge, it only proves one thing right, and it is that Xena and I were correct all along since the moment she was born until this very moment twenty five years later, Eve is a very special woman…

            “Wine?”

            “What?” Gabrielle says as she stops her writing on the scroll and looks up to find Xena holding a mug of wine.

            “Would you like more wine?” Xena asks again

            “Oh…No, I’ve had enough, thanks.”

            “It’s always good to see you writing.” Xena says as she places the mug down on the table and sits down on the bench next to Gabrielle.

            “It feels good to do it. Always does.” Gabrielle smiles 

            Xena places her hand on Gabrielle’s and squeezes it. “I didn’t get a chance to tell you this, but I am so proud of you, Gabrielle.”

            “For what?”

            “For not killing Gurkhan. I knew I had not lost you despite the incredible pain that embraced your heart.  You remain truthful to your believes. That was not an easy thing to do.”

            “I don’t know how I sustained myself Xena. I think if I had the chance of doing it all again I might of killed him.”

            “But you didn’t. I did.”

            “You did what you had to do.” Gabrielle sighed.

            “That’s right, to save Sarah and all those slave girls, but most of all to save YOU.”

            “You did so much more for me, Xena.” Gabrielle looked into her friend’s eyes. Her expression turning into tenderness and a little regret and pain. “If I would have only listened to you and followed your plan, if I would have only remained faithful in you  and your focused vision you would not have been beaten half to death at Gurkhan’s Castle. I would have lost you too to his hands.”

            “Hey, hey.” Xena caressed Gabrielle’s face, “but you didn’t, and I would do it all over again for you, Gabrielle, that is how much you are worth in my life.”

            “I love you.” Gabrielle whispered.

            “I love you too.” Xena said as she smiled.

            “Aunt Gabrielle?” Sarah spoke from across the room.

            “Aunt Gabrielle, “ Xena raised her eyebrows and wiggled them teasingly. “That’s you.”

            “Aunt Gabrielle,” Gabrielle said and laughed, “I love that!” She looked over at her niece tenderly, “Yes, Sarah.” She replied.

            “I keep hearing from Eve, Virgil and Mother of all your great stories.  All my life I have heard of the GREAT BATTLING BARD OF POTEIDAIA and I always dreamed of the chance of hearing her and the fact that she is my aunt, makes me more curious as to who she is. Now that I have you here I would LOVE to hear you in a live performance. By the Gods I feel so envious of Eve and Virgil, of their tales and of their adventures with you! I want to know about you Aunt Gabrielle, Please tell me about you.”

            “YES! YES!” Virgil and Eve clapped  and cheered. Their faces filled with a bright smile as they looked at her with pride.

            “Oh, please, Gabrielle.” Lila pleaded.

            “All right, All right, I shall tell a story.” Gabrielle said as she stood up from the table. “but this must be a very special one. One that all of us can relate to one way or another.”

Gabrielle took her scroll bag and looked inside looking for a specific scroll. She then takes it and walks to the middle of the room, where all eyes can reach to see her.

“One that tells of friendship, love and unbreakable bonds. One where we can see our roots and our kin in the great splendor of heir being. One of laughter, one of restful times, and of stressful times,” Gabrielle gives a small laugh and then opens her scrolls, “A Story of Joxer, of Xena of Eve and of myself.” She looks at the scroll and closes her eyes, she then opens them again, “and the bond that tied us all together then and all of us now. A bond that is unbreakable between Kindred Spirits.”

            The Bard of Poteidaia begins her tale…

            “It was a peaceful morning at the Amazon Tribe, one that Xena, Eve and I had not had in the longest time.  It felt good to be away from all the trouble we left behind in Greece, away from the Gods, away from the persecution, away from and inevitable future.

            I was regaining my right as queen once more thinking I could help these young amazons to be influenced in a very positive way, to be the best amazons they could be by enforcing tradition and laws and also a great role model like Xena herself.  I even nurtured in them and in me the possibility of staying in that tribe to see them through and to raise Eve in a quiet and peaceful environment, where she could learn the ways of the Amazon’s and one day be a great queen.

The End

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